Asking the dad to date??

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Aug 2, 2009
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#21
Okay, so awhile back I was dating this guy (lets just say it didn't work out), once my brothers found out I was dating him they more or less freaked out because he "should" have asked my dad to date me... I'm 19... It seems unnecessary to me, they think because you should ask for the father daughters hand in marriage (I agree with that one) you have to ask for his blessing to date her, actually one of them said it was biblical. They said that if he doesn't ask the father to date the daughter then he has no respect for her, that much I know isn't true I know several guys that DIDN'T ask the dad to date the daughter and they have very much respect for her. One of my brothers got into a big fight with me about this today, I told him I wasn't going to require a guy to ask my dad to date me, then he got really mad at me. I just don't think its necessary. Sure I mean if he wants to ask that's great, that shows he does have respect, but if he doesn't ask that doesn't mean he doesn't have respect for me either. To me it always seemed like my brothers convictions, which are great I admire them for that but I don't think they should push their convictions on me. I don't know, am I wrong for not requiring him to ask my dad before we date?
You're 19. 'Nuff said. :rolleyes:

If you must, you can tell your brothers that you are well capable of making your own decisions about who you think is fit to date and who is not, and that its not really any of their business. God bless.
 
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Animus

Guest
#22
In a sense I agree with most of what has been said, but I think an important distinction needs to be made. It may seem like I'm splitting hairs but I think this distinction is really important. When you say, "To me it always seemed like my brothers convictions, which are great I admire them for that but I don't think they should push their convictions on me." this creates terrible problems as a general philosophy, for example, if your brothers convictions were about fornication then it would be horribly right for him to push his convictions on you. But because his convictions are not morally or biblically based I would argue that they are not inherently good.

The time when his stance would be valid morally is if your father required you to have a boy speak to him before dating you. If you have talked about dating with your father, and he is fine with your judgement about who to date, you are not disobeying your father, so you are morally justified on this front. So long as you are not dating an unbeliever (
2 Cor. 6:14-15) you are morally justified on that front. Since you have not requested that the boy get your fathers permission (I know some girls do) then the boy you are dating is morally justified on that front.

I think this is important because a statement that makes a moral claim is either true or false, and if we start saying that some of these statements are true for some people and not for others then we begin down a path of moral relativism. Your brother's claim is false only if your father (who's rule I assume you still live under) consents to whomever you choose, and the boy is a believer.

If he can present this biblical argument he claims to have and it turns out to be valid we will all have to reconsider dating, but if what I suspect is true, and he just has vague feelings from looking at the cover of the book, then his claim is false.
 

gideon007

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2012
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#23
Before I ask a girl out, I always talk to her father.

I don't ask for permission... I just ask if there's anything wrong with her.

: )
you really are hilarious kuya Max. :D

For me, i good guy should ask permission. To ask the parents just shows how a guy respects you and, in turn, respect your parents/brother/sisters.
 
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breno785au

Senior Member
Jul 23, 2013
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#24
Yeesh, you guys got it easy lol My wife had to wrestle with her Father for myself to not pay a dowry because she was strongly against 'being paid for'. None the less, he gave his blessing and her mother came down from Kenya and was at the wedding :)
 

TheAristocat

Senior Member
Oct 4, 2011
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#25
Yeesh, you guys got it easy lol My wife had to wrestle with her Father for myself to not pay a dowry because she was strongly against 'being paid for'. None the less, he gave his blessing and her mother came down from Kenya and was at the wedding :)
Paying a dowry for your wife? Lol Nice. I'd want to buy any wife I chose the best ring possible, so unfortunately a dowry would subtract from that. Maybe you could promise your stepfather a loan or an IOU. ;)
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
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#26
When I read the title of this thread I thought someone was going to ask someone's dad out on a date. he he..
 

CatHerder

Senior Member
Mar 20, 2013
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#29
When I read the title of this thread I thought someone was going to ask someone's dad out on a date. he he..
me too! And I was thinking, "Yes! Ask me!" Then I was wondering who pays...
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#30
I don't think that you or prospective suitor need to ask permission to date or marry, if the relationship was headed that way. As a courtesy you could keep your family informed as to your intentions but I would not take it farther than that.
 

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
Sep 17, 2013
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#31
Before I ask a girl out, I always talk to her father.

I don't ask for permission... I just ask if there's anything wrong with her.

: )
Smart man...
 
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Tintin

Guest
#33
When I read the title of this thread I thought someone was going to ask someone's dad out on a date. he he..
I thought the same thing didn't comment because some people here at CC (who don't seem to have a humerus bone in their body) often accuse me of not taking discussions seriously enough.
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
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#35
I thought the same thing didn't comment because some people here at CC (who don't seem to have a humerus bone in their body) often accuse me of not taking discussions seriously enough.[/QUOT


Do they think ypu should ponder it for a few days before you reply? Goodness some people are to serious about everything. Life is to short to be so uptight.
 
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Tintin

Guest
#37
Do they think you should ponder it for a few days before you reply? Goodness some people are to serious about everything. Life is to short to be so uptight.
Fenner, good point. I think some of the Bible Discussion forum members are made up of kill-joys. Eg. so you're enjoying life? That's not godly etc. *groan* I rarely have people say to me: "Why so serious?" but I know when to be serious and when not to be (most of the time).
 

Stuey

Senior Member
Aug 17, 2009
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#38
I feel even thesedays the asking the Dad to marry is a bit of a formality - as if he says no what are you going to do? Dump her? Doubt it... You'd say stuff you and marry her anyway.

I've had friends ask the fathers blessing - perhaps that is more accurate.
 
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Arlene89

Guest
#39
Well, when I was 19 years old, and before I was saved, I dated some really horrible men. It's weird, but something deep within me wanted my dad's approval or disapproval of the men I had begun dating although my parents acknowledged I was an adult capable of making my own decisions. There were times I was 'stuck' in unhealthy relationships and I just wanted some sort of protective figure to come and rescue me from them and declare, 'That's my daughter, take your hands off her!'. I remember telling my dad some crazy stories, waiting for a reaction, and he just shrugged the matter off. My father never stepped out of his passive role and idly sat back as I made one massive mistake after another.

I am 24 years old now, and although I am a lot wiser than I was (still an area I have much left to be desired), I still want my father's approval. Although I agree with most and would consider it unnecessary for a man to ask my father's permission to date me, I would still appreciate it if my parents 'screened' the man whom I was getting to know earlier on in the relationship. I've never been married, they have been married for almost thirty years, they know a lot more about this area than I do.

At the end of the day, my father may never step up to that role, but I do have a heavenly father that is crazy protective about me and would only want the best for me. I'm so glad that I can rest in the fact that, if for some reason, I find myself in some unhealthy situation, He is ready to barge down some doors and yell, 'That's MY daughter you're mistreating!'.
 
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Tintin

Guest
#40
Arlene, it's great to see you around here again. I hope you're well. Sorry to hear about your dad not being the father you need. I'm glad you trust your heavenly father. I'll be praying for you, mate. :)