Being stood up

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Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#1
Have you ever been stood up or stood anyone up? Like on a date or even with family.

Are you forgiving when it happens or do you feel betrayed.

If you have ever stood someone up what were your reasons for doing so? It's probably unintentional, but in this day and age with mobile phones etc is less likely to happen.

Things happen, plans change, although I believe if you say you going to do something keep your word and do it. But then again sometimes people dont really give others enough time to think about stuff and expect a decision straight away. Others just take way too much time. So maybe it depends on how patient you are?
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
5,837
2,228
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#2
ok nobodys ever done this? wow
nobodys ever had to wait for someone who didnt show? Or had someone who just went of their own accord? Nobodys ever let anyone down?

Or maybe you've always waited around for someone.
I think theres something to be said for reliability, and patience. Maybe it takes faith. Or divine appointments. If they didnt show, I guess it wasnt meant to be.

In movies theres always a trope of someone running after their love at the last minute before it ends and he credits roll after they realised if they didnt run after them they would miss them forever. lol
 
Aug 27, 2019
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#3
Being stood up on a date is quite embarrassing I guess....it is not great it will leave you thinking that maybe your date came saw you and left... Maybe your date thought that you were too decent for him/her or thats it 😊
But personally for me it is more horrible to be on a date with someone which is too kind to cut the date short and not showing sincerity and interest to spend time with you 😊


Not a great thing to happen to anyone...but it happens to some not a good thing but stop beating yourself up it is not you it is them... Shake it off turn around and say next one 😅


@Lanolin did it happen to you? Did you do it to your date ? Or did someone do it to you? 🤔 if it happened to you how did you deal with the situation ? 🤔
 

G00WZ

Senior Member
May 16, 2014
863
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#5
People don't stand me up, they sit me down.
 

Mii

Well-known member
Mar 23, 2019
956
656
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#6
If they didnt show, I guess it wasnt meant to be.

In movies theres always a trope of someone running after their love at the last minute before it ends and he credits roll after they realised if they didnt run after them they would miss them forever. lol

I'll admit I think this way at times with the first sentence. I have an interest in someone, expend a bit of energy, and then am shut down in some way. I guess it's not meant to be or it wasn't what the Lord had. By the same measure, sometimes consistent pursuit is what is needed. Which places me in a quandary of "coming on too strong" or "not going after it". It's actually rather irritating.


As to the second. If things work like this I don't think I'll ever get married or be in a relationship. I said it up until my early twenties that the Lord isn't going to let you miss the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with (soulmate concept)...even if you are uncertain, it will be clear enough.

Then I missed that self same person, by the same...but then, I guess it either "wasn't meant to be" or "you snooze you lose".


I'm entirely uncertain of how the process works. I haven't ever done traditional dating and so I haven't ever been "stood up" in the usual sense. I have left my heart wide open to a female before and had it be passed over. If that counts then sure. It doesn't feel particularly nice.

Some have said I don't deal well with rejection and sometimes I lay blame where it shouldn't be (like on the Lord) but I'm not sure what to do about that. Other than operating in frustrated humility toward this process of finding a partner. I'm sure it's my fault, or maybe it's no one's fault and it's just a part of the process of my eyes being open to his timing and plan when the person that is ready to serve the Lord as a unit presents herself. Not sure.

If I ever get into "dating" I would expect some type of decorum. If you cancel and don't reschedule, what am I to make of that? The whole system is so frustrating and it seems so much like random happenstance. There are so many qualities that cannot be perceived unless the Lord opens one's eyes to them that it seems almost pointless. Like how does this person operate in a crisis situation...they talk a strong walk, but what are they like in private? I could provide a list, but it just seems so much up to the Lord leading you that I am confused how people think otherwise (believers that is).


I've heard people say the Lord isn't a matchmaker and I disagree. I think he can and does. There's too many stories of people that fit hand in hand and operate as a unit together for that to be random. By the same measure, I think that if you want what YOU want, he will certainly allow you to reap the consequences of your will exalted against his.


I attempted to stay on topic ;)
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
5,837
2,228
113
#7
Being stood up on a date is quite embarrassing I guess....it is not great it will leave you thinking that maybe your date came saw you and left... Maybe your date thought that you were too decent for him/her or thats it 😊
But personally for me it is more horrible to be on a date with someone which is too kind to cut the date short and not showing sincerity and interest to spend time with you 😊


Not a great thing to happen to anyone...but it happens to some not a good thing but stop beating yourself up it is not you it is them... Shake it off turn around and say next one 😅


@Lanolin did it happen to you? Did you do it to your date ? Or did someone do it to you? 🤔 if it happened to you how did you deal with the situation ? 🤔
hmm has it happened to me. Well I do recall when I was in my tweens I had made a date with a girlfriend to say we were going to spend a day out at a musuem (that my dad works at) and I was so excited to get to go out but she never showed up to be picked up at my place and I was waiting - this was the days before cellphones, and I just remember being so disappointed because that meant I had to stay at home. I must have rung and nobody answered and when she was asked about it she said she didnt remember we even had made a date. ?!

So this is why I always check now if I do make dates to make sure....are we still on? You havent forgotten?

Another time I had planned to go to a concert with friends and they said to meet them there, I was being dropped off but they didnt wait for me and I couldnt see them and I couldnt even go in the concert without them by myself because it was huge and I would get lost in the crowd so ended up missing the entire concert that I really wanted to see...and remember being so disappointed that they werent really my friends after all cos they didnt think to wait for me.

my sister wasnt sympathetic she just said you should have planned it better,, but thing is I paid a lot of money to go to that concert! It was Cranberries. I dont think I ever got the chance to see them. after that incident high school was really hard for me. I took it quite personally cos I wasnt expecting just to be ignored. well the good thing was at least my parents wouldnt let me go in by myself so at least my dad was looking out for me.

Have I ever stood anyone up? hmm another post I might have unntentionally but I would not ever do something like that to my friends, and if I did would ask forgivness cos its just a bit rotten to do that.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
5,837
2,228
113
#8
dates...no Ive never been stood up for date with men, generally they are very good at making sure they meet to spend time with although its a different thing for party invites and no shows.

you make the effort to host or put on something and when people say they will come but dont show its rather disappointing. But I think you need to be prepared for that cos of transport issues or things just coming up, usually people take a raincheck or they make up for it somehow later on.
 

NotmebutHim

Senior Member
May 17, 2015
2,178
880
113
#9
The closest I've come to being stood up was a girl I was going to meet backed out the night before. I've never actually gone to the place of meeting and a girl not show up.
 

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
Oct 23, 2018
4,718
4,416
113
#10
No this has not happened to me. When I used to date a lot though, I had a rule. If they were 10 minutes late for a date, I took off. Once my first husband had a flat and by the time he got to my dad's, I had gone, lol. So I had to amend the limit a bit.
 
Aug 27, 2019
270
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#12
hmm has it happened to me. Well I do recall when I was in my tweens I had made a date with a girlfriend to say we were going to spend a day out at a musuem (that my dad works at) and I was so excited to get to go out but she never showed up to be picked up at my place and I was waiting - this was the days before cellphones, and I just remember being so disappointed because that meant I had to stay at home. I must have rung and nobody answered and when she was asked about it she said she didnt remember we even had made a date. ?!

So this is why I always check now if I do make dates to make sure....are we still on? You havent forgotten?

Another time I had planned to go to a concert with friends and they said to meet them there, I was being dropped off but they didnt wait for me and I couldnt see them and I couldnt even go in the concert without them by myself because it was huge and I would get lost in the crowd so ended up missing the entire concert that I really wanted to see...and remember being so disappointed that they werent really my friends after all cos they didnt think to wait for me.

my sister wasnt sympathetic she just said you should have planned it better,, but thing is I paid a lot of money to go to that concert! It was Cranberries. I dont think I ever got the chance to see them. after that incident high school was really hard for me. I took it quite personally cos I wasnt expecting just to be ignored. well the good thing was at least my parents wouldnt let me go in by myself so at least my dad was looking out for me.

Have I ever stood anyone up? hmm another post I might have unntentionally but I would not ever do something like that to my friends, and if I did would ask forgivness cos its just a bit rotten to do that.
dates...no Ive never been stood up for date with men, generally they are very good at making sure they meet to spend time with although its a different thing for party invites and no shows.

you make the effort to host or put on something and when people say they will come but dont show its rather disappointing. But I think you need to be prepared for that cos of transport issues or things just coming up, usually people take a raincheck or they make up for it somehow later on.
I understand the feeling of disappointment when a friend or a family member stood you up...I'll be disappointed and maybe will become upset to them...but I'll definitely forgive them instantly 😊


But if its my date I will not get disappointed but It will make me feel a little bit embarrassed I guess... 😅

Thanks for your reply @Lanolin 🤗
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
5,837
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#13
Jesus purposely delayed seeing Lazarus for four days and Martha felt like she was stood up. But his rescheduling actually worked out better lol.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
5,837
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#14
I dont know if I could wait four days for someone to show up but then...if you not going anywhere its fine. different story if you waiting for someone all by yourself...in a public place, not at home.

People say its safer to meet in public but wouldnt it actually be better to be picked up at home? so if they dont show you havent lost anything. But if you go to meet someone somewhere and they dont show youve wasted your time getting there.
 

laughingheart

Senior Member
Sep 21, 2016
1,140
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#15
As for people not showing up, I think grace needs to temper our responses to others. I mess up. It happens.
Today is a great example. I had plans to meet a friend at an art store at 11:30 am. It was going to be a fun time to visit and dream.
At 7:30 am the phone rang. It thought it must be a telemarketer. It was my friend. "Hey there. Did you forget?". I looked at the clock again. It was 12:05 pm !!!! I had started a new med. yesterday and it knocked me out. That was not supposed to be a side effect. I was in shock. I stuttered out an apology and she laughed. She was gracious with me. She'd had a nice time looking through the store. She did not hold it against me. Why? She is my friend, she loves me and she understood that it was outside my control. She knew I felt dreadful and didn't compound it.
Love keeps no record of wrongs. That is scripture and that needs to be how we interact with those we care about. Today I was the recipient of that kindness. If I treat others without grace then it is my wrong.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
5,837
2,228
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#16
Interesting if you neet someone at a store, but what about like a concert or movie that youd paid to see and you cant really go in without others...I suppose you would still go in by yourself. I think the concert incident was more upsetting because my parents didnt think i would find my 'friends' and theyd just abandon me even if they did.

I have had some instances, not in my experience, but where so called friends didnt look out for each other and people were were ditched or abandoned. I think though if you did find yourself in an uncomfortable situation you need to keep your wits about you and know how to get home. To be stranded in an unfamiliar place is not safe.

people go missing all the time, and the ones they were with often turn out not to take any responisbilty when they actually should have..am thinking parents and children.
 

laughingheart

Senior Member
Sep 21, 2016
1,140
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#17
It is sad, the situation you describe. I think the worst part is that sometimes there are no do overs. Years ago, in our neighborhood, there were parents dropping their very young children off at the local McDonalds' ball pit to play, and leaving! They were trying to use it as a free babysitter while they ran errands. That particular restaurant eventually removed the play area. How could these people place such little worth on the safety of their children?
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
15,476
3,129
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#18
As for people not showing up, I think grace needs to temper our responses to others. I mess up. It happens.
Today is a great example. I had plans to meet a friend at an art store at 11:30 am. It was going to be a fun time to visit and dream.
At 7:30 am the phone rang. It thought it must be a telemarketer. It was my friend. "Hey there. Did you forget?". I looked at the clock again. It was 12:05 pm !!!! I had started a new med. yesterday and it knocked me out. That was not supposed to be a side effect. I was in shock. I stuttered out an apology and she laughed. She was gracious with me. She'd had a nice time looking through the store. She did not hold it against me. Why? She is my friend, she loves me and she understood that it was outside my control. She knew I felt dreadful and didn't compound it.
Love keeps no record of wrongs. That is scripture and that needs to be how we interact with those we care about. Today I was the recipient of that kindness. If I treat others without grace then it is my wrong.
There are a few people on this forum that always have something good to say, to the point that I will check even a thread I am not interested in if I see one of them is the last person to post on it. You are one of those people, and this is a good example of why. :cool:
 

laughingheart

Senior Member
Sep 21, 2016
1,140
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#19
There are a few people on this forum that always have something good to say, to the point that I will check even a thread I am not interested in if I see one of them is the last person to post on it. You are one of those people, and this is a good example of why. :cool:
Thanks so much. You have made my day. I really appreciate it.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
5,837
2,228
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#20
Few people really put themselves in a 'blind date' position because theres always a chance of no show. Better to go out with someone you already know or at least met once before.

I do recall me and a (girl) friend went to a ball. And one of the things of this ball that was organised was you could sign up for blind dates, to meet at the ball so we did, just for fun. But we never met them lol. I actually dont know how that would have worked or what we were supposed to do with them. we asked wheres our blind dates and the organisers were like, what blind dates? we said the ones we signed up for!
we just ended up dancing with anyone we met so..I guess that was the one time I was stood up by someone I didnt even know. lol