A non christian and Christian in a relationship or marriage

[Dave-1988]

Dave,
I tried to post earlier but it doesn't appear to have posted... forgive me if got two post from me...
I married an atheist but that I didn't know at the time. Well I sought God for help on what to do- through the Bible He told me to stay for if my non-believing spouse was ok staying with me, then I was to stay and pray-and be kind for in my actions he could be won over.... well 13 years into our marriage and me praying, he gave his life to Christ- no, life wasn't perfect nor happy ever after but because I've been in these shoes- I know that marriage is hard for believing spouses just as much as non-believing spouses. Have you shared with her that you love her and will not be in her way as a Christian and that you will even go to church with her? Faith comes by hearing... Maybe you could begin to read the Bible. Lee Strobel wrote a Book called Case for Christ, that has become a movie. I really enjoyed his wife's book as she was the believer married to the non-believer (even though she became a believer during their marriage.) I am a firm believer in God's will and purpose for our lives- and will be praying for you both to know what that is where you both are concerned relationship wise... best of luck (pursue a relationship with God first and foremost and the will of Him and if it is to be with this girl- to doors will be opened wide and nobody will be able to close them).

Thanks for the response,

Thats very interesting how your husband was an Atheist. See this is what I mean and i'm rather curious on how you did not know that the person you were marrying was an Atheist? Yes, iv'e shared all aspects of going to church with her and my willingness to read the bible. I will see if I can find the movie as you suggested, thank you.

 

[Dave-1988]

Hi Dave, It sounds like this woman has a lot going on with her family. I don't know if she broke it off because of the family or because of the other. It's a sad story and it's to bad she has to be responsible for adults who are making poor decisions.

Before I was married I dated a Jewish man and an atheist, not at the same time, but eventually those factors were part of why we broke up. They aren't bad people but I guess deep down I knew that I did want to find someone who was Christian.

I wasn't really even that close to God at that point in my life. When the atheist and I broke up I took some time to myself and I did pray because I was so lost inside. I set my mind that I wasn't going to date anyone that wasn't Christian again. I didn't go out seeking a mate, I ended up meeting my Husband through a friend.

Of course this isn't everyone's story and not knowing her or you I can't say if it will work or not. But if she's truly trying to have a better relationship with God she probably wants someone like minded. That could be you someday, I don't know.
Just don't do something your heart isn't in because you want to keep a relationship. Not that I don't wish you to find God and have him in your life. It's that no one can force you into it. That probably won't end well. Best wishes.

Hi there,

Yes she has a lot of problems with her family at the moment. Her brother is Heroin addict and recently diagnosed with HIV. So this is a big part of why we have split up, also to a certain extend. Her families disapproval with my beliefs as an agnostic. That's pretty much the tip of the iceberg i'm afraid but families come first I guess.

Thank you for sharing your story to me.

 

[Dave-1988]

She loves you, but because of who she believes God is, she can't have a relationship with you. She told you not to come; she broke off the relationship even though it must have been like ripping her heart out. Don't make that decision harder for her by coming after her.

Thank you

 

[Reg53]

Not gonna work... it will not end well

 

[cinder]

Thank you for the response, oh absolutely if we were to have children I would have no problem for them to know god. I wouldn't see a problem with taking them to church but i'd also take them to a buddhist temple, mosque, synagogue etc. As long as they have an understanding of different faiths. They can choose as they see fit to whatever they want their beliefs to be. Well perhaps I believe in god but I disagree with organised religion...

Ah I see, well I have a lot of thinking to do. I don't see why a interfaith relationship should be a problem. I accept her the way she is and I respect her beliefs but it's not the same case for people like me.

Because people of faith see their faith as defining ultimate reality, most of the time when agnostics and atheists talk about accepting someone's religious beliefs they talk about it like their accepting that these people have a hobby and the focus of the hobby doesn't matter so much. Like there isn't any difference between major religions when in reality there are huge idealogical and philosophical differences between them and when you think one of them is truth and the path to a good life and the others are debilitating, enslaving lies well it matters greatly. To people of faith, belief isn't about choosing which club you prefer (though there are huge social and identity aspects of being part of a religious community), it's about what is the ultimate truth.

That is not to say that people who follow other faiths are intrinsically evil or any nonsense like that (or that being a Christian magically makes someone a better person), most people of faith are aware of their limits and looking for a way and power to make their lives better (and often easier). But when faith sets the bar for what is right or ideal or to be pursued then yes it is a big deal and it is very difficult for someone who takes their faith seriously to feel fully united with someone who doesn't share that same faith informed worldview and perspective.

 

[NoNameMcgee]

Hello everyone,

I am new on this forum and would like some help regarding my situation. I am a non christian in a relationship with a christian woman and currently facing some issues with our interfaith beliefs.

We both first met at work in Thailand in a tech start and have been in a relationship for over a year. When I first met her I really liked her and started to pursue her, I didn't think her religion would have any affect on loving someone who wasn't a believer. I also don't discriminate on a persons beliefs, cultural identity or ethnicity. I consider myself an agnostic but would happily go to a church, mosque or a buddhist temple. Iv'e gone to a few churches with my girlfriend, the Evangelical denomination. And making friends with some of the people who I met at church. We both live together and have done for over a year, without her family knowing. We have had sexual intercourse, she lost her virginity to me. We have also talked about getting married and having kids although I don't want that yet as i'm not in a suitable financial situation.

After living in Thailand for four and half years I decided to go back to the U.K to see my family for a few months. Two months later she came to visit me in the U.K, we spent some time in London followed by a romantic trip to Paris for her birthday. After that she went to LA for two weeks where she is from. Within those two weeks I had hardly any contact with her, I frequently messaged her and tried to call her but on the last week I realised something must be wrong. I was aware that she has some family issues. Her brother is a drug addict and her mother is getting frail and ill because of it. But for the last week she did not call me or message me, she was trying to avoid the situation she knows how upset I would become if something were to happen. I l also know her well enough to know something is wrong, even if she hasn't said anything. I also believe her mother found out about us and that she disapproved of the relationship. She also changed her views towards me when she made a visit to her local church in LA. Maybe the church minister or bible studies had an affect and mentioned how it was a sin to have no sex before marriage.

Well just a couple of days ago I had repeatedly called her to see what was happening, she was upset and crying and said how she had to move back to the united states to support her mother and brothers, this is also A Thai cultural thing. She also said how we're incompatible because i'm a non believer and how it would never work out as we don't share the same values. She said she has to end it because of her relationship with god and her religious values. I would get in the way of that.

BTW I am Thai/British while she is Thai/American, so thats another complication if one of us moves back home to the west.

I'm currently in the U.K at the moment and am thinking wether I should travel back to Thailand to see her one last time or to salvage as much as I possibly can from the relationship. She said that I should not come back and she has decided on ending it and moving back to the states.

I truly want to be with her and I love her very much. I would spend my whole life with her and she has been the best thing that has happened to me. But because of these values it makes it very difficult for us.

I am unsure what to do at this minute in time and would appreciate the help of any of the forum readers would give. If any one has been in a similar situation or is in a interfaith relationship I would love to hear from you. I'm sure there are some church leaders may also give invaluable advice.

Much appreciated

David

no matter what happens with her, i suggest seeking God

if the Bible still seems distant to your heart when you read it i suggest

paul washer
david wilkerson
chuck missler


if you have a hard seeing things different than you were taught in school or by man

i suggest Kent Hovind debates (yess hes not perfect at proving his points but hes shown how foolish evolution is)

id pray to God to soften your heart

then start seeking him through the word

i started going back and forth between OT and NT


but your relation ship CAN be sanctified with one believer
just why would you do that to someone

luke 17 :2
It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.


causing someone who doesnt have the full armor of God to stray off the path is really bad for you

and it is possible to make someone not entirely in the faith lose rewards and stunt their growth in the word


(but im just a guy what do i know, maybe its Gods plan to use her to guide you down the narrow path and youre both gonna make more rewards than me and go to heaven)