Woman taking a man's surname upon marriage

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buckeyegirl700

Guest
#41
#41
If I get married I would take my husbands name. My mom had me when she was 18 and not married. I was given my mothers last name because I never met my biological father. When I was 10 my mom met a man and remarried. My step dad adopted me and they changed my last name to his last name. This situation had its pro's and con's. It was a good thing because my mom had another child and we all had the same last name. My mom did not care to change my name because my father was not in our lives and I did not carry his name.
 
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Graybeard

Guest
#42
#42
I think a woman who wants to keep her maiden name has no respect for her husband-to-be, Marriage is "and the two shall become one" so why on earth would she not want to 100% submit to husband_to_be? all throughout biblical times the seed of the farther(who at times had many wives) is carried on and not the woman.
I also do not believe in the anti nuptial contract as why should "what yours is yours and mine is mine" when you are supposed to be one under God?
 
C

christiancollegegirl

Guest
#43
#43
My cousin hyphenated her name when she got married. It's not that she didn't love her husband, but because to her, it's more than just a name. I don't remember exactly what that name means to her, but she didn't want to 'lose' that part of herself. I think it has something to do with the grandfather that practically raised her.
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#44
#44
If/when I marry I will leave it up to my wife, it's her name and therefore her choice, I honestly don't have a clear feeling on this issue.

I do think on one hand if my wife kept her name that would be no problem for me, her name may be important to her and part of how she identifies with her family history, If her name has been handed down she may not want to lose the connection it gives her to past family members dear to her heart, I would not want to take that away from her if she felt that way.

But also I would consider it a great honour if my wife chose to form that connection with myself and my family and therefore make herself a part of it that way, along with all the others that would come with entering the marriage.

I haven't thought too long and hard about it really because it isn't a decision I would ever likely have to make, I woud just try to be open to accepting her choice whatever it is, when marrying someone what name she has doesn't seem like a big deal to me, we would be connected so closely in so many other ways I don't think it would really bother me what name she had.

If she asked me to take hers I would consider it in the same ways I would expect her too and I can't think what I might decide, but no matter what my decision I would always consider it a honour to be asked even if I wasn't prepared to do it.
 
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buckeyegirl700

Guest
#45
#45
I have a friend that I grew up with, he recently got married and he took his wives name. I think it is kind of weird for the man to take his wives name.
 
MahogonySnail

MahogonySnail

Banned
#46
Jan 8, 2009
7,576
23
0
#46
It really indicates who is going to wear the pants in that relationship doesn't it? But if I had a bad surname I'd want to change it yea.
 
C

ChristopherMichael

Guest
#47
#47
Sharp said:
Personally, I believe families should all have one surname. Something I can't get past is that when women elect to keep their own name in the interests of keeping their own identity, in some ways I think really they are choosing their father over their husband, and are not fully entering into the new family which the marriage created.

I also can't stand hyphonated surnames. I think this is extremely unnecessary and a great way to get your child beaten up in school. If a wife-to-be is considering keeping her own surname (in a Christian relationship), should her future husband put his foot down as the head of their future family and insist that she change it? If she doesn't, should he insist that their children have his name only?
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Amen bro!

- Topher
 
Kathleen

Kathleen

Senior Member
#48
Oct 13, 2009
3,570
6
38
#48
the husband is the head of the houshold so his name should be used for everyon - wife and children

the woman is not the head of the household, biblacle, therefor her maiden name should not be taken
 
O

oopsies

Guest
#49
#49
I don't have a huge problem with either option. I would be disappointed if she insisted that she keeps her surname. If that were the case, I would change mine to match her's. It just doesn't feel right when you're getting married but you keep separate surnames. It doesn't show solidarity, imo.
 
I

isaria

Guest
#50
#50
I think it is really nice when spouses share last name and a wife takes her husbands surname.
What if the man is divorsed and the x wife still uses the surname and they have children together......
Even if you then choose to keep your surname or make a new one yet not his then it may feel uncomfterble if his xwife lives in town using his last name with him.

I am in process of applying for a new surname.
Reason i want distance myself from people whom carry surname i was raised with as well as my new one was "made up" by me and has symbolic value to me.
If I was to marry now, I would keep my surname.
Under other circumstances i would take husbands name (probably) specially if we were to have children but i can not have children (make with this body).

When parents have different surnames it is more common children carry fathers surname.

Many cultures have surnames ending with "son" "richards" son.....

Islam have "daughter of "richard" "son of richard" and when they marry the woman does not take the husbands last name but keeps her last name.
If her fathers name is richard mat be "daughter of richard" "richardsdaughter".
 
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bracha

Guest
#51
#51
dear sir,
with no offence to you,some traditions and customs require a woman to leave her maiden name intact after the marriage ceremony.this does not mean that they are not one or that they dont submit to their husbands.God recognizes those marriages too.also the BIBLE MAKES MENTION OF MANY KINGS AND THEIR MOTHERS..........taking on a husbands name is a mutual agreement between the two people involved.some women still add their spouses name to their own names too.
.
 
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Nancyer

Guest
#52
#52
I never understood the problem some women had with changing their last names. If you can't even take his name, why are you marrying him? (Women's Lib is probably to blame....)

When I got married I dropped my maiden name completely. My mother always used her maiden name as her middle name, but she never liked her middle name so it was a win-win. I use my husband's last name, and even though we are getting divorced, I will continue to use it. Especially since we still have a minor child, but it would be too much to do all the legalities to change it if I wanted to.

My mother-in-law was remarried in 1985, for the 4th time. When I met her she still went by the last name of her 1st husband, even though she'd been married twice since then. She now has the last name of her current husband, no hyphen.
 
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AgeofKnowledge

Guest
#53
#53
I wouldn't like it myself. To me it would show a lack of commitment on the part of the woman to the marriage. But then in today's no fault divorce society, it makes sense for women to keep their last names so they can move serially through husbands increasing their financial portfolio as they go with minimal disruption lolol... j/k.
 
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lockedrob

Guest
#54
#54
As I had been a professional for a number of years before I married I kept my own name when dealing with anything relating to this. Outside of work I am known by my married name and had no problem taking my husbands name as someone else put it in marriage 2 become 1.
 
BillyTheKid

BillyTheKid

Senior Member
#55
Feb 17, 2009
274
2
18
#55
Sharp said:
I'd like to hear people's opinions on whether a woman should adopt her husband's surname when she marries him, and in what circumstances (if any) you, if you are a woman, would elect to keep your own name? Also, if you are a woman who has kept her own surname, why did you do it?

I'm wondering whether people think the bible's call for wives to submit to their husbands can be applied to taking on his family name.

Personally, I believe families should all have one surname. Something I can't get past is that when women elect to keep their own name in the interests of keeping their own identity, in some ways I think really they are choosing their father over their husband, and are not fully entering into the new family which the marriage created.

I also can't stand hyphonated surnames. I think this is extremely unnecessary and a great way to get your child beaten up in school. If a wife-to-be is considering keeping her own surname (in a Christian relationship), should her future husband put his foot down as the head of their future family and insist that she change it? If she doesn't, should he insist that their children have his name only?

What are your thoughts?
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I say who cares. There is nothing in the Bible that I am aware of that says one way or the other on this matter. If she wants to keep it then I am guessing there is a good reason. I don't see a need to "put your foot down". That works with children, but not so well with adults. When you start that mess you are just being controlling. I know in my area there are a lot of females that keep their name simply because they want to carry on that family name. In some cases I think it is a social status type of thing.
As far as the children go, I think they should take their fathers last name.
 
BillyTheKid

BillyTheKid

Senior Member
#56
Feb 17, 2009
274
2
18
#56
WOW i just realized how old this post was lol. Someone was digging deep to get this out.
 
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Meerkat

Guest
#57
#57
I've known a few women that kept their surnames upon marriage (the men were fine giving up theirs, for whatever personal reasons). I also know two women who chose to join their surnames with their husband's, which ended up with both names joining with a hyphen in between (Lee-Harper, for example).

Personally, I don't think anything's wrong with it if both spouses are fine with the arrangement. What's in a name, anyways? :)
 
P

presidente

Senior Member
#58
May 29, 2013
9,166
1,797
113
#58
Sharp said:
I'd like to hear people's opinions on whether a woman should adopt her husband's surname when she marries him, and in what circumstances (if any) you, if you are a woman, would elect to keep your own name? Also, if you are a woman who has kept her own surname, why did you do it?

I'm wondering whether people think the bible's call for wives to submit to their husbands can be applied to taking on his family name.

Personally, I believe families should all have one surname. Something I can't get past is that when women elect to keep their own name in the interests of keeping their own identity, in some ways I think really they are choosing their father over their husband, and are not fully entering into the new family which the marriage created.

I also can't stand hyphonated surnames. I think this is extremely unnecessary and a great way to get your child beaten up in school. If a wife-to-be is considering keeping her own surname (in a Christian relationship), should her future husband put his foot down as the head of their future family and insist that she change it? If she doesn't, should he insist that their children have his name only?

What are your thoughts?
Click to expand...

Actually, it took quite a while for my wife and I to change her name on our legal documents. It had to do with living overseas and not wanting to redo her name on a visit and the extremely expensive price of changing a name on a Greencard. We had my last name on her passport early on, but just got the US stuff done many years after we got married.

But she was willing to change her name from the get-go. Personally, I think for the typical American woman, if she wouldn't have wanted to change her name, that could be a deal breaker. If she's say, Chinese, or something like that where they have their own customs, and we'd be living in China, it's no big deal. Maybe if her maiden name is worth money, there may be something to that. But if it's just a desire to exert feminist identity, I wouldn't want to be married to a hard-core feminist anyway. Not taking my name for something like that could also signal a lack of commitment and maybe a lack of acceptance of submission in marriage.

But there are a lots of countries where they don't do the name change thing, and I think that's a nonissue.
 
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