The main point I would make about deal breakers, is that I'd be careful in how you eliminate potential spouses. I mean, one of these posts listed 20 deal breakers. You're not going to find the "ideal." You may find a really good match, a passionate lover in the marriage bed, and someone who you have a lot in common with, BUT I'm willing to bet there will be SOMETHING that drives you crazy, or that you would change about the person if you could (by change, I'm talking about sins and bad habits). I'm not saying that these posts are presenting a standard of perfection, but it sure seems awfully close to that, in some cases. Especially considering a lot of men struggle in those areas. Like
GodIsSalvation noted, "I have a lot to work on!" My husband fits me like a glove, in mentality, and theology, and physically - but there is one flaw that he really needs to work on. And other things I'd like him to work on. I have flaws he wants me to work on. That's part of the beauty of marriage - is sharpening each other, because your spouse sees you in the most intimate way - he/she lives with you.
Ecclesiastes 4 said:
[SUP]9 [/SUP]Two are better than one,
Because they have a good reward for their labor.
[SUP]10 [/SUP]For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.
But woe to him who is alone when he falls,
For he has no one to help him up.
[SUP]11 [/SUP]Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm;
But how can one be warm alone?
[SUP]12 [/SUP]Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.
And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Part of the purpose of marriage, for those who get married, I believe is a way of bettering each other. And trust me, I know there are REALLY good, moral men out there - but the chances of finding one that you have no qualms with WHATSOEVER, is zero. I can promise you that if you marry a man thinking he's perfectly upstanding (I'm not saying sinless), you will very likely find some sin that he struggles with once you move in with him and get to know him on an intimate, day-to-day basis. And that's where you step in and encourage him, pray for him, quote him Scripture, and give him affection. And if he's any man at all, he will return all that when YOU'RE struggling with your sins and flaws.
I'm saying the best way to choose is not to pull out a list and check it off, but to weigh pros and cons. There may be a "deal breaker" somewhere, but he compensates for it in most other areas. And if you're honest with him, and tell him it bothers you, he may be inclined to work on getting better. My husband's flaw made me uncomfortable - I knew about it before marriage. But he displayed effort in conquering it, and I thought all the other qualities shouldn't be sacrificed (I shouldn't dump him) because he struggles in this one area that he will work on.
All I'm saying is don't work from a list. There are things we can't live with - understood. But keep an open mind, and instead of not calling back that otherwise decent Christian guy, why not tell him what's bothering you? You may be surprised to hear that he actually feels guilt over what you don't like, and wills to change it. And aren't we ALL in that boat - struggling with sin, and willing to change it?
Remember in your selecting: "The Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."
