Hey Everyone,
At first glance, this post is going to seem unusually long, but please bear with me. I wanted to include a video clip but because of a bad word, I'm going to type out the dialogue instead.
Singles who hope to find someone are always told to "put themselves out there" and let others know they're available--especially when those other people might be potential dates. But as some of the recent posts have mentioned, it seems like it's all too easy to cross the line, and instead of communicating that we are "available", people might mistake us as being more like Chip from the movie, "The Cable Guy."
"The Cable Guy" is about an everyday guy named Steven (played by Matthew Broderick) whose cable guy, Chip (Jim Carrey), desperately tries to claim him as a best friend.
In one scene, Steven comes home at the end of the day to about 12 messages (all from Chip) that go something like this:
(This movie is from 1996, so it has some older references.)
* "Hey Steven, it's Chip. I'm home... Gimme a call."
* "Hi Steven, I'm at a pay phone, if you're there, pick up pick up pick up... Ok, well, I'll be home later."
* "Hey, it's Chip, I'm home now... Give me a buzz, ok? Talk to you later!"
* "Hey Steven, I was in the bathroom, thought you might've called... Later!"
* "You and I are having quite a little game of phone tag here!! You're it... Call me!"
* "Hi Steven, I was just blow drying my hair... Thought I heard the phone ring... Gimme a call!"
* "Hey Steven, are you sure your answering machine is working? You still haven't called me back yet..."
At first glance, the average person would probably want to file a restraining order against Chip. But later in the movie, you start to feel sorry for him because it's explained that Chip was a lonely only child with an active imagination who was always by himself. He apparently had no father present and his mother was always going out. In a flashback scene with Chip as a young boy, his mother prepared to go out for a night of partying by plopping Chip in front of the TV with a bowl of snacks.
Chip pleads with his mom, "When are you going to get me a brother? You promised you'd get me a brother..."
And his mother says, "Well honey, that's why I'm going to the bar."
Many people in this world are desperately lonely and would do anything to find someone to spend time with, whether a friend or a spouse. But how can single, available people present themselves as "looking" without coming across as creepy or even dangerous?
Here are some questions to help clarify the discussion:
* How would one present themselves as available in the "right way"?
* What makes a person sound "desperate" or "creepy"?
* Why is desperation such a turn-off?
* What's the difference between "letting people know I'm available" vs. "I am desperate and might possibly stalk you"?
In my own life, I've learned to draw the line when a person I'm just getting to know starts to demand, rather than request, my time, or becomes angry when I can't answer them right away or spend as much time with them as they might like. When they start acting as if I owe them parts of my life and I don't even know them very well, I know it's time to make an exit.
What limits do you have?
At first glance, this post is going to seem unusually long, but please bear with me. I wanted to include a video clip but because of a bad word, I'm going to type out the dialogue instead.
Singles who hope to find someone are always told to "put themselves out there" and let others know they're available--especially when those other people might be potential dates. But as some of the recent posts have mentioned, it seems like it's all too easy to cross the line, and instead of communicating that we are "available", people might mistake us as being more like Chip from the movie, "The Cable Guy."
"The Cable Guy" is about an everyday guy named Steven (played by Matthew Broderick) whose cable guy, Chip (Jim Carrey), desperately tries to claim him as a best friend.
In one scene, Steven comes home at the end of the day to about 12 messages (all from Chip) that go something like this:
(This movie is from 1996, so it has some older references.)
* "Hey Steven, it's Chip. I'm home... Gimme a call."
* "Hi Steven, I'm at a pay phone, if you're there, pick up pick up pick up... Ok, well, I'll be home later."
* "Hey, it's Chip, I'm home now... Give me a buzz, ok? Talk to you later!"
* "Hey Steven, I was in the bathroom, thought you might've called... Later!"
* "You and I are having quite a little game of phone tag here!! You're it... Call me!"
* "Hi Steven, I was just blow drying my hair... Thought I heard the phone ring... Gimme a call!"
* "Hey Steven, are you sure your answering machine is working? You still haven't called me back yet..."
At first glance, the average person would probably want to file a restraining order against Chip. But later in the movie, you start to feel sorry for him because it's explained that Chip was a lonely only child with an active imagination who was always by himself. He apparently had no father present and his mother was always going out. In a flashback scene with Chip as a young boy, his mother prepared to go out for a night of partying by plopping Chip in front of the TV with a bowl of snacks.
Chip pleads with his mom, "When are you going to get me a brother? You promised you'd get me a brother..."
And his mother says, "Well honey, that's why I'm going to the bar."
Many people in this world are desperately lonely and would do anything to find someone to spend time with, whether a friend or a spouse. But how can single, available people present themselves as "looking" without coming across as creepy or even dangerous?
Here are some questions to help clarify the discussion:
* How would one present themselves as available in the "right way"?
* What makes a person sound "desperate" or "creepy"?
* Why is desperation such a turn-off?
* What's the difference between "letting people know I'm available" vs. "I am desperate and might possibly stalk you"?
In my own life, I've learned to draw the line when a person I'm just getting to know starts to demand, rather than request, my time, or becomes angry when I can't answer them right away or spend as much time with them as they might like. When they start acting as if I owe them parts of my life and I don't even know them very well, I know it's time to make an exit.
What limits do you have?
I greatly appreciate it!!!
