Why The Who Matters

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Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2016
3,695
1,150
113
#1
Socrates-Quotes-6.jpg

Knowing who we are and why we are here are some of the basic questions mankind has wrestled with since the beginnings of civilization.

To know who we are isnt just a psychological question but more in my opinion a teleological one.

By mere morality alone and the evidence for it we automatically know we are set apart in the animal kingdom. By design we are many things including designers, warriors, nurturers, sociological, learners, thinkers, survivors. But why all these things in less something was bigger than life itself. As Solomon would say, "What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun."

Concepts are always the same. The same human heart conditions is always the reason for human intervention. Good vs evil is why we do anything. Why do we invent? To have better technology can be used for defense or offense, to heal, to repair, to produce a more productive society. The disasters in the world of weather, disease, and complications of older age sparks us to survive and rise against it. Seekers of justice clash against the causes of injustice. Always looking for answers to solve the problems in the world. The same heart problems from the beginning. Pride, Anger, jealousy, lust, gluttony, greed, etc.

But ultimately we wasn't designed this way but sin left us in perpetual Earthly battle between good and evil. Our inner most being mimics the creator. How we design, how we love, how we want justice, how we worship, how we are designed to be knowledgeable, our sense of something more than this life, our very soul mimics the image of God.

Everyone is created in this spiritual image.

Genesis 1:27 (NIV)
27 So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them.

In knowing who you are, starts with knowing what you are. What we are is deeply connected to the soul. The soul is how we become eternally connected or disconnected to God. This automatically tells us we are infinite beings in a finite creation.

Now comes the difficult question. Who you are matters to whom you belong to.

1 John 3:10
By this the children of God and the children of the devil are obvious: anyone who does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor the one who does not love his brother.

Are you a child of God or a child of the devil? Who do you spend the most time with? Who do you listen to more often? Do you love the world more than God? The creation more than the Creator? The devil is the ruler of the world.

1 John 5:19 (NIV)
19 We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one.

Two Kingdoms at battle. Two Spiritual forces that have affect on your spiritual soul.

But wait. Who was we in the beginning before sin, before the fall? We was created in His spiritual image. We are naturally drawn to God. In nature we cant help but feel amazed at concepts we still do not understand, we see universal laws at affect by seeing the effects of these laws. Self evident in the world around us and within us. Giving us the logical conclusion in order to have laws we need a lawmaker. We answer to these laws physically, mentally and spiritually. Throughout history we are equally creating laws in pursuit of what is just.

In many ways God's creation points back to Him. Without God, the question to who we are is meaningless as life is just a vapor. Let us be who God has designed us to be. His children, in His likeness we strive to become until we are eternally home, no longer bound by sin, decay, or death. Biologically God's fingerprints within the genome is obvious in our DNA. If we are honest we know who truly we belong to.
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
5,503
5,993
113
#2
Who you are matters to whom you belong to. < BAM

As a mother of two and a child of God that rings so true.

He doesn't want us regarding our iniquities more than Him, which happens when our eyes are focused on the world. I think that so much more than reasonable, compelling, and comforting knowing who we are matters to Him.

Deep breath of Yahweh knowing...

Biologically God's fingerprints within the genome is obvious in our DNA. If we are honest we know who truly we belong to.

I still fall roughsoul, in my flesh. I will always need Him. I know this is true for us all. However, not only for our own good, but to show Him honor and love, we sure as heaven should be seeking, more and more, with all our hearts to draw near in all that we say, think, and do.
 

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2016
3,695
1,150
113
#4
Who you are matters to whom you belong to. < BAM

As a mother of two and a child of God that rings so true.

He doesn't want us regarding our iniquities more than Him, which happens when our eyes are focused on the world. I think that so much more than reasonable, compelling, and comforting knowing who we are matters to Him.

Deep breath of Yahweh knowing...

Biologically God's fingerprints within the genome is obvious in our DNA. If we are honest we know who truly we belong to.

I still fall roughsoul, in my flesh. I will always need Him. I know this is true for us all. However, not only for our own good, but to show Him honor and love, we sure as heaven should be seeking, more and more, with all our hearts to draw near in all that we say, think, and do.
I think that so much more than reasonable, compelling, and comforting knowing who we are matters to Him.
More than we could ever know. God is the Potter and we are the clay, the artist and we are the painting. When molding the clay, it takes time and fine detail in order to get the perfect shape of what the potter is forming. A artist will use many different styles of paintbrushes to get different designs, many different colors as they mix the primary colors, then in a steady motion brush the paint into the anticipated design. Time and again different colors, different designs until the artwork is finished. It is beautiful in the eyes of the creator. Someone can walk up and say, " that painting is too ugly." But little do they understand the motive, the why, the thought behind the artwork within the creator. What looks ugly to them was actually bought for the highest price of all.

We are this creation and the blood of the Son, the sacrifice of Christ paid the highest debt of all. We was bankrupt in sin but Christ paid what was due. His artwork was stolen by sin but reunited with the creator, the sustainer of our being.

I still fall roughsoul, in my flesh. I will always need Him. I know this is true for us all. However, not only for our own good, but to show Him honor and love, we sure as heaven should be seeking, more and more, with all our hearts to draw near in all that we say, think, and do.
I am still a roughsoul as well. In fact if I wasn't constantly paying attention to God or all things related to God. I fail so fast from distraction. Like when Peter was walking on the water and he took his eyes off Jesus. What happens? He began to sink. Matthew 14:28-30
This is why the upholding of one's cross is daily task.
Luke 9:23
23 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.
A faith to faith journey.
Romans 1:17
17 For in the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed—a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, or is from faith to faith, just as it is written: “The righteous will live by faith.”

We have to keep our eyes on Jesus! Amen!
 
#6
In knowing who you are, starts with knowing what you are. What we are is deeply connected to the soul. The soul is how we become eternally connected or disconnected to God. This automatically tells us we are infinite beings in a finite creation.
I struggle with knowing who I really am.
Sadly knowing and quoting the scriptures that are my "new identity" never seem to really help me.
I am still deeply confused - because I am forever trying to please my family - and forever not enough.

It confuses me because then I don't know where I should draw inspiration for my creativity from. It's pretty much died with the day I was saved. Everything changed over night and Even though I know I am saved - I love God and Jesus and Holy Spirit and I feel his Presence often - I am still very confused.

Who am I supposed to be - where do I belong or fit - what is my Purpose for being here.
Why now? Why ever?


I think my personality type (if we want to go there) seems to point out that I am one of those that are prone "to always beat myself up for not being enough - for wanting to be an individual, unique person - but also finding that a burden and curse because I wish I could just be content to fit in." I can honestly say those descriptions do fit me to a t.

I really try to feel comforted that God rejoices over me - that He has a purpose for me and all that. But I have to say it is a struggle daily not to want to stop trying.
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
5,503
5,993
113
#7
I struggle with knowing who I really am.
Sadly knowing and quoting the scriptures that are my "new identity" never seem to really help me.
I am still deeply confused - because I am forever trying to please my family - and forever not enough.

It confuses me because then I don't know where I should draw inspiration for my creativity from. It's pretty much died with the day I was saved. Everything changed over night and Even though I know I am saved - I love God and Jesus and Holy Spirit and I feel his Presence often - I am still very confused.

Who am I supposed to be - where do I belong or fit - what is my Purpose for being here.
Why now? Why ever?


I think my personality type (if we want to go there) seems to point out that I am one of those that are prone "to always beat myself up for not being enough - for wanting to be an individual, unique person - but also finding that a burden and curse because I wish I could just be content to fit in." I can honestly say those descriptions do fit me to a t.

I really try to feel comforted that God rejoices over me - that He has a purpose for me and all that. But I have to say it is a struggle daily not to want to stop trying.
I hope it is ok to respond. I get the beating oneself up, like I am getting paid for it. Some of it is good because we should examine ourselves, but not to the point where it becomes harmful to self. I get it though, as I have always considered myself a bit of a misfit. Do you know though, that probably makes you merciful. I just want to encourage you to keep on keeping on because you really seem humble which points to potential growth.

One song that has helped me when I find myself stuck being too hard on myself is Nobody by casting crowns.

I know you said scriptures don't always help but please consider reading

Luke 7:36-50 and 2nd Cor 9:8

Those have really helped me in my journeys.

He is able to use you and your unique self. He knows you and who He is dealing with and He loves you soooo much. You know that though, as you realize He rejoices over you.

Hugs from a far
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
1,697
1,404
113
#8
I struggle with knowing who I really am.
Sadly knowing and quoting the scriptures that are my "new identity" never seem to really help me.
I am still deeply confused - because I am forever trying to please my family - and forever not enough.

It confuses me because then I don't know where I should draw inspiration for my creativity from. It's pretty much died with the day I was saved. Everything changed over night and Even though I know I am saved - I love God and Jesus and Holy Spirit and I feel his Presence often - I am still very confused.

Who am I supposed to be - where do I belong or fit - what is my Purpose for being here.
Why now? Why ever?


I think my personality type (if we want to go there) seems to point out that I am one of those that are prone "to always beat myself up for not being enough - for wanting to be an individual, unique person - but also finding that a burden and curse because I wish I could just be content to fit in." I can honestly say those descriptions do fit me to a t.

I really try to feel comforted that God rejoices over me - that He has a purpose for me and all that. But I have to say it is a struggle daily not to want to stop trying.
A people pleaser who thinks they never can do enough. And since you can never do enough, you keep trying harder to feel like you have by pleasing others and expecting them to make you feel you are doing enough.
But the dynamic you've created is one that people will never say that. The more you do, and do so freely, the more common it becomes, and expected by others, rather than appreciated.
So you've built a cycle that prevents you from receiving the one thing you need. But also causes you to repeat those behaviors that prevent it, thinking it will help.
You must first need to recognize that your motives are less about giving and more about getting. Getting that approval and appreciation and recognition. That's not to say you don't genuinely care about these people or not want help them or do for them. But rather the thing that pushes you so hard to do so much is about you, not them.
Resolving this need within yourself will free you up and allow other aspects of yourself to come out instead.
And if your family is the critical kind that Feeds your burden, then realizing that you're banging your head against a brick wall, trying to get through, is pointless, you'll be better off.
You'll never be able to be a unique person as long as you keep trying to satisfy everyone else. That is a tiring, draining and endless task that leaves no time for oneself. And can never be obtained. Taking the time and effort to resist and root out that internal problem will be more beneficial to you in a variety of ways. And rather than doing works to buy approval and love, you can use love to serve the people you care about out of a genuine desire to express that love.
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
5,503
5,993
113
#9
A people pleaser who thinks they never can do enough. And since you can never do enough, you keep trying harder to feel like you have by pleasing others and expecting them to make you feel you are doing enough.
But the dynamic you've created is one that people will never say that. The more you do, and do so freely, the more common it becomes, and expected by others, rather than appreciated.
So you've built a cycle that prevents you from receiving the one thing you need. But also causes you to repeat those behaviors that prevent it, thinking it will help.
You must first need to recognize that your motives are less about giving and more about getting. Getting that approval and appreciation and recognition. That's not to say you don't genuinely care about these people or not want help them or do for them. But rather the thing that pushes you so hard to do so much is about you, not them.
Resolving this need within yourself will free you up and allow other aspects of yourself to come out instead.
And if your family is the critical kind that Feeds your burden, then realizing that you're banging your head against a brick wall, trying to get through, is pointless, you'll be better off.
You'll never be able to be a unique person as long as you keep trying to satisfy everyone else. That is a tiring, draining and endless task that leaves no time for oneself. And can never be obtained. Taking the time and effort to resist and root out that internal problem will be more beneficial to you in a variety of ways. And rather than doing works to buy approval and love, you can use love to serve the people you care about out of a genuine desire to express that love.
how do you know she is doing works to buy approval? She may seek some approval , most care a bit about acceptance, if they are honest And you are right it is draining and self defeating, but she may also have a great big heart for others.

Taking the time and effort to resist and root out that internal problem will be more beneficial to you in a variety of ways < this is good advice though and can be challenging to do.

There is a fine line between considering others more important, which is biblical and ppl pleasing which is not helpful and can leave one licking his or her own wounds.

What you said about a critical family was spot on, BIG TIME!!!
 

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2016
3,695
1,150
113
#10
I struggle with knowing who I really am.
Sadly knowing and quoting the scriptures that are my "new identity" never seem to really help me.
I am still deeply confused - because I am forever trying to please my family - and forever not enough.

It confuses me because then I don't know where I should draw inspiration for my creativity from. It's pretty much died with the day I was saved. Everything changed over night and Even though I know I am saved - I love God and Jesus and Holy Spirit and I feel his Presence often - I am still very confused.

Who am I supposed to be - where do I belong or fit - what is my Purpose for being here.
Why now? Why ever?


I think my personality type (if we want to go there) seems to point out that I am one of those that are prone "to always beat myself up for not being enough - for wanting to be an individual, unique person - but also finding that a burden and curse because I wish I could just be content to fit in." I can honestly say those descriptions do fit me to a t.

I really try to feel comforted that God rejoices over me - that He has a purpose for me and all that. But I have to say it is a struggle daily not to want to stop trying.
Thank you for your honesty. To verbalize what the heart is feeling can often be the first step to healing and seeking the truth of who we are.

I struggle with knowing who I really am.
Sadly knowing and quoting the scriptures that are my "new identity" never seem to really help me.
Everyone has had this struggle one time or another. Many while they are young but some still dont know the answer to that question. Intellectually knowing something doesn't always cause a emotional response. Sometimes we only have our current moments to take what scripture has said and have hope in the words. Emotions are not always a reliable source. A day to day reliance on God. Your identity will slowly become what God intended you to be.

Imagine a hammer.
117835_xl.jpg

Now studying the picture below almost seems silly but imagine if no one ever told the purpose of a hammer. The purpose for all 3 sides. 1 flat side to hammer a nail, 1 side to pull out a nail, and 1 side to hold it.
ihmGd.jpg
Out of design in the picture above, the hammer is a tool and naturally is doing it's best to fit in but not quite knowing the the full extent what it was designed for.

But one day a manual is given that explains what a hammer is used for and how to correctly use it. From that day forward, everything is different.

because I am forever trying to please my family - and forever not enough.
Maybe there is some codependency issues as your family is in constant dependency on you. You act because of love but they take advantage of you for whatever reason. Unfortunately often times we have to put ourselves in a healthy place so that whatever we do to please others is in excess of love not manipulation, guilt, fear, etc. May be time to step back some and focus on you and God.

It confuses me because then I don't know where I should draw inspiration for my creativity from. It's pretty much died with the day I was saved.
Maybe study some of the great poets, artist, musicians, philosophers, scientists who had God as much of their inspiration. What is your hobby? What inspired you?

Who am I supposed to be - where do I belong or fit - what is my Purpose for being here.
Why now? Why ever?
These questions have for a long time been debated. The Christian has the answer for all these within the pages of the Bible. A child of God, in the body of Christ (Church) purposely to spread the good news and grow closer to Christ. Why now? Only God knows in His will and timing. Why ever? Love. God's love for you deemed it worthy to pursue you.

I think my personality type (if we want to go there) seems to point out that I am one of those that are prone "to always beat myself up for not being enough - for wanting to be an individual, unique person - but also finding that a burden and curse because I wish I could just be content to fit in." I can honestly say those descriptions do fit me to a t.
This is part of God's calling. We are not designed to live as the world but to only to be passing through it. It is more comfortable to fit in but how often did Jesus fit in? The Apostles? We beat ourselves up by not doing what we designed for. Using the hammer a wrong way can break the tool or cause great damage.

I really try to feel comforted that God rejoices over me - that He has a purpose for me and all that. But I have to say it is a struggle daily not to want to stop trying
It is part of carrying our cross daily. A faith to faith journey. All Christians have a purpose, a mission to spread the Gospel. But many are called specifically to certain areas where God's purpose is more detailed. That comes when the time is right. Be faithful in the present, always look for the will of God and God will guide your steps.
 
#11
I hope it is ok to respond. I get the beating oneself up, like I am getting paid for it. Some of it is good because we should examine ourselves, but not to the point where it becomes harmful to self. I get it though, as I have always considered myself a bit of a misfit. Do you know though, that probably makes you merciful. I just want to encourage you to keep on keeping on because you really seem humble which points to potential growth.

One song that has helped me when I find myself stuck being too hard on myself is Nobody by casting crowns.

I know you said scriptures don't always help but please consider reading

Luke 7:36-50 and 2nd Cor 9:8

Those have really helped me in my journeys.

He is able to use you and your unique self. He knows you and who He is dealing with and He loves you soooo much. You know that though, as you realize He rejoices over you.

Hugs from a far
Thank you so much,
Your response felt honestly like healing balm. I can feel the hug from afar and it really means a whole lot.
I loved those scriptures. I will keep meditating on them.
Alabaster Jar - used to be a concept I had in mind for women to pour out their worship to the Lord. But like so many other things in life I stopped before the ball ever truly got rolling.


I hope you too will find what a treasure you are - I hope that some day I will stop questioning my existence and rest in His love. And I hope the same for you dear sis.

*hugggg*
 
#12
A people pleaser who thinks they never can do enough.
You hit it on the head really.
It's a pathetic picture, isn't it.

It's just all I've ever known. My mom left when I was four because she was drunk and my papa woke her up to get me ready for my Great Grannys birthday. She hated having to brush my hair so much she packed up and left and never called again.

And then I was sent to live with my dad whose abusive girl friend scared him so much that he would rather use me as a buffer than to stand up to her and leave that abusive situation. Anytime I did anything good it was just "expected" and anytime I was not the best at something then I was badgered "Why can't you just be more like...". I tried everything. And nothing was ever enough.
The rules in my house changed on a daily basis. So I have no concept of something lasting or safe. The only safety to me is in being perfect. Naturally it is not safety but to my experience nobody stays anyways and nobody has ever loved me when I was broken either. So the one thing I want is the one thing I can't have.

And the love of a God whose arms are air - just sometimes doesn't feel enough.

I genuinely care for people. But I also am constantly afraid to be left so I am always the first to go. Which leaves me alone either way - I have just come to tell myself that to not want anyone is the best way to not get hurt - and now that I am not lying to myself all the time for survival I am instead finding out that I am very weak and that I probably would be dead a long time ago if I hadn't numbed myself so much for all those years.

Now I know all this myself - please stop trying to analyse me or give me a quick fix.
It feels rather rude. Like your email the other day. I would appreciate if you backed up some. Thanks
 
#13
Thank you for your honesty. To verbalize what the heart is feeling can often be the first step to healing and seeking the truth of who we are.



Everyone has had this struggle one time or another. Many while they are young but some still dont know the answer to that question. Intellectually knowing something doesn't always cause a emotional response. Sometimes we only have our current moments to take what scripture has said and have hope in the words. Emotions are not always a reliable source. A day to day reliance on God. Your identity will slowly become what God intended you to be.

Imagine a hammer.
View attachment 213735

Now studying the picture below almost seems silly but imagine if no one ever told the purpose of a hammer. The purpose for all 3 sides. 1 flat side to hammer a nail, 1 side to pull out a nail, and 1 side to hold it.
View attachment 213736
Out of design in the picture above, the hammer is a tool and naturally is doing it's best to fit in but not quite knowing the the full extent what it was designed for.

But one day a manual is given that explains what a hammer is used for and how to correctly use it. From that day forward, everything is different.



Maybe there is some codependency issues as your family is in constant dependency on you. You act because of love but they take advantage of you for whatever reason. Unfortunately often times we have to put ourselves in a healthy place so that whatever we do to please others is in excess of love not manipulation, guilt, fear, etc. May be time to step back some and focus on you and God.



Maybe study some of the great poets, artist, musicians, philosophers, scientists who had God as much of their inspiration. What is your hobby? What inspired you?



These questions have for a long time been debated. The Christian has the answer for all these within the pages of the Bible. A child of God, in the body of Christ (Church) purposely to spread the good news and grow closer to Christ. Why now? Only God knows in His will and timing. Why ever? Love. God's love for you deemed it worthy to pursue you.



This is part of God's calling. We are not designed to live as the world but to only to be passing through it. It is more comfortable to fit in but how often did Jesus fit in? The Apostles? We beat ourselves up by not doing what we designed for. Using the hammer a wrong way can break the tool or cause great damage.



It is part of carrying our cross daily. A faith to faith journey. All Christians have a purpose, a mission to spread the Gospel. But many are called specifically to certain areas where God's purpose is more detailed. That comes when the time is right. Be faithful in the present, always look for the will of God and God will guide your steps.

Thank You - I appreciate the illustrations - It's rare that you get a response to something like this that doesn't make you feel like a child that is being naughty and whiny, rather you really acknowledged that it is perhaps normal to question these things - but that there are answers - I can find them truly if I look.

I think for the most part my way of "handling" stuff is by pretending it isn't there. Waking up and looking around at the mess... Has been really, really hard.

I did move away from any and all family almost a year ago. I live in Wisconsin now - my family in Georgia and Switzerland. So I finally have the distance I needed and God has been doing a lot inside me - I think there is that saying Ravi Zacharias quoted (It isn't his saying but I can't remember... Did he say Churchhill said it? I don't remember...) "If you are going through hell, keep going." However I keep having a tendency to set up camp and weather the storm instead of marching on.

I will try and do better in that department.

Hm... What used to inspire me. I can't really remember. I was into dark demonic stuff - so that is where my inspirations came from. Naturally that would be gone when I was saved. It's so much easier to paint the ugly than visions of Splendor you know?
I've tried to capture how it feels to be a child of God now - but with a pencil or paint or even poetry - it all is so ugly compared to the truth.
Before - drawing the broken people, the broken lonely "me" it was much, much easier.

It is why a lot of times I don't feel that I can belong to the artsy community anymore - it all feels very much like everyone is so pretentious - the ugly stuff is being worshiped and I don't like it. Pain is glorified and it shouldn't be. God should be glorified only.

Hm maybe I am not meant to be an artist anymore - maybe chasing that is holding me back. Perhaps there is a totally different aspect of me I don't know and I can't see because I am so focused on something I wasn't meant to do.
I don't know :) it's worth checking into
 
#14
I am sorry - I wish these things let you edit some stuff but it doesn't. Thanks for caring so much that you did send an email and take time to express your thoughts.

I am too sensitive on these matters I didn't mean to sound rude myself.
 

Bingo

Well-known member
Feb 9, 2019
2,508
1,893
113
#15
Adventure Quest of the Spirit

ever inward&upward

Author Archives: adventurequestofthespirit
Life is a series of Phases
"Hello ...Heart_Melody,
Your new thread caught my attention, and for whatever reason, for awhile now, I have
been 'browsing' through some of your 'entries' as of (
Joined Jan 14, 2017 Posts 160 Reactions 199 )
please enlighten me if the 'then' You, is also somehow connected to the You now, as
there appears to be a possibility of two character personalities. I believe one needs some
insight in any attempt to hopefully put forth any worthwhile fellowship communication, of
any value. Life is a precious 'gift' of the 'Creator' of all things...however one prefers to access 'Creator'.
I have shared within many pages of my 'spiritual journey' ...and, only by the grace of God...
I came...I came to...I came to believe.....no more, no less. It is not for me to judge nor offend...
but to share...'from this side of the glass'. We all are witnessing a 'time' of 'unknowns', never
before witnessed in any 'age' of any 'time'. And, now multitudes have entered a 'Stop and Pause'...
perhaps a 'time' for a real time reality check of LIFE, here in the now, and precisely where we
are in accordance to 'remembrance' of the 'teachings' of Jesus Christ...an extraordinary 'spiritual'
inspiration of and about LIFE, and each shall be unique in ones own self, and our relationship with God."
I felt led to share...'from this side of the glass'...no more...no less.
'Praise God'
- Copy - Copy - Copy (9) - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy...jpg
 

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2016
3,695
1,150
113
#16
Thank You - I appreciate the illustrations - It's rare that you get a response to something like this that doesn't make you feel like a child that is being naughty and whiny, rather you really acknowledged that it is perhaps normal to question these things - but that there are answers - I can find them truly if I look.

I think for the most part my way of "handling" stuff is by pretending it isn't there. Waking up and looking around at the mess... Has been really, really hard.

I did move away from any and all family almost a year ago. I live in Wisconsin now - my family in Georgia and Switzerland. So I finally have the distance I needed and God has been doing a lot inside me - I think there is that saying Ravi Zacharias quoted (It isn't his saying but I can't remember... Did he say Churchhill said it? I don't remember...) "If you are going through hell, keep going." However I keep having a tendency to set up camp and weather the storm instead of marching on.

I will try and do better in that department.

Hm... What used to inspire me. I can't really remember. I was into dark demonic stuff - so that is where my inspirations came from. Naturally that would be gone when I was saved. It's so much easier to paint the ugly than visions of Splendor you know?
I've tried to capture how it feels to be a child of God now - but with a pencil or paint or even poetry - it all is so ugly compared to the truth.
Before - drawing the broken people, the broken lonely "me" it was much, much easier.

It is why a lot of times I don't feel that I can belong to the artsy community anymore - it all feels very much like everyone is so pretentious - the ugly stuff is being worshiped and I don't like it. Pain is glorified and it shouldn't be. God should be glorified only.

Hm maybe I am not meant to be an artist anymore - maybe chasing that is holding me back. Perhaps there is a totally different aspect of me I don't know and I can't see because I am so focused on something I wasn't meant to do.
I don't know :) it's worth checking into
It's rare that you get a response to something like this that doesn't make you feel like a child that is being naughty and whiny, rather you really acknowledged that it is perhaps normal to question these things - but that there are answers - I can find them truly if I look.
That is sad because it shouldn't be rare. It is very normal. I began studying very deeply all things apologetics all because I has questions that shook my faith. Ravi Zacharias just being one of those people I loved listening to. There are answers. Some are easily found while others may be like a puzzle and your only holding one peice. It may take years to fully come to a good picture of what a great answer should be. This is the part that takes faith. You know enough to love and trust God so even while you wait you have faith in what God has already provided but also understanding in the future.

I think for the most part my way of "handling" stuff is by pretending it isn't there. Waking up and looking around at the mess... Has been really, really hard.
This is a normal psychological defense. It is hard to sometimes face reality. After my car accident, it took years to accept understand the new me. During that time I kept returning to what I knew because it was more comfortable mentally but physically I no longer fit in. So it would only be in a continuous mental struggle until I accepted the new me and everything that meant.

I did move away from any and all family almost a year ago. I live in Wisconsin now - my family in Georgia and Switzerland. So I finally have the distance I needed and God has been doing a lot inside me - I think there is that saying Ravi Zacharias quoted (It isn't his saying but I can't remember... Did he say Churchhill said it? I don't remember...) "If you are going through hell, keep going." However I keep having a tendency to set up camp and weather the storm instead of marching on.
Well that is good that you already have made the effort to distance yourself some. Even if you didn't move away, You can still limit the time spent with such people. But anyways I would also like to add that sometimes things breakdown and our only option is as the Tom Petty song says, " You can stand me up at the gates of hell but I wont back down." Weathering shaped something as beautiful and amazing as the Grand Canyon. To be refined often takes heat. God is with you more than you ever could imagine. You are the beautiful and amazing person in the eyes of God because he already sees the end results. He already saw the Grand Canyon while it was just a stream of water, he already sees the end of the refining process and how you are no longer brittle but strong and ready to face whatever battle may be ahead you. God already knows the potential, now you have to see it too.

What used to inspire me. I can't really remember. I was into dark demonic stuff - so that is where my inspirations came from. Naturally that would be gone when I was saved. It's so much easier to paint the ugly than visions of Splendor you know?
I've tried to capture how it feels to be a child of God now - but with a pencil or paint or even poetry - it all is so ugly compared to the truth.
Before - drawing the broken people, the broken lonely "me" it was much, much easier.

It is why a lot of times I don't feel that I can belong to the artsy community anymore - it all feels very much like everyone is so pretentious - the ugly stuff is being worshiped and I don't like it. Pain is glorified and it shouldn't be. God should be glorified only.
Dont worry. You are learning a new identity and seeing the beauty will be changing. Many artists in spiritual matters use the beauty of the world or universe to parallel the ideas or beauty of God. That is all we have in comparison until we reach the otherside. A artist can capture an image that really connects a verse in scripture or ignites the mind of others to see spiritual truths. For example Pawel_Kuczynski_Drawings_46.jpg

I saw something spiritual in the image and wrote a paper on what it meant to me. Pain is part of life. Pain is Biblical. Pain can often be part of the refining process. Mine was the consequences of my choices but God worked in it to refine me. Maybe you are called to something else. I once use to draw a lot and was big into art all throughout school until one day I lost my inspiration to keep going. I found my inspiration in writing and helping others. People change and so do hobbies. It is exciting to explore new inspirations. Lately I have gotten back into guitar and now find a intrest in music theory between math, color, and sound.

Anyways dont be so hard on yourself and enjoy the journey not just the destination.
 

CharliRenee

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Nov 4, 2014
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#17
Thank you so much,
Your response felt honestly like healing balm. I can feel the hug from afar and it really means a whole lot.
I loved those scriptures. I will keep meditating on them.
Alabaster Jar - used to be a concept I had in mind for women to pour out their worship to the Lord. But like so many other things in life I stopped before the ball ever truly got rolling.


I hope you too will find what a treasure you are - I hope that some day I will stop questioning my existence and rest in His love. And I hope the same for you dear sis.

*hugggg*
You dear sweet Melody are a kindred soul. Thank you for your response. Your transparency and humility are a blessing to me and others. I believe that soon you won't be questioning your existence because you recognize your patterns and are honest with yourself. This behavior resonates with me and others i am sure. Thank you.

Big warm safe familial hugs for this...


I hope you too will find what a treasure you are - I hope that some day I will stop questioning my existence and rest in His love. And I hope the same for you dear sis.

God is working with us Sister. The more we look at the awesomeness of our Creator, the more we know our worth in Him. He is soooo good, and in Him we have hope. He is doing such incredible things too lofty to even fathom.

Let's both continue to be merciful with others and ourselves.

Love you sister in Christ. You reach out anytime. You are welcome in my heart.

I am convinced already that you are precious and that is my truth and I'm sticking to it. Knowing you belong to Him brings 😀💛🥰 Sis.

Thank you sooooo VERY MUCH!!!
 
#18
You dear sweet Melody are a kindred soul. Thank you for your response. Your transparency and humility are a blessing to me and others. I believe that soon you won't be questioning your existence because you recognize your patterns and are honest with yourself. This behavior resonates with me and others i am sure. Thank you.

Big warm safe familial hugs for this...


I hope you too will find what a treasure you are - I hope that some day I will stop questioning my existence and rest in His love. And I hope the same for you dear sis.

God is working with us Sister. The more we look at the awesomeness of our Creator, the more we know our worth in Him. He is soooo good, and in Him we have hope. He is doing such incredible things too lofty to even fathom.

Let's both continue to be merciful with others and ourselves.

Love you sister in Christ. You reach out anytime. You are welcome in my heart.

I am convinced already that you are precious and that is my truth and I'm sticking to it. Knowing you belong to Him brings 😀💛🥰 Sis.

Thank you sooooo VERY MUCH!!!
I definitely sense that we are kindred.
Your heart seems very giving. I can tell you try and practice that Alabaster Lifestyle. It's lovely.

I feel like this is helping me out so much - And has encouraged me to make it for today for sure. And since we are ever only promised one day and I only have grace for today - I think that is plenty good right now.

Imagine - one day we will actually get to meet. That is going to be nice. And then I will give you a real hug and I probably won't let go for a bit

It's funny that you say treasure - because that reminded me of this crazy encounter I had with Jesus so many years ago. When this whole process really tried to take off... But I kept letting busyness distract me and I am so used to never ask for help - I guess too afraid to be a burden to anyone - that I forgot those lessons.

I guess The Lord just showed that when we go through trauma we bury the "child" inside and we hide them to survive. And he said that so many people have their "tirzah's" (hebrew for treasure) buried beneath lots of coping. And that to unite those little persons with our actual consciousness could bring back that innocent worship and wonder we were forced to loose to survive.
I feel like Holy Spirit really inspired you to use that specific word - because I had forgotten all about that. ALL about it. I can't imagine how - My life was so focused on that for a good year... Strange how wrapped up I can get haha

Well thanks so much sister... And if ever you feel overwhelmed and disconnected look up this song called "Satisfy - by Worship Mob" on Youtube. There is a 24 minute version and if you lay down... wrap yourself up and let the song wash over you - it can be comforting.


Much Much love Sissy! And I am here for you too anytime you need a friend
 

CharliRenee

Member
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Nov 4, 2014
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#19
I definitely sense that we are kindred.
Your heart seems very giving. I can tell you try and practice that Alabaster Lifestyle. It's lovely.

I feel like this is helping me out so much - And has encouraged me to make it for today for sure. And since we are ever only promised one day and I only have grace for today - I think that is plenty good right now.

Imagine - one day we will actually get to meet. That is going to be nice. And then I will give you a real hug and I probably won't let go for a bit

It's funny that you say treasure - because that reminded me of this crazy encounter I had with Jesus so many years ago. When this whole process really tried to take off... But I kept letting busyness distract me and I am so used to never ask for help - I guess too afraid to be a burden to anyone - that I forgot those lessons.

I guess The Lord just showed that when we go through trauma we bury the "child" inside and we hide them to survive. And he said that so many people have their "tirzah's" (hebrew for treasure) buried beneath lots of coping. And that to unite those little persons with our actual consciousness could bring back that innocent worship and wonder we were forced to loose to survive.
I feel like Holy Spirit really inspired you to use that specific word - because I had forgotten all about that. ALL about it. I can't imagine how - My life was so focused on that for a good year... Strange how wrapped up I can get haha

Well thanks so much sister... And if ever you feel overwhelmed and disconnected look up this song called "Satisfy - by Worship Mob" on Youtube. There is a 24 minute version and if you lay down... wrap yourself up and let the song wash over you - it can be comforting.


Much Much love Sissy! And I am here for you too anytime you need a friend
Sniff sniff, I thank my Lord for you. I am going to listen to Satisfy right after I write this.

Whoa at this...And he said that so many people have their "tirzah's" (hebrew for treasure) buried beneath lots of coping...Bam, quite profound. I did not know that word.

My instinct is to go on and on and love on you, in a safe way (I can get caught up in warm fuzzy connection, haha). I thank my Lord for giving us brothers and sisters to fellowship, to care for and about, to encourage and yes to respectfully reproach (that one is priceless and useful too but not as fun, haha). I think that now I will use this stirring you have given me, to go love on Him, giving Him all the Glory.



Thank you again for meeting me where I am. ❤
 

CharliRenee

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Nov 4, 2014
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#20
I am sorry - I wish these things let you edit some stuff but it doesn't. Thanks for caring so much that you did send an email and take time to express your thoughts.

I am too sensitive on these matters I didn't mean to sound rude myself.
We r two peas in an overly sensitive pod. We need Him to keep our hearts soft and also help us to toughen our skins so we can guard our softened hearts He has so beautifully given.

Ok, i am off to listen to satisfy.

Cya around sis.