About your past

[Yeraza_Bats]

I tried that a few times but lost every one.. When I say I was a stripper and did it all, it shatters the wife material ideal.. .. I'm happy for those who have the opportunity to to be so transparent.. They're living the dream

I wouldnt have a problem being with someone who has a past of sexual immorality, I am not innocent either. If those people really did leave you just for that, then they werent worth being with in the first place.

And I would be honest, Id tell my potential partner that Im not a virgin, and that Ive been with people before, and about the kind of person I used to be before coming to Christ, but thats as far as Id probly go unless asked Id imagine : p

Id agree with one thing, though. I think we should always be honest. If asked, I wouldnt lie about the things Ive done in my life. I wouldnt force it on anyone or whatever, but I wouldnt lie about it.

 

[Spiritualpixie]

I tried that a few times but lost every one.. When I say I was a stripper and did it all, it shatters the wife material ideal.. .. I'm happy for those who have the opportunity to to be so transparent.. They're living the dream

You know what?

Those that judged you and turned their backs on you, lost a good woman.
The right man who will, take note of what I wrote, not if, not maybe but WILL fall in love with you, and marry ypu, will be very happy and proud that you can make undressing yourself in the bedroom fun.

 

[HisHolly]

You know what?

Those that judged you and turned their backs on you, lost a good woman.
The right man who will, take note of what I wrote, not if, not maybe but WILL fall in love with you, and marry ypu, will be very happy and proud that you can make undressing yourself in the bedroom fun.

Thank you.. I appreciate it.. truly

 

[HisHolly]

I wouldnt have a problem being with someone who has a past of sexual immorality, I am not innocent either. If those people really did leave you just for that, then they werent worth being with in the first place.

And I would be honest, Id tell my potential partner that Im not a virgin, and that Ive been with people before, and about the kind of person I used to be before coming to Christ, but thats as far as Id probly go unless asked Id imagine : p

Id agree with one thing, though. I think we should always be honest. If asked, I wouldnt lie about the things Ive done in my life. I wouldnt force it on anyone or whatever, but I wouldnt lie about it.

Thank you! Either way it hurt and was a learning experience

 

[Spiritualpixie]

Thank you.. I appreciate it.. truly

If you haven't already, please take a peek at my how to be beautiful in God's Eyes, in this forum (^^,)


>>big hugs 4 u<<

You are:

Faithful
Honest
Kind
Compassionate
Non judgemental
Empathetic
Loyal

But most of all, Loved by God.

You are a PERFECT wife material.

Never allow those judgemental ass##### to undermine this new creation in you.
He, Christ changed you, because you obeyed Him...His Love for you changed the way you lived your life. they The so called Christians' obviously never needed to be born again because they are soooooooooo 'perfect' so 'pure', so better than everyone else. Yeah right. Pure as the sewers.Jesus called them 'vipers' , Hypocrites.

 

[BrokenSparrow]

I feel lead by God to write this, so please pray and join me.

I found a thread about should you tell your future spouse about your past sexual partners.
I was shocked to see that many wouldn't.
This goes against the Bible, because God, is an Honest God. He has never, will never lie about anything. We all know who the father of lies is, right?
It's ok for self preservation reasons to not disclose intimate details about your past with strangers or people you don't trust, but it isn't ok to be like that with your romantic partner.
Your future spouse, if they truly love Christ and you , will never judge your past, will never use your past to hurt you.
If they reject you because of your past, and this is very hurtful to the one who is rejected, it is THEIR shame to bare.
Christ forgave you, and anyone who judges you for your past is not a person who walks with Christ.
I am a brutally honest person, I have nothing to hide, and neither do I cower in shame because of the things I did before I gave my entire being to Him.
I have a new Life in Him and frankly speaking, do you really want to get yourself involved with someone who cannot forgive you but judges you for your past?
I know I don't.

Peace ❤

I see where you're coming from with this, but from experience I've found that its not a good idea to go into to much detail about the past. It just causes arguments and hurt feelings. I don't even like to think about my bf ever even dating anyone other than me. So if he starts talking about past relationships, I just tell him its the past and I don't need to know.

 

[Lynx]

For some reason I'm reminded of a Carol King song...

"Sometimes I wish
Often I wish
That I never never knew
Some of the secrets of yours"

 

[Infusion]

One time my ex girlfriend kept barrading me and asking me what girls I have slept with before. I would not tell her. After he asking me all day and promising its ok, she wont judge, and she had a past too, its ok just tell her one person so she knows me better. So I finally I said ok and I told her who one of the girls was that I slept with before. It was the last girl I dated too so she should have known. She got so mad when I told her she was going to break up with me and I had to leave work and spend days after fixing it just to keep us together.
Never tell a woman any of the other women you slept with, especially if they know them.

 

[Lenardzw]

I tried that a few times but lost every one.. When I say I was a stripper and did it all, it shatters the wife material ideal.. .. I'm happy for those who have the opportunity to to be so transparent.. They're living the dream

I applaud your honesty with them. Our past is an inseparable part of our testimony. Our testimony outlines a basic truth. God has transformed us and made us new, because we all needed this. When people lose sight of this truth, they lose out on potentially awesome friendships and relationships because they cannot get past somebody's past. Those guys who you refer to - I can't say I know them, but I'm positive its their loss.

 

[Lenardzw]

my fiance and i have talked about the past. neither one asked the other to share. it just happened as got more comfortable with each other. we talked about past relationships, but we focus it more as lessons we learned, and how God helped us through those times.

I couldn't hit the "like" icon fast enough on this. I think you'd all agree that each relationship has its own dynamic. So when it comes to our past relationships, each couple needs to find the narrative that suits them: "Do we go there or not?" And if they feel that its important to discuss this element of their past then a "what I've learnt" or "how this has shaped who I am today" approach may work.
Being honest about ones past is ALWAYS important, but I'm not sure that this always means that every couple must sit down and list all their past relationships and what they did in them. If I am in a relationship and we think its important to discuss these then I'd prefer that we have this discussion ONCE and with a healthy sense of brevity - I can't see the benefit in long-winded, extremely detailed "Book of Job accounts" (Okay Job is a long read). It is, after all, in the past.

 

[Lenardzw]

I feel lead by God to write this, so please pray and join me.

I found a thread about should you tell your future spouse about your past sexual partners.
I was shocked to see that many wouldn't.
This goes against the Bible, because God, is an Honest God. He has never, will never lie about anything. We all know who the father of lies is, right?
It's ok for self preservation reasons to not disclose intimate details about your past with strangers or people you don't trust, but it isn't ok to be like that with your romantic partner.
Your future spouse, if they truly love Christ and you , will never judge your past, will never use your past to hurt you.
If they reject you because of your past, and this is very hurtful to the one who is rejected, it is THEIR shame to bare.
Christ forgave you, and anyone who judges you for your past is not a person who walks with Christ.
I am a brutally honest person, I have nothing to hide, and neither do I cower in shame because of the things I did before I gave my entire being to Him.
I have a new Life in Him and frankly speaking, do you really want to get yourself involved with someone who cannot forgive you but judges you for your past?
I know I don't.

Peace ❤

Having read this and the discussion that has followed, I can only agree that God placed this on your heart for sure! This thread is great. i love the light hearted banter that we all exchange in other threads. They really make this site a great place to interact with other Christians in clean chat. But this thread and other like it, takes us back to matters that impact us greatly. Thanks for starting this.

 

[zeroturbulence]

For some reason I'm reminded of a Carol King song...

"Sometimes I wish
Often I wish
That I never never knew
Some of the secrets of yours"

You like Carole King?! Sweet!!

 

[Lynx]

My mother listens to it a lot. Some of her songs are right on point.

"In the name of honesty
In the name of what is fair
You always answer my questions
But they don't always answer my prayers"

 

[Keziah20]

Like someone said, you should be best friends with your spouse. Except that it should be an even deeper relationship between a married couple. Two becoming one. If you feel afraid to share your life story with that person, you're not trusting them. There shouldn't be secrets.
Another thing is this: sharing your past doesn't need to be explicit (and I wouldn't want to hear every saucy detail, know what I mean?) but it should be the honest truth and an accurate picture of who you are. The last thing you want is for something to come to light later on in the relationship. Also, hearing your past shouldn't be something demanded from the other. It should come naturally as you get to know eachother. Pray with eachother and be supportive. That's all I can say

 

[Clarence_Lumpy_Rutherford]

Originally Posted by melita916

my fiance and i have talked about the past. neither one asked the other to share. it just happened as got more comfortable with each other. we talked about past relationships, but we focus it more as lessons we learned, and how God helped us through those times.

I tried that a few times but lost every one.. When I say I was a stripper and did it all, it shatters the wife material ideal.. .. I'm happy for those who have the opportunity to to be so transparent.. They're living the dream

That's why it's a tricky thing.
If you become too vulnerable and say too much, it could make you look bad (if you have a past).

When I was 26, I dated this 30 y.o. virgin. She didn't make a big deal about it, but let me know she was a virgin, which I liked. I admired that about her and truly wanted to marry a virgin (if possible).

When I truthfully told her I wasn't like her, she came to tears.
I never felt so condemned.

I didn't go into details or say how many or how many times. Only stated I wasn't a virgin.

I was shocked by her response. Had I had time to think about my answer, I would've phrased it this way:

"Yes, I am not a virgin like you. But that doesn't mean I was some kind of promiscuous player who had a lot of sex.
Nor does it mean I don't regret losing my virginity.
We didn't know each other then, so don't take it personally, like I intentionally wanted to hurt you.

I lost my virginity my last year in high school, before I became a Christian next year in college.

I might also say I didn't have any sex -- any kind of sex -- or any physical interaction with women -- including KISSING, HAND-HOLDING or HUGGING -- for most of my 20s... until I was 26.... 8 (long) years after....
Does that not count for anything?
[ oddly, I did better @ dating before I became a believer. I never wanted to jeopardize a Christian woman's innocence while in college. ]

I might have seen her point had I been some pagan fornicator.
From 19-26, I could count the number of times I had sex on one hand- and still have some free fingers.
High school was a long time ago when one is in their late 20s. People change.
I would think a Christian girl would value someone who was sexually responsible.

 

[Clarence_Lumpy_Rutherford]

I think you would also not judge your future spouse if he told you everything too. My question is, do you want him to have a similar or same past as yours?

I think I would want to be with someone who has a history similar to mine, because I feel we would understand each other better.

That may be true, but what you're talking about is more age-related.
An adult in their 40s and 50s who's been married with kids has lived life a lot differently.
You'd likely be better off dating & marrying someone with a similar background.

I'm not saying I wouldn't date a virgin, but neither do I want to be his teacher about things in the bedroom department either. Does that make sense?

Why would this be an issue?
Sex is very intuitive. Few really need "teaching..."
I find this kind of thinking highly arrogant.

It also leads to intimidation and older virgins (particularly men) in their 30s and 40s thinking they would be "looked down" on or ridiculed if they confess to a woman they're dating that they're virgins.

The fact is, being sexually responsible should be applauded, not scorned.

Everyone's a virgin until they have sex. Plain as that.
Virgins aren't necessarily "better" than non-virgins. Because they've had sex, non-virgins aren't "superior" to virgins either.

 

[Clarence_Lumpy_Rutherford]

I'm not saying I wouldn't date a virgin, but neither do I want to be his teacher about things in the bedroom department either. Does that make sense?

Couldn't edit this in:
The last thing we need is for Christian women to belittle men -- of whatever age -- for "not having enough 'experience'" or any other kind of irrational and judgmental expectations.

 

[Rockrz]

This goes against the Bible

No it does not, unless you God lied in this verse:

2 Corinthians 5:17
if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new

I am a brutally honest person

Yes and in many cases telling everything you know just makes people think yer nuts and they'll move on. Very few people are gonna want to hear your whole backstory, or any one else's either.

Proverbs 29:11
A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards

Maybe you've heard the old saying: "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt"

And withholding information is not necessarily a sin... if it were, Jesus would have sinned in Luke 24:15-32...

Here, read it for yourself:

Luke 24:15-32
And it came to pass, that, while they communed together and reasoned, Jesus himself drew near, and went with them.
But their eyes were holden that they should not know him.
And he said unto them, What manner of communications are these that ye have one to another, as ye walk, and are sad?
And the one of them, whose name was Cleopas, answering said unto him, Art thou only a stranger in Jerusalem, and hast not known the things which are come to pass there in these days?
And he said unto them, What things? And they said unto him, Concerning Jesus of Nazareth, which was a prophet mighty in deed and word before God and all the people:
And how the chief priests and our rulers delivered him to be condemned to death, and have crucified him.
But we trusted that it had been he which should have redeemed Israel: and beside all this, to day is the third day since these things were done.
Yea, and certain women also of our company made us astonished, which were early at the sepulchre;
And when they found not his body, they came, saying, that they had also seen a vision of angels, which said that he was alive.
And certain of them which were with us went to the sepulchre, and found it even so as the women had said: but him they saw not.
Then he said unto them, O fools, and slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken:
Ought not Christ to have suffered these things, and to enter into his glory?
And beginning at Moses and all the prophets, he expounded unto them in all the scriptures the things concerning himself.
And they drew nigh unto the village, whither they went: and he made as though he would have gone further.
But they constrained him, saying, Abide with us: for it is toward evening, and the day is far spent. And he went in to tarry with them.
And it came to pass, as he sat at meat with them, he took bread, and blessed it, and brake, and gave to them.
And their eyes were opened, and they knew him; and he vanished out of their sight.
And they said one to another, Did not our heart burn within us, while he talked with us by the way, and while he opened to us the scriptures?

 

[Galatea]

I'd want to know everything. How can you really understand a person if you don't know about them and what makes the person who they are? If you love someone, he could tell you he slept with 500 women and it would not make you love him any less. I'd rather know he slept with 500 women than not know anything about him. Real love is unconditional.

I think secrecy kind of destroys trust. Husband and wife should be best friends. Best friends have a way of telling each other everything, because there is a sense of total security between them. My opinion only, of course.

 

[CallmeQ]

I'd want to know everything. How can you really understand a person if you don't know about them and what makes the person who they are? If you love someone, he could tell you he slept with 500 women and it would not make you love him any less. I'd rather know he slept with 500 women than not know anything about him. Real love is unconditional.

I think secrecy kind of destroys trust. Husband and wife should be best friends. Best friends have a way of telling each other everything, because there is a sense of total security between them. My opinion only, of course.

I agree with this.

I would openly admit everything, and would also want that honesty reciprocated. I don't need details mind you, just truth.

For me personally the past will not determine who you are in the present. I have a freind that has a really dark past. She has done alot of things she regrets, and most people would judge her for, but to me that is not who she is. It is sad we tend to look down at those who have done something wrong instead of trying to understand why they were put in that place to begin with. Not everyone wanted to end up where they were.