Alone

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TheOzoneCow

Guest
#1
#1
So far, I have never felt more unwelcome in a chat room than I have here. As a guy who grew up with two sisters, I am more comfortable communicating with women.. but in the chat rooms here, it seems every female has a warning to not PM them.. which also make me hesitant to even speak to them in the main rooms. I am going through a tough time and just needed someone to talk to.. I understand that the women on here are trying to keep the creeps away and that's fine.. but it seems like I am automatically thrown into a category I don't belong in.. And for a Christian site, that is sad.
 
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FixYourWeave

Guest
#2
#2
If your not in the click basically you wont be talked to.
 
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TheOzoneCow

Guest
#3
#3
That seems awfully harsh
 
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FixYourWeave

Guest
#4
#4
i agree. It is really harsh, but thats how it goes in the chat room. im not part of the click so i dont talk to anyone in there really
 
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TheOzoneCow

Guest
#5
#5
well fair enough.. I'm not exactly an outgoing person, so maybe I am partly to blame
 
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FixYourWeave

Guest
#6
#6
dont blame yourself
 
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TheOzoneCow

Guest
#7
#7
Force of habit.. just the way I am.
 
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christiancollegegirl

Guest
#8
#8
I don't mind talking to men, I'd just preffer it to be in the main chat board or in the forums first. That way there's already a bit of rapport and things go smoother. So if you see me in the Lounge, feel free to talk to me in the main chat.
 
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lil-rush

Guest
#9
#9
I don't mind guys PMing me. It's annoying, though, when a guy PMs me and is like "Will you date me?" No! I will not date you, so stop asking. It's offensive.

I think mainchat should have a welcoming committee, and then whenever someone comes in they can be like "Hey! Welcome to CC chat!" lol
 
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TheOzoneCow

Guest
#10
#10
Yeah, I understand that you guys feel that way.. it's just from the experiences you've had on here. So I can understand why you're wary of it
 
eugenius

eugenius

Senior Member
#11
Jul 17, 2009
491
9
18
#11
Oh there is a clique at this website? I failed to notice and to care. Non conformism is my motto and life long philosophy.

I am another person who nobody talks to or cares about. I have never belonged anywhere ever in my entire life. Life long loner. But whats different about me is I speak out about it and am ready to defend others and myself any time any where. So if you need help, ask.

We need to start a club and then none of us will be alone. ;)
 
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heart4him

Guest
#12
#12
no, there isn't a clique. if you're rude to people in their posts on the forums yeah maybe they wont want to talk to you in the chatroom because you've belittled their problems on here, but i dont think anyone intends to leave anyone out.

although i do think people could be more friendly in the chat overall sometimes, i think its just that more people than not on here are introverted.

also, girls in the chat who don't have pictures up, normally don't have a 'don't pm me' warning. is it that you only want to talk to women who have pictures?
 
J0Y

J0Y

Senior Member
#13
Mar 7, 2009
509
6
18
#13
A clique only exists if we let it.... I spent my childhood as the reject....now I reject that status and the perception of popular vs unpopular. The mere idea of it only has power if we give it power. Jesus would not want us to own the label of being excluded...he accepts us and that is the most important thing. Sure we are going to get on with some more than others, but I also choose to not let those who irritate or completely ignore me - get to me. Dont let a few ruin chatting here....there are some great people to talk to!

Yes, I had a no PM from guys on my PM box cos there are creepers but I have changed it recently. I am open to PMs from guys when I get to know them through chatting in the main room first.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#14
May 23, 2009
14,944
4,588
113
#14
TOC:

I think you've brought up some good points to think about... I can relate to some of the things you're saying and have reduced a lot of time in chat... I find chat to be a little hit-and-miss. However, I too have a message on my PM box because, I constantly get PM's from guys old enough to be my Dad, looking for a wife... and/or guys who are married and say, "Marriage is tough--I wish I had someone to talk to." To me, personally... looking around for single women as their option for someone to "talk to" is more than a little dangerous. So, I opted to put, "No PM's from married or engaged men" in my box.

Perhaps there is a better way to approach this? I'm not sure... I'll stay tuned to this thread for some ideas... I would love to be able to talk to people around my age who are in similar situations but I don't seem to find that much or else they're not interested in talking.... Now there are some wonderful exceptions here (shouts out to JOY and Fix Your Weave and all the cool people I've met here on CC) and if you're wanting to talk, please feel free to drop me a message.
 
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Matthew

Guest
#15
#15
I think it seems different to everyone, it comes down to personality type not whether there is a clique or not, anyone can see there is a group of people in chat who all know eachother and when you're new to a place it can be hard to break in and get to know people, but that's a lot harder for people who are more introvert as some people find it easier to integrate into existing groups than others.

I have found it really hard to get involved in chat but I wouldn't say it's an unwelcoming place, we all need to realise that there's only so much anyone can do for us and we need to do our part, although I thnk it's natural for men to want to speak to women and women to men, we are wired to seek out the oppsite sex, but it would be nice if people didn't close the door ot of fear of who might PM them, because maybe you'll miss out on someone really nice who might have a really hard time forming individual connections as part of a large chat group.

But a welcoming committee might be a good idea, maybe a mandatory 20 questions for every new person who comes in :D but that might drive them away, I'd like to try that :)
 
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lil-rush

Guest
#16
#16
Matthew said:
But a welcoming committee might be a good idea, maybe a mandatory 20 questions for every new person who comes in :D but that might drive them away, I'd like to try that :)
Click to expand...
lol a mandatory 20 questions would be amusing, if nothing else.
 
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pepsiguy

Guest
#17
#17
Its true if your not in there click,No ONe wants to atlk to you if you tpye something its a waste of time i thought this was a CHRISTIAN chat room...
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#18
May 23, 2009
14,944
4,588
113
#18
Matthew said:
I think it seems different to everyone, it comes down to personality type not whether there is a clique or not, anyone can see there is a group of people in chat who all know eachother and when you're new to a place it can be hard to break in and get to know people, but that's a lot harder for people who are more introvert as some people find it easier to integrate into existing groups than others.

I have found it really hard to get involved in chat but I wouldn't say it's an unwelcoming place, we all need to realise that there's only so much anyone can do for us and we need to do our part, although I thnk it's natural for men to want to speak to women and women to men, we are wired to seek out the oppsite sex, but it would be nice if people didn't close the door ot of fear of who might PM them, because maybe you'll miss out on someone really nice who might have a really hard time forming individual connections as part of a large chat group.

But a welcoming committee might be a good idea, maybe a mandatory 20 questions for every new person who comes in :D but that might drive them away, I'd like to try that :)
Click to expand...

Keep in mind, one of Matthew's Twenty Questions (probably number two, I'd say, but possibly his first question) would be, "Are you fond of Piglet from Winnie-the-Pooh?"

I would advise you never to tell him, "Actually, I'm a big fan of Tigger..." or you'll never make it to the next question on his list...

*Ducks* :D

All I can say is, don't give up, and the experiences you're describing are definitely not unique. Keep trying... there are some of us out here who are really open to meeting new people and it might take some effort for all of us to find each other, but I like to see as an adventure. ;)
 
J0Y

J0Y

Senior Member
#19
Mar 7, 2009
509
6
18
#19
We can choose to be miserable and negative about this....or we can choose to rise above it and have a new attitude! Moaning about it wont change anything, and as I said, there are people here who ignore me too but it is my choice about whether I choose to let that offend me or not. Instead I just dismiss them and look for people/rooms with more friendly people!

I would just like to point out though, yes, it is a Christian chatroom, but NO it is not perfect because none of us are...

So hang in there and keep chatting cos one day you will find someone who you have things in common with and can talk to a lot!! It only takes one and they may just be shy and intimidated just like you...
 
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lil-rush

Guest
#20
#20
The thing is, when most people come into chat there are at least 20 people in the lounge. The regulars aren't going to make an effort to talk to every new face because that would be rather difficult for them. Usually there is a conversation already going on, and just like in real life, when a conversation going on, people don't stop just to say hi to someone they don't know. They're busy talking.

In theory, there is nothing wrong with this. We should not expect to be babied, yes?

What I do is go into chat and sit around until I see something I can comment on. Sometimes people will respond to what I said. Other times it will be ignored. So I try again when another opportunity comes up for me to talk. I figure if I do this long enough people will start talking to me more. After all, I can't just go into a room of strangers and expect them all to start talking to me as if I'm their long lost sister. I have to make an effort.

Now, with that all being said, I do think that if I am making an effort, the regulars should make an effort as well. It does make one wonder when you enter chat, and no one speaks a word to you, and then someone else comes in and everyone is like "William!!!! Hi!!!!" I can understand people being happy when their e-friends log into chat. I do the same thing on a different site, but when everyone else is ignored except for the e-friends, it's kinda not cool.
 
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