A little tip about the friend zone
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zan likes the God zone, there He decides if He wants to move you from the "called to be here atm zone" to the "called to the next step zone" whatever that looks like in the Love story He is writing 
If He's not in control of your Love story, writing it as He may, ones thoughts, hearts and emotions may be caught up in a non biblical world of the whole romantic relationship thing. The whole dance of romance, is most beautiful when it's done to God's music. Just being the best and most Christ like brother and sister in Christ He has called us to be, instead of the worlds view of mating, will take great pressure off and create an environment where one can be themselves.
The first and most important step in relationship is having one that is what it should be with God first. From there we are called to be a family in Him. This makes us brothers and sisters first. That's the friendship start God intended. Caring for one another as family. Developing relationships that aren't romantically based but family based. From there as God chooses, once a healthy friendship has developed, He moves, writes, and leads. When God calls a couple to move from brother and sister in Christ to a one flesh, new family unit in Christ, then it moves to a different role in God's family. God knows that new family unit He desires. This means He knows who He wants to match up and why. We may think compatibility and such is wisdom and so it is, It's worldly wisdom. Not that we are called to shut off our brains and be blind to God's wisdom, but understanding that God gives us what we need for w/e and whom ever we are called to. That compatibility in so many ways is choice. A compatible focus in a mate search is in zan's opinion a selfish one. It's shows that ones heart is focused many times on what that person wants from, rather than what they can give to. Our lives are not our own, they were bought with a price. They weren't given to us for us but rather for HIM. As we lay them down for His purposes through us, we find that we are the most blessed and God takes care of our needs. Perhaps are rewards are seen more later than now, but none the less, it's not about our happiness being in our own hands but our Joy in God's hands. If we learn to trust God with our love stories, and make him the focus, or relationships are deeper and stronger in Him.
Perhaps God gets more glory from two people that aren't so "compatible" that learn to Love, learn to work together, and choose to Love. Perhaps the worlds "perfect" matches aren't so perfect. Please don't move these thoughts to an extreme but rather just something to open the possibility of something other than what the world says. Zan's not saying that God never or seldom places people that click and are in harmony together. Rather, that God doesn't always place "perfect" matches together. The whole point is..... Let God write your love story. Be family first. Love your brothers and sisters and relax. Finding out through avenues such as courtship if God wants to move us from being brothers and sisters to husband and wives is a win win situation. The worse that can happen is you find out that God's plans are for you to love each other as brothers and sisters rather than romantically.
Anyway, Zan's struggle as usual is to take what's in his heart and move it to expression. (not the brightest light bulb in the package) Zan's heart is passionate about Love and Relationship because they represent God. These thoughts are just an offering of a persons convictions that is all They are there as an offering that can be accepted or rejected, nothing else. Be blessed to be a blessing Just something to think about
If He's not in control of your Love story, writing it as He may, ones thoughts, hearts and emotions may be caught up in a non biblical world of the whole romantic relationship thing. The whole dance of romance, is most beautiful when it's done to God's music. Just being the best and most Christ like brother and sister in Christ He has called us to be, instead of the worlds view of mating, will take great pressure off and create an environment where one can be themselves. The first and most important step in relationship is having one that is what it should be with God first. From there we are called to be a family in Him. This makes us brothers and sisters first. That's the friendship start God intended. Caring for one another as family. Developing relationships that aren't romantically based but family based. From there as God chooses, once a healthy friendship has developed, He moves, writes, and leads. When God calls a couple to move from brother and sister in Christ to a one flesh, new family unit in Christ, then it moves to a different role in God's family. God knows that new family unit He desires. This means He knows who He wants to match up and why. We may think compatibility and such is wisdom and so it is, It's worldly wisdom. Not that we are called to shut off our brains and be blind to God's wisdom, but understanding that God gives us what we need for w/e and whom ever we are called to. That compatibility in so many ways is choice. A compatible focus in a mate search is in zan's opinion a selfish one. It's shows that ones heart is focused many times on what that person wants from, rather than what they can give to. Our lives are not our own, they were bought with a price. They weren't given to us for us but rather for HIM. As we lay them down for His purposes through us, we find that we are the most blessed and God takes care of our needs. Perhaps are rewards are seen more later than now, but none the less, it's not about our happiness being in our own hands but our Joy in God's hands. If we learn to trust God with our love stories, and make him the focus, or relationships are deeper and stronger in Him.
Perhaps God gets more glory from two people that aren't so "compatible" that learn to Love, learn to work together, and choose to Love. Perhaps the worlds "perfect" matches aren't so perfect. Please don't move these thoughts to an extreme but rather just something to open the possibility of something other than what the world says. Zan's not saying that God never or seldom places people that click and are in harmony together. Rather, that God doesn't always place "perfect" matches together. The whole point is..... Let God write your love story. Be family first. Love your brothers and sisters and relax. Finding out through avenues such as courtship if God wants to move us from being brothers and sisters to husband and wives is a win win situation. The worse that can happen is you find out that God's plans are for you to love each other as brothers and sisters rather than romantically.
Anyway, Zan's struggle as usual is to take what's in his heart and move it to expression. (not the brightest light bulb in the package) Zan's heart is passionate about Love and Relationship because they represent God. These thoughts are just an offering of a persons convictions that is all
They are there as an offering that can be accepted or rejected, nothing else. Be blessed to be a blessing Just something to think about
T
So you're speaking for women when you say that as a group you're looking for excessive neck and back hair?
ANYWHO
A best friend of the opposite sex, In my opinion, should only happen once in a lifetime. One that someone invests themselves in thoroughly, and can expect the same in turn. I would feel VERY uncomfortable having a really good female friend besides. I would hope that the other half would share my discomfort with such a relationship. Nothing good ever happened from having two types of gravy.
ANYWHO
A best friend of the opposite sex, In my opinion, should only happen once in a lifetime. One that someone invests themselves in thoroughly, and can expect the same in turn. I would feel VERY uncomfortable having a really good female friend besides. I would hope that the other half would share my discomfort with such a relationship. Nothing good ever happened from having two types of gravy.
I think Zan said this very well. I also think it's worth pointing out (following Zan's train of thought, if possible) that if someone does feel consumed by a desire for a spouse, then asking God to change the desires of their heart (change them so that He is the focus of their lives), is a wonderful thing to do. Everything else sort of... fades away, after that. Peace... squared.
Well hold on, I am somewhat confused. A man who gets into the friendzone is someone who is friendly and compassionate with the woman. I can understand that women don't want a man who will completely mold himself to fit her desires and lifestyles. I recall this statement:
At first I wonder if this means that women don't want a man who can connect with them emotionally. I can understand women not wanting a guy who is clingy - independence and personal strength are good qualities. Emotional codependency is bad, yes. But what do you mean by saying they don't want someone who is nice? Do they want someone who is always a jerk? They don't want someone trying to be their friend? Where is the line drawn, what is the happy medium?
Homie, not everyone wants to be single their whole lives. Finding a good partner as immeasurable benefits.
At first I wonder if this means that women don't want a man who can connect with them emotionally. I can understand women not wanting a guy who is clingy - independence and personal strength are good qualities. Emotional codependency is bad, yes. But what do you mean by saying they don't want someone who is nice? Do they want someone who is always a jerk? They don't want someone trying to be their friend? Where is the line drawn, what is the happy medium?
Homie, not everyone wants to be single their whole lives. Finding a good partner as immeasurable benefits.
No, they don't actually WANT a jerk, but they will put up with one if he exhibits the things that make him attractive to her (confidence, independence, take-charge attitude, etc..)
The key word is Attraction. The things that put a man in the friendzone are the things that make him unattractive to a woman. Being a jerk does eventually make a man unattractive to a woman, but sometimes it takes a long time for her to take his jerk-like qualities seriously and even after that, many women keep holding on to him anyway.
The key word is Attraction. The things that put a man in the friendzone are the things that make him unattractive to a woman. Being a jerk does eventually make a man unattractive to a woman, but sometimes it takes a long time for her to take his jerk-like qualities seriously and even after that, many women keep holding on to him anyway.
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J
I guess I don't get how not wanting to be with someone whose strengths/weaknesses don't fit well with yours or not wanting to be with someone you couldn't see yourself loving in a way that is so very important to you somehow makes one ungodly or somehow means that one is not cultivating their relationship with Christ, or that the person is somehow not willing to be self-sacrificing or a true helpmate to someone....but that's just me. We're all different and I would never want to be presumptuous regarding the hearts of others. One-sided marriages just don't seem like a good idea in my life.
Anyway...what about these situations? -
More than one person is interested in you, but:
- you aren't interested in all of them THAT way, but appreciate certain qualities that endear them to you as a friend
- you don't want to be unkind or rude, but they never seem to grasp that you aren't interested in them in that way and they become upset with you about feelings you can't help NOT having
- you ARE interested in someone and they might be interested in you, but you have friend who is interested in them and you don't want to hurt your friend, so, in your mind you willfully put the guy into the friendzone
TANDEMTRUTHS: I wouldn't take it that far, but, at my age, being with someone who has been shaving for more than a few years is kinda important. I wouldn't presume to speak for all women. Some might like that!
Anyway...what about these situations? -
More than one person is interested in you, but:
- you aren't interested in all of them THAT way, but appreciate certain qualities that endear them to you as a friend
- you don't want to be unkind or rude, but they never seem to grasp that you aren't interested in them in that way and they become upset with you about feelings you can't help NOT having
- you ARE interested in someone and they might be interested in you, but you have friend who is interested in them and you don't want to hurt your friend, so, in your mind you willfully put the guy into the friendzone
TANDEMTRUTHS: I wouldn't take it that far, but, at my age, being with someone who has been shaving for more than a few years is kinda important.
I wouldn't presume to speak for all women. Some might like that!
To be honest, we ladies are not thrilled about having to spend so much time with our razors either, but guys tend to freak out if we don't.
I haven't met very many women who are lassez-faire with a razor.
I'll admit that I do it for women, but some care and some don't. I would more often if it mattered to someone else but if its just me, its a twice a week thing.
J
Interesting...
I haven't met very many women who are lassez-faire with a razor.
You probably won't either! Most of us are pretty obsessive about it. But, we don't it because it's fun. We do it because we know it looks better and feels better, and because it's expected of us...but it's a LOT of maintenance. If guys aren't thrilled about shaving just their faces, can you imagine having to do so many other parts?
I'll admit that I do it for women, but some care and some don't. I would more often if it mattered to someone else but if its just me, its a twice a week thing.
I haven't met very many women who are lassez-faire with a razor.
You probably won't either! Most of us are pretty obsessive about it.
But, we don't it because it's fun. We do it because we know it looks better and feels better, and because it's expected of us...but it's a LOT of maintenance. If guys aren't thrilled about shaving just their faces, can you imagine having to do so many other parts? I'll admit that I do it for women, but some care and some don't. I would more often if it mattered to someone else but if its just me, its a twice a week thing.
Interesting...
I haven't met very many women who are lassez-faire with a razor.
You probably won't either! Most of us are pretty obsessive about it. But, we don't it because it's fun. We do it because we know it looks better and feels better, and because it's expected of us...but it's a LOT of maintenance. If guys aren't thrilled about shaving just their faces, can you imagine having to do so many other parts?
I'll admit that I do it for women, but some care and some don't. I would more often if it mattered to someone else but if its just me, its a twice a week thing.
I haven't met very many women who are lassez-faire with a razor.
You probably won't either! Most of us are pretty obsessive about it.
But, we don't it because it's fun. We do it because we know it looks better and feels better, and because it's expected of us...but it's a LOT of maintenance. If guys aren't thrilled about shaving just their faces, can you imagine having to do so many other parts? I'll admit that I do it for women, but some care and some don't. I would more often if it mattered to someone else but if its just me, its a twice a week thing.