Dating and Physical Intimacy

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What do you think is appropriate? (multiple choices)

  • Women - Holding hands and kissing are fine on the 1st date.

    Votes: 4 8.3%

  • Women - Holding hands and kissing are fine on the 2nd date.

    Votes: 3 6.3%

  • Women - Holding hands and kissing are fine on the 3rd date.

    Votes: 7 14.6%

  • Women - I think it's reserved for a relationship.

    Votes: 16 33.3%

  • Women - I won't do those before marriage.

    Votes: 7 14.6%

  • Men - Holding hands and kissing are fine on the 1st date.

    Votes: 4 8.3%

  • Men - Holding hands and kissing are fine on the 2nd date.

    Votes: 3 6.3%

  • Men - Holding hands and kissing are fine on the 3rd date.

    Votes: 2 4.2%

  • Men - I think it's reserved for a relationship.

    Votes: 11 22.9%

  • Men - I won't do those before marriage.

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Women - I prefer a guy to kiss me after a great date.

    Votes: 5 10.4%

  • Women - I prefer a guy to kiss my cheek/hand after a great date.

    Votes: 7 14.6%

  • Women - I prefer a guy to give me a hug after a great date.

    Votes: 11 22.9%

  • Men - I prefer to kiss her after a great date. (or during)

    Votes: 6 12.5%

  • Men - I prefer to kiss her cheek/hand after a great date.

    Votes: 4 8.3%

  • Men - I just give her a hug.

    Votes: 5 10.4%
  • Total voters
    48
G

GuyforChrist85

Guest
#1
#1
So when I first came to these forums, I was having a big problem with the transition from the worldy dating view and the Christian dating view. I found out that for me personally, it was the fact that I came on too strong in a physical way(a clean way) that was my issue. I fixed this and I've had no issues whatsoever since.

So I'm curious what people's opinions are about holding hands, kissing, etc in the first few months of dating.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#2
#2
I'm a very affectionate person, so if I couldn't hold someone's hand, hug them or kiss them, it would be a problem for me in a relationship. I do realize not everyone feels this way and I respect that, but not being able to express my affection would be too cold for me.
 
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GuyforChrist85

Guest
#3
#3
I'm horrible at making polls it seems! I'm mainly asking this cause I'm really curious. Lately I've backed WAY off on dates, and the girl aways seems to contact me afterwards wanting to go out again. So it's seeming like less is better to me.. haha. And...... I met one the other day that I'm wanting to be really careful with because she "wowed" me for sure..
 
LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#4
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
16
38
#4
I'm struggling with the options. I don't think I fall into any of them

I'm all about things happening "organically." I think hand holding is a given at just about any level of a relationship/date. Kissing is a bit different, and there are all kinds of different levels of kissing. I think for me when it's appropriate really depends on the girl. The first kiss needs to be something felt mutually. Frequency from that point on is probably mostly related to the type of kissing and the sexual nature of each.

That said, I am also a very physical person and can't sit or walk or be near a girl I'm attracted to without touching her. I couldn't be in a relationship without hugs.
 
Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#5
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
53
48
#5
I'm a rather physical person as far as showing affection because im not the biggest talker, so kissing and holding hands has never been a problem for me
 
I

iraasuup

Guest
#6
#6
Haha wow. I must have been married to the most unaffectionate guy on the planet.
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#7
Jan 15, 2011
6,032
3,285
113
#7
To the OP, it's kind of difficult to give an accurate vote because context is missing, and in matters of level of physical contact and how soon context is critical. If I was on a first or second date with someone I really didn't know I wouldn't go there at all, whereas if it was with someone that I had an established friendship with beforehand it would really depend on whether I felt it would be perceived by her.

In an established relationship I am a very affectionate person. Holding hands, kissing, and "couch time," just cuddling up together and watching a movie are an important part of a relationship to me. Yes, physical touch is one of my love languages, without it I wither and die in a relationship.
 
G

GuyforChrist85

Guest
#8
#8
Oncefallen said:
To the OP, it's kind of difficult to give an accurate vote because context is missing, and in matters of level of physical contact and how soon context is critical. If I was on a first or second date with someone I really didn't know I wouldn't go there at all, whereas if it was with someone that I had an established friendship with beforehand it would really depend on whether I felt it would be perceived by her.

In an established relationship I am a very affectionate person. Holding hands, kissing, and "couch time," just cuddling up together and watching a movie are an important part of a relationship to me. Yes, physical touch is one of my love languages, without it I wither and die in a relationship.
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Like you, I've always been physically affectionate in relationships. I got out of an LTR earlier this year and just got back into the dating scene. Before that relationship, I dated worldy women, and it seems to be much different with them as opposed to Christian women. I could be much more aggressive and it would actually score me points rather than running them off. I had quite a few run off after I was overly physical with them too soon, these are all women I did not know, or did not know well beforehand. I recently had corrected this and it changed everything.

I've been dating one for about a month and a half or so, and she had actually told me that she was not ready emotionally for the physical. A few weeks ago, I met another one that....wow. She is actually the one that spurred this poll lol. We just seem to have one of those connections that I feel like I could do anything around her and be fine. I did some of the stupiest stuff in front of her including riding a teeter-toter with her and laying on my back drinking out of a water faucet in a park lol. It's really like I've known her for years, except we just met. The first date I did not make any sort of move on her, and just gave her a nice hug at the end. (this is extremely rare for me). I'm probably too direct and over confident sometimes which might come across as cocky, but to be honest I was scared to death after I dropped her off that it was the last time I would see her and that I would not be able to get her on the phone. I had a MAJOR moment of weakness with this one! Luckily, she contacted me the day after and we set up another date =) I just do not want to move it too fast for her but at the same time, I don't want to seem like I'm not interested in her physically or am not confident to make a move.

Hopefully this will give this poll a little context hehe. Oh, and to be clear so I don't look bad. Me and the girl I was already seeing have an understanding that we both have the option to see other people unless it gets to the point that we're exclusive and when I talk about "being physical" in my posts, I'm never referring to anything inappropriate.
 
C

chu_huifen

Guest
#9
#9
I love physical touch so much but I realize I can't attached that in a relationship when I ready to have courtship with man. In my opinion, when I do much physical touch it can create intimacy and it's easy for both of us to fall into temptation. I promised to my self to be brother/man keeper to don't give any chance to let both of us being tempted. My parents always to reminds me to keep my self as the best present for my husband in the future. Yea I think I can wait and control my desire to do physical touch with any man who will become my spouse :)
 
S

simplyme_bekah

Guest
#10
#10
For me I would say I would live in the moment and just go with what felt right. Normally works out that way anyways. Chemistry is so flipping beautiful. New love and romance make your palms sweat and your mouth go dry and man alive does it make you feel alive. I envy you single folks some days. The possibilities are endless.
 
Ritter

Ritter

Banned
#11
Jul 25, 2005
2,417
34
0
#11
There should be a relationship for a kiss. I kissed my girlfriend before leaving for five months.
 
N

nukreation

Guest
#12
#12
I'm a bit stuck on the options there too. I've been single for most of the last ten years and one thing I've noticed is that it's alot easier to get into a relationship than it is to get out of one.

When you're 20 you can go out, kiss, hold hands and break up a few weeks later and noone gets hurt.

When you're in your 30's you go into relationships with alot more intention. If you then realise that you're no longer interested, in the person who you have been holding hands with and kissing, then it is likely that they will get hurt.

I prefer to get to know girls in a group setting first before asking them out on a date. The last few girls I've liked didn't even know I was interested in them and so naturally weren't hurt when I decided that they weren't the ones for me.

In saying that though, I did take a friend out just this week. I had taken her out previously with a group of friends, and I've known her from church for a couple of years.

We didn't kiss or hold hands.. well we kissed on the cheek and hugged hello, but she is Colombian so we always have. We went to see a movie, then had a hot chocolate after. We had great conversation and I really like her. I'm not sure if she likes me, but that's half the fun of dating. I'm sure guys will agree with me that it's unattractive when girls make it too obvious that they like you too soon.

I hope to take her out again, but I don't intend to kiss her on the lips for quite some time yet. Kisses to me never seem quite finished and so I think it's better left for marriage, but each to their own there, if I slip up once or twice it is a much safer bounday than sex. Holding hands is fine.. probably a safe place to keep ones hands :)
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#13
#13
I think that's why most of us who are older do the friends first thing. I don't want to date someone unless I really care about them.
 
K

kayem77

Guest
#14
#14
If I'm holding hands with someone I'm assuming that it's because we both already know that we are in a relationship. I think that any physical contact is reserved for a relationship, otherwise I wouldn't see the difference between a friend and a boyfriend (I don't know why but I don't like the word boyfriend). The how far is too far while remaining pure depends on the context and the dynamic of the couple, I'm ok with physical contact since I'm an affectionate person but I wouldn't know how I would work that out until I'm there, my only consideration is that purity must preserved.
 
G

GuyforChrist85

Guest
#15
#15
nukreation said:
I'm a bit stuck on the options there too. I've been single for most of the last ten years and one thing I've noticed is that it's alot easier to get into a relationship than it is to get out of one.

When you're 20 you can go out, kiss, hold hands and break up a few weeks later and noone gets hurt.

When you're in your 30's you go into relationships with alot more intention. If you then realise that you're no longer interested, in the person who you have been holding hands with and kissing, then it is likely that they will get hurt.

I prefer to get to know girls in a group setting first before asking them out on a date. The last few girls I've liked didn't even know I was interested in them and so naturally weren't hurt when I decided that they weren't the ones for me.

In saying that though, I did take a friend out just this week. I had taken her out previously with a group of friends, and I've known her from church for a couple of years.

We didn't kiss or hold hands.. well we kissed on the cheek and hugged hello, but she is Colombian so we always have. We went to see a movie, then had a hot chocolate after. We had great conversation and I really like her. I'm not sure if she likes me, but that's half the fun of dating. I'm sure guys will agree with me that it's unattractive when girls make it too obvious that they like you too soon.

I hope to take her out again, but I don't intend to kiss her on the lips for quite some time yet. Kisses to me never seem quite finished and so I think it's better left for marriage, but each to their own there, if I slip up once or twice it is a much safer bounday than sex. Holding hands is fine.. probably a safe place to keep ones hands :)
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I find myself more and more undertstanding what you're saying here. One of the things that makes it harder for me, is that physical touch is my main love language and when dating a girl that holding way back in that area, it makes it hard for me to develop feelings. Even though I know it's probably not correct, it makes me feel like she is just not into me if she's not fulfilling that need of mine. This is especially true in my one situation with the girl I've been seeing for a little while. She said her love language is physical touch as well, so if we're both holding that back completely, I really don't see much of a chance for anything to develop.

I do differ in the opinion of wanting to know if she's interested though. I really don't want to waste my time if she's just lukewarm about me, when I could be dating a girl that was really into me. Dating gets really expensive for the guy, so I take that into consideration. I don't want to date a girl over the course of 5-6 dates, only to find out she really was not into me in the first place.

Apparently from the poll though, it seems like I'm quite the fast mover on this stuff. I'm seeing the one girl I just met tonight, so I'm going to really hold back in this area and try this new path I'm leanring about!
 
J

Jordache

Guest
#16
#16
Being separated and divorcing, I find the most common words I hear from that little voice in my head are "I just want to be touched." I am a very physical person. I could hug someone 14 x and still want to hug them more. My pastor, very good friends of mine, get at least 3 hugs from me each Sunday, and usually more. Everyone I know gets multiple hugs from me. It's not that I demand them, but it's definately a love language of mine. However, it's not all about hugs, it's just physical acknolwedgement: a hand on the head, a kiss on the forehead, a quick hand squeeze. Some of my friends and I just tend to run into each other for fun. I have a running joke with one of my best friends about which one of us is going to push the other into the street first. I just want to be touched. Would I love to be hugged and kissed all the time, probably, but sometimes just having wrappers thrown at me by my pastor is enough physical affection. When you miss it, you learn to appreciate the little things.
 
N

nukreation

Guest
#17
#17
GuyforChrist85 said:
I find myself more and more undertstanding what you're saying here. One of the things that makes it harder for me, is that physical touch is my main love language and when dating a girl that holding way back in that area, it makes it hard for me to develop feelings. Even though I know it's probably not correct, it makes me feel like she is just not into me if she's not fulfilling that need of mine. This is especially true in my one situation with the girl I've been seeing for a little while. She said her love language is physical touch as well, so if we're both holding that back completely, I really don't see much of a chance for anything to develop.

I do differ in the opinion of wanting to know if she's interested though. I really don't want to waste my time if she's just lukewarm about me, when I could be dating a girl that was really into me. Dating gets really expensive for the guy, so I take that into consideration. I don't want to date a girl over the course of 5-6 dates, only to find out she really was not into me in the first place.

Apparently from the poll though, it seems like I'm quite the fast mover on this stuff. I'm seeing the one girl I just met tonight, so I'm going to really hold back in this area and try this new path I'm leanring about!
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I hear you GuyforChrist because touch is so important. I guess we just have to consider if our arm around a girl is going to send the wrong message i.e. a message of exclusivity when that is not what we are ready to say.

As far as the dates go, maybe you are spending too much. Dates are important even after you're married so maybe you should reconsider where you're going out.

I think there must be some level of interest if she is going out with you, and if not she is at least giving you the opportunity to win her heart.

It would be interesting to hear from girls as to whether or not they will go out with a guy they aren't interested in.
 
D

delive

Guest
#18
#18
nukreation said:
It would be interesting to hear from girls as to whether or not they will go out with a guy they aren't interested in.
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I think it must have at least a little bit of interest. I mean, it's pointless if it doesn't.. it's childish, selfish and, sometimes, a desperate act (if the girl is feeling so lonely that she agrees to go out with the first guy that comes to her). I did that before, when I was 16, and all that I got from that was hurting the guy's feelins AND mine.

A woman who knows what she wants and tries to do the best she can to not hurt a real man's feelings won't do that.

Maybe I'm being too hard on it, mainly because the concept of "date" is way different here in Brazil, but yeah, that's just my opinion.
 
1

1still_waters

Guest
#19
#19
This is a tough one because purity is THE issue.

On the other hand, some may feel you're rejecting them, or not affectionate if you don't do something to a certain extent.

I'd say hugs, holding hands, a kiss is relatively safe. Anything more before marriage or engagement is really walking on thin ice as far as temptation is concerned.

At a bare minimum, lips and hands shouldn't go anywhere normally covered by under garments. (And I sense the typical Internet contrarian aka nuance finder is trying to come up with an absurd hypothetical at this point. To them I say...pffft. You get the idea of what I'm getting at here.)
 
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GuyforChrist85

Guest
#20
#20
nukreation said:
I hear you GuyforChrist because touch is so important. I guess we just have to consider if our arm around a girl is going to send the wrong message i.e. a message of exclusivity when that is not what we are ready to say.
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Absolutely! I view this 100% like you do, how it does not mean the same thing to us as it does to some women. I want to show her I'm interested and I'm not comfortable doing that in a verbal way. I show interest through actions and if I'm spending time with her, I'm interested. I do have that deep down need to feel the physical touch though or I start second-guessing the relationship.

Basically, I'm striving to treat women as who they are - daughters of God. If I'm asking God for the daughter he has for me, I had better respect her and respect her boundries!

nukreation said:
As far as the dates go, maybe you are spending too much. Dates are important even after you're married so maybe you should reconsider where you're going out.
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Well right now I'm seeing a few women, so the price is pretty much doubled. I do try to keep it to 1 or 2 venues. I'm really considering just seeing the one I saw tonight though, this girl has just amazed me to be honest, and I see it going somewhere. I was proud of myself in that I did not try to kiss her tonight and she gave me a nice long tight hug and I just gave her a peck on the cheek. In the past I would be turned off by that, but this time it was different. The hard thing for me is knowing when to transition as I think I've forced it way before women were ready in the past.

nukreation said:
I think there must be some level of interest if she is going out with you, and if not she is at least giving you the opportunity to win her heart.
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I believe she is (referring to the other girl, not the one the above paragraph is about). We really have quite a few differences though and that might play a part as well. I'm not ruling her out yet, but I just feel more myself and better when I'm with the other girl. She's a VERY solid Christian and a complete sweetheart though, so I really hope to keep a friendship with her if it goes down that road.

On a side note: I want to thank you guys for the fellowship on here. I'm a very private person on these matters and having this outlet to get input really helps me so much =)
 
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