Can no longer separate sex from sin

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
102
63
#47
Of course I do. But it hasn't really directly impacted my life in the here and now.
That makes sense :) Just trying to get a better idea of where you are coming from.

Also, I am still curious about what I had asked before. When it comes to interacting with other people, what kinds of things make you feel most loved, cared about, or accepted?
 
Feb 20, 2016
1,151
266
83
#48
That makes sense :) Just trying to get a better idea of where you are coming from.

Also, I am still curious about what I had asked before. When it comes to interacting with other people, what kinds of things make you feel most loved, cared about, or accepted?
Honestly, I don't know. It's like I never get this sense of connection. Or if I do, it never lasts long. I get the sense that people are only listening or only around 'cause they feel as though they have to.
 
T

theanointedsinner

Guest
#49
Miss @HistoryPrincess , a complainer is not who you are,

may this insight help you break free from spiritual oppression



have you considered this possibility?

there's a very high possibility that from the day that we are saved, this is true

the sense of "purity", "innocence" and "being saved" is enjoyable
and there's hope that it's preserved somehow

when what we perceive as "unintentional sin" happened, and we fall into sin
even if we are forgiven, we don't trust our own heart, and we feel awkward about this

I believe a lot of problems stems from the fact that we don't know how to reconcile with the fact that our own hearts are untrustworthy.

so, what are some ways to reconcile with the fact that our own hearts are untrustworthy?


^ what's strange is that i've been trying to pray the prayer of salvation in my dream for reassurance to the point where I start to realize, hey, I might be just dreaming right now (while I was sleeping), and then somehow an insight hit me, and that insight hit me, and I think it might be God who was speaking to me
 

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
102
63
#50
Honestly, I don't know. It's like I never get this sense of connection. Or if I do, it never lasts long. I get the sense that people are only listening or only around 'cause they feel as though they have to.
That makes sense. I actually feel that way sometimes too.

Have you heard of the Five Love Languages? I don't know if it would be helpful for you or not, but it has helped me identify what tends to make me feel the most loved. They are:

Quality Time - This would be someone just taking time out of their day to hang out with you.
Gifts - This one is pretty obvious. It is someone choosing to give you a gift.
Words of Affirmation - This would be someone speaking words of encouragement to you. I have a feeling this one is probably not your strongest love language based on things you have already said.
Acts of Service - This would be like if someone chose to do something for you like helping you do chores or cooking for you.
Physical Touch - This one is pretty obvious. It could be as simple as someone giving you a hug.

Any idea which one resonates most with you?
 
Feb 20, 2016
1,151
266
83
#51
That makes sense. I actually feel that way sometimes too.

Have you heard of the Five Love Languages? I don't know if it would be helpful for you or not, but it has helped me identify what tends to make me feel the most loved. They are:

Quality Time - This would be someone just taking time out of their day to hang out with you.
Gifts - This one is pretty obvious. It is someone choosing to give you a gift.
Words of Affirmation - This would be someone speaking words of encouragement to you. I have a feeling this one is probably not your strongest love language based on things you have already said.
Acts of Service - This would be like if someone chose to do something for you like helping you do chores or cooking for you.
Physical Touch - This one is pretty obvious. It could be as simple as someone giving you a hug.

Any idea which one resonates most with you?
I took the test for that and the highest ones for me were Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch. The lowest was receiving gifts.
 

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
102
63
#52
I took the test for that and the highest ones for me were Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch. The lowest was receiving gifts.
That's super interesting. I think Quality Time and Words of Affirmation are mine with Physical Touch being a close second. Being a Physical Touch person is tough because that can be the most difficult means of affection to come by, especially if your loved ones aren't into hugging and showing physical affection that way. I know my family never really has been. But it's at least good to know so that you can see how you best connect with people :) I have found too that it can be really helpful to show love to others in the best way you know how (like hugs and words of affirmation), even if it might feel strange at first.
 
Feb 20, 2016
1,151
266
83
#53
That's super interesting. I think Quality Time and Words of Affirmation are mine with Physical Touch being a close second. Being a Physical Touch person is tough because that can be the most difficult means of affection to come by, especially if your loved ones aren't into hugging and showing physical affection that way. I know my family never really has been. But it's at least good to know so that you can see how you best connect with people :) I have found too that it can be really helpful to show love to others in the best way you know how (like hugs and words of affirmation), even if it might feel strange at first.
Who needs any of that anyway? We're already lied to anout love and disappointed with it every day of our lives. Life is unfair and God is unfair, so we might as well just live with it.

Imagine you're at a table, yet all you have to eat are crumbs, if that. You're hungry, maybe even starving. But no matter what you do, you can't get even one piece of food. No one seems to notice or care how hungry you are.

Meanwhile, everyone around you is practically feasting because they apparently have the right to eat and you don't. Never mind that you don't want to be hungry and had no say in giving your body this need in the first place. You end up deciding that you might as well avoid all food until you have the right to eat, which is never guaranteed.

Everyone tells you you do have that right. But all that's available for you - or rather, all you're allowed to eat - is a specific kind of food. You've heard it's supposed to be nutritious and good for you. But you don't enjoy eating it because it's so bland and tasteless. Everyone feasting eats this food too. They love it, and you can't for the life of you figure out why. More often than not, you have to force it down your throat, otherwise you'll cough it up.

So you're not allowed the food you want, and what you are allowed isn't at all enticing. Even so, you dutifully eat that food, trying to give your body nutrition, yet all the while still longing for what's off limits.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
25,094
8,249
113
#54
I am not quite following your analogy HistoryPrincess. I assume food equates with love in your analogy, but I do not comprehend what kind you are using as the kind that is being craved, and what kind the person in the analogy is having to force down the throat.
 

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
102
63
#55
Who needs any of that anyway? We're already lied to anout love and disappointed with it every day of our lives. Life is unfair and God is unfair, so we might as well just live with it.

Imagine you're at a table, yet all you have to eat are crumbs, if that. You're hungry, maybe even starving. But no matter what you do, you can't get even one piece of food. No one seems to notice or care how hungry you are.

Meanwhile, everyone around you is practically feasting because they apparently have the right to eat and you don't. Never mind that you don't want to be hungry and had no say in giving your body this need in the first place. You end up deciding that you might as well avoid all food until you have the right to eat, which is never guaranteed.

Everyone tells you you do have that right. But all that's available for you - or rather, all you're allowed to eat - is a specific kind of food. You've heard it's supposed to be nutritious and good for you. But you don't enjoy eating it because it's so bland and tasteless. Everyone feasting eats this food too. They love it, and you can't for the life of you figure out why. More often than not, you have to force it down your throat, otherwise you'll cough it up.

So you're not allowed the food you want, and what you are allowed isn't at all enticing. Even so, you dutifully eat that food, trying to give your body nutrition, yet all the while still longing for what's off limits.
I am with Lynx in that I'm not sure I fully understand your analogy. But as for the first thing you said, I am just wondering what you think would be fair to you as far as life or God are concerned?
 
T

toinena

Guest
#56
Is having sex better than to follow Christ? And is not having sex a punishment from God himself?

I am not any holier than any of you. Having once experienced sex, it is no going back. It becomes a need and it is annoying and frustrating. I don't think of it as a punishment, but rather a challenge to build a godly character that honors God. I have to work on it, sometimes are more difficult than others. But it is possible in Christ to surrender everything to him. It takes a humble heart and obedience and thankfully God's grace is bigger than our understanding.
 
May 12, 2016
443
365
63
#57
I've mentioned this several times over the years, but I grew up in a Christian school whose basic attitude about sex was, "Don't think about it. Don't do it. And, for heaven's sake, don't ask us about it!" We received absolutely zero sex education at all. The only time we heard about sex was when it was recited in a Bible passage and when we were told not to do it.

In the meantime... The "cool" guys in my class bragged about going to the local strip club every weekend, and one guy would show off the condoms he carried in his wallet. Any girl who got pregnant in our school "disappeared" (she was asked not to come back... so much for an actual demonstration of the love and forgiveness we heard about every single day.)

Christian institutions are still businesses and apparently it's bad for business to advertise yourself as a Christian school and have unmarried, pregnant girls walking down the hall. One couple got caught skipping school and it was later discovered that they had gone to get an abortion. Anyone who thinks that their children are going to be sheltered from the evils of the world will most likely be sorely disappointed.

I don't know what the answers are, but something doesn't seem to be working in most of the church culture.

I always find it... interesting... that over and over again, I see and read about complaining that Christian women have impossible standards regarding a man's looks and earnings that are no different from worldly women.

And yet... Do they ever talk about the flip side? I have talked to several Christian men (some from this site) who admit that they don't really want to marry a Christian woman because they are afraid she will be plain, cold, and downright boring regarding sex.

Most singles have had some kind of exposure to porn, and this sets up a standard that I'm guessing no one can meet anytime soon after getting married, if not ever.

The culture is set up so that people want someone who can perform like an accomplished expert and beyond--WITHOUT ever having any actual exposure or experience... and then we wonder why everyone feels so anxious and disappointed.

I don't know what the answer is, but it certainly seems to be a major factor of a large portion of marital dissatisfaction and breakups.
I agree this world has set up false expectations of how a relationship and sex should be. I had that very discussion with my son. Porn, television, books they all give folks fantasies, that are not reality, and then expect the partner to live out them fantasies.
I was not taught nice things at all about sex. Like writer, I felt dirty in my 20s.
I did not want my children to go through the same. I taught them the beauty of God's design for a husband and wife. I also taught them wisdom regarding fornication and consequences of sin. I did not want my children afraid of God our Father or his creative plan. I wanted them to have a healthy understanding of both.

The world is black and white. Right and wrong. Sin is sin. But no one is righteous, not one. That is why there is grace and forgiveness. Not to be mistaken as a free pass to continue in sin. But a forgiven hand if we stumble. The devil is on a rampage and he is causing so many confusion and pain.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#60
@HistoryPrincess
I could relate to many things you said recently. As I've said before, I can't completely relate since I don't have to deal with all the same issues you do, but my own issues cause plenty of problems.
Much of how you were talking about God is similar to how I have felt. I've always tried to take responsibility for my screw ups and not blame God. But I have often thought to myself 'well I wouldn't be making such stupid choices if God hadn't made me this way to begin with'.
I come to CC to socialize, since I don't get much of that anywhere else, and rather than interacting I find I mostly end up frustrated and in a disagreement, which is not what I want. But I have so many internal frustrations that I have low levels of patience and tolerance often times. And so I find myself often shooting my mouth off before I realize it. Or being too frustrated to stop myself.
And I totally understand your issues with feeling distant from God. That's something I've struggled with for nearly 30 years of being a Christian. I am often amazed at how personal God seems to some people and cannot grasp how that has happened. I've prayed and begged God over and over for things to be better between Him and I and it seems nothing ever changes. No amount of prayer or bible reading has changed it. So now I find it difficult to care enough to try.

Much like you I feel stuck and can't help but look at God and feel angry and wonder why. Why am I this way? What did I do wrong? Am I hated? And I already know all the expected answers, the bumper sticker answers, that lack sincerity and anything of real value. I've given those same answers plenty of times myself, to others. Much how you seem to feel about most of what you've heard in this thread. Parroting.
Many times I feel like I'm speaking on God's behalf out of habit, rather than my own sincerity anymore.

Not likely any of this will help you, but I thought I'd let you know you are not the only one tired of trying, hungry, angry and wondering why things are the way they are for you and surviving on crumbs. Maybe knowing you're not alone in that will be at least a little consolation. Maybe not.