A Christian Couple is Engaged. One Has an Accident, Leaving Them Partially Paralyzed. Should They Still Marry?

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Live4Him3

Jesus is Lord
May 19, 2022
1,007
404
83
#21
I don't know if any of you have ever seen the Christian movie entitled "The Encounter" or not...

View attachment 240934

...but this is the story of Jamie Nieto, the man who played "Hank" in that movie:

Here's more of their compelling story as told by Jamie's wife when she auditioned for "America's Got Talent":


Don't miss "the reveal" at the end...
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
20,741
6,155
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#23
The things I miss because I have to go to bed...

Unfortunately cinder stayed up later than I, and thus stole my answer yet again. Go back and read her part about there not really being a definitive right or wrong answer, and that's my post. :p
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
20,741
6,155
113
#24
This topic reminds me of an xkcd comic. The comic's author had a fiancee who got cancer. He married her while she was fighting it off.

Ten years later he put out a comic. I don't know if it was a literal transcript of a conversation they had, but the characters in the comic said something like this:

HIM: Well you made it. Ten years.
HER: I still can't believe it. When they showed me the ten year survival chart it seemed so unreal. I still don't know why you stayed with me when things looked so grim, but it was very sweet.
HIM: You make it sound like an act of grace, instead of something I desperately wanted to do but was afraid I would never get to do. You're the coolest person I've ever met. I just wanted whatever time we could have together.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
20,741
6,155
113
#25
That battle with cancer also made some of the funniest comics I've ever seen.

She was leaning over a gator pit to take a picture and he commented, "When they gave you a forecast of your survival probability, I think they made some very optimistic assumptions about your hobbies."
 

Live4Him3

Jesus is Lord
May 19, 2022
1,007
404
83
#26
Here's more of their compelling story as told by Jamie's wife when she auditioned for "America's Got Talent":


Don't miss "the reveal" at the end...
They said that "The third time's a charm", so here's some more video footage of this amazing and inspirational couple, including Jamie's marriage proposal and some footage from their wedding:

 

Polar

Active member
May 8, 2022
617
161
43
#27
Joni Earackson got married
she was paralysed in a wheelchair at 19 I recall. She got cancer, but her husband stuck by her. She already had a caregiver, but he wanted also to look after her.

Not sure if she had boyfriends before her accident and if they stuck with her..I dont think they did. She had massive insecurities before finding Jesus though.

She wrote several books and a movie s made of her life. Have you not read or heard of her? Shes very famous in amonst christian evangelicals.
The man she married was a very special person. Not just Joe Blow off the street. I do think in her case, that God sent the right person to her.
 

Polar

Active member
May 8, 2022
617
161
43
#28
Someone prob already said this, but I don't think it's a wrong or right response/question. I'm thinking that maybe waiting a year or so might indicate the reality of the situation to both people. Either way, as Dino already said, there should be no guilt in the decision.

I don't think I would have what it would take to accept that situation either way. I guess some people might like to think they would still marry the other person, but I also think that is kind of romanticizing it. Sometimes love is not enough. I once loved someone so much I did things I never would have done if not feeling that way. I prob would have said oh yes I would stay with him but I've come a long way in the years since then.

As for my husband? Well of course I would stay with him and I know he would stay with me. We have been through alot together already and that can either break you up or make you 'stick' more I think.

Definitely a pause and think about it kind of thread.
 

Demi777

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2014
6,847
1,913
113
Germany
#29
I wouldnt break off the engagement if my bf got disabled. Nor the other way around. People who do would have to ask themselves if they're together with the person because they care or because they just want to get what they want.
Especially today if the woman wanted a child from him doctors can make that possible. You always have to keep in mind that someone can become disabled. I can get hit by a car or slip and fall down the stairs and become lame. My two cents
 

love_comes_softly

Well-known member
Feb 13, 2019
747
799
93
#30
I would not personally leave because something terrible happened to him. I would want to be there for him all the more. I would however feel guilty if it happened to me and it would be hard not to feel like a burden. It would not be easy.

In either situation, I believe the person that leaves another person (the person they planned to marry) because they’ve become paralyzed, says a lot about what type of person they are. I’d question why they wanted to marry in the first place.
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,547
1,277
113
#31
Hey Everyone,

Recently, I have felt led to listen to podcasts regarding the plight of those who are differently-abled throughout the pandemic, which resulted in my reading about an American politician named Madison Cawthorn.

Please note that this thread is NOT about politics, nor is it about the many controversies surrounding Mr. Cawthorn himself.

Rather, here is what I'm interested in discussing.

Mr. Cawthorn was a fully-abled person until the age of 18, when he was riding as a passenger with a friend who was driving. His friend fell asleep at the wheel, resulting in a car accident that left him partially paralyzed and in a wheelchair.




At the time, Mr. Cawthorn had a fiancee, but after the accident and his resulting condition, his fiancee broke off the engagement and their relationship.

Was she right or was she wrong to do this?

Here in the Singles Forum, we have been talking about marriage and what the realities of a married sexual relationship really looks like.

Now I'm guessing that if the couple is already married, there's no other answer except for them to stay together ("in sickness and in health"...) And we know that in reality, couples have indeed divorced because of such situations.

But what if it happens before the couple is married?

Let's use this example:

Brother Bill and Sister Sally are engaged to be married. But Brother Bill/Sister Sally is in an accident that permanently paralyzes him/her from the waist down. Should they still get married? What rights and responsibilities does each one carry, and does the accident change that?

Before answering, please take a minute to picture yourself in BOTH scenarios -- see yourself as the fully-abled person who is now facing married someone who has become differently-abled, and see yourself as the the differently-abled person who is left wondering if the fully-abled person will still marry you.

If both people are Christians:

* What happens if the differently-able person would no longer be able to have what might be seen as "normal" sexual relations?

Please note that I am NOT, NOT asking what kinds of alternative sexual behaviors might be possible for the couple.

* What I'm really asking is, does the loss of sexual functioning after the engagement, but before the actual marriage, give someone the right to terminate the relationship?

* Is the fully-abled person still Biblically committed to marrying this person, or are they now allowed to walk away and just start over with someone else?

* Why or why not, and what Scripture would back either answer?

I'm really interested in hearing people's feedback about this from a Christian perspective.
Oh wow SS,
Mr Cawthorn is gorgeous lol 😍...I would defo marry him if he was around my age and a Christian 😆🥰
In answer to your question though, if you marry someone because you love them then surely you would always love them... and get grace from God for any trials... none of us have any guarantees about the future do we... makes me count my blessings 🤔...
I think ‘Do unto others as you would have done unto you’... which makes me hope that one day the Lord sends me a husband who is so faithful to Him and me that he would love me no matter what. My Pastor faithfully cares for his disabled wife even though he is old, because he loves her and he has the love of Christ within him; I am so proud of him, what an example he is.

‘Love is the greatest’... 2 Corinthians 13:13 x
 

Tararose

Well-known member
Sep 30, 2020
672
520
93
Uk
www.101christiansocialnetwork.com
#32
I think if it happened to me, I would call off the engagement. If it happened to someone I was engaged to then I would like to think I would stick with them, BUT I do know that people get married for different reasons and if someone say really struggled with sex and wanted to marry to keep them from falling into sin, they might feel too weak in that area to try to commit to someone for life knowing that they are not able to help them in that way any longer, if that was the case. Similarly there may be things that a person longs to do for the Lord and the gospel that they know would not be possible if they married a disabled person so they sacrifice being with that person to maybe help more people or spread the gospel or whatever. So so many dynamics and possibilities that could make you go one way or the other in such a difficult situation.
 

Polar

Active member
May 8, 2022
617
161
43
#33
Oh wow SS,
Mr Cawthorn is gorgeous lol 😍...I would defo marry him if he was around my age and a Christian 😆🥰
Do a search on the latest antics of Mr handsome in the Republican party and his lewd behavior, false accusations and explicit nude photos with other men and then decide if you would marry him or not.

Physical attributes are fine but they are not the foundation of any long lasting relationship and in fact, may cause problems in the long run. That being said, CHARACTER is what contributes to a marriage or relationship.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
38,897
15,092
113
67
Tennessee
#34
Married or not I shall not quit when he needs me most.... I know to some it is quite ridiculous... but when you truly love someone you will fight for him with him till the end... 🙏🏻❤
I fully agree with you. It all comes down to love - you either love the person or you don't.
 
J

joecoten

Guest
#35
If they both still want to get married, then absolutely!
 

LoveBrokeThru

Active member
Mar 17, 2022
124
61
28
#36
Once married, then if possible, its for life.
Its not always possible.

And regarding the Sexual Dysfunction..... well, the couple who are married, will need to find a way regarding intimate personal satisfaction with each other.

And regarding being engaged, and one ends up with a spine injury.
Well, if YOU are that one who is injured, would you want the person you are engaged to promise you they will always be there, then leave you later because they can't deal with it...??.......or, would you want them to tell you that they can't deal with it, ..honestly.

Never make a promise when you are very upset, or very very happy.
You'll regret it later.

So......Both lives matter., so lets not forget that, and some people can be the nurse for life, but some people are not that type.

"well wouldn't the LORD want the engaged person to take care of the disabled for life" ??

A.) If the LORD brought them together, then they would be the one that would stay.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,090
4,015
113
#37
Oh wow SS,
Mr Cawthorn is gorgeous lol 😍...I would defo marry him if he was around my age and a Christian 😆🥰
In answer to your question though, if you marry someone because you love them then surely you would always love them... and get grace from God for any trials... none of us have any guarantees about the future do we... makes me count my blessings 🤔...
I think ‘Do unto others as you would have done unto you’... which makes me hope that one day the Lord sends me a husband who is so faithful to Him and me that he would love me no matter what. My Pastor faithfully cares for his disabled wife even though he is old, because he loves her and he has the love of Christ within him; I am so proud of him, what an example he is.

‘Love is the greatest’... 2 Corinthians 13:13 x
Do a search on the latest antics of Mr handsome in the Republican party and his lewd behavior, false accusations and explicit nude photos with other men and then decide if you would marry him or not.

Physical attributes are fine but they are not the foundation of any long lasting relationship and in fact, may cause problems in the long run. That being said, CHARACTER is what contributes to a marriage or relationship.

It was inevitable that the subject of looks would come up.

I wanted to put a few pictures of women in the original post, but ran out of time.

How many men would still marry women in wheelchairs who looked like this?

Would an exception be made for gorgeous women who looked more like models that everyday women they might see in real life?





 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,547
1,277
113
#38
Do a search on the latest antics of Mr handsome in the Republican party and his lewd behavior, false accusations and explicit nude photos with other men and then decide if you would marry him or not.

Physical attributes are fine but they are not the foundation of any long lasting relationship and in fact, may cause problems in the long run. That being said, CHARACTER is what contributes to a marriage or relationship.
Which is why I said, “ If he was Christian.”
I have no idea who he is; I was merely illustrating that a man being disabled does not and would not affect me being attracted to him or in love with him should he be the right one for me.
 

Polar

Active member
May 8, 2022
617
161
43
#39
It was inevitable that the subject of looks would come up.

I wanted to put a few pictures of women in the original post, but ran out of time.

How many men would still marry women in wheelchairs who looked like this?

Would an exception be made for gorgeous women who looked more like models that everyday women they might see in real life?
The rubber hits the pavement ;)
 

Polar

Active member
May 8, 2022
617
161
43
#40
Which is why I said, “ If he was Christian.”
I have no idea who he is; I was merely illustrating that a man being disabled does not and would not affect me being attracted to him or in love with him should he be the right one for me.
He said that he was a Christian. Well, you say that now. Get back to me in about 20 years. :) Honestly, of course physical attraction should be there, but it's the heart of the other person that is going to matter in the long haul. And marriage, if not entered into for the right reasons, can be a very long haul.