Advice and support needed

[maxwel]

There is no need for you to confess your sin to your pastor or anyone else but only to God. It is up to the other church member to confess his sin to his wife. Sadly, what happen probably destroyed the marriage but this type of sin can do this. My counsel is to break off all ties with this guy, find a new church and rededicate yourself to the Lord.

It is best for single or married people not to have serious friendship with members of the opposite sex that are married because destructive things can happen leading to ruin marriages and destroying yourself in the process. You can be friends but must keep it casual and somewhat distant. In your case, you must put this behind you and move forward alone. In the future be aware and not allow yourself to be put into a position again where you can be tempted to commit this type of sin.

There are others here that have been in similar situations so please know that you are not alone in this.

Glad to have you join our family. Welcome to CC.

I agree with everything in this post except the one point I highlighted.

Why?

In most cases, keeping your problem to yourself, just between you and God... in many cases that's the most prudent thing to do.
I totally agree.

But this is an extreme situation.
This is a situation that involves a number of other people, and since this man is a leader in ministry, it involves the pastor and the whole congregation.

The pastor needs to know what's going on... this is NOT a little personal sin that affects no one else.

1. If this man is a leader in ministry, the pastor needs to know he's cheating on his own wife, so he can be immediately removed from minisitry.

2. If this man is a leader in ministry, he's trusted by everyone, and he's therefore in a perfect position to have affairs with other women, and wreck other families... and we already have proof he's done it once.

3. From the character this man is showing, it's entirely possible he's done this before, or that he'll do this again... for all we know this could be a PREDATORY behavior... this is exactly the kind of thing the pastor needs to know about.

4. This man has given his wife biblical grounds for divorce... his wife needs to know what her own husband has done, so she can make wise and intelligent decisions about her own life.

5. The wife needs to know so she can get tested for sexually transmitted diseases... as we have no idea how often this man has done this, or with whom.


This is not some little personal sin that affects no one else... there are victims here, and there is a threat both to the ministry, and to the whole congregation.




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[MissCris]

In your case, you must put this behind you and move forward alone. In the future be aware and not allow yourself to be put into a position again where you can be tempted to commit this type of sin.

There are others here that have been in similar situations so please know that you are not alone in this.

Glad to have you join our family. Welcome to CC.

I have to disagree with the first statement here- someone in this situation should definitely not be trying to find their way out of this alone. There's a lot of reasons why- accountability and support at the top of the list. If she tries to do this on her own, it's far more likely it will happen again, even if she moves to a new place or new church. She needs to be honest with someone she respects about what's happened. She needs someone who can be praying for her, checking how she's doing, advising her how to proceed.

The second statement is certainly true, but how will she find others near her who can empathize and help her if she keeps quiet about what she's done? I know there are people here who can do those things, but she needs them where she is.