Years ago, in 2007, I met this girl as we were teenagers. Yet this story may sound insane to many people. Still, I have a question I really feel should have an answer. I will ask it after I explain the story (even though it's the title). I met her online where you make poems and such, she read some of mine and wanted to message me. We began talking, and each day she just was quite intelligent than any other girls I've met even until now. After a month or two, we talked on the phone. She had a voice that was so adorable, she had conversations with me that could go on forever, and rarely anyone even understands the simple things I say in life. Just how will we spoke and feelings we shared, we couldn't help but fall into feelings of love. Yet, short time after awhile, she was starting school again and as she only lives a few states away, she didn't really feel like she would have time to talk to me and was wanting to hang out with people where she lives. Still, we did care about each other, and she knew I wanted to be with her, but before she left and wouldn't call me anymore, I told her that I promise I won't marry anyone else at least until I'm 18, and I was 14 then. So she was ok with that and I did keep my promise about near a thousand days, just not able to talk to her, dreaming of her, waiting on her, hoping to speak to her again. When I became 17, I called her again when I finally had a phone to use, and she was surprised I called, she thought I didn't really care and just moved on. Quickly, we feel into wonderful words, the love only was stronger than ever. Later, on the phone, and after what happened before with her, I didn't want to let her go again or before she would find another man, I asked her to marry me. She decided to get off the phone for a second and then sent me a picture I still have saying yes, and another saying she promises she'll always love me. Not long after... I did things I regret, I want saved then either, and I asked her for sexual things, I judged her all the time, I was being hypocritical, just many things. And suddenly one day she changed her mind about me from how I kept treating her that month. And she got upset and fussed, and blamed me for that, she said she cares but she just can't talk to me being how I was. I told her I would change but she wasn't going to believe it. So she left forever. That was 2010. Now, it's been over another thousand days, and when she left me I truly had a broken heart. She gave me a kind of love that no girl ever comes close to even in person. I can barely even believe I can marry someone now. She is always on my mind, I sent hours last night crying day till night, no joke. And I did find it that being an adult she has a real job, able to live with herself, but very recently idk if she is with someone or if she has moved. But... I don't feel like I would need or want any woman than her. Could I really find her again and maybe for the first time truly see her? Should I even try? ...when she broke my heart leaving me, I felt like being suicidal, she was really the only person who ever showed me love, and as she was gone, I felt no reason to live but as it seemed Jesus was the only one who would forgive me, love me, and change who I am, I was saved and would never kill l myself. So now, I wouldn't do the things that messed us up before. But.... should I just let her go forever or really try to get her back with me in love? ...or at least even say goodbye in a more gentle way...?