Can Mastubation Equal Rape?

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seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
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#1
Hello, everyone:

Have any of you ever been in situations where someone tells you they are thinking of you and masturbating to their thoughts about you... and you are completely horrified, feel violated, and am not sure how to react? Did you say anything back to them?

Because I've had some experience talking to inmates in prison and soldiers in Iraq ( I originally wanted to be a psychologist), I have run into this situation more than once and am not sure how to react to it in a "Christian manner."

I think it's a relevant topic for a lot of people though, because you can just as easily encounter this with a co-worker.

The last few times it happened (and the guys who have told me this all claimed to be Christians), I wrote back to the person, "Well... ok... but will you do me a favor? You've told me you believe in God, right? The next time you're having those thoughts about me, will you imagine God standing right next to you? And you believe He knows your thoughts and intentions, right? What is He telling you abut what you're doing? Please get back to me about what He says to you."

One apologized profusely and said he would never do it again; the other told me I had "hurt him" and stopped talking to me altogether.

I want to be understanding because we're all human and we all have errant thoughts, especially when we're lonely, stressed, and going through terrible circumstances.

But I don't want to feel abused or violated either. I am not at peace AT ALL with the idea of someone having sex with me in his mind when I am 1. not interested in him that way and 2. not his wife (I've had one tell me it was justified because he wanted to marry me.)

One of the guys who did this said, "Well, I'm a man, you're a woman, you should be flattered by the attention."

I wrote him, "I'm sorry, but I am not your personal porn object."

To me, someone reacting to me in this way is a major violation of my free will.

What do you think? Am I being too harsh? And how would you react personally?

*Keep in mind this can happen to anyone--guys included, as I've known plenty of guys who have the problem of another guy telling them they are having these thoughts about them--of course, homosexuality is obviously Biblically wrong. But, how do you deal with someone violating you within their own mind and telling you about it?*
 
Jan 8, 2009
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#2
It can never equal the trauma of actual rape I am sure but I would believe it is a form of "mental rape".
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
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#3
I see the "right" or "wrong" of the topic of masturbation argued a lot.

I guess my train of thought is with the thoughts behind it. Because Jesus said that whoever looks... and lusts... commits sin... and such is the same with our thoughts--we are to keep our thought lives pure.

So, if you can masturbate to a pure thought (no lust, force, imagination, such as, being married to the person and you're not, etc. involved) I'd kind of be curious as to how that's done!

I mean, what would that leave to be turned on by? Masturbating to the thought of going to church?
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
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#4
Actually, if anyone has ideas about how to masturbate to clean, Godly thoughts... would you be willing to share them? Is that even possible?

No, I'm not trying to justify, ridicule, or put anyone to shame.

I'm just curious as to what people think. (It's the wanna-be psychologist/sociologist in me.)
 
T

thefightinglamb

Guest
#5
I had someone tell someone that told me that they had sex with me in their dreams the night before...but not masterbation...but I would assume it is a similiar feeling of being violated...and to confess, I did not want to have sex with her, but unclean thoughts were constantly barraging me when I was around her...so maybe it was my fault...though I did not intentionally encourage the thoughts...

I have actually had the same thought that "Masterbation is rape" and I think it takes seeing that to stop it...otherwise it is seen as less important...but also, I love a bumper sticker I saw at school that says "Porn rapes the Mind." I think it can be even more said of "Materbation rapes the mind." but it also rapes the soul, love, and heart... It distances the act of making love in marriage for kids and life to a 'biological function' and thus throws us into the sphere of seeing humans as animals, rather than loving creatures that create out of love rather than the lust impulse...this leads to all the kids born out of wedlock--sex out of wedlock, cheating spouses, et cetera... I think masterbation is the fruit of some evil obsession, and the true cause of everything I listed...

And to answer Snail's other question...Yes, even kids who profane themselves doing this...loose sight of holiness..and often jump into sex earlier than others...or even if they don't they loose their focus on purity...and we all know without purity it is impossible to SEE God...

God bless
tony
 
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missy2shoes

Guest
#6
seoulsearch.....I think you're a great lass, but after reading a few of ya threads...I'm gonna have to agree with ya Pastor...... "You could drive someone nuts with your questions!"

--My pastor's summary to me after a counseling session I had requested with her.


hehe....bless ya sis ;)
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
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#7
*smiles*

Thanks, Missy!!

Seriously, the reason I am the way I am is because from the time I was a kid, for some reason, people have talked to me about some of their most pressing, personal issues. I can remember being at summer camp (about 11 years old) and a girl there was telling me about some terrible things that had happened to her.

Throughout the years, I have also had many guys confide in me about past abuses they've endured... I think it's even harder for guys in some ways because of all the social taboos ("men are supposed to be strong and never show it when something bothers them," etc.) Completely untrue, in my book.

So, I'm always asking, "Why, God? And what do you want me to do in order to try to help?"

As I said, I originally wanted to be a psychologist--I wanted the worst, most severe cases--and was working on my Master's thesis when I went through a very bad, unwanted divorce (sorry to keep repeating myself, you've probably read this in my other posts), so I dropped out of school to work full-time.

It's never been in my heart to go back to school.

But the people coming in and out of my life, their questions and search for hope, truth, and healing... never ends.

And neither do my questions.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
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#8
P.S. My Mom likes to joke that I "must have been born with a disclaimer on your forehead with the the message, 'Tell me about your most pressing personal issues!'" :)
 
Jun 18, 2009
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#9
I'm posting on my stepbrothers account which i am sorry for but i felt so motivated to say something about this matter. The very notion that masturbation is akin to rape is utterly wrongheaded, in my opinion. Rape is the act of willfully forcing someone into an act that they do not wish to perform or be involved with. In terms of masturbation, it is a personal release of pleasure that is beneficial for mental wellbeing and for physical health. It's a natural function of our biology and to have an orgasm is simply a pleasant experience. It's much like having your favourite meal, or enjoying a good book. To suggest it is unhealthy is actually irresponsible. Sexual repression causes more cases of deviance than almost any other form of oppression.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
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#10
I can completely respect that view...

It's interesting to me, though.

Because Jesus said if you're thinking it, and if you have it in your heart, it's already done.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
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#11
*Referring to the passage about lust and adultery, not specifically rape.*

The churches I've attended have always taught that thought=action to God, so that's what I was brought up with.
 
Jun 18, 2009
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#12
What is to think and hold something in your heart, however? You can passingly consider punching someone in the face due to frustration, but the thought is fleeting and it doesn't linger long. So how could it be in your heart? I believe that to plot against someone, or plan an evil act is the equivalent of doing it in your context. And to masturbate is against nobody, nor does it dwell on harm.
 
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Baptistrw

Guest
#13
It's a sin that causes addiction and leads to alot of broken marriages.
 
Jun 18, 2009
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#14
You'd have to support that with some evidence. What causes broken marriages? Surely momentary self-pleasure is not a big deal within the confines of a loving relationship? Broken marriages are down to a lot more than this.
 
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Baptistrw

Guest
#15
No, gratification outside of the mutual pleasure of marriage. Ask wives of men who were addicted to it and they'll tell you how hurt they were. See the books ''Every Man's Battle", "Every Young Man's Battle", and ''Tactics'' for stories of this.
 
Jun 18, 2009
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#16
That isn't masturbation, however. That is the problem of addiction. Like drinking too much alcohol, or smoking too much. The behaviour is taken to excess. It doesn't make having a can of beer wrong, or smoking every now and then. Though i would say smoking isn't great for you. Hehe.
 
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next_step

Guest
#17
It is simply self- debilitation.

Those absurd theories of Freud are NOT proven. It is a pseudo scientific attempt to justify immorality.
 
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next_step

Guest
#19
Don't tell me it is not connected with something else... : )
 
Jun 18, 2009
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#20
You mean the sexual instinct? Certainly, but that's part of nature. How is it doing any harm?