A Little Dense

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
J

Jullianna

Guest
#1
#1
I tend to kid around with my male friends the same way I kid around with my female friends. I need to be more careful about that.:cool:

On the flipside of the coin, there are times when I'm not sure whether a guy is interested or not. He might be playful or attentive and I THINK he might be, but then I will see him being that way with other people too, so I just think, Oh...okay..he was just kidding around. :)

About a month ago a guy told me that a guy would have to scream at me to get my attention. I have to admit that I can be a little dense like that, especially when my mind is on work and a bazillion other things.:rolleyes:

Anyone else?
 
LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#2
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
16
38
#2
Hmm, I think I would be a little concerned if a girl quickly thought that i liked her. In fact, when you're playful and attentive with many of the opposite sex, it's actually quite scary when a girl errors on the wrong side of that thought. Actually, I think I would rather a girl wait for me to tell her outright how I feel before she jumps in. I have no qualms about telling someone whom I care deeply for that I love them. It shouldn't take screaming, but I think there is something to be said for assuming things are just casual until they explicitly become more.

Of course if you develop feelings for him before he says that... Well, that's a whole different thread I think. :p

But yes... I have seen the signs, but for whatever reason always try to explain them away. Maybe I am dense. I know I'm pretty stubborn; maybe they go hand in hand?
 
zander

zander

Banned
#3
Feb 9, 2007
128
1
0
58
#3
As zan's sons were growing up and getting to that age where their interest in the opposite sex came to be, zan started conversations about healthy ways to relate. One of the things that constantly came up was a ''couple'' becoming an ''item'' . My son Matthew was able to bring about what i would call a healthy way to be in community. What zan told them was that it's not just good but zan believes Biblical to be out in community as a brother or sister in Christ and being good friends to many of the opposite gender. Matthew was able to spend time with several gals in getting to know them, and even in times where he was kind of with a particular one, he was able to keep friendships with others because he didn't fall into the trap of becoming an item. He had great respect because he respected all of his gal friends. He was able to guard his and their hearts. He gained alot of trust because they saw maturity in Matthew, and Matthew could see whom did and didn't have maturity in those he hung with. If one can't stand the person that they are interested in being around other guys or gals, it's a sign of lack of maturity and trust. Even though very hard at times, It's good for interested person's to allow freedom because in that freedom alot can be discerned. Just because you see a certain person just being friendly with others as he has been with you, doesn't necessarily mean he's not interested in you. He may very well have a great interest in you. It's healthy in zan's opinion not to get to exclusive to quick. You can tell if someone is a player or if someone has maturity and health. Sorry in zan's poor attempt to communicate what he means but i think ya get the idea.
 
zander

zander

Banned
#4
Feb 9, 2007
128
1
0
58
#4
P.S. Matthew was able to ''get to know a gal'' and spend time with her even kind of pair up with her and if it didn't work at that time he was able to spend time with another and not feel that his friendship with whom he found it wasn't working well with had to end. There were even times he ended back together with that person later. In other words he never got to exclusive to quick, and remained friends with all of them. I know this requires balance and maturity, but just because we don't see it that often doesn't mean it's not a healthy way to relate. Matthew was taught the responsibility of guarding her heart and purity and his, and honoring God. Matthew has learned as he has just been a Godly brother in Christ that it has given great freedom from expectations, and has made communication easier and guarding of the heart possible. It takes the pressure of of being an ''item'' and having exclusive ''rights'' to someone, to having freedom to grow in friendship and trust. In other words, to many times when relationships are about "me" and what i want and get from someone there is insecurity and a desire to control. When relationships are about what you can give and invest into it, there is more freedom and greater chance for true trust and intimacy to happen. If you hold on to tightly, and have to great of an expectation, it tends to choke a relationship. If zan saw a gal getting to close to quick and not allowing him to get to know others, it would be a yellow flag. That all being said, there becomes a time in relationship as it grows and God's will is discerned to move into courtship and become more of a ''couple'' with more exclusive ''right'' to each other ok i'll stop :p starting to ramble
 
zander

zander

Banned
#5
Feb 9, 2007
128
1
0
58
#5
P.S.S. I know my grammar sux. :p sue me.
 
zander

zander

Banned
#6
Feb 9, 2007
128
1
0
58
#6
P.S. Matthew was able to ''get to know a gal'' and spend time with her, even kind of pair up with her, and if it didn't work at that time he was able to spend time with another and not feel that his friendship with the previous had to end. (better i think to understand)
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#7
#7
I have to agree, Lightning. If a guy really likes you that way, it would be cool if they would just say that. :D

It makes you feel bad when you think your denseness may have caused you to needlessly hurt someone...

Zander, I'm going to have to let that soak in a little bit. :)
 
N

niceguyJ

Senior Member
#8
Feb 5, 2011
520
25
28
#8
Different people show interest in different ways. I just assume a person is not interested in that way, unless they tell me otherwise. I'm not a mind reader, and I'm sure I could miss whatever little hints were dropped. Plus, assumption can get us in a lot of trouble eh?
The weird thing is: I'm generally really good at reading and understanding people, and even figuring out a lot of things based on very little info...with one big exception...whether or not a woman has interest in me in a more than friends way. I'll admit, I can be next to clueless there. lol She'd probably have to scream at me and beat me over the head. Then I'd get it.
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#9
Jan 15, 2011
6,032
3,283
113
#9
Jullianna said:
I tend to kid around with my male friends the same way I kid around with my female friends. I need to be more careful about that.:cool:

On the flipside of the coin, there are times when I'm not sure whether a guy is interested or not. He might be playful or attentive and I THINK he might be, but then I will see him being that way with other people too, so I just think, Oh...okay..he was just kidding around. :)

About a month ago a guy told me that a guy would have to scream at me to get my attention. I have to admit that I can be a little dense like that, especially when my mind is on work and a bazillion other things.:rolleyes:

Anyone else?
Click to expand...
I tend to be the same way. If I'm comfortable with someone, I'll joke around with them regardless of gender. I've found I'm more likely to have women miss my serious flirtation and dismiss it as me just joking around than for someone misunderstand my joking around as interest. I can be pretty oblivious sometimes when someone is showing interest partially because I'm so accustomed to the flirtation flying around and also am accustomed to being considered a "safe" guy that women talk to about things they wouldn't share with most guys.

Lets put it this way, I'm the guy that figured out the girl I had a crush on all the way through high school actually was interested beyond just friends........... five years after we graduated.

Hmmmmm, Ijust realized we need a banging head on desk emoticon) :D
 
1

1still_waters

Guest
#10
#10
Yup I kid around with gals like I do guys. Probably because I've just decided to not worry about finding 'the one'. It frees me up to just not worry about that stuff. Do I need to be careful? Nope.

Can I be dense about whether a girl likes me? Yup!
 
Snackersmom

Snackersmom

Senior Member
#11
May 10, 2011
1,482
143
63
#11
I don't like to jump to conclusions, so my M.O. is to simply play dumb until the guy makes it unavoidably obvious. THEN panic-mode kicks in.
 
PopClick

PopClick

Senior Member
#12
Aug 12, 2011
4,056
138
63
#12
Jullianna said:
I have to agree, Lightning. If a guy really likes you that way, it would be cool if they would just say that. :D
Click to expand...
If... a guy... really likes... Lightning... that way? Could be awkward, to say the least...
 
LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#15
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
16
38
#15
Wouldnt be the first time. :eek:

And snackerzzz, no need to panic. We will take very very very good care of you! Truuuust me!
 
I

iraasuup

Guest
#17
#17
I'm just me, regardless of who I'm around.

What you see is what you get. If someone likes me then great, they're not gonna be in for any surprises.

I just wish everyone else would be the same.. so when you develop feelings for someone, you're not actually falling for an entirely different person.
 
LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#18
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
16
38
#18
iraasuup said:
I'm just me, regardless of who I'm around.

What you see is what you get. If someone likes me then great, they're not gonna be in for any surprises.

I just wish everyone else would be the same.. so when you develop feelings for someone, you're not actually falling for an entirely different person.
Click to expand...
Do I sense some hostility there? :)

Maybe if you girls weren't so attractive, you wouldn't have to worry about it at all. :p
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#19
Jan 15, 2011
6,032
3,283
113
#19
iraasuup said:
I'm just me, regardless of who I'm around.

What you see is what you get. If someone likes me then great, they're not gonna be in for any surprises.

I just wish everyone else would be the same.. so when you develop feelings for someone, you're not actually falling for an entirely different person.
Click to expand...
Preach it sister!!!!!!!!!!! It drives me nuts when people put up a huge facade for someone they want to impress. I've had people do it to me, and likewise seen tons of people do it to people I know. It really stinks finding out the person you're in a relationship with is not the person they portrayed themselves to be.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#20
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
4,269
113
#20
Jullianna said:
I tend to kid around with my male friends the same way I kid around with my female friends. I need to be more careful about that.:cool:

On the flipside of the coin, there are times when I'm not sure whether a guy is interested or not. He might be playful or attentive and I THINK he might be, but then I will see him being that way with other people too, so I just think, Oh...okay..he was just kidding around. :)

About a month ago a guy told me that a guy would have to scream at me to get my attention. I have to admit that I can be a little dense like that, especially when my mind is on work and a bazillion other things.:rolleyes:

Anyone else?
Click to expand...
I don't have that problem...but often wish I did :(
 
You must log in or register to reply here.