About your past

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Spiritualpixie

Spiritualpixie

Banned
#1
Oct 3, 2016
304
5
0
#1
I feel lead by God to write this, so please pray and join me.

I found a thread about should you tell your future spouse about your past sexual partners.
I was shocked to see that many wouldn't.
This goes against the Bible, because God, is an Honest God. He has never, will never lie about anything. We all know who the father of lies is, right?
It's ok for self preservation reasons to not disclose intimate details about your past with strangers or people you don't trust, but it isn't ok to be like that with your romantic partner.
Your future spouse, if they truly love Christ and you , will never judge your past, will never use your past to hurt you.
If they reject you because of your past, and this is very hurtful to the one who is rejected, it is THEIR shame to bare.
Christ forgave you, and anyone who judges you for your past is not a person who walks with Christ.
I am a brutally honest person, I have nothing to hide, and neither do I cower in shame because of the things I did before I gave my entire being to Him.
I have a new Life in Him and frankly speaking, do you really want to get yourself involved with someone who cannot forgive you but judges you for your past?
I know I don't.

Peace ❤
 
Spiritualpixie

Spiritualpixie

Banned
#2
Oct 3, 2016
304
5
0
#2
Matthew 6:14-15

14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
1 John 1:9


9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
 
Spiritualpixie

Spiritualpixie

Banned
#3
Oct 3, 2016
304
5
0
#3
2 Corinthians 5:17

17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! ❤
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#4
Aug 13, 2014
27,283
9,332
113
#4
I would tell everything. There's... nothing to tell.

Yup, that's right. In another year and a half I'll be the star of the new hit sequel, "The 40 Year Old Virgin 2."
 
Spiritualpixie

Spiritualpixie

Banned
#5
Oct 3, 2016
304
5
0
#5
Lynx said:
I would tell everything. There's... nothing to tell.

Yup, that's right. In another year and a half I'll be the star of the new hit sequel, "The 40 Year Old Virgin 2."
Click to expand...
I think you would also not judge your future spouse if he told you everything too. My question is, do you want him to have a similar or same past as yours?

I think I would want to be with someone who has a history similar to mine, because I feel we would understand each other better.
I'm not saying I wouldn't date a virgin, but neither do I want to be his teacher about things in the bedroom department either. Does that make sense?
And congratulations for staying a virgin, it's a rarity nowadays. Unfortunately, I and many others too, never had a choice.
 
Demi777

Demi777

Senior Member
#6
Oct 13, 2014
6,889
1,958
113
Germany
#6
What is forgiven, is also forgotten. Why should we bring all the evil and sin back to life in the first place. It ends up starting a relationship with hurt feelings.
Id rather start a relationship not knowing about 250 woman hes slept with. Id rather start on a new life,new season and new chapter than to keep indirectly let the past become now again. We see often that it ends up that past you talked about, are the arrows if the relationship breaks.
We should live in the now, not in the past..
Thats just my opinion
 
A

Adstar

Senior Member
#7
Jul 24, 2016
7,581
3,616
113
#7
Spiritualpixie said:
I feel lead by God to write this, so please pray and join me.

I found a thread about should you tell your future spouse about your past sexual partners.
I was shocked to see that many wouldn't.
This goes against the Bible, because God, is an Honest God. He has never, will never lie about anything. We all know who the father of lies is, right?
It's ok for self preservation reasons to not disclose intimate details about your past with strangers or people you don't trust, but it isn't ok to be like that with your romantic partner.
Your future spouse, if they truly love Christ and you , will never judge your past, will never use your past to hurt you.
If they reject you because of your past, and this is very hurtful to the one who is rejected, it is THEIR shame to bare.
Christ forgave you, and anyone who judges you for your past is not a person who walks with Christ.
I am a brutally honest person, I have nothing to hide, and neither do I cower in shame because of the things I did before I gave my entire being to Him.
I have a new Life in Him and frankly speaking, do you really want to get yourself involved with someone who cannot forgive you but judges you for your past?
I know I don't.

Peace ❤
Click to expand...
I would never ask my future wife about her past relationships. I believe this would be the wise way to go about things.. And likewise it would be wise for a woman not to ask their future husband about his past relationships.. If it does not matter to one then it should not be made a topic of discussion..
 
P

PinkDiamond

Guest
#8
#8
Demi777 said:
What is forgiven, is also forgotten. Why should we bring all the evil and sin back to life in the first place. It ends up starting a relationship with hurt feelings.
Id rather start a relationship not knowing about 250 woman hes slept with. Id rather start on a new life,new season and new chapter than to keep indirectly let the past become now again. We see often that it ends up that past you talked about, are the arrows if the relationship breaks.
We should live in the now, not in the past..
Thats just my opinion
Click to expand...
I agree. Sharing too many details is not healthy. That opens the door for your spouse to have destructive thoughts. Personally, I am not interested in knowing details about previous girlfriends, etc. I think you should be honest and upfront about things that still impact your life currently. Certain choices we make do have long term consequences. I agree that a potential spouse has a right to know those type of things.
Maybe this has a lot to do with personality types and how we approach things.
 
Demi777

Demi777

Senior Member
#9
Oct 13, 2014
6,889
1,958
113
Germany
#9
PinkDiamond said:
I agree. Sharing too many details is not healthy. That opens the door for your spouse to have destructive thoughts. Personally, I am not interested in knowing details about previous girlfriends, etc. I think you should be honest and upfront about things that still impact your life currently. Certain choices we make do have long term consequences. I agree that a potential spouse has a right to know those type of things.
Maybe this has a lot to do with personality types and how we approach things.
Click to expand...
Well Im honestly not interested in most things either unless he would have a STD or something else I gotta watch out for (sickess or so)
 
Jimbone

Jimbone

Senior Member
#10
Aug 22, 2014
2,971
972
113
44
#10
Spiritualpixie said:
I feel lead by God to write this, so please pray and join me.

I found a thread about should you tell your future spouse about your past sexual partners.
I was shocked to see that many wouldn't.
This goes against the Bible, because God, is an Honest God. He has never, will never lie about anything. We all know who the father of lies is, right?
It's ok for self preservation reasons to not disclose intimate details about your past with strangers or people you don't trust, but it isn't ok to be like that with your romantic partner.
Your future spouse, if they truly love Christ and you , will never judge your past, will never use your past to hurt you.
If they reject you because of your past, and this is very hurtful to the one who is rejected, it is THEIR shame to bare.
Christ forgave you, and anyone who judges you for your past is not a person who walks with Christ.
I am a brutally honest person, I have nothing to hide, and neither do I cower in shame because of the things I did before I gave my entire being to Him.
I have a new Life in Him and frankly speaking, do you really want to get yourself involved with someone who cannot forgive you but judges you for your past?
I know I don't.

Peace ❤
Click to expand...
I have been with my wife since high school. We were together about 9 years before we got married. In that 9 years as a wild, drug dealing, fighting, irresponsible, loony toon I made some bad choices and did cheat on a few occasions. I HAD to come clean before we got married. I didn't because of God, or because I was Christian, I wasn't then, I just thought it was only fair that she know exactly who she was marrying, I didn't want to get married with anything that could come back to haunt me and hurt her. That was a hard day I tell you, but I think we should be honest, but see no need to break out the "list of past partners" if they are not asking about it. I don't think it's important to tell them that, if they ask then be honest about it never hide anything, but if they don't care or ask then leave it in the past.
 
BruceWayne

BruceWayne

Senior Member
#11
Aug 7, 2013
3,694
357
83
Gotham City
#11
I prefer not to discuss past relationships, as it has nothing to do with the current relationship. If she asks, I'll tell her, but I don't ask about that stuff. I think that some things are just better left unknown. If you discuss everything, one person may not like the answer or it could get in their head, and that's not really beneficial for either of you.
 
EmilyNats

EmilyNats

Senior Member
#12
Jul 28, 2016
1,374
205
63
#12
While I do understand forgiving, I also don't like surprises and think that it's good when a person knows what their significant other has struggled with in the past (and very well may still struggle with). But that would only apply if I were planning to marry the person.
 
Spiritualpixie

Spiritualpixie

Banned
#13
Oct 3, 2016
304
5
0
#13
Jimbone said:
I have been with my wife since high school. We were together about 9 years before we got married. In that 9 years as a wild, drug dealing, fighting, irresponsible, loony toon I made some bad choices and did cheat on a few occasions. I HAD to come clean before we got married. I didn't because of God, or because I was Christian, I wasn't then, I just thought it was only fair that she know exactly who she was marrying, I didn't want to get married with anything that could come back to haunt me and hurt her. That was a hard day I tell you, but I think we should be honest, but see no need to break out the "list of past partners" if they are not asking about it. I don't think it's important to tell them that, if they ask then be honest about it never hide anything, but if they don't care or ask then leave it in the past.
Click to expand...
Yes, excellent post, thank you :)
 
Spiritualpixie

Spiritualpixie

Banned
#14
Oct 3, 2016
304
5
0
#14
EmilyNats said:
While I do understand forgiving, I also don't like surprises and think that it's good when a person knows what their significant other has struggled with in the past (and very well may still struggle with). But that would only apply if I were planning to marry the person.
Click to expand...
Exactly. Thanks.
 
Spiritualpixie

Spiritualpixie

Banned
#15
Oct 3, 2016
304
5
0
#15
Just wanted to add, becoming best friends with your spouse is a must. Best friends trust each other, encourage each other, correct each other. And yes, honesty......For example Let's say, I met a guy but he 'forgot' to mention that he's got an extra child in another country. I marry this guy. The child's mom dies. Dad gets custody. Now where would that leave me?
I of course would welcome the child and love him/her like my own child, but I would be deeply hurt by my husbands failure to tell me the truth. I would lose my trust in him. I would of course would eventually forgive him for it, but it would damage the unconditional trust I had in him. I never want to be put in that kind of a position. Silly example maybe but I've read stories where it's actually happened.
 
H

HisHolly

Guest
#16
#16
I don't think the past is relevant unless you still need to work thru trauma or issues. The other should know what you need so they can adjust, help.. details? No.. I'm a new person, i had a different mindset before Christ.. I learned from experience. When someone sees your new being in Christ, knowing too much can unfortunately alter how they see you.. others may have an ideal they've had for years. If you bust the bubble, not everyone will stay.. it's not lying, it's irrelevant imo.. be happy and let sleeping dogs sleep. I'm not interested in letting the enemy take anything else from me by using my past against me..
 
Spiritualpixie

Spiritualpixie

Banned
#17
Oct 3, 2016
304
5
0
#17
HisHolly said:
I don't think the past is relevant unless you still need to work thru trauma or issues. The other should know what you need so they can adjust, help.. details? No.. I'm a new person, i had a different mindset before Christ.. I learned from experience. When someone sees your new being in Christ, knowing too much can unfortunately alter how they see you.. others may have an ideal they've had for years. If you bust the bubble, not everyone will stay.. it's not lying, it's irrelevant imo.. be happy and let sleeping dogs sleep. I'm not interested in letting the enemy take anything else from me by using my past against me..
Click to expand...
Well said, especially i am a NEW being in Christ and that is what matters the most imho (^^,)
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#18
Aug 12, 2011
10,464
2,692
113
#18
my fiance and i have talked about the past. neither one asked the other to share. it just happened as got more comfortable with each other. we talked about past relationships, but we focus it more as lessons we learned, and how God helped us through those times.
 
H

HisHolly

Guest
#19
#19
melita916 said:
my fiance and i have talked about the past. neither one asked the other to share. it just happened as got more comfortable with each other. we talked about past relationships, but we focus it more as lessons we learned, and how God helped us through those times.
Click to expand...
I tried that a few times but lost every one.. When I say I was a stripper and did it all, it shatters the wife material ideal.. .. I'm happy for those who have the opportunity to to be so transparent.. They're living the dream
 
Spiritualpixie

Spiritualpixie

Banned
#20
Oct 3, 2016
304
5
0
#20
melita916 said:
my fiance and i have talked about the past. neither one asked the other to share. it just happened as got more comfortable with each other. we talked about past relationships, but we focus it more as lessons we learned, and how God helped us through those times.
Click to expand...
THIS is what I'm talking about.

Perfect example of how it should be. Excellent post, thank you ❤
 
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