Dating a non believer and it’s challenges

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Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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#21
For christian women who go out with unbelieving men....

You might need to do a lot of 'mansplaining' which actually gets tiring after a while, how about a lifetime of it? If he gets it right away then you dont need to be like the teacher.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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#22
Not sure if I used mansplaining correctly (explaining things to a man?) but in general use men do it to women as if we are simple and stupid creatures.
 

Sculpt

Well-known member
Apr 18, 2021
1,019
314
83
#23
Not sure if I used mansplaining correctly (explaining things to a man?) but in general use men do it to women as if we are simple and stupid creatures.
Would you like me to mansplain mansplaining to you? :)
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
3,645
2,865
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#25
Mansplaining is a sexist term against men.

Men tend to be more logical and have a step by step approach to things. This can make it easier to understand how things work. Men enjoy sharing this knowledge with people they feel don't already know it. Many modern women have taken this tendency and slapped a negative label on it in an effort to make themselves feel superior.

The above is both a description and example of what would be consider "mansplaining".

But can you imagine if someone made a term "womentears" which was intended to be derogatory towards women because women were too emotional and cried over everything? So every time a woman cried that term was used to insult them.

Men explaining is not bad. Women having a higher tendency toward tears is not bad.
Yet it amazes me how quickly women are to take a natural habit of gender and decry it as bad, while demanding equality. Hypocrisy.
 

1John

New member
Dec 1, 2021
16
10
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#26
Just got a divorce with me finding and committing to my Faith being at the center of it. Do NOT get married to a non-Christian. Being unequally yoked is difficult. I will never make that mistake again, though I do pray for my ex-wife all the time for her to get saved. She is the mother of my son and I spent 16 years with her. If it were up to me I would have tried to work it out, but her hostility towards God kept her from making any compromise.
Remember what the Bible says, 1 Corinthians 7 is the best scripture to go to for marriage...10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

I ONLY know these verses because I have always been a "believer", however, I just became a follower in 2014/2015, and I asked God in 2014/2015 Well Lord, I am all in should I divorce my husband since he is not willing to become a follower? and He literally took me to 1 Corinthians 7 not long after I asked that question. Then just recently the Lord took me to Matthew 5 31 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

The ONLY way you can remarry after marriage is through divorce through adultery or if the unbeliever leaves. Not many can accept this word, and to be honest if you both are believers/followers and one does allow the flesh to control then you as a fellow believer should forgive your spouse for cheating on you. Honestly, those are the ONLY two ways you can remarry after you are divorced. Now, if you get divorced before becoming a believer/follower, then you start with a clean slate. And then let the Lord God you, and focus on Heavenly things NOT on Earthly things (Colossians 3). Plus Jesus and Paul both said it was better NOT to marry but who can accept these words? My husband told me last night that he wants a divorce, and this is NOT the first time he has done so, but I am praying about the next steps and TRYING very hard to focus on the word, and what He says. If 2 believers divorce, they MUST remain divorced unless be reconciled to each other. Just saying...make sure you pray before every being with ANYONE!!! Jesus said "first seek the kingdom AND righteousness THEN everything else will be added to you"...so just pray about it, and do what Jesus said, seek the kingdom and get in the word whenever you have a thought that should not be there. God Bless!
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,173
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#27
cant believe that some people still need the basics explained to them

but hey we can keep repeating it over and over and over or you can just get your heart being broken into zillions of tiny pieces all the time.....
 

Sculpt

Well-known member
Apr 18, 2021
1,019
314
83
#28
Mansplaining is a sexist term against men.

Men tend to be more logical and have a step by step approach to things. This can make it easier to understand how things work. Men enjoy sharing this knowledge with people they feel don't already know it. Many modern women have taken this tendency and slapped a negative label on it in an effort to make themselves feel superior.

The above is both a description and example of what would be consider "mansplaining".

But can you imagine if someone made a term "womentears" which was intended to be derogatory towards women because women were too emotional and cried over everything? So every time a woman cried that term was used to insult them.

Men explaining is not bad. Women having a higher tendency toward tears is not bad.
Yet it amazes me how quickly women are to take a natural habit of gender and decry it as bad, while demanding equality. Hypocrisy.
I think you're partially right, regarding the root words and origin, but the term "mansplaining", though a new term, and nothing official, is defined (as I understand it) as HOW it's explained, in a condescending manner and intent. It's not simply a man explaining something to a woman. A woman can mansplain something to a man.
 

Sculpt

Well-known member
Apr 18, 2021
1,019
314
83
#29
Careful throwing around mansplaining! It's a fair game term.

 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,173
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#30
I work with children and many of them need explaining to but if you over explain they cant figure it out for themselves so sometimes you just gotta hang back and let them make their own mistakes and then they will learn lol

I think its tempting to just lay it out for them ...if you do this and this., its wrong! dont do it! and then they go and do it...!
 

true_believer

Well-known member
Sep 24, 2020
762
323
63
#31
A few years ago I dated a woman who was a non-Christian. A few months into the relationship, I found out she was heavily influenced spiritually by a friend she's known since childhood.....who is a LaVeyan Satanist.:eek:
 
Oct 22, 2021
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#32
I am married to a non-believer. We have a daughter together. I was a non-practicing Catholic when we got married, but since then I have been born again. I stay in the marriage because of my daughter, and I pray that my wife will be saved one day through my example. One big issue that I have been suffering over...she has been divorced. I have been reading the bible (audible, but still) and keep getting hung up on the numerous passages about how marrying a divorcee is adultery. There really is no hope for me in this instance. How would it be right of me to end this marriage when I have kids? What is the remedy? Abstinence? I am praying that the Holy Spirit will consecrate this marriage now, since I didn't enter into it knowing scripture. I know that God can do all, and therefore He can also save my soul in this situation as well. It can't be His will that I commit the sin of divorce to amend my sin of adultery through unsanctified marriage. And what of my daughter?
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,243
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Tennessee
#33
I am married to a non-believer. We have a daughter together. I was a non-practicing Catholic when we got married, but since then I have been born again. I stay in the marriage because of my daughter, and I pray that my wife will be saved one day through my example. One big issue that I have been suffering over...she has been divorced. I have been reading the bible (audible, but still) and keep getting hung up on the numerous passages about how marrying a divorcee is adultery. There really is no hope for me in this instance. How would it be right of me to end this marriage when I have kids? What is the remedy? Abstinence? I am praying that the Holy Spirit will consecrate this marriage now, since I didn't enter into it knowing scripture. I know that God can do all, and therefore He can also save my soul in this situation as well. It can't be His will that I commit the sin of divorce to amend my sin of adultery through unsanctified marriage. And what of my daughter?
It would not be right for you to end this marriage because of the guilt that you feel.

My counsel to tell God that you feel guilt over this, say that you are sorry, and carry on from that point forward. God understands the human condition fully and understands your situation, which is by no means unique.

Regarding the Holy Spirit, ask for guidance on how to become the best husband that you can with wife and daughter.

Glad to have you join our community. Welcome to CC.
 

Sculpt

Well-known member
Apr 18, 2021
1,019
314
83
#34
I am married to a non-believer. We have a daughter together. I was a non-practicing Catholic when we got married, but since then I have been born again. I stay in the marriage because of my daughter, and I pray that my wife will be saved one day through my example. One big issue that I have been suffering over...she has been divorced. I have been reading the bible (audible, but still) and keep getting hung up on the numerous passages about how marrying a divorcee is adultery. There really is no hope for me in this instance. How would it be right of me to end this marriage when I have kids? What is the remedy? Abstinence? I am praying that the Holy Spirit will consecrate this marriage now, since I didn't enter into it knowing scripture. I know that God can do all, and therefore He can also save my soul in this situation as well. It can't be His will that I commit the sin of divorce to amend my sin of adultery through unsanctified marriage. And what of my daughter?
Bible teacher John MacArthur goes into detail regarding divorce and remarriage according to scripture. I encourage you to read the Q&A links and listen to the audio teaching.

I reviewed the Q&A and how it relates to the situation you present. You have a common, but also particular situation that isn't addressed on all counts (you marrying your wife when you were not a believer, and that she is divorced and currently a nonbeliever), but there are basics that do cover you. Such as,

"In cases where a believer obtained a divorce on unbiblical grounds and remarried, he or she is guilty of the sin of adultery until that sin is confessed (Mark 10:11-12). God does forgive that sin immediately when repentance takes place, and there is nothing in Scripture to indicate anything other than that. From that point on the believer should continue in his or her current marriage."

You did not obtain an unbiblical divorce, you aren't divorced, and I have no idea why your wife divorced. The point of that paragraph is about confession, forgiveness and reconciliation to God. (You can read about biblical divorce in the links.)

Another answer that generally applies to you,

"May a Christian who is divorced remarry if he was divorced as a non-Christian?

Yes. Paul explicitly says in 1 Corinthians 7:27-28: “Are you bound [married] to a wife? Do not seek to be released [divorced]. Are you released [previously been divorced] from a wife? Do not seek [to be married to] a wife. But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin [one who has never before been married] marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you.”

In particular Paul is talking about believers, not non-believers. Divorce is permitted for believers for their spouse's sexual unfaithfulness, abandonment, death or remarriage. I don't know the situation of your wife's divorce... but if it was for any of those reasons, it would not be in sin for her to remarry. That might make you feel better, but whether she had a biblical divorce or not, you would not be actively choosing to sin against God to stay and be with your wife.

Common Questions Regarding Divorce and Remarriage (gty.org)
Divorce and Remarriage (gty.org)
Whats your view of divorce and remarriage? (gty.org)
The Truth About Divorce, Part 1 (gty.org)
 

Moses_Young

Well-known member
Sep 15, 2019
9,016
4,891
113
#35
Yes started dating a non Beliver and it’s very challenging I must say . Because of my beliefs I said I would enter this with caution . We see things so differently, I see things through kingdom eyes . Any one experienced this
Have a read about Samson, and how dating a non-believer worked out for him.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#36
Careful throwing around mansplaining! It's a fair game term.

BOTH the primary actors in that farce need to go sit in the corner. I'd boycott the conversation if anybody talked to me the way either of them are talking to each other.

Yes, the man was being childish too.

Actually calling them childish is an insult to a lot of kids I know. I have taught Children's Church and NONE of the kids in my class were ever that rude.
 

Sculpt

Well-known member
Apr 18, 2021
1,019
314
83
#37
BOTH the primary actors in that farce need to go sit in the corner. I'd boycott the conversation if anybody talked to me the way either of them are talking to each other.

Yes, the man was being childish too.

Actually calling them childish is an insult to a lot of kids I know. I have taught Children's Church and NONE of the kids in my class were ever that rude.
I know, right? Such a horrid waste of time that "convo" was. Just grand standing.
 
Dec 16, 2021
51
14
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Egypt
#38
Yes started dating a non Beliver and it’s very challenging I must say . Because of my beliefs I said I would enter this with caution . We see things so differently, I see things through kingdom eyes . Any one experienced this
I am an Agnostic, I am dating a believing woman who is also married and has two children, our relationship was successful to a large exten.

I believe that culture and education play a role in determining the success or failure of a relationship.
In our Arab society here, religion determines everything in our lives, including customs and traditions. But religion creates a repression of the desires that exist within us.
 

stilllearning

Well-known member
Oct 4, 2021
495
265
63
#39
I am an Agnostic, I am dating a believing woman who is also married and has two children, our relationship was successful to a large exten.

I believe that culture and education play a role in determining the success or failure of a relationship.
In our Arab society here, religion determines everything in our lives, including customs and traditions. But religion creates a repression of the desires that exist within us.
Wanna make sure I am reading you correct bro since there is two different tenses in your message. You say, you are dating then you say, was successful. Is this a current as of now dating or you had dated and no longer are?

Also curious since you are no longer Muslim, is she still a believing one or when you dated she was? Is this what you meant by believer?
 
Dec 16, 2021
51
14
8
Egypt
#40
Wanna make sure I am reading you correct bro since there is two different tenses in your message. You say, you are dating then you say, was successful. Is this a current as of now dating or you had dated and no longer are?

Also curious since you are no longer Muslim, is she still a believing one or when you dated she was? Is this what you meant by believer?
I'm still not fluent in English, sorry. English is not my mother tongue.
I was dating her that's what I mean, she wanted to leave her husband and family to live with me, but there is no fault for the children so I rejected her decision.

She is still a believer and I did not talk to her about faith, but I did not mean that religion played a role in our story, I just commented on the topic and tell my experience with her as a believer.