9 Reasons! For Christian Single Ladies (Women).....

[Bate]

To me, this has somehow seemed to be more of a ''reaction reality check'' post!
Otherwise, these are compiled opinions with exactly that language as it's felt, but not meant to slum/attack women in any way!

 

[proverbs35]

proverbs35:

In another thread, you have invoked an appeal to "stay on topic" --- in this thread, you have done the opposite...

"What is that all about...???"

I know this old, but I haven't been on CC in a while, and I wanted to answer your question.

Christian Chat has some general rules, and there is no universal rule about "staying on topic."

Threads go off topic and/or get derailed all the time. It's quite common. Posters go off topic and post pics, animations, jokes. I've seen that happen on any number of threads. Sometimes, a person will post something totally off topic, yet others find it informative, inspirational, encouraging, funny, etc. That's the nature of internet communication such as this; it's a lot like natural, everyday conversation.

However, in the other thread that you are referring to, a forum moderator specifically asked posters to "keep within topic" at least twice in order to facilitate and maintain kindness, edification and encouragement. Meanwhile, I haven't seen any post(s) on this particular thread where a moderator intervened and specifically asked posters to "stay within topic" and/or administratively moved comments deemed "off topic" to a newly created thread - which is exactly what happened on the thread you referred to.

 

[secularhermit]

Yes! The problem is alive and kicking...

 

[CatHerder]

Yes! The problem is alive and kicking...

...and so is this thread.


again.

 

[Alove]

So, was this sang?

 

[Alove]

"When it's all been said and done!"
Trying to get this.
Just wondering why could it take too long lol!

 

[Bate]

What haven't you got for all this long Alove?

 

[Pilgrim4Him]

Very educational, " Chat drama 101"

 

[Mitspa]

Wow what an insightful OP!

 

[Olerica]

Wow what an insightful OP!

Really? Huh. Here I was thinking that it was a bit irritating hearing from a 20-something about how I was doing it wrong as a "mature" Christian woman. I was thinking about how it would be nice for a man not to critique me/single women and exhort single men on how they might improve their tactics and become the kind of men who 'mature Christian women' respond to.

Do you see that at all? Have I fallen down the rabbit hole?

 

[Mitspa]

Really? Huh. Here I was thinking that it was a bit irritating hearing from a 20-something about how I was doing it wrong as a "mature" Christian woman. I was thinking about how it would be nice for a man not to critique me/single women and exhort single men on how they might improve their tactics and become the kind of men who 'mature Christian women' respond to.

Do you see that at all? Have I fallen down the rabbit hole?

Which point did you disagree with?

 

[Olerica]

The tone when the OP starts off, it infers that if I am offended, I am a GIRL who doesn't get it not a mature Christian woman: "This article is mainly for mature Christian single women. Mature. Christian. Women. Why? Because Girls might get offended or not understand but a mature Christian woman will probably get it and take the knowledge."

That said? If you read Cinder's first post and PopClick's first post on the first page, you will find my own objections.

The OP's article talks down to me as a mature Christian woman. I haven't sought it out, but does he ever bring a similar article to single Christian men who are looking for a spouse? Somehow I doubt it, but I'm willing to be proven wrong.

Look, I don't mind being taught or coached... the tone and some of the content irked me. I have had a successful marriage, hope to again one day, but I'm not seeing where the OP is granting the same advice and tone to his brothers in Christ on being the kind of men who would attract a mature Christian woman.

 

[Mitspa]

The tone when the OP starts off, it infers that if I am offended, I am a GIRL who doesn't get it not a mature Christian woman: "This article is mainly for mature Christian single women. Mature. Christian. Women. Why? Because Girls might get offended or not understand but a mature Christian woman will probably get it and take the knowledge."

That said? If you read Cinder's first post and PopClick's first post on the first page, you will find my own objections.

The OP's article talks down to me as a mature Christian woman. I haven't sought it out, but does he ever bring a similar article to single Christian men who are looking for a spouse? Somehow I doubt it, but I'm willing to be proven wrong.

Look, I don't mind being taught or coached... the tone and some of the content irked me. I have had a successful marriage, hope to again one day, but I'm not seeing where the OP is granting the same advice and tone to his brothers in Christ on being the kind of men who would attract a mature Christian woman.

I understand...but if it had been presented in a better way, it might have been helpful...maybe???

 

[kaylagrl]

LOL!! Most Christian (mature) women know what is required of them but too many of them just can't stay in religious water because swimming in secular waters is just too tempting. The same can apply to men also.

You know more and more Christian waters and secular waters are one and the same. Not very many virgins out there any more and if you are one and of a certain age people act like there is something wrong with you.Yes,in the church too. Several men made it clear to me before I married what they were wanting and they were very active in the church and would be considered good Christian men by anyones standards.

If you think women are swimming in secular waters you need to talk to some young men out there.One Christian man informed me he wanted a wildcat in bed and a proper lady to take to church.He didnt learn that in Sunday school my friend. So lets not act like Christian sisters are the only ones dipping their toes in secular waters.

 

[Olerica]

Well, frankly, no. I think that the OP doesn't know who his true audience is. It shouldn't have been directed at a mature Christian woman, but perhaps to a younger woman, or an immature woman.

You state that you understand my objection and then ask if it had been presented in another way, would it be helpful to me. Again, I'll say, frankly, no.

Still have an issue with this viewpoint where women have it wrong and the OP knows where we're at as women, but doesn't exhort his brothers in the same way... but we can continue to not pay attention to those objections, if you prefer.

 

[kaylagrl]

The point was very fuzzy indeed. Either a man has the right to lead or he doesn't. He doesn't need to say it or force it. It's his natural programming if you will. Yes the programming gets corrupted. Many women are saying no a man doesn't have a right to lead and are taking over the role. This goes against the revealed order of creation. Why are there so many women pastors and teachers now? Oh because women can lead too. Total corruption of the biblical mandate and a win for feminists and women's rights movements.

Let's face it, it was a man that killed goliath not a woman.

I have female pastors in my family and they were ordained a long,long time before the feminist movement was ever heard of. A couple of them were married,one was not. They did what they felt called to do. I think your feminist radar is a little oversensitive.

 

[kaylagrl]

Which is what I already said. I understand what biblical leadership is and it applies to more than marriage. A man shouldn't have to even declare his right to lead. Women these days want to assume this role due to various influences. A man that doesn't assert his right to lead would likely be weak. Doormat anybody? She made a generalization about women as well which is a no-no around these parts.

You've got a lot to learn my boy!!

Women have been abused by immature men and bad teaching on this subject. If some men would show Biblical leadership rather than harp on their rights women might be more inclined to trust them. I was attracted to my husbands gentle spirit and his quietness. Hes 6'4 and built like a brick house,a big man. Hes the opposite of what I grew up with. My father let us know he was the head of the home,often.He let my mother know,often. He used the Bible to back up his total authority. He had the last say in every decision.Problem was he was and is terrible with money.He made a lot of bad choices for our family.The result was I swore I would never get married.I stayed away from men because I did not want to date. But then I men my husband.He didnt have to prove he was a real man,he is one. He was confident in a quiet way. He lifted me up,encouraged me and I trusted him completely,still do. We make decisions together. If I am not sure about a decision Im confident he can handle it. He made me feel confident in his ability. He didnt convince me he was trustworthy,he showed me.If he said something I knew he'd do it. He doesnt procrastinate,he takes care of bills,home repair etc without complaint.Men BE a leader and the right woman will find YOU. Show a woman,with gentle,humble spirit,you are worthy of her trust. You will be a magnate for a good Christian woman. YOU do YOU! And that Godly woman working on herself will find you. Try it and see of it doesnt work.

 

[kaylagrl]

There might have been questions about this from BOTH MEN AND WOMEN and I figured it was time to share about it too. Before I share another line though, it’s important that I begin with a few things and get some things out of the way.

A) This article is mainly for mature Christian single women. Mature. Christian. Women. Why? Because Girls might get offended or not understand but a mature Christian woman will probably get it and take the knowledge.
B) A woman’s relationship status does not define her, so being single is not a disease or an indication of something “wrong” with her. So this article is not to list a bunch of reasons why you are at fault for not being married …as if marriage was something you just bought at the store. I wouldn’t do that. I respect and care about women’s issues more than there is space to write about here. As a daughter of God, he is working out your story beautifully, so bask in that. This is however, for Christian ladies who are ready for marriage but frustrated that they can’t find the right guy even though there seems to be options.
C) I write this respectfully but I will write it as honestly as possible as a man and as someone who knows a thing or two about relationships. I’ll tell you probably like no one has told you before. So the tone may be a bit direct not because I am brash but because I am writing to Women not girls and one thing I know about women is that contrary to the opinion that they want you to beat around the bush, when it comes to things that are really important, they want you to tell them like it is. They would rather know now, shed a tear or two and start working ASAP to move out, move up, move on or move forward so they don’t waste more time doing the same thing and not getting the outcomes they want.
D) All your single girlfriends AND male friends should read this.
So here we go. Why can’t our wonderful Christian sisters find their Boaz, David or Joseph?

1. Many Christian ladies want a man that “knows where he is going”… but God’s men usually don’t have a clue:
Think about that for a moment. Think through the Bible…all the great men that had relationships with God and who he used and blessed….they usually didn’t have a clue about where they were going and (here is the even crazier part) even if they had a clue, their lives for a long time did not reflect that great place God said he was taking them. Just think about it. All the way from Abraham …going to a land he did not know; Joseph having a dream that people would bow down to him but became a slave and then a prisoner; David who was anointed to be King and then lived the next 15 years in the wilderness as a fugitive; Peter the great fisher of men who was barely able to catch fish.
These men would have had a rough time finding a wife today. Could you imagine?
Abraham calling sister Sarah aside after church and saying “Errrmmm Sarah you know I love you right? Soooo God wants to take us somewhere …but I have no idea where. Wanna marry me and come?”
David too. “Look baby…I really care about you and want to spend the rest of my life taking care of you… In fact, I’ve just been anointed King…buuutttt I’m kinda living in the bushes right now and on the run from the King I’m supposed to replace.”
Or Joseph. “Look Jill, God has shown me many dreams that people will bow down to me and I’ll be a great leader. But right now I wash dishes in Potiphar’s house and I’m a slave boy there”
God’s men don’t “always” have a direction or know the details. So stop looking for men who have it all figured out!
Here is the solution though…..here is the good news. Here is what you SHOULD be looking for: Men who can be LED by God. (Rom 8:14) Don’t look for a man who already has the best laid plans. Look for one who knows how to follow directions from the best planner.
v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man may not know exactly where he is going but he knows how to follow God.

2. Many ladies approach relationships from the perspective of “Low Risk, High Reward”: Meaning, they want to get the absolute best man with the least amount of risk. (And I’m not just talking about finances here)They don’t want to put themselves out there at all.
They want the man to take ALL the risks…to be utterly convinced he wants to be with them before they open up about who they really are. You know who you are…You act like YOU are the ONLY prize in the equation. He doesn’t know anything about your background but you turned into a private investigator to make sure he is good enough for you. You are financially irresponsible and an impulsive spender, you’re spending insane percentages of your income on your hair, shoes, bags, and your “package” but you want a man who knows how to make and keep money. You have not grown your faith or prayer life to where it needs to be but you want a demon chasing, tongue speaking, Bible spitting warrior of a husband…because “he is the leader of the home”.
You’ve dated a bunch of losers that didn’t work out but he is no good because he has had several failed relationships too? You want to see him as he is but you cover yourself up in perfectly filtered Instagram pictures, hair extensions, push up bras, makeup and layers of stuff that make it impossible to see who you really are. You are lazy with not much follow-through but you want a man who can stay up all night working on a project. If he put that spotlight on you, would YOU make the cut?
In essence, many Christian ladies say they have faith but they don’t. They say that God is their source but they are lying. They say that they trust God’s will for their future but they are lying. They don’t. They put their trust in a man. What kind of job he has/can get. How much he is making or can make. They want to make sure he has the “ability to provide”. They want him to have his life utterly figured out…
But I have met many great men who haven’t found the employment they have the potential to get. I have met many others who were living it up until the economy crashed. I have met some who had it all but God insisted they give it up to go and further the gospel.
v If you want a Boaz, David or Joseph, you’re going to have to have to be ok not having everything perfectly figured out.

3. Many ladies forget that good Christian men look for women who share similar non-romantic, non-spiritual values:
Sure he should be romantic and sure he must share those spiritual values but eerrmmm ladies…these Christian brothers are looking for those other character traits as well that speak to the OPERATION of your possible lives together. Dependability, thriftiness, work ethic, time management, hard work, follow-through and so on.
One of the first things we learn about Ruth for example, was her work ethic. ( Ruth chapter 2). She knew how to pull her hair back, forget about her nails, roll up her sleeves and get on the grind. She worked really hard and even when she got the attention of the “well established guy with the sensitive heart” she didn’t stop working. She took the break that he offered her and went back to work.
That’s how you earn a man’s respect…when you can show him that what he HAS does not define who you are.
Here is the icing on that cake. Just because Ruth could get down and work, didn’t mean she couldn’t look pretty and tidy up (Ruth 3:3)
v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man knows it takes a lot more than butterflies and date nights to fulfill God’s mandate for his family.

4. Many ladies pre-qualify their leads:
This is one of the most CRITICAL reasons. In fact, there is a powerful 2 part series on just that

** More about this, coming too in the first comment I’m going to make below…..

v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man …spends a long time NOT looking like the Boaz, David or Joseph the world will eventually come to know.

5. Good Christian men know their worth too and don’t want to settle either:
Yea ladies…men are understanding their worth a bit more too Christian men are getting more and more comfortable attending relationship seminars and getting information about seeking God’s face for a wife. They are realizing how powerful of an impact a wife has on the outcome of their lives and ministry, and they are spending more time trying to see what is beneath the surface. They know that a woman can make or break everything. They realize that a woman’s desires can accelerate him towards purpose or derail him.
They are praying more and they are realizing that while you still remain a prize, they too are precious in God’s eyes and want to do right by him. They are realizing that a wife can make or break a man.
Yes they are praying for a Ruth but they are also praying against Delilah as well.
v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man knows his worth too.

6. Many Christian ladies have no testimony with men:
A few years ago, an older friend (a number of years older than me) came up to me after a church program and asked me about a lady in my church. Who she was and what she was like as a person.
I didn’t stop talking for minutes. They were married about a year later.
Same thing happened to Ruth. (Ruth Chapter 2 from Vs 3) Boaz came back from a trip, saw Ruth and asked his Foreman “Who is that and who does she belong to”, to which the foreman answered and gave a fantastic testimony of her character. (See Boaz’s response in Vs 11)
Here is a secret ladies, you know how you like a guy and try to keep it to yourself until your girlfriends force a confession out of you? We guys don’t do that. The moment we think we are interested in you, we are telling someone and we are asking around about you….and we are asking our MALE friends/mentors. Because we know they will tell us like it is and of course won’t spread it all around church and make things suddenly awkward or cause all the sisters to start giving the dirty eye next Sunday. Bro code.
The truth is that even Christian ladies can be toxic sometimes when it comes to how they treat men who they don’t consider a prospect. You forget that when the real prospect comes and is interested in you, he will ask other men…some who may never have approached you but who have watched you from afar, and yes some who may have had an interest in you but you didn’t like. How did you handle those situations? (You totally need to read that article link above…especially the 2[SUP]nd[/SUP] part of that series)
v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man looks deeper than the surface beauty. They look for testimonies of the woman’s character.

7. Many Christian women want a Proverbs 31 Man:
That’s not a typo. Pick up your Bible and read Proverbs 31 again with fresh eyes… from the perspective of the character of that woman…and you will see that those qualities are the ones that many women are looking for in a man when they should be busy developing those qualities themselves.
Single Christian men are reading that passage looking for those qualities in a woman, and women are putting that passage down and instead looking for those qualities in a man.
v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man has read Proverbs 31 and wants her.

8. Many Christian ladies want to be married but they are not truly ready to be led:
They want to marry a boyfriend but not a husband. They want only a partner but not a leader. They want an emotional prenup that things will always be 50:50. They say they will concede authority to God himself but in their heart, they are not willing to be led by his representative in the home. What I am about to say next I say with the utmost respect to women.
Men were created to lead at home. Now, that leadership comes with accountability to God meaning that God holds him accountable and will punish him first for bad leadership. But a man cannot be accountable for a woman he can’t lead….and a Christian man does not want to be over anything he can’t be accountable to God about.
v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man is a great servant leader as Jesus Christ…but he is a born leader and he knows it.

9. Many young married Christian women are painting a fairytale picture of marriage to their single ladies
Many young married women are doing a major disservice to single women. These young married women create a fairytale picture of weddings and marriage to their single friends. They love being the center of attention and talk up how dreamy it is. Perfect Instagram photos, perfect wedding photos, expensive glamorous weddings, perfect Facebook updates, photos and so on. Is there anything wrong with that? No. It would just help a lot more when married young women keep it real with their sisters and tell them that the wedding day does not make the marriage. It would help a whole lot more if they sit their single friends down and talk about the importance of a praying wife, a strong wife, a submissive wife (to a Godly man) and how contrary to popular opinion, the faith of a wife is both a weapon for the family and its defense as well. Instead, they get their single sisters all dreamy eyed and waiting for a perfect story and a perfect man…waiting for KalEl from planet Krypton with the big “S” on his chest and a red cape, when they should look at Clark Kent from Planet earth.
v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man knows that the wedding is not the marriage and doeasn’t want to create an impression he can’t maintain.

So…start/join the conversation below. Which one of the points resonated with you? Was it an eye opener? Were there any surprises on the list? Any additional thoughts?
Share those comments below.

Quote " I will write it as honestly as possible as a man and as someone who knows a thing or two about relationships."

You are 25? and unmarried? I hardly think you know much about relationships.Not to be rude but for singles of both sexes there are some great books out there to read on Christian marriages and dating. They are written by Christian councilors,people who actually know a thing or two about relationships. Before I married I read some great Christian books on marriage,Id advice Christian singles to do the same. You may have meant well but I think we need to leave this to the experts instead of blaming Christian sisters and generalizing about women.

 

[organicbeast]

Why are there so many women pastors and teachers now? Oh because women can lead too. Total corruption of the biblical mandate and a win for feminists and women's rights movements.

I think the church including yourself misunderstand 1 Timothy 2-11-15. And also unfortunately the New International Version has adulterated the word of God in re-interpreting the scriptures into something else. I prefer the KJV translation which makes sense.

"11 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. 12But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. 13For Adam was first formed, then Eve. 14And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. 15 Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety."

The church misinterprets the above as also physically referring to 'women' in specific sense but verse 15 suddenly seems to infer to something else as it mentions, 'she' and 'they'. The 'she' I believe is spiritually referring to the 'human soul/mind' which shall birth forth Christ/childbearing in the mind, if 'they' (man and woman)(in flesh/carnal minds) continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety. So, the 'woman' prior to verse 15 is the carnal mind of the human soul, that needs to submit to Christ/the new spiritual-Man and is forbidden to attempt to take any authority or overpower the new Man by quenching the spirit. "Do not quench the Spirit" [1 Thessalonians 5:19]

But If the above set of verses is physically referring to a woman, that's like saying it's impossible for a wife/woman to be more knowledgeable in the word of God than her husband/man and she is doomed to be in silence forever. That's ridiculous! Doesn't make any practical sense. Even in a real life situation a woman/wife can have a more closer relationship with God and more knowledgeable in the word of God compared to the man/husband.

I believe Apostle Paul mentioned both physical and spiritual components together one at a time, by translating the spiritual aspect of human soul as a 'She' (which is female) in relation to Christ. That's the reason the church needs to marry Christ in their minds, on that day of the great Marriage mentioned in the book of Revelations. The only way we can stop sinning completely and live in 100% perfection is when Christ marries the soul/mind. It is spiritual. In the physical realm and in a physical marriage a man and a woman unite through the act of sexual intercourse as part of consummation of their marriage. Without sex, there are really not married as a physical-marriage requires a physical-union and a spiritual-marriage requires a spiritual-union.

Both the man and the woman that are in flesh today have a 'carnal' mind which is equal fertile grounds for the seed/word of Christ to fertilize the mind. Are you saying that a woman is incapable or too weak both physically and spiritually in bringing forth Christ? If so, that would make God a misogynistic spiritual-deviant. Is the mercy and grace of God only showered onto men on this Earth? No. If a woman so seriously desires and worships the Lord fervently and desires after Him more than her fleshly desires, who are you to question her spiritual-authority in Christ if the Lord Himself has called her into priesthood. For the Lord knows each and every thought/intent of the soul. For He shall weigh the soul, and He shall anoint not based on your physical genitals but based on your spiritual-genitals/your mind on how much you can yield to Him and not to your carnal mind.

 

[Mitspa]

I think the church including yourself misunderstand 1 Timothy 2-11-15. And also unfortunately the New International Version has adulterated the word of God in re-interpreting the scriptures into something else. I prefer the KJV translation which makes sense.

"11 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. 12But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. 13For Adam was first formed, then Eve. 14And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. 15 Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety."

The church misinterprets the above as also physically referring to 'women' in specific sense but verse 15 suddenly seems to infer to something else as it mentions, 'she' and 'they'. The 'she' I believe is spiritually referring to the 'human soul/mind' which shall birth forth Christ/childbearing in the mind, if 'they' (man and woman)(in flesh/carnal minds) continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety. So, the 'woman' prior to verse 15 is the carnal mind of the human soul, that needs to submit to Christ/the new spiritual-Man and is forbidden to attempt to take any authority or overpower the new Man by quenching the spirit. "Do not quench the Spirit" [1 Thessalonians 5:19]

But If the above set of verses is physically referring to a woman, that's like saying it's impossible for a wife/woman to be more knowledgeable in the word of God than her husband/man and she is doomed to be in silence forever. That's ridiculous! Doesn't make any practical sense. Even in a real life situation a woman/wife can have a more closer relationship with God and more knowledgeable in the word of God compared to the man/husband.

I believe Apostle Paul mentioned both physical and spiritual components together one at a time, by translating the spiritual aspect of human soul as a 'She' (which is female) in relation to Christ. That's the reason the church needs to marry Christ in their minds, on that day of the great Marriage mentioned in the book of Revelations. The only way we can stop sinning completely and live in 100% perfection is when Christ marries the soul/mind. It is spiritual. In the physical realm and in a physical marriage a man and a woman unite through the act of sexual intercourse as part of consummation of their marriage. Without sex, there are really not married as a physical-marriage requires a physical-union and a spiritual-marriage requires a spiritual-union.

Both the man and the woman that are in flesh today have a 'carnal' mind which is equal fertile grounds for the seed/word of Christ to fertilize the mind. Are you saying that a woman is incapable or too weak both physically and spiritually in bringing forth Christ? If so, that would make God a misogynistic spiritual-deviant. Is the mercy and grace of God only showered onto men on this Earth? No. If a woman so seriously desires and worships the Lord fervently and desires after Him more than her fleshly desires, who are you to question her spiritual-authority in Christ if the Lord Himself has called her into priesthood. For the Lord knows each and every thought/intent of the soul. For He shall weigh the soul, and He shall anoint not based on your physical genitals but based on your spiritual-genitals/your mind on how much you can yield to Him and not to your carnal mind.

I believe its saying "saved" delivered from the condition of being in the transgression of Eve... Much like what you wrote on this post.