All of the beautiful girls I dated in high school were generally superficial and made me feel inferior in comparison. When it mattered less who you hang out with, I met an amazing woman who made me feel awesome about myself. She became my best friend and then my wife. She was the first person I dated based on criteria other than physical beauty. This October will be our 20th anniversary.
Dating a physically unattractive person.
- Thread starter JosephsDreams
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There are 7.4 billion people in the world, of which, 2.4+ billion are Christian. There is nothing wrong with wanting to skim through that 2.4+ billion pool to find someone we are both physically attracted to AND non-physically attracted to (including spiritually compatible). It's not the most important thing, but it nevertheless is extremely important for me to be attracted to the person I end up marrying. "Till death do we part" is hopefully a really long time down the road... I want to enjoy the view as well as grow closer to God.
I've dated a girl I wasn't attracted to before. She was incredibly funny, kind and sweet, close with her family, had an incredibly strong testimony of Jesus Christ, and was wicked intelligent. All those attributes are pretty big turn ons for me... but at the end of the day, there was no physical spark/chemistry on my end. It wouldn't be fair for her if I continued to date her or marry her because she deserves so much more than I could offer. It's not my fault for not finding her attractive, nor is it her fault I'm not attracted to her... it just wasn't in the cards for us. Today, she is my best friend. I see the beauty in her, and I want someone to see what I see in her but also find her physically irresistible. If he doesn't, he's not worthy of having her in my opinion.
I've dated a girl I wasn't attracted to before. She was incredibly funny, kind and sweet, close with her family, had an incredibly strong testimony of Jesus Christ, and was wicked intelligent. All those attributes are pretty big turn ons for me... but at the end of the day, there was no physical spark/chemistry on my end. It wouldn't be fair for her if I continued to date her or marry her because she deserves so much more than I could offer. It's not my fault for not finding her attractive, nor is it her fault I'm not attracted to her... it just wasn't in the cards for us. Today, she is my best friend. I see the beauty in her, and I want someone to see what I see in her but also find her physically irresistible. If he doesn't, he's not worthy of having her in my opinion.
Ugh, I hate posting in threads that hasnt been responded to in a while, makes me feel like a loser : (
Anywho
I like this post, attractive doesnt have to mean super model looks. Some people see beauty in different ways. Always good to remember these things are totally subjective.
But yeah, I don't care about physical looks too much : p Being clean, well groomed and a cool I dunno fashion sense I guess is good (the last one isnt realy important, but its more fun), but past all that, im not so worried about the physical junk. I don't consider it much when thinking about dating.
That being sais, its not like I CANT appreciate a nice look. I'm totally okay with telling somene they look nice when they do. Feel like people could mix these two issues up, haha.
Oh but I have a relevant story. I once met a girl online a few years ago, and she talked about how she was unnattractive and all that, and saw that I said I don't care about looks, so she reached out to me. And thats cool and all, but like everytime we talked all she did was dump her problems on me, like it was pretty much the entire relationship we formed together. As mean as it makes me sound, I totally pulled out from it. I'm totally understanding of the fact that people want someone they can lean on and all that, but at the same time I deal with my own issues too, and im not comfortable being someone who constantly has to bear the harships of the other in a relationship. I feel for her and all, but it was too much for me at the time and I ended getting stressed out every time we talked.
I can be sensitive to such things, and I HAVE the desire to lift someone up from such issues, but theres only so much I can deal with at a time : (
Anywho
I like this post, attractive doesnt have to mean super model looks. Some people see beauty in different ways. Always good to remember these things are totally subjective.
But yeah, I don't care about physical looks too much : p Being clean, well groomed and a cool I dunno fashion sense I guess is good (the last one isnt realy important, but its more fun), but past all that, im not so worried about the physical junk. I don't consider it much when thinking about dating.
That being sais, its not like I CANT appreciate a nice look. I'm totally okay with telling somene they look nice when they do. Feel like people could mix these two issues up, haha.
Oh but I have a relevant story. I once met a girl online a few years ago, and she talked about how she was unnattractive and all that, and saw that I said I don't care about looks, so she reached out to me. And thats cool and all, but like everytime we talked all she did was dump her problems on me, like it was pretty much the entire relationship we formed together. As mean as it makes me sound, I totally pulled out from it. I'm totally understanding of the fact that people want someone they can lean on and all that, but at the same time I deal with my own issues too, and im not comfortable being someone who constantly has to bear the harships of the other in a relationship. I feel for her and all, but it was too much for me at the time and I ended getting stressed out every time we talked.
I can be sensitive to such things, and I HAVE the desire to lift someone up from such issues, but theres only so much I can deal with at a time : (
I know my comment is at risk of pulling the thread from the original post but I want to second that. I am a life coach and I get a thrill from helping people through their trials and tribulations but as a friend or a romantic partner, I would rather the conversations have a more positive slant. Everyone has a story as to why live can be hard but it takes a lot of courage to fight through that and find good in every day. I had to walk away from someone who had problems that were nearly insurmountable. Nearly insurmountable. Talking to them meant hours everyday of talking about how bad things were. I hear they are better now but at the time it was like watching a never ending train wreck.
A
Ever since I was a young girl I was attracted to guys who had rugged faces (as opposed to baby face guys), tossled messy hair, and built like a Mac truck, big and brawny. Maybe it's because I'm so long-limbed and slinky, those hulky guys looked very strong and masculine to me. Guys who were always combing their hair, making a scene, and tooting their own horn were immature and weak to me. I didn't understand how they tricked girls to swoon over them. They seemed very unmasculine and silly to me. As for attractiveness, I always thought a guy who made himself approachable, with an outgoing sunny personality and shining sparkly eyes and a sweet, strong voice was exceptionally charming to me. 
Totally agree with you. It's goes against biblical values to assess a person on their features and judge them on this accordingly. It's always noteable to hear men who are obese 'rating' women in a perverse, shallow context, meanwhile they lead such an unhealthy lifestyle themselves. What matters is an individual's heart, mind, values and the sort of partner they're going to be being committed to God's will. I place importance on health and wellbeing, initiative, productivity, vitality and leading a christian life, that's what I know makes a good life together.
3
I will tell you experience where I could only see the hand of God in the manner, I had met new lady friend. At the time we had. I decided that there is probably nobody interested in me. I will be content and gave up on finding a wife. Through God's providence, I could immediately identify that God leading in us meeting at a church campmeeting.
There were so many hindrances that wanted to stop me from attending that specific campmeeting where I met her.
And we saw eachother at music program. I smiled at her and she smiled back at me. We never spoke that time or saw eachother again. While the only time we saw eachother again was at the time of departure when we walked into each other just before separating. That way I say God was leading in both of our lives.
There were so many hindrances that wanted to stop me from attending that specific campmeeting where I met her.
And we saw eachother at music program. I smiled at her and she smiled back at me. We never spoke that time or saw eachother again. While the only time we saw eachother again was at the time of departure when we walked into each other just before separating. That way I say God was leading in both of our lives.
3
I will tell you experience where I could only see the hand of God in the manner, I had met new lady friend. At the time we had. I decided that there is probably nobody interested in me. I will be content and gave up on finding a wife. Through God's providence, I could immediately identify that God leading in us meeting at a church campmeeting.
There were so many hindrances that wanted to stop me from attending that specific campmeeting where I met her.
And we saw eachother at music program. I smiled at her and she smiled back at me. We never spoke that time or seen eachother again that evening. While the only other time we saw eachother again was at the time of departure when we walked into each other just before separating. That way I say God was leading in both of our lives.
There were so many hindrances that wanted to stop me from attending that specific campmeeting where I met her.
And we saw eachother at music program. I smiled at her and she smiled back at me. We never spoke that time or seen eachother again that evening. While the only other time we saw eachother again was at the time of departure when we walked into each other just before separating. That way I say God was leading in both of our lives.