Cheating

[MidniteWelder]

Well you can please some of the people some of the time, but not all of the people all of the time.
But justifying our sins isn't our designated task here on earth right?

 

[Nicee]

i would agree, that often cheating is often borne from lacking a perceived need. a lot of people i've known who cheat are those who are accustomed to a great deal of "attention", validation, or behavior that wanes, and a surrogate or substitute is found who meets those needs instead--whatever that need is.

but as others have already said, i think there are several reasons people cheat.

one that i've witnessed much is i believe to be, quite simply, a combination of poor impulse control (or lack of self discipline) while placing themselves in an environment that would be unwise in the first place, and finally cheating because they believe they can do it, get away with it, and nothing will be discovered, feelings won't be hurt, and no one will be affected.

for most of my career i've worked primarily with men, and often found myself travelling very often, mostly with married men

seeing the behavior of these guys (who truly seemed to appear to love their wives and have "solid marriages") when they were far from home and opportunity to cheat was readily available has shaped a lot of my opinions about the importance of making good choices that prevent you from being in a bad situation -- fleeing sin by making the choices before you find yourself in having to suffer the consequences of your bad choices, and lie in the bed of your own making.

not to mention how comfortable i'd feel about being married to someone who travels alone for work, often. and i don't think this is a "men only" scenario, just what my personal experience was.

i would refer to the above is the opportunity-associated, serial cheater, who is more driven by what s/he can get away with in a circumstantial opportunity.

and i think there are also cheaters who disinvest from their relationship and essentially move on to another person, instead of sticking with who you've spoken your vows to and committed to the health and preservation of the marriage above other, less worthy pursuits. rather than officially leaving them, they leave, emotionally and otherwise, and ignore the impending collision.

finally, i think many people fool themselves in the thinking that they can handle many challenging priorities and accomplishments. the fact of the matter is, everyone i personally know who is in the demanding, successful career hasn't had the successful relationship/marriages, aren't excellent parents, serving in church and growing in their faith, and so on. i am not saying it can't happen, but i personally haven't witnessed it.

i'm tired of people acting like we, as Christians, as women, as balanced people can have and manage everything. it's a fallacy. how you spend your time, and your energy is where your treasure (and priorities) will exist. and so to me, often cheating is a symptom of relationship neglect. and i don't mean, neglect on both sides. you can't build a great relationship alone.

WELL SAID.

 

[Nicee]

A person knows themselves pretty well.
If a person doesn't know themselves enough to know they would never cheat on someone,
that person should stay single, away from the opposite gender and not tempt THEMSELVES.
something to think about.
I doubt God would humble us by tempting us with evil, because we're told so.
I honestly can say that my opinion of the behavior is the same as People telling Jesus they served him in his name yet never knew him.
There is a reason he will tell them, "away from me, I never knew you."
If someone truly knows you, they have set themselves aside in order to do so.
That person will never cheat.

James 1:13
"When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone;"

True. That why when a husband or bf feel tempted to cheat on his lover. He should run to his iover and just hug her and tell her he was tempted to cheat on her, but he barely escape. She would be very proud of him and hold him in a very high honor and boast about him to her friends. They would be so jealous. LOL. if only people can do that instead of given in. His/her lover and God would be proud of him/her.

 

[Nicee]

Here's a thing that absolutely appalls me about myself-

I've cheated. I have been that horrible, awful person that went outside of my relationship because I saw something "better".

I could sit here and list dozens of excuses for what I did, I could speculate about why, I could probably even end up convincing myself that in some way, however small, it was justified.

Instead, I'll tell you this: I did it because I wanted to. That's what it comes down to. Yes, the circumstances leading up to it were bad. Yes, things within the relationship had gone super sour. Yes, I felt I was missing something, that some needs weren't being met. But essentially, at the root of it all, I cheated because I wanted to. If I hadn't wanted to, none of the "reasons" would have been enough to push me outside my marriage. If I hadn't wanted to, it wouldn't have mattered what was going on with my marriage or inside my head or...it just wouldn't have mattered. I wouldn't have done it if I didn't, on some level, want to.

It makes me sick to know I'm capable of that. It's a terrible feeling, to know how low I can sink, to know that I have it in me to hurt another person in a way they may never really recover from.

There was a time in my life when I was very...arrogant, about sin. I would congratulate myself that at least I didn't get high, didn't get drunk, didn't sleep around, didn't do this or that awful thing that people around me were doing.

At this point in my life...I have a hell of a lot more compassion and understanding for those people, for anyone who is trying to rise above but seems stuck, for anyone who makes a terrible mistake and now has to live with labels like "whore" or "adultress" or worse. It breaks my heart to hear about yet another relationship being destroyed by infidelity, and I pray for both the perpetrator and the victim in those cases.

I'm not trying to convince anyone here that they should change how they view cheaters or the act of cheating- cheating is a horrible thing to do to someone you claim to love, and I pray daily that God might spare me the temptation to ever do such a thing again, because I don't know with 100% certainty that I would never succumb again. I wish I could say that I wouldn't- but my past says otherwise.

What I will say...my heart goes out to those of you who have been hurt by someone cheating on you. I hate that this is a thing that happens. I hate that this is a world in which good people get their hearts torn out by those of us who give in to that kind of temptation, those of us who are full of pretty words and promises that don't mean as much to us as they do to those we say them to.

I don't want to be that person, and by the Grace of God, I don't think I am anymore...but it's scary that I can't see my future to know for sure.

I'm sobing. Well said. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Charcoal]

True. That why when a husband or bf feel tempted to cheat on his lover. He should run to his iover and just hug her and tell her he was tempted to cheat on her, but he barely escape. She would be very proud of him and hold him in a very high honor and boast about him to her friends. They would be so jealous. LOL. if only people can do that instead of given in. His/her lover and God would be proud of him/her.

Or it could plant the seed of suspicion that undermines the relationship.
Just sayin.

 

[Nicee]

Or it could plant the seed of suspicion that undermines the relationship.
Just sayin.

For the jealous type mooo(yes). Not for the faithful and ones who have faith in their lover.

 

[TearsofthePhoenix]

In my experience, and now my education, cheating spouses (love relationships) is mostly about the cheater than anything else. It is something they find lacking, they find they think they need, or there is something else going on (extreme stress, depression, mental health issues). Additionally, and often, it is a generational thing. It was seen in their families of origin and therefore they think it is okay, or more so that it is not "wrong".

Also, the old saying about cheaters always being cheaters is false. Sometimes its a one time "mistake" that they learn from, sometimes when they experience the pain of being cheated on they choose to never do it again. Or, simply, when they are loved properly and taught better how to be in a relationship without this aspect...