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Hi Iraasuup,
I'm very sorry about your situation. Though I can't speak from personal experience exactly--at one point in my marriage I really wanted to try for a baby but my husband didn't want to at the time. He left for someone else and ironically, I don't have any kids but I hear he has at least two now.
I was wondering if, when you have the thoughts of "accidentally" becoming pregnant, which I think are perfectly normal in that most anyone in that situation would think of such things too, do you ever wonder if your husband would leave if you did indeed have a baby?
I'm not trying to be a dark cloud, I was just wondering if you ever have that fear. I've known two cases in which the woman "forgot" to take her birth control or "persuaded" a husband to go ahead and have a child when he clearly said he did not want kids. In the first case, they were not married and he left as soon as they found out she was pregnant. In addition to wanting a child, she had hoped the baby would bring them closer together, which, unfortunately, completely backfired.
In the second scenario, the couple was married and the wife "convinced" her husband to adopt a child--the husband began an affair with the child's babysitter, and promptly left her for this much younger woman.
I'm really sorry for what you're going through and certainly hope nothing worse happens.
I'm very sorry about your situation. Though I can't speak from personal experience exactly--at one point in my marriage I really wanted to try for a baby but my husband didn't want to at the time. He left for someone else and ironically, I don't have any kids but I hear he has at least two now.
I was wondering if, when you have the thoughts of "accidentally" becoming pregnant, which I think are perfectly normal in that most anyone in that situation would think of such things too, do you ever wonder if your husband would leave if you did indeed have a baby?
I'm not trying to be a dark cloud, I was just wondering if you ever have that fear. I've known two cases in which the woman "forgot" to take her birth control or "persuaded" a husband to go ahead and have a child when he clearly said he did not want kids. In the first case, they were not married and he left as soon as they found out she was pregnant. In addition to wanting a child, she had hoped the baby would bring them closer together, which, unfortunately, completely backfired.
In the second scenario, the couple was married and the wife "convinced" her husband to adopt a child--the husband began an affair with the child's babysitter, and promptly left her for this much younger woman.
I'm really sorry for what you're going through and certainly hope nothing worse happens.
D
Yeah,I think it is deceptive.
I suggest you talk to him, tell him that this would be the last time you would talk about the topic. Say whats on your mind, your fears, about the whole body clock thing, your desire to procreate. This causes a strain on your relationship and getting pregnant 'accidentally' wouldnt help your situation all. Tell him the reason why you want to have his babies. He may have fears on his own as to why He doesnt want one, or something.
I suggest you talk to him, tell him that this would be the last time you would talk about the topic. Say whats on your mind, your fears, about the whole body clock thing, your desire to procreate. This causes a strain on your relationship and getting pregnant 'accidentally' wouldnt help your situation all. Tell him the reason why you want to have his babies. He may have fears on his own as to why He doesnt want one, or something.
U
I'd also say you run a risk of the father not wanting to be a father to the child. You assume since its 'his' kid as well he'll magically care and play dad. What if he becomes angry and/or bitter about the child? What if he refuses to help raise or take care of it? You can't assume a person will just 'accept' the situation because they're pushed into it.
And then when he finds out you deceived him on purpose whats to stop him from becoming angry and bitter towards you? Is it really worth the possibility of ending your marriage just to force your husband into having a kid? I know, this is a more extreme possibility, but that doesn't mean its not still possible.
I agree, it is unfair to you that he changed his mind. But two wrongs don't make a right.
And then when he finds out you deceived him on purpose whats to stop him from becoming angry and bitter towards you? Is it really worth the possibility of ending your marriage just to force your husband into having a kid? I know, this is a more extreme possibility, but that doesn't mean its not still possible.
I agree, it is unfair to you that he changed his mind. But two wrongs don't make a right.
The other thing I was thinking about as well is that if you did have a child, and your husband did decide to stay but never warmed up to the idea... He may "bury" it for a while, but eventually, family issues always come out into the open, whether through the parents, other relatives, or whispering outsiders.
The child may learn later on in life that he/she was not wanted at all by their father and that their mother had to conceive without his permission (the child might even come here to CC one day and could see all these conditions right in from of him or her), which would be devastating to take in... Not that plenty of other people don't go through these issues and worse everyday, but it seems to be something else important to consider.
The child may learn later on in life that he/she was not wanted at all by their father and that their mother had to conceive without his permission (the child might even come here to CC one day and could see all these conditions right in from of him or her), which would be devastating to take in... Not that plenty of other people don't go through these issues and worse everyday, but it seems to be something else important to consider.
