The real me- no really!

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K

Kaycie

Guest
#1
#1
Ok so I was chatting with a guy on here for almost a year, just as friends, I'm not looking to date online, and he wanted to see what I looked like. Well I am all about online safety, that's why I don't use my real name. My initials are KC, so I call myself Kaycie. Well I thought if I put a younger picture of me, he can kinda get a sense of what I look like without knowing what I look like now. But when I showed him my picture he didn't believe that was really me (once upon a time) and he quit talking to me.

I told him I used to be pretty long before he asked to see my photo. And that it is not my real hair- that I tried on different hairstyles at hair mixer dot com, again trying not to completely give away what I look like. But the truth is it really is me in the photo. I'm flattered that he thought I was too pretty, but more so insulted that he didn't believe me. I have no reason to lie to him, but since he thought I did, does he also question my Christianity after knowing me for almost a year? I didn't want to put my picture up because I wanted people to react to my soul, not my outward appearance. But maybe I should let the real me be seen.

Any thoughts?
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#2
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#2
Well, honestly... if he asked to see a picture of you and you weren't comfortable sharing, I think it would have been best to just decline. Giving him an older picture of you with your hair altered digitally is a little bit deceiving if you really think about it, unless you told him at the time that you'd done those things. I understand why you did it, but I can kind of see him being a bit suspicious, you know?
 
M

MollyConnor

Guest
#3
#3
Kaycie said:
Ok so I was chatting with a guy on here for almost a year, just as friends, I'm not looking to date online, and he wanted to see what I looked like. Well I am all about online safety, that's why I don't use my real name. My initials are KC, so I call myself Kaycie. Well I thought if I put a younger picture of me, he can kinda get a sense of what I look like without knowing what I look like now. But when I showed him my picture he didn't believe that was really me (once upon a time) and he quit talking to me.

I told him I used to be pretty long before he asked to see my photo. And that it is not my real hair- that I tried on different hairstyles at hair mixer dot com, again trying not to completely give away what I look like. But the truth is it really is me in the photo. I'm flattered that he thought I was too pretty, but more so insulted that he didn't believe me. I have no reason to lie to him, but since he thought I did, does he also question my Christianity after knowing me for almost a year? I didn't want to put my picture up because I wanted people to react to my soul, not my outward appearance. But maybe I should let the real me be seen.

Any thoughts?
Click to expand...
Hey Kaycie!

I always thought those two little guys on your avatar were your children and judging by how gorgeous they are, I assumed you must look like a Barbie doll! ;)

But anyways, I don't think it's really that scary to share a simple photo because people see us all the time when we're out shopping or working or even driving. Most people we come into contact with know what we look like already. I also don't think it's dangerous to share a simple picture.

But I do agree with you that we shouldn't share our real names. That can be dangerous and scary. But then again, after a year of talking, I don't think it would be that bad either to share your real name.

Think of it this way, he didn't believe you and you didn't trust him with your real name or a photo of what you look like now. So maybe the relationship wasn't very strong to begin with? Maybe you needed more time to get to know this man? Either way if he left just because of a photo then he isn't worth it. He could have at least been understanding or willing to listen to you.

God bless you Kaycie!
 
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D

Donkeyfish07

Guest
#4
#4
It would have been better to just tell him you werent comfortable sharing. I have several friends on here i have known for over two years and I still dont know what they look like. I probably would be leery talking to them any further myself if they sent me an obviously digitally altered photo. It would appear really suspicious to me, considering I have been talking to them for so long. Not that I care what anyone looks like, but more like.....ok, we have been friends for years and you gotta send something deceptive you did a hatchet job on in photo shop? That would make me feel like the friendship i have built with them is not really considered valuable enough for them to take seriously.

On the other hand, if I asked someone for a picture just to see what they looked like and said "Im not really comfortable sharing anything over the internet with anybody", that would be cool with me. Its understandable. I think you just need to message whoever it is and come clean, seems like the right thing to do.
 
K

Kaycie

Guest
#5
#5
Grace-Like-Rain said:
Well, honestly... if he asked to see a picture of you and you weren't comfortable sharing, I think it would have been best to just decline. Giving him an older picture of you with your hair altered digitally is a little bit deceiving if you really think about it, unless you told him at the time that you'd done those things. I understand why you did it, but I can kind of see him being a bit suspicious, you know?
Click to expand...
I did tell him that before I showed him the picture.
 
K

Kaycie

Guest
#6
#6
MollyConnor said:
Hey Kaycie!

I always thought those two little guys on your avatar were your children and judging by how gorgeous they are, I assumed you must look like a Barbie doll! ;)

But anyways, I don't think it's really that scary to share a simple photo because people see us all the time when we're out shopping or working or even driving. Most people we come into contact with know what we look like already. I also don't think it's dangerous to share a simple picture.

But I do agree with you that we shouldn't share our real names. That can be dangerous and scary. But then again, after a year of talking, I don't think it would be that bad either to share your real name.

Think of it this way, he didn't believe you and you didn't trust him with your real name or a photo of what you look like now. So maybe the relationship wasn't very strong to begin with? Maybe you needed more time to get to know this man? Either way if he left just because of a photo then he isn't worth it. He could have at least been understanding or willing to listen to you.

God bless you Kaycie!
Click to expand...

Again, I wasn't trying to date him.
 
K

Kaycie

Guest
#7
#7
Thank you all for your comments. I decided to change my picture, I'm curious if people will treat me different knowing what I look like.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#8
#8
I think Molly made a good point. You didn't trust this guy to tell him your name or show a recent pic of yourself, but get offended when he is suspicious of you. Maybe you're getting a taste of what you give to others.
A number of people on this site have had their first names starred in chat and forums. Some have had their last name as well. We're all still alive. Using some caution online is wise and reasonable. But being paranoid takes away from being online.
You go past complete strangers every day. Any one of them could target you for a scam. Become stalkers. Or any number of things.
Way I see it is if you don't want to put your info out for everyone that's reasonable. But if you aren't willing to give people any true aspect of you ever. Even after a year, then why bother getting to know anyone well? Why spend a year hiding away from a 'friend'? Because, really, to me, you haven't really been a friend to this person if you have so little faith and trust in them after that long of time.
Otherwise you may as well keep it in the forums/chats and not have any real direct contact with anyone online.

Over the years I have met... Maybe 15 people, in person, I met online. Have Skyped or called more than that. More than that have known what I look like. I was once engaged to someone I met online. I moved across the country to be with someone I met online. I am currently visiting another state to spend time with my girlfriend, that I met online.
Just something to think about.
 
K

Kaycie

Guest
#9
#9
Ugly said:
I think Molly made a good point. You didn't trust this guy to tell him your name or show a recent pic of yourself, but get offended when he is suspicious of you. Maybe you're getting a taste of what you give to others.
A number of people on this site have had their first names starred in chat and forums. Some have had their last name as well. We're all still alive. Using some caution online is wise and reasonable. But being paranoid takes away from being online.
You go past complete strangers every day. Any one of them could target you for a scam. Become stalkers. Or any number of things.
Way I see it is if you don't want to put your info out for everyone that's reasonable. But if you aren't willing to give people any true aspect of you ever. Even after a year, then why bother getting to know anyone well? Why spend a year hiding away from a 'friend'? Because, really, to me, you haven't really been a friend to this person if you have so little faith and trust in them after that long of time.
Otherwise you may as well keep it in the forums/chats and not have any real direct contact with anyone online.

Over the years I have met... Maybe 15 people, in person, I met online. Have Skyped or called more than that. More than that have known what I look like. I was once engaged to someone I met online. I moved across the country to be with someone I met online. I am currently visiting another state to spend time with my girlfriend, that I met online.
Just something to think about.
Click to expand...
Maybe you're right, maybe I am too paranoid.
 
J

jennymae

Guest
#10
#10
I dont know the correct answer here. Me, I've been careful sharing my name, but that is mainly because I've always been a little ashamed of my name, and I've been asking my folks multiple times why wold they give me that name lol;). I'm cool with it now, but I'm not fixing to be using it on cc anytime soon lol.
 
K

Kaycie

Guest
#11
#11
jennymae said:
I dont know the correct answer here. Me, I've been careful sharing my name, but that is mainly because I've always been a little ashamed of my name, and I've been asking my folks multiple times why wold they give me that name lol;). I'm cool with it now, but I'm not fixing to be using it on cc anytime soon lol.
Click to expand...
Yeah, I want to reveal the real me without revealing a dangerous amount about me.
 
levi85

levi85

Senior Member
#12
Jul 2, 2013
8,578
2,180
113
#12
Kaycie, how do you feel when you ask someone with a one year friendship and he gives you a pic of different types and different year. I know he may be wrong or right.
 
Utah

Utah

Banned
#13
Dec 1, 2014
9,701
251
0
#13
Donkeyfish07 said:
It would have been better to just tell him you werent comfortable sharing. I have several friends on here i have known for over two years and I still dont know what they look like. I probably would be leery talking to them any further myself if they sent me an obviously digitally altered photo. It would appear really suspicious to me, considering I have been talking to them for so long. Not that I care what anyone looks like, but more like.....ok, we have been friends for years and you gotta send something deceptive you did a hatchet job on in photo shop? That would make me feel like the friendship i have built with them is not really considered valuable enough for them to take seriously.

On the other hand, if I asked someone for a picture just to see what they looked like and said "Im not really comfortable sharing anything over the internet with anybody", that would be cool with me. Its understandable. I think you just need to message whoever it is and come clean, seems like the right thing to do.
Click to expand...
I concur with Donkey on everything, especially the highlighted part. With over 300 million peeps in the USA, its pretty safe to say there's no worries sharing your picture, but it cannot be stressed enough that you should not do it unless your completely comfortable and at peace. Your friend should respect your feelings. Besides, the longer the wait, the sweeter the reward. :)

December 1st will be one year that I joined CC. I was thinking about changing my avatar on that day from Tigger to a picture of me, but I don't want to scare everyone. :)
 
MaranathaSoonQuick

MaranathaSoonQuick

Senior Member
#14
May 18, 2010
931
15
18
#14
Don't worry about any of that, you don't need a picture to communicate. Now days they can google it, so its best to refrain from leaking privacy out to be traced. Unless your like me and are fearless or is it careless. Anyways which ever makes you worry free is what secures you.
 
G

GaryA

Guest
#15
#15
I have to agree with Grace and Donkeyfish. It is far better to say "no, I'm sorry, I don't feel comfortable with that yet" than to do anything deceptive...
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#16
Mar 13, 2014
41,324
16,307
113
69
Tennessee
#16
Kaycie said:
Ok so I was chatting with a guy on here for almost a year, just as friends, I'm not looking to date online, and he wanted to see what I looked like. Well I am all about online safety, that's why I don't use my real name. My initials are KC, so I call myself Kaycie. Well I thought if I put a younger picture of me, he can kinda get a sense of what I look like without knowing what I look like now. But when I showed him my picture he didn't believe that was really me (once upon a time) and he quit talking to me.

I told him I used to be pretty long before he asked to see my photo. And that it is not my real hair- that I tried on different hairstyles at hair mixer dot com, again trying not to completely give away what I look like. But the truth is it really is me in the photo. I'm flattered that he thought I was too pretty, but more so insulted that he didn't believe me. I have no reason to lie to him, but since he thought I did, does he also question my Christianity after knowing me for almost a year? I didn't want to put my picture up because I wanted people to react to my soul, not my outward appearance. But maybe I should let the real me be seen.

Any thoughts?
Click to expand...
Perhaps he quit talking to you because you didn't trust him enough after one year with even showing him a picture of what your true physical appearance is since you didn't provide a current photo.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#17
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#17
Many of us have met face-to-face IRL. What's the big deal?
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#18
Aug 13, 2014
24,949
8,186
113
#18
Reminds me of once when I was talking to a nice lady in chat, been talking to her for a year and a half or so, and I sent her my picture. (This was back in the days of yahoo chat.) I didn't know at the time but she had made her father a promise she would never send her pic to any strangers online. I asked what she looked like and she declined to send me a picture of her.

What got my attention though (and amused me) was that her next line was "I never asked you to send me your picture." It amused me because it was apparent people had sent her their pics, asked for hers and then said, "But I sent you MY pic" so often that she said "I never asked you to send me your picture" automatically. :rolleyes:
 
G

GaryA

Guest
#19
#19
It is natural to be curious about what someone we have been talking to looks like. It allows us to "better identify" with the person in our own mind. And, there is certainly nothing wrong with that.

I am naturally curious about what several people on CC look like. However, it is not so 'critical' to the relationship that I would pressure them for a photograph -- "above all" - I want them to feel comfortable with me. So - ask - yes, possibly -- pressure - no.

Knowing what people look like, what they sound like, etc. -- does help "formulate" the relationship with them. As long as you feel you can trust an individual ( where safety is concerned ), showing them a photograph, letting them hear your voice, etc. - can be a very good thing.

Yes, we should all take reasonable care in safeguarding ourselves and others in this crazy world; but, always keep it "in check" with honesty - about yourself -- for as much as you are willing to share...

Because, 'deception' will destroy a relationship "in nothing flat"...

:)
 
J

JeniBean

Guest
#20
#20
Ok, well I do not think you're paranoid! I do not show my real picture, nor would I. In an instant you can take someones picture and google search images and BAM no everything about that person. I LOVE my privacy, so I do not share full details or my pictures on line. Just my thoughts!
 
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