The false teaching that a woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man........

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pete13

Guest
#1
#1
[FONT=&quot]A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her. When I first heard of this saying I was surprised because I know that the bible will never say such a thing. I searched the bible for it but it was not there and I later discovered that this saying is man made and not of God. This false teaching is probably responsible for the prevention of Christian marriages in the world today. What this false teaching does is to make Christian women not to make an effort on their own path to find Christian husbands instead they will keep waiting for Christian men to find them, after all a woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her. As a Christian man I find this saying kind of sexist. Why only a woman’s heart should be so hidden in God? So a man’s heart should not be so hidden in God that a woman has to seek God just to find him? Whoever began this saying was wrong, whether it’s Maya Angelou or Max Lucado. If they really wanted to advise Christian women on finding Christian husbands what they should have said is this……..in the world today it could be hard to find a true Christian husband therefore a Christian woman should be mature at an early age (ideally in her early twenties), and she should come out intelligently at this early age to make an effort on her own path to find a Christian husband.[/FONT]
 
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coby

Guest
#2
#2
I think it's a good one, but indeed also the other way around. Then God can tell you both that the other one is the person He has for you. And if He tells a man to take a step he can do it, because she won't reject him and if He tells a woman to take a step like Ruth did she can do it. Lol you must be very certain if it's God telling you if you go lay on someone's bed.
 
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coby

Guest
#3
#3
What if she's not intelligent and has no clue or is naive? Better rely on God.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#4
#4
I remember speaking against this on here about 2 years ago. But not so much for the sexist aspect of it.

But your belief that women should mature in their early 20s is a bit silly. Maturity can't be forced or given a time frame.
And if you think only women need to mature at an early age, to find a man, then you are now being sexist in stating what women should be, but not men. So now you are guilty of your own accusation against others.

And early 20's is not really 'ideal'. A more ideal time frame for people, men or women, to get married would be more in the late 20's early 30's. That way they have had a chance to mature in a normal time frame, not a made up, high speed, pressured time frame like what you present.
Also this later age gives the individual time to discover themselves apart from their family identity. Making who they are as a person more solidified when they enter marriage. This way they don't lose their identity in marriage, or create it within marriage. It's a healthier mentality and can lead to a better marriage when two people are aware of who they are, and who they are not, rather than trying to figure that out under a specific set of conditions where another person influences the decision.
Another advantage is establishing yourself financially. Since the number one issue in marriages breaking up is finances, getting married in your early 20's, barely out of HS or college, about to create large debt, or having just finished creating it, then trying to pay for a ring, wedding, new place to live, new car and all the other costs involved in getting married, it's not ideal and sets up a potential for the marriage to be riddled with financial problems.

It's not an entirely sexist statement either. Considering that traditionally the man is the one that seeks out the woman, then it could make sense. If the man is seeking her, then she should be in one place to be found. Though, i do agree that this places women in the position of 'just sit around and wait and he'll show up on your doorstep', which Some Christian women do believe.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#5
#5
And if you think about the idea. The statement is saying that a man needs to have his heart so close to God, that he will find her. Because they will both be in the same place. So, actually, it IS saying, in a roundabout way, that the man's heart should be in God. But, again, since the traditional role is the man is the one to seek out the woman, he should have to seek God to find her, not the other way around.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#6
Aug 13, 2014
27,362
9,376
113
#6
I'm reminded of a letter someone wrote to a television station. "Would you please stop Mr. Cronkite from saying 'That's the way it is' at the end of his news broadcast? He doesn't know how it is. He just thinks he knows."

Next we will take on the heresy of "Look before you leap" versus "Nothing ventured, nothing gained" and "He who hesitates is lost."
 
H

Hellooo

Guest
#7
#7
I kind of roll my eyes when I come across this expression.
I mean, I understand the underlying sentiment.
But it's so corny.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#9
Aug 2, 2009
24,646
4,305
113
#9
coby said:
I think it's a good one, but indeed also the other way around. Then God can tell you both that the other one is the person He has for you. And if He tells a man to take a step he can do it, because she won't reject him and if He tells a woman to take a step like Ruth did she can do it. Lol you must be very certain if it's God telling you if you go lay on someone's bed.
Click to expand...
How does God tell people this?
 
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coby

Guest
#10
#10
zeroturbulence said:
How does God tell people this?
Click to expand...
With a dream or He just says it. But that's always with pastors and such. The dreams I got were always from the devil or my own wishful thinking LOL.
 
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lilbittie

Guest
#11
#11
"Imagine a man so focus on God that the only reason he looked up is because he heard God say that's her". This is a false teaching also. I feel like both of these memes are have there good points and bad points. It's just the way you want to perceive it.
 
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pete13

Guest
#12
#12
Ugly said:
I remember speaking against this on here about 2 years ago. But not so much for the sexist aspect of it.

But your belief that women should mature in their early 20s is a bit silly. Maturity can't be forced or given a time frame.
And if you think only women need to mature at an early age, to find a man, then you are now being sexist in stating what women should be, but not men. So now you are guilty of your own accusation against others.

And early 20's is not really 'ideal'. A more ideal time frame for people, men or women, to get married would be more in the late 20's early 30's. That way they have had a chance to mature in a normal time frame, not a made up, high speed, pressured time frame like what you present.
Also this later age gives the individual time to discover themselves apart from their family identity. Making who they are as a person more solidified when they enter marriage. This way they don't lose their identity in marriage, or create it within marriage. It's a healthier mentality and can lead to a better marriage when two people are aware of who they are, and who they are not, rather than trying to figure that out under a specific set of conditions where another person influences the decision.
Another advantage is establishing yourself financially. Since the number one issue in marriages breaking up is finances, getting married in your early 20's, barely out of HS or college, about to create large debt, or having just finished creating it, then trying to pay for a ring, wedding, new place to live, new car and all the other costs involved in getting married, it's not ideal and sets up a potential for the marriage to be riddled with financial problems.

It's not an entirely sexist statement either. Considering that traditionally the man is the one that seeks out the woman, then it could make sense. If the man is seeking her, then she should be in one place to be found. Though, i do agree that this places women in the position of 'just sit around and wait and he'll show up on your doorstep', which Some Christian women do believe.
Click to expand...
Hi there. I didn’t imply that a woman must get married in her early twenties, what I said was that she should be mature in her early twenties. By mature I mean she should not be shy; she should realize that her marital faith is in her own hands instead of wrongly believing that she still has enough time to find a Christian husband as she is still young. Some young women nowadays want to party in their early twenties and settle down in their late twenties or early thirties. But this is immature and wrong for a Christian woman to do because what if your special man approaches you in your early twenties and you do not have the maturity to know that he is your special man and you reject him because you believe you still have time to a husband? You should note that true Christian partners don’t come around every ten minutes. If you miss your special man in your early twenties, who knows, it could take years to find another special man. What some women do nowadays is not to make an effort to on their own path to find a Christian husband in their early twenties wrongly believing that a woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her. But when they keep waiting till their early thirties and yet no true Christian husband shows up then they come out to make an effort but by then it is already late although they may still find a Christian husband at this age. It is not until their early thirties that they get this maturity to realize that there is no big deal in a woman making an effort to find a Christian husband. But by then, some people say that they have passed their prime. Some people say that a woman’s prime age to find a husband is between 21 and 29. In the years between 21 and 29 the woman will be chased after by multitudes of men and she will have lots of suitors and a woman should be mature in these years and she should have the intelligence to discover her special man from the multitudes of suitors. But once a woman starts reaching her early thirties the table will switch, as it is the woman that will now be chasing after the man. The earlier a woman starts to make an effort to find a husband the better it is for her, if she starts in her early twenties then may be she will find that special man by her late twenties. But if she starts late then her chances may be reduced.
You said that a woman should get married in her early twenties as she will have had a chance to mature in a normal time frame. This type of advice you gave that a woman should get married in her early twenties as she will have had a chance to mature in a normal time frame is the type of advice a secular TV marriage-talk show host will give to a non Christian woman. Of course a non Christian woman has no need to make an effort in her early twenties, she can afford to party in her early twenties until she has had a chance to mature in a normal time frame. A non Christian woman does not seek a Christian man therefore she can afford to wait till her late thirties as there are billions of single men available for her in her late twenties, early thirties and beyond. But a Christian woman seeks a Christian man and the truth is that true Christian partners are not as many as non Christians partners, just because you see thousands of people in a church does not mean that all those thousands of people in the church are true Christians. Based on my experience may be one tenth of those people in the church are true Christians and that is if you are lucky. Therefore as a Christian and not as a secular TV marriage-talk show host I will advise that you start your search early. The earlier you start the better. I understand what you mean by saying that traditionally the man is the one that seeks out the woman, then it could make sense. If the man is seeking her, then she should be in one place to be found. But that tradition is plainly textbook and it may not be realistic, in reality a Christian woman or man has to search, hustle and fight to find a true Christian partner. You have to be brave, mature and intelligent at an early age. But again, it’s your choice, you can just sit and wait to be found by the man, I am only advising you not to do so.
 
SpySat1

SpySat1

Senior Member
#13
Sep 19, 2009
250
1
18
#13
coby said:
What if she's not intelligent and has no clue or is naive? Better rely on God.
Click to expand...
What man wants to be with a woman who is not intelligent, clueless or naive? :cool:
 
SpySat1

SpySat1

Senior Member
#14
Sep 19, 2009
250
1
18
#14
Ruth 3:8 & 9

8 And it came to pass at midnight, that the man was afraid, and turned himself: and, behold, a woman lay at his feet.


9 And he said, Who art thou? And she answered, I am Ruth thine handmaid: spread therefore thy skirt over thine handmaid; for thou art a near kinsman.


;)
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#15
Aug 2, 2009
24,646
4,305
113
#15
My heart is so hidden in hamburger grease that a woman has to eat fifty In-n-Out double-doubles to find me..... :rolleyes:
 
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coby

Guest
#18
#18
SpySat1 said:
What man wants to be with a woman who is not intelligent, clueless or naive? :cool:
Click to expand...
My ex. I still think it's cute. Noone wanted me. Everyone wants this perfect drama free person.
Lol I know one other guy but he's not saved.
 
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sharkwhales

Senior Member
#19
Jan 31, 2016
280
25
28
#19
to the original post, I don't know that anyone really builds a whole teaching around this saying. but in any case, I think it's a truism, as in something that sounds good and is sometimes true, but not always.

What's true about it is that having God as a priority in our hearts is good for our other relationships. Especially since there's so much brokenness and woundedness in how people relate to eachother and their search for romance is often driven by this brokenness. So if they hide their hearts in God they can be healed instead of being opened up to more brokenness by doing it their own way.

People could take this saying too religiously and hide out of fear of relationships. But some do the opposite. And I don't think it's sexist since men and women really are different on some level -- not different in our spiritual power or our value to God, but from the physical to the soul level at least, we express God's character in different ways. But there are exceptions. I think we all need to hide our hearts in God to some extent. for example King David spent a lot of time hidden in God, before he was discovered, and while he was hunted, and probably always had to be that way just to keep it together.
 
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jeremyPJ

Guest
#20
#20
I understand the message implied in that saying. Basically if a man is not Christ-centered, he will only disappoint his Christian wife. I've experienced the exact opposite and can tell you it has its merit!!

Something akin to the saying that the two who become one shall be equally yoked. (Meaning living in the Word, together.)
 
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