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B
LOL !! Okay I will leave you alone. What I was trying to show was, Is infidelity in the eyes of man or God? Even, if a married woman give approval for her husband to have an affair, it is still cheating/infidelity in the eyes of God.
BTW, this setup/arrangement is somewhat common for many married couples.
BTW, this setup/arrangement is somewhat common for many married couples.
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M
Cheating is like throwing away a diamond,
Only to pick up a rock just because it's something different.
I'll never understand the mentality of those who doing such things to people...then try to justify it for any reason.
He was being a jerk, he wasn't stepping up to his role so...
She was being disrespectful, she wasn't fulfilling her role so....
It's a lie with idolatry, adultery and sexual immorality thrown in for good measure just to make sure.
I believe this is why Jesus said that infidelity is the one reason allowed for divorce.
Because it is the same behavior as being a whore to God, rejecting him to serve his own enemy.
If this is present in a R'ship how is it any different if it goes against Gods own morals?
The adulterous woman is often used as consoling justification for not being condemned.
Is that all some people care about is not being condemned?
That woman was confronted with deity and Christ applied the requirement to not do it again.
I've heard of people trying to reconcile afterward.
But those sins unless each one is confronted and addressed are ones we're told keep one from inheriting the kingdom.
We only often grow through confrontation.
How many go to church expecting a confrontation with deity?
People need to be willing to confront their sin, rather than try and look for any excuses for it.
Only to pick up a rock just because it's something different.
I'll never understand the mentality of those who doing such things to people...then try to justify it for any reason.
He was being a jerk, he wasn't stepping up to his role so...
She was being disrespectful, she wasn't fulfilling her role so....
It's a lie with idolatry, adultery and sexual immorality thrown in for good measure just to make sure.
I believe this is why Jesus said that infidelity is the one reason allowed for divorce.
Because it is the same behavior as being a whore to God, rejecting him to serve his own enemy.
If this is present in a R'ship how is it any different if it goes against Gods own morals?
The adulterous woman is often used as consoling justification for not being condemned.
Is that all some people care about is not being condemned?
That woman was confronted with deity and Christ applied the requirement to not do it again.
I've heard of people trying to reconcile afterward.
But those sins unless each one is confronted and addressed are ones we're told keep one from inheriting the kingdom.
We only often grow through confrontation.
How many go to church expecting a confrontation with deity?
People need to be willing to confront their sin, rather than try and look for any excuses for it.
N
I have been schooled. You just talked about an important aspect of infidelity and sin in general. We all want 2 be forgiven, but we dont want to confort our sins or infidelity. If u look at the family forum that is mostly the problem in the relationship. The husband/wife knows his/her partner is cheating, but when he/se conforted him/her they denied it flat. I believe all of our sins will be forgiven, but we will have to confront God and explain why we did them. Most dramatic sins we had committed are store in our subconscious. We think we had forgotten about them but they still there. I know i have some that i think about and i wonder why i even did it.
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H
I may have never cheated, but the sins i commit are just as sick. And so are yours for that matter.
None of us can say with complete certainty that we will never cheat on someone. I think a lot of us have done things we've said we would never do. A lot of us have probably been in situations we thought we would never be in. Yet, it's happened.
It was kind of hard to read people's responses to this thread. It seemed there was a lot of, "How could a person do such a thing?!"
But for the grace of God there go i. I'm just as easily inclined to cheat on someone, steal, lie, ... pick a sin and you or i could be capable of doing and following through with such a thing. We're human, and as humans we do terrible things.
Cheating is wrong, it's hurtful, and devastating to any marriage/relationship, and it's effects can last a lifetime. But i will never say, i will never do this or that or how could someone do this or that. God has a way of humbling us, and i don't want to learn that lesson the hard way.
None of us can say with complete certainty that we will never cheat on someone. I think a lot of us have done things we've said we would never do. A lot of us have probably been in situations we thought we would never be in. Yet, it's happened.
It was kind of hard to read people's responses to this thread. It seemed there was a lot of, "How could a person do such a thing?!"
But for the grace of God there go i. I'm just as easily inclined to cheat on someone, steal, lie, ... pick a sin and you or i could be capable of doing and following through with such a thing. We're human, and as humans we do terrible things.
Cheating is wrong, it's hurtful, and devastating to any marriage/relationship, and it's effects can last a lifetime. But i will never say, i will never do this or that or how could someone do this or that. God has a way of humbling us, and i don't want to learn that lesson the hard way.
1st reason: Sin.
When I used to cheat on, it was to indulge myself sexually with another, without loosing any who I said i was engaged.
Perhaps this was the reason other used to appeal their own motives, from the PAGAN standpoint.
When I became Christian, I sexually did it once, in a period of 13 years of marriage.
2 nd reasons: Away from sex, I did it to gain advantages other those I preyed. In school, when I was sure I knew nothing and that happened seldom, because I used to hide to avoid people asked me things during exams or tests.
I repent! Cheating is lying.
When I used to cheat on, it was to indulge myself sexually with another, without loosing any who I said i was engaged.
Perhaps this was the reason other used to appeal their own motives, from the PAGAN standpoint.
When I became Christian, I sexually did it once, in a period of 13 years of marriage.
2 nd reasons: Away from sex, I did it to gain advantages other those I preyed. In school, when I was sure I knew nothing and that happened seldom, because I used to hide to avoid people asked me things during exams or tests.
I repent! Cheating is lying.
i would agree, that often cheating is often borne from lacking a perceived need. a lot of people i've known who cheat are those who are accustomed to a great deal of "attention", validation, or behavior that wanes, and a surrogate or substitute is found who meets those needs instead--whatever that need is.
but as others have already said, i think there are several reasons people cheat.
one that i've witnessed much is i believe to be, quite simply, a combination of poor impulse control (or lack of self discipline) while placing themselves in an environment that would be unwise in the first place, and finally cheating because they believe they can do it, get away with it, and nothing will be discovered, feelings won't be hurt, and no one will be affected.
for most of my career i've worked primarily with men, and often found myself travelling very often, mostly with married men
seeing the behavior of these guys (who truly seemed to appear to love their wives and have "solid marriages") when they were far from home and opportunity to cheat was readily available has shaped a lot of my opinions about the importance of making good choices that prevent you from being in a bad situation -- fleeing sin by making the choices before you find yourself in having to suffer the consequences of your bad choices, and lie in the bed of your own making.
not to mention how comfortable i'd feel about being married to someone who travels alone for work, often. and i don't think this is a "men only" scenario, just what my personal experience was.
i would refer to the above is the opportunity-associated, serial cheater, who is more driven by what s/he can get away with in a circumstantial opportunity.
and i think there are also cheaters who disinvest from their relationship and essentially move on to another person, instead of sticking with who you've spoken your vows to and committed to the health and preservation of the marriage above other, less worthy pursuits. rather than officially leaving them, they leave, emotionally and otherwise, and ignore the impending collision.
finally, i think many people fool themselves in the thinking that they can handle many challenging priorities and accomplishments. the fact of the matter is, everyone i personally know who is in the demanding, successful career hasn't had the successful relationship/marriages, aren't excellent parents, serving in church and growing in their faith, and so on. i am not saying it can't happen, but i personally haven't witnessed it.
i'm tired of people acting like we, as Christians, as women, as balanced people can have and manage everything. it's a fallacy. how you spend your time, and your energy is where your treasure (and priorities) will exist. and so to me, often cheating is a symptom of relationship neglect. and i don't mean, neglect on both sides. you can't build a great relationship alone.
M
A person knows themselves pretty well.
If a person doesn't know themselves enough to know they would never cheat on someone,
that person should stay single, away from the opposite gender and not tempt THEMSELVES.
something to think about.
I doubt God would humble us by tempting us with evil, because we're told so.
I honestly can say that my opinion of the behavior is the same as People telling Jesus they served him in his name yet never knew him.
There is a reason he will tell them, "away from me, I never knew you."
If someone truly knows you, they have set themselves aside in order to do so.
That person will never cheat.
James 1:13
"When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone;"
If a person doesn't know themselves enough to know they would never cheat on someone,
that person should stay single, away from the opposite gender and not tempt THEMSELVES.
something to think about.
I doubt God would humble us by tempting us with evil, because we're told so.
I honestly can say that my opinion of the behavior is the same as People telling Jesus they served him in his name yet never knew him.
There is a reason he will tell them, "away from me, I never knew you."
If someone truly knows you, they have set themselves aside in order to do so.
That person will never cheat.
James 1:13
"When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone;"
M
Here's a thing that absolutely appalls me about myself-
I've cheated. I have been that horrible, awful person that went outside of my relationship because I saw something "better".
I could sit here and list dozens of excuses for what I did, I could speculate about why, I could probably even end up convincing myself that in some way, however small, it was justified.
Instead, I'll tell you this: I did it because I wanted to. That's what it comes down to. Yes, the circumstances leading up to it were bad. Yes, things within the relationship had gone super sour. Yes, I felt I was missing something, that some needs weren't being met. But essentially, at the root of it all, I cheated because I wanted to. If I hadn't wanted to, none of the "reasons" would have been enough to push me outside my marriage. If I hadn't wanted to, it wouldn't have mattered what was going on with my marriage or inside my head or...it just wouldn't have mattered. I wouldn't have done it if I didn't, on some level, want to.
It makes me sick to know I'm capable of that. It's a terrible feeling, to know how low I can sink, to know that I have it in me to hurt another person in a way they may never really recover from.
There was a time in my life when I was very...arrogant, about sin. I would congratulate myself that at least I didn't get high, didn't get drunk, didn't sleep around, didn't do this or that awful thing that people around me were doing.
At this point in my life...I have a hell of a lot more compassion and understanding for those people, for anyone who is trying to rise above but seems stuck, for anyone who makes a terrible mistake and now has to live with labels like "whore" or "adultress" or worse. It breaks my heart to hear about yet another relationship being destroyed by infidelity, and I pray for both the perpetrator and the victim in those cases.
I'm not trying to convince anyone here that they should change how they view cheaters or the act of cheating- cheating is a horrible thing to do to someone you claim to love, and I pray daily that God might spare me the temptation to ever do such a thing again, because I don't know with 100% certainty that I would never succumb again. I wish I could say that I wouldn't- but my past says otherwise.
What I will say...my heart goes out to those of you who have been hurt by someone cheating on you. I hate that this is a thing that happens. I hate that this is a world in which good people get their hearts torn out by those of us who give in to that kind of temptation, those of us who are full of pretty words and promises that don't mean as much to us as they do to those we say them to.
I don't want to be that person, and by the Grace of God, I don't think I am anymore...but it's scary that I can't see my future to know for sure.
I've cheated. I have been that horrible, awful person that went outside of my relationship because I saw something "better".
I could sit here and list dozens of excuses for what I did, I could speculate about why, I could probably even end up convincing myself that in some way, however small, it was justified.
Instead, I'll tell you this: I did it because I wanted to. That's what it comes down to. Yes, the circumstances leading up to it were bad. Yes, things within the relationship had gone super sour. Yes, I felt I was missing something, that some needs weren't being met. But essentially, at the root of it all, I cheated because I wanted to. If I hadn't wanted to, none of the "reasons" would have been enough to push me outside my marriage. If I hadn't wanted to, it wouldn't have mattered what was going on with my marriage or inside my head or...it just wouldn't have mattered. I wouldn't have done it if I didn't, on some level, want to.
It makes me sick to know I'm capable of that. It's a terrible feeling, to know how low I can sink, to know that I have it in me to hurt another person in a way they may never really recover from.
There was a time in my life when I was very...arrogant, about sin. I would congratulate myself that at least I didn't get high, didn't get drunk, didn't sleep around, didn't do this or that awful thing that people around me were doing.
At this point in my life...I have a hell of a lot more compassion and understanding for those people, for anyone who is trying to rise above but seems stuck, for anyone who makes a terrible mistake and now has to live with labels like "whore" or "adultress" or worse. It breaks my heart to hear about yet another relationship being destroyed by infidelity, and I pray for both the perpetrator and the victim in those cases.
I'm not trying to convince anyone here that they should change how they view cheaters or the act of cheating- cheating is a horrible thing to do to someone you claim to love, and I pray daily that God might spare me the temptation to ever do such a thing again, because I don't know with 100% certainty that I would never succumb again. I wish I could say that I wouldn't- but my past says otherwise.
What I will say...my heart goes out to those of you who have been hurt by someone cheating on you. I hate that this is a thing that happens. I hate that this is a world in which good people get their hearts torn out by those of us who give in to that kind of temptation, those of us who are full of pretty words and promises that don't mean as much to us as they do to those we say them to.
I don't want to be that person, and by the Grace of God, I don't think I am anymore...but it's scary that I can't see my future to know for sure.
M
I'd like to add that within knowing yourself,
Being humble does not equate to diminishing yourself to less than what you really are.
Jesus claimed to be the son of God, and people wanted to9 kill him for it and did not diminish who he was in the Lord,
yet he was still humble.
Why? He also did not elevate himself above who he was neither.
I don't believe boasting of what we are in the Lord is elevating oneself above others but more providing an example for others to look to so they can know...they don't have to engage in that sin neither.
It's one of the reason we stand and would die for Gods word, upholding the truth in which we stand behind.
If a buddy of mine brags about some chich he hooked up with yet is married and I tell him...
"I don't wanna hear about it, you had a choice and are married, either stop your behavior or I tell your wife."
And he retorts back at me with..."oh psh you would have done it too bro"
And if I say "no, I wouldn't because I know what it does to people."
Am I then being arrogant? Or an example for him to follow because there is someone to stand in strength with him to resist.
I feel no shame to state who I am made in God and boast of Gods good works.
But not elevate who I am.
I remember when I was married, and got picked up on here and there, and was presented opportunities.
For instance A lady in the store walks by, offers a smile, looks in my cart and says,"Hmmm that looks like single food"
I look in my cart and start inventorying
What? I got this and that and a couple frozen pizza's and some soap and....
The lady's eyes roll and walks away
I'm still trying to figure out how the stuff looks like single food...isn't this the stuff one prepares a meal with?
(except for the dish soap but that's necessary afterward.)
It wasn't until I was halfway home that I realized.
"ohhhhhhh that lady was...ohhh yeah now I get it"
I would never cheat because it's not within me to do so.
There is no temptation to do so.
Thats why I don't get it that other people would or could.
If we give ourselves even the possibility we might do such a thing, then haven't we entertained that idea just a little too much already giving it a little foot hold.
It's ok Ho11y, you can say it. As long as you know its true within you
Being humble does not equate to diminishing yourself to less than what you really are.
Jesus claimed to be the son of God, and people wanted to9 kill him for it and did not diminish who he was in the Lord,
yet he was still humble.
Why? He also did not elevate himself above who he was neither.
I don't believe boasting of what we are in the Lord is elevating oneself above others but more providing an example for others to look to so they can know...they don't have to engage in that sin neither.
It's one of the reason we stand and would die for Gods word, upholding the truth in which we stand behind.
If a buddy of mine brags about some chich he hooked up with yet is married and I tell him...
"I don't wanna hear about it, you had a choice and are married, either stop your behavior or I tell your wife."
And he retorts back at me with..."oh psh you would have done it too bro"
And if I say "no, I wouldn't because I know what it does to people."
Am I then being arrogant? Or an example for him to follow because there is someone to stand in strength with him to resist.
I feel no shame to state who I am made in God and boast of Gods good works.
But not elevate who I am.
I remember when I was married, and got picked up on here and there, and was presented opportunities.
For instance A lady in the store walks by, offers a smile, looks in my cart and says,"Hmmm that looks like single food"
I look in my cart and start inventorying
What? I got this and that and a couple frozen pizza's and some soap and....
The lady's eyes roll and walks away
I'm still trying to figure out how the stuff looks like single food...isn't this the stuff one prepares a meal with?
(except for the dish soap but that's necessary afterward.)
It wasn't until I was halfway home that I realized.
"ohhhhhhh that lady was...ohhh yeah now I get it"
I would never cheat because it's not within me to do so.
There is no temptation to do so.
Thats why I don't get it that other people would or could.
If we give ourselves even the possibility we might do such a thing, then haven't we entertained that idea just a little too much already giving it a little foot hold.
It's ok Ho11y, you can say it. As long as you know its true within you
M
Ya know when Jesus said, I wish you were one way or another instead of lukewarm.
Its so Jesus knows exactly how to use us.
If we can't decide ourselves if we're one way or the other, how can he use us effectively?
MissCris, I got tons of respect for you to be able to admit this.
And is why I believe Christ is able to use you so effectively.
You know the difference between right and wrong, and now choose right.
The fact you don't hide it or make excuses, gives you a humbleness to look up to.
And is an encouragement to others as well as me.
Its so Jesus knows exactly how to use us.
If we can't decide ourselves if we're one way or the other, how can he use us effectively?
MissCris, I got tons of respect for you to be able to admit this.
And is why I believe Christ is able to use you so effectively.
You know the difference between right and wrong, and now choose right.
The fact you don't hide it or make excuses, gives you a humbleness to look up to.
And is an encouragement to others as well as me.
C
I would never cheat because it's not within me to do so.
There is no temptation to do so.
Thats why I don't get it that other people would or could.
If we give ourselves even the possibility we might do such a thing, then haven't we entertained that idea just a little too much already giving it a little foot hold.
H
A person knows themselves pretty well.
If a person doesn't know themselves enough to know they would never cheat on someone,
that person should stay single, away from the opposite gender and not tempt THEMSELVES.
something to think about.
I doubt God would humble us by tempting us with evil, because we're told so.
I honestly can say that my opinion of the behavior is the same as People telling Jesus they served him in his name yet never knew him.
There is a reason he will tell them, "away from me, I never knew you."
If someone truly knows you, they have set themselves aside in order to do so.
That person will never cheat.
James 1:13
"When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone;"
If a person doesn't know themselves enough to know they would never cheat on someone,
that person should stay single, away from the opposite gender and not tempt THEMSELVES.
something to think about.
I doubt God would humble us by tempting us with evil, because we're told so.
I honestly can say that my opinion of the behavior is the same as People telling Jesus they served him in his name yet never knew him.
There is a reason he will tell them, "away from me, I never knew you."
If someone truly knows you, they have set themselves aside in order to do so.
That person will never cheat.
James 1:13
"When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone;"
I never said anywhere in my response that God would tempt us with evil. Seriously, where do you come up with this stuff......
H
I'd like to add that within knowing yourself,
Being humble does not equate to diminishing yourself to less than what you really are.
Jesus claimed to be the son of God, and people wanted to9 kill him for it and did not diminish who he was in the Lord,
yet he was still humble.
Why? He also did not elevate himself above who he was neither.
I don't believe boasting of what we are in the Lord is elevating oneself above others but more providing an example for others to look to so they can know...they don't have to engage in that sin neither.
It's one of the reason we stand and would die for Gods word, upholding the truth in which we stand behind.
If a buddy of mine brags about some chich he hooked up with yet is married and I tell him...
"I don't wanna hear about it, you had a choice and are married, either stop your behavior or I tell your wife."
And he retorts back at me with..."oh psh you would have done it too bro"
And if I say "no, I wouldn't because I know what it does to people."
Am I then being arrogant? Or an example for him to follow because there is someone to stand in strength with him to resist.
I feel no shame to state who I am made in God and boast of Gods good works.
But not elevate who I am.
I remember when I was married, and got picked up on here and there, and was presented opportunities.
For instance A lady in the store walks by, offers a smile, looks in my cart and says,"Hmmm that looks like single food"
I look in my cart and start inventorying
What? I got this and that and a couple frozen pizza's and some soap and....
The lady's eyes roll and walks away
I'm still trying to figure out how the stuff looks like single food...isn't this the stuff one prepares a meal with?
(except for the dish soap but that's necessary afterward.)
It wasn't until I was halfway home that I realized.
"ohhhhhhh that lady was...ohhh yeah now I get it"
I would never cheat because it's not within me to do so.
There is no temptation to do so.
Thats why I don't get it that other people would or could.
If we give ourselves even the possibility we might do such a thing, then haven't we entertained that idea just a little too much already giving it a little foot hold.
It's ok Ho11y, you can say it. As long as you know its true within you
Being humble does not equate to diminishing yourself to less than what you really are.
Jesus claimed to be the son of God, and people wanted to9 kill him for it and did not diminish who he was in the Lord,
yet he was still humble.
Why? He also did not elevate himself above who he was neither.
I don't believe boasting of what we are in the Lord is elevating oneself above others but more providing an example for others to look to so they can know...they don't have to engage in that sin neither.
It's one of the reason we stand and would die for Gods word, upholding the truth in which we stand behind.
If a buddy of mine brags about some chich he hooked up with yet is married and I tell him...
"I don't wanna hear about it, you had a choice and are married, either stop your behavior or I tell your wife."
And he retorts back at me with..."oh psh you would have done it too bro"
And if I say "no, I wouldn't because I know what it does to people."
Am I then being arrogant? Or an example for him to follow because there is someone to stand in strength with him to resist.
I feel no shame to state who I am made in God and boast of Gods good works.
But not elevate who I am.
I remember when I was married, and got picked up on here and there, and was presented opportunities.
For instance A lady in the store walks by, offers a smile, looks in my cart and says,"Hmmm that looks like single food"
I look in my cart and start inventorying
What? I got this and that and a couple frozen pizza's and some soap and....
The lady's eyes roll and walks away
I'm still trying to figure out how the stuff looks like single food...isn't this the stuff one prepares a meal with?
(except for the dish soap but that's necessary afterward.)
It wasn't until I was halfway home that I realized.
"ohhhhhhh that lady was...ohhh yeah now I get it"
I would never cheat because it's not within me to do so.
There is no temptation to do so.
Thats why I don't get it that other people would or could.
If we give ourselves even the possibility we might do such a thing, then haven't we entertained that idea just a little too much already giving it a little foot hold.
It's ok Ho11y, you can say it. As long as you know its true within you
Deuces!
M
Well I certainly didn't mean to upset you.
Perhaps there was a misunderstanding on my part.
The focus and title of this thread is regarding cheating ...right?
If I misunderstood where you're coming from you're welcome to help clarify how if you said you would never cheat, how God would humble you with a lesson the hard way.
Since that's how this sounded to me anyway.
My bad.
Perhaps there was a misunderstanding on my part.
The focus and title of this thread is regarding cheating ...right?
If I misunderstood where you're coming from you're welcome to help clarify how if you said you would never cheat, how God would humble you with a lesson the hard way.
Since that's how this sounded to me anyway.
My bad.