Are You Becoming More "Stuck in Your Ways"... and "Undateable" Because of It?

[melita916]

Re: Are You Becoming More "Stuck in Your Ways"... and "Undateable" Because of It?

when i was younger, i was willing to compromise so the other person would stick around, whether it was a "friend" or a guy i liked. i look back and think, "wow!! i will NEVER do that again!" i've realized i was willing to compromise because i had low (or no) self esteem, so i was willing to do anything so i wouldn't be alone. gah! thank You, Jesus, for healing me!

people come and go, but Jesus is always, so i'm "stuck in my ways" when it comes to my relationship with Him. has that made me undateable? idk lol. i've been told i can be intimidating/unapproachable. i'm still trying to figure out why.

wait. what are talking about again? lol

 

[fourleaf]

Re: Are You Becoming More "Stuck in Your Ways"... and "Undateable" Because of It?

Stuck in my own ways? Sure. But not undateable i think. Past relationships had changed me alot when it comes to choosing a guy. And as a Christian, you don't just choose any guy. It should be the appropriate one. And alot of us fail on this part. The choice we make.

I try not to be the type who would go with the flow. Like someone who would go like this, "you like me, i like you.. why don't we start a relationship?" Or something like that. As i grow older, my perspective in relationahips have improved well. I realised that true connection is what make the relationship truly works. I'm praying that i will share this connection to someone someday, not at the moment because im still enjoying every moment of singlehood. Hopefully in God's time.

 

[melita916]

Re: Are You Becoming More "Stuck in Your Ways"... and "Undateable" Because of It?

correction: i'm not undateable.

 

[MissCris]

Re: Are You Becoming More "Stuck in Your Ways"... and "Undateable" Because of It?

I'm completely undateable.



...sorry, I couldn't not.

 

[seoulsearch]

Re: Are You Becoming More "Stuck in Your Ways"... and "Undateable" Because of It?

i've been told i can be intimidating/unapproachable. i'm still trying to figure out why.

I have no idea what these people are talking about, Melita.

I find you to be completely friendly easy to talk to... Except for that one time when you were growling and snapping at anyone who came within 3 feet of your snocone... I was afraid I might lose my arm to a bear trap...

But other than that, I think you're TOTALLY approachable!

 

[melita916]

Re: Are You Becoming More "Stuck in Your Ways"... and "Undateable" Because of It?

I have no idea what these people are talking about, Melita.

I find you to be completely friendly easy to talk to... Except for that one time when you were growling and snapping at anyone who came within 3 feet of your snocone... I was afraid I might lose my arm to a bear trap...

But other than that, I think you're TOTALLY approachable!

thanks, kim! in writing, i'm approachable (forum, texts, etc). but in person, i apparently give out a vibe that keeps people away? lol idk. *sorry to derail but...* for example, there's a newish girl at church. i've tried talking with her to get to know her, but she gives me short answers, and yet, i see her talking with others with no problem. so i'm like, "what's the deal here?" i've been told she's socially awkward, so maybe that's the case. but then there's this other new girl who is a social butterfly. the other day, we sat next to each other at a church fellowship, and i got to talking with her, asking her questions to get to know her. she talked a lot more than previous girl, but she wasn't as comfortable as when i see her talking with others.

i've seen similar when it comes to new guys. not so much with the guys i've known for a long time.

*ok. back to the OP*

 

[seoulsearch]

Re: Are You Becoming More "Stuck in Your Ways"... and "Undateable" Because of It?

thanks, kim! in writing, i'm approachable (forum, texts, etc). but in person, i apparently give out a vibe that keeps people away? lol idk. *sorry to derail but...* for example, there's a newish girl at church. i've tried talking with her to get to know her, but she gives me short answers, and yet, i see her talking with others with no problem. so i'm like, "what's the deal here?" i've been told she's socially awkward, so maybe that's the case. but then there's this other new girl who is a social butterfly. the other day, we sat next to each other at a church fellowship, and i got to talking with her, asking her questions to get to know her. she talked a lot more than previous girl, but she wasn't as comfortable as when i see her talking with others.

i've seen similar when it comes to new guys. not so much with the guys i've known for a long time.

*ok. back to the OP*

That does it, Melita. Someday you and I are just going to have to meet in person and help each other figure out why we're both so stuck in our ways and unapproachable.

I'll bring plenty of snocones, just to keep you somewhat sedated.

 

[Lynx]

Re: Are You Becoming More "Stuck in Your Ways"... and "Undateable" Because of It?

While flexibility does decrease as age increases, I think sometimes people are much too quick to say their elders are stuck in their ways. Those elders have spent their whole lives finding those ways, testing them and proving that they work. Also when they were younger they probably tried the ways that younger people want to try and found they don't work very well.

 

[phil36]

Re: Are You Becoming More "Stuck in Your Ways"... and "Undateable" Because of It?

Mmmm... Stuck in my ways and does that make me undateable?

Quite a hard question to answer really. The topic matters to both singles and the married, though in very different ways. A personal example for me would be time.. upon reflection I believe it would be hard for me to learn to share my time, I have done it before and could do it again but it would I suppose be a transition. Would that make me undateable? I don't think so as I am sure the the same or similar would be true of any future partner (if there is one).

I think there is a fine line between being able and willing to compromise on the one hand and allowing yourself to be someones doormat on the other - just so as not to be single. A point that others have quite rightly remarked upon.

Basically, I don't think being 'stuck in your ways' makes anyone undateable... but I also know that when you date someone..comprise has to be allowed. the compromise issue comes into force for those dating/married. There are many attributes that some may not like in us, so therefore wouldnt want to date - but thats just the nature of things! Doesn't mean that anyone of us is undateable (sounds like some sort of contagious disease 'UNDATEABLE' lol).

So lets all getting dating..... ohh wait...I'm out, bsuy with my own time this week maybe I'll join in next week.

 

[LiJo]

Re: Are You Becoming More "Stuck in Your Ways"... and "Undateable" Because of It?

I do have preferences as far as who I chose to be in my inner circle. I don't tolerate certain behavior and will distant myself from those who are full of drama. I'm more content with myself and do not require or depend on others to make me happy. I'm comfortable going to places by myself. However, I don't consider myself to be undateable because of it.

 

[PoetMary]

Re: Are You Becoming More "Stuck in Your Ways"... and "Undateable" Because of It?

Sometimes as people age they begin to think they have the world sorted out. They know how to quickly label people, and they often presume their labels are pretty infallible. I wish I had a dollar for every person I've heard claim to be "a good judge of character." Nearly everyone believes this to be true of themselves.

Even at my age, people continue to surprise the heck out of me--in both good and bad ways. That creates a certain level of discomfort for me. Just when you think you've figured someone out, the rug is pulled out from under you. It's impossible to maintain any kind of blase cool if you're going to be surprised at what people do--cool people never get caught unawares. On the upside, I get to experience a lot of delight. It's a lot more fun to realize that everyone has hidden depths--I never get bored with people.

I think that people "opt out" of marriage and even developing new friendships when they create safe, controlled, and unsurprising worlds for themselves. And this, obviously, has nothing to do with age.

Of course, Christian people have to watch out when they do that because God has a way of deliberately shaking up our worlds to remind us who really has control (and, the humor in it is great too). So, you know, you're that old, old woman who has resigned herself to never having children...BAM, God promises that you will (Sarah). Or you're that virtuous young woman on the culturally acceptable track of marriage...BAM, the Holy Spirit comes upon you and you conceive the Savior (Mary). Or you're that very confident Pharisee, who is SUCH a great judge of character that he knows who ought to be stoned, and....BAM, you're blinded and taught a lesson in humility and seeing with the eyes of God (Paul).

The thing about leaving room for error (and God's surprises) is that when they happen, we end up experiencing more delight than discomfort. So, while I may never look cool, and may even suffer humiliation, embarrassment, and regret at "not knowing" some things, I accept that as the natural consequence for leaving lots of room to be surprised and delighted.