Defining relationships

[Jullianna]

I don't want to derail Oncefallen's thread, so I'm making a new one.

Do you think defining relationships is important? Is it important to say things like "we're just friends", "we're just getting to know one another", "we're dating", etc.? Do you think this helps avoid hurting people or misunderstandings?

Have you ever had someone get upset with you because they thought a relationship was more serious, but they never bothered to tell you this?

Have you ever had someone pay an extreme amount of attention to you that made you think it was more than friendship and all of the sudden it was nothing with no explanation at all?

Have you ever had a another woman/man get upset with you for behaving the same way you always had with a friend who didn't bother to mention the other woman/man was more than just a friend?
I have even had women nearly challenge me to a duel at times just for saying "hi" to an old friend.

Seems like these awkward moments could be prevented. What do you think? What's wrong with being honest about feelings so these things happen as infrequently as possible?

If you are interested in someone, why not say so? If you just want to be friends, why not say so?

 

[angel1581]

I think always ben honest with your feelings, everyone knows where they stand, no one (hopefully) gets hurt and even if those feelings change theres no reason why people cant still be honest, ive always tried to be as honest as i possibly can with how i feel about people, especially when someone feels what i havent. but i think honesty is the best policy both in the short and long terms of every relationship, be it friends or more

open to other opinions though, thats just how i feel.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I think its important to verify that you're both on the same page unless its obvious. I mean if you are holding hands and kissing its kind of hard for her to say that we are nothing more than friends.

 

[AsifinPassing]

Do you think defining relationships is important? Is it important to say things like "we're just friends", "we're just getting to know one another", "we're dating", etc.? Do you think this helps avoid hurting people or misunderstandings?

Yes, defining relationships is often important. For those more subtle of us, things may be implied that were never known to the other person. It can just become unnecessarily complicated and messy if you don't define this.

It's moderately important to use those phrases, but the more important matter is letting the other person know where you stand on the issue. Usually people get hurt and misunderstand either way, but it's better to catch it early.

Have you ever had someone get upset with you because they thought a relationship was more serious, but they never bothered to tell you this?

Yes.

Have you ever had someone pay an extreme amount of attention to you that made you think it was more than friendship and all of the sudden it was nothing with no explanation at all?

Yes(ish). There are some flirtatious people (obviously women in my case), who will spend several hours a day with you for months (even doing things like hanging around your neck, grabbing your arm, ext...), and then just decided one day that they don't want to hang around you anymore. (Some people call this getting 'played')

Have you ever had a another woman/man get upset with you for behaving the same way you always had with a friend who didn't bother to mention the other woman/man was more than just a friend?

I feel that this is a little ambiguous. Have I ever been in the middle of people liking each other and viewing me as a potential threat? Yes. Other than that, please let me know what you mean.


I have even had women nearly challenge me to a duel at times just for saying "hi" to an old friend.

Women...*multi-variable implications assumed*

Seems like these awkward moments could be prevented. What do you think? What's wrong with being honest about feelings so these things happen as infrequently as possible?

To an extent, they can be prevented, but then...friends often turn into more than friends. Let's say multiple people are interested in you. You tell one that you don't want to date right now. You tell another you like him/her better as a friend. You tell another one that when the time comes, you'll be sure to look him/her up for a date...and then they all find out your dating one of them or someone completely different later... =/ This is the voice of experience. Don't do that. It's a pretty 'jerk-like' move, even though I understand the intent was not to hurt anyone's feelings.

So, you're gonna hurt their feelings either way, and should be loving/gently/harsh/firmly upfront about how you think and feel. I put all those slashes because it's a mixture. You need to be kind, but also get the message across.

If you are interested in someone, why not say so? If you just want to be friends, why not say so?

I'm always down for being friends, and often say so!! Now, granted, I would also like to find a wife one day...for me, it's not as simple as, "I like you. Let's date."

This has led to my and her heartbreak...but she's good nowadays. (side note) Things seem to always turn out when you let them.

Anyway, for me, I'm relying on God to be the judge/matchmaker/one that gives me the 'go ahead'. When I seek girls out on my own, I find them, we 'fall in love'...and then things never turn out well. So...enough of me, and more of what God wants for me.

Hopefully this was helpful..

 

[jkalyna]

I AM GLAD YOU ASKED. MY FIRST WEEK ON CC WASN'T THE WINNING CHOICE AWARDS. AS A SINGLE FEMALE AND MOM, I DO NOT POST MY PICTURES, ALRIGHT SOME DO, AND HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE ISSUES OF IT, IF ANY. BUT THERE IS NOTHING IN MY PROFILE THAT WOULD DRAW ATTENTION TO ME AND MY AIM HERE WAS FOR PRAYER, AT THE START, AND ONLY BE DRAWN TO JESUS. I DO NOT WANT NEITHER DO I LIKE HAVING A CLOSE RELATIONSHIP IN P.M.S AND I DO NOT WITH A MAN WHO IS MARRIED. IN THE OPEN YES, WE COULD REJOICE IN THE LORD. I DON'T BELIEVE THAT IT IS RIGHT TO GET CLOSE WITH ANOTHER WHETHER ONLINE OR IN THE OFFICE, OR ANYWHERE. MARRIAGE IS A COMMITMENT TO ONE ANOTHER'S EMOTIONS, AND YOU GIVE IT ALL TO YOUR SPOUSE. LIKE I SAID THE FIRST WEEK WAS LIKE THIS, I PRAYED FOR SOMEONE, AND THE NEXT THING I WAS GETTING EMAILS, CARDS, ETC. FROM THIS INDIVIDUAL, AND HE IS MARRIED. WE SHOULD ALL LOVE ONE ANOTHER IN THE LORD, OUR EMOTIONS AND WEDDING VOWS BELONG TO OUR SPOUSES. I AM NOT MARRIED, BUT IN SPIRIT I AM TO MY LORD, AND I AM HIS SPIRITUAL BRIDE. I SHARE MY HEART WITH HIM, AND POUR MY EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS TO HIM ONLY, SINCE I AM NOT MARRIED, IT IS JESUS, IF I WAS IT WOULD BE ONLY TO MY SPOUSE. I VERY KINDLY SAID NOT TO DO THIS, AND I WAS UNFRIENDED. I AM THANKFULL TO THE LORD I TOOK THIS ACTION, FOR THESE MOTIVES WERE NOT OF THE LORD, IF IT WERE I WOULD BE LOVED AS A SISTER, AND AS A FRIEND. I WOULD NEVER UNFRIEND ANYONE, UNLESS I KKNEW IT WAS SOMETHING AGAINST THE LORD. SO YES JULIANNA I SAID HOW I FELT AND CLEARLY IT WASN'T A BROTHER SISTER START OFF. I THINK THIS IS RIGHT AND PROPER AND DISCREET BEFORE THE LORD I LOVE. THERE ARE THOSE WHO WANT SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE, AND IF YOU DON'T GIVE IT OUT I WAS UNFRIENDED TWICE, BY 2 MARRIED MEN. I TOOK MY STAND. THERE IS A GREAT LOVE FROM THE HEART HERE AT CC THAT I FEEL, MARRIED OR NOT, MALE OR FEMALE. BUT IF THERE IS SOMETHING MISSING IN A MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP A TENDENCY WOULD BE TO FIND IT SOMEHWERE, WETHER HERE OR SOMEWHERE ELSE. I HOWEVER DO HAVE MARRIED AND UNMARRIED FRIENDS HERE AND I HAVE HAD NO PROBLEMS AS FAR AS A GODLY SIS/BRO RELATIONSHIP. THUS FAR. WHATEVER IS MISSING, LET IT BE FULLFILLED BY JESUS, AND AS JOHN 17 SAYS, HE IN US HE IN THE FATHER. THEN THE REAL AGAPE LOVE WILL FLOW IN PURE FELLOWSHIP, WITHOUT BEING DAINTED.

 

[cal3091]

Do you think defining relationships is important? Is it important to say things like "we're just friends", "we're just getting to know one another", "we're dating", etc.? Do you think this helps avoid hurting people or misunderstandings?

Yes, defining relationships is often important. For those more subtle of us, things may be implied that were never known to the other person. It can just become unnecessarily complicated and messy if you don't define this.

It's moderately important to use those phrases, but the more important matter is letting the other person know where you stand on the issue. Usually people get hurt and misunderstand either way, but it's better to catch it early.

Have you ever had someone get upset with you because they thought a relationship was more serious, but they never bothered to tell you this?

Yes.

Have you ever had someone pay an extreme amount of attention to you that made you think it was more than friendship and all of the sudden it was nothing with no explanation at all?

Yes(ish). There are some flirtatious people (obviously women in my case), who will spend several hours a day with you for months (even doing things like hanging around your neck, grabbing your arm, ext...), and then just decided one day that they don't want to hang around you anymore. (Some people call this getting 'played')

Have you ever had a another woman/man get upset with you for behaving the same way you always had with a friend who didn't bother to mention the other woman/man was more than just a friend?

I feel that this is a little ambiguous. Have I ever been in the middle of people liking each other and viewing me as a potential threat? Yes. Other than that, please let me know what you mean.


I have even had women nearly challenge me to a duel at times just for saying "hi" to an old friend.

Women...*multi-variable implications assumed*

Seems like these awkward moments could be prevented. What do you think? What's wrong with being honest about feelings so these things happen as infrequently as possible?

To an extent, they can be prevented, but then...friends often turn into more than friends. Let's say multiple people are interested in you. You tell one that you don't want to date right now. You tell another you like him/her better as a friend. You tell another one that when the time comes, you'll be sure to look him/her up for a date...and then they all find out your dating one of them or someone completely different later... =/ This is the voice of experience. Don't do that. It's a pretty 'jerk-like' move, even though I understand the intent was not to hurt anyone's feelings.

So, you're gonna hurt their feelings either way, and should be loving/gently/harsh/firmly upfront about how you think and feel. I put all those slashes because it's a mixture. You need to be kind, but also get the message across.

If you are interested in someone, why not say so? If you just want to be friends, why not say so?

I'm always down for being friends, and often say so!! Now, granted, I would also like to find a wife one day...for me, it's not as simple as, "I like you. Let's date."

This has led to my and her heartbreak...but she's good nowadays. (side note) Things seem to always turn out when you let them.

Anyway, for me, I'm relying on God to be the judge/matchmaker/one that gives me the 'go ahead'. When I seek girls out on my own, I find them, we 'fall in love'...and then things never turn out well. So...enough of me, and more of what God wants for me.

Hopefully this was helpful..

I have had a lot of weird moments because of not saying what my intentions are exactly.But I do agree with AsifinPassing. I have had similar experiences too. Ultimately its not I who am going to control my life. I need to leave it to God. When He leads me, I don't have to worry, cauz i know its gonna work out just fine. At the same time I think it is very important that i let the other person know what my intentions are. Thanks for the post Jullianna ! I definitely should be more careful so that the other person and sometimes even myself don't get hurt.

 

[basschick]

It seems I agree with the general consensus here; I believe that being open with your feelings/intentions and having that open communication on the subject can be vital. It's important to be sure you're both on the same page! I've had more than one occasion where a guy-friend had decided more was going on than there really was.
With one friend even when I told him flat out that I just saw him as a friend that was like a brother and that I was in no way interested in him like that, he was still bound and determined we were much more and proceeded to share my supposed 'profession of undying love' for him, haha! So sometimes even being blatant and upfront with your feelings doesn't work

 

[Jullianna]

I AM GLAD YOU ASKED. MY FIRST WEEK ON CC WASN'T THE WINNING CHOICE AWARDS. AS A SINGLE FEMALE AND MOM, I DO NOT POST MY PICTURES, ALRIGHT SOME DO, AND HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE ISSUES OF IT, IF ANY. BUT THERE IS NOTHING IN MY PROFILE THAT WOULD DRAW ATTENTION TO ME AND MY AIM HERE WAS FOR PRAYER, AT THE START, AND ONLY BE DRAWN TO JESUS. I DO NOT WANT NEITHER DO I LIKE HAVING A CLOSE RELATIONSHIP IN P.M.S AND I DO NOT WITH A MAN WHO IS MARRIED. IN THE OPEN YES, WE COULD REJOICE IN THE LORD. I DON'T BELIEVE THAT IT IS RIGHT TO GET CLOSE WITH ANOTHER WHETHER ONLINE OR IN THE OFFICE, OR ANYWHERE. MARRIAGE IS A COMMITMENT TO ONE ANOTHER'S EMOTIONS, AND YOU GIVE IT ALL TO YOUR SPOUSE. LIKE I SAID THE FIRST WEEK WAS LIKE THIS, I PRAYED FOR SOMEONE, AND THE NEXT THING I WAS GETTING EMAILS, CARDS, ETC. FROM THIS INDIVIDUAL, AND HE IS MARRIED. WE SHOULD ALL LOVE ONE ANOTHER IN THE LORD, OUR EMOTIONS AND WEDDING VOWS BELONG TO OUR SPOUSES. I AM NOT MARRIED, BUT IN SPIRIT I AM TO MY LORD, AND I AM HIS SPIRITUAL BRIDE. I SHARE MY HEART WITH HIM, AND POUR MY EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS TO HIM ONLY, SINCE I AM NOT MARRIED, IT IS JESUS, IF I WAS IT WOULD BE ONLY TO MY SPOUSE. I VERY KINDLY SAID NOT TO DO THIS, AND I WAS UNFRIENDED. I AM THANKFULL TO THE LORD I TOOK THIS ACTION, FOR THESE MOTIVES WERE NOT OF THE LORD, IF IT WERE I WOULD BE LOVED AS A SISTER, AND AS A FRIEND. I WOULD NEVER UNFRIEND ANYONE, UNLESS I KKNEW IT WAS SOMETHING AGAINST THE LORD. SO YES JULIANNA I SAID HOW I FELT AND CLEARLY IT WASN'T A BROTHER SISTER START OFF. I THINK THIS IS RIGHT AND PROPER AND DISCREET BEFORE THE LORD I LOVE. THERE ARE THOSE WHO WANT SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE, AND IF YOU DON'T GIVE IT OUT I WAS UNFRIENDED TWICE, BY 2 MARRIED MEN. I TOOK MY STAND. THERE IS A GREAT LOVE FROM THE HEART HERE AT CC THAT I FEEL, MARRIED OR NOT, MALE OR FEMALE. BUT IF THERE IS SOMETHING MISSING IN A MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP A TENDENCY WOULD BE TO FIND IT SOMEHWERE, WETHER HERE OR SOMEWHERE ELSE. I HOWEVER DO HAVE MARRIED AND UNMARRIED FRIENDS HERE AND I HAVE HAD NO PROBLEMS AS FAR AS A GODLY SIS/BRO RELATIONSHIP. THUS FAR. WHATEVER IS MISSING, LET IT BE FULLFILLED BY JESUS, AND AS JOHN 17 SAYS, HE IN US HE IN THE FATHER. THEN THE REAL AGAPE LOVE WILL FLOW IN PURE FELLOWSHIP, WITHOUT BEING DAINTED.

I understand what you are saying. I receive emails from married men from time to time and, as long as it is a general question, prayer request, etc., and very rare, it's okay. But I do not want to receive them on a personal level or on a regular basis. It makes me very uncomfortable. I would prefer they talk with me in the open.

If those guys got angry with you and unfriended you for wanting to keep things above board, I find it difficult to believe that their intentions in contacting you were honorable, don't you?

You did the right thing.

 

[Oncefallen]

I do think that it is important within a relationship that both persons are aware of the nature of the relationship, because it does reduce the risk of misunderstandings and hurt feelings, there is a lot of distance and different levels of commitment between "we just met" and "we're married."

I think sometimes there can be major misunderstandings between people when someone assumes what is going on because of what someone is or isn't doing rather than asking the questions, or assuming the other person knows how you feel because of how they respond to you instead of just making the statement. Of course they key here is communication, it's a primitive skill that seems to be getting lost in our modern culture, yet it is critical to any relationship.

Of course in this context, it is critical for a guy to put himself out there and declare his interest. From there it becomes the lady's obligation to let him know where she stands. I think after that point it becomes a somewhat equal responsibility to keep each other "updated" as things progress. I think some of it will be obvious, some won't depending on the couple and how they interact, but in all it still falls back on communication.

 

[GreenNnice]

Do you think defining relationships is important? Is it important to say things like "we're just friends", "we're just getting to know one another", "we're dating", etc.? Do you think this helps avoid hurting people or misunderstandings?

Yes, defining relationships is often important. For those more subtle of us, things may be implied that were never known to the other person. It can just become unnecessarily complicated and messy if you don't define this.

It's moderately important to use those phrases, but the more important matter is letting the other person know where you stand on the issue. Usually people get hurt and misunderstand either way, but it's better to catch it early.

Have you ever had someone get upset with you because they thought a relationship was more serious, but they never bothered to tell you this?

Yes.

Have you ever had someone pay an extreme amount of attention to you that made you think it was more than friendship and all of the sudden it was nothing with no explanation at all?

Yes(ish). There are some flirtatious people (obviously women in my case), who will spend several hours a day with you for months (even doing things like hanging around your neck, grabbing your arm, ext...), and then just decided one day that they don't want to hang around you anymore. (Some people call this getting 'played')

Have you ever had a another woman/man get upset with you for behaving the same way you always had with a friend who didn't bother to mention the other woman/man was more than just a friend?

I feel that this is a little ambiguous. Have I ever been in the middle of people liking each other and viewing me as a potential threat? Yes. Other than that, please let me know what you mean.


I have even had women nearly challenge me to a duel at times just for saying "hi" to an old friend.

Women...*multi-variable implications assumed*

Seems like these awkward moments could be prevented. What do you think? What's wrong with being honest about feelings so these things happen as infrequently as possible?

To an extent, they can be prevented, but then...friends often turn into more than friends. Let's say multiple people are interested in you. You tell one that you don't want to date right now. You tell another you like him/her better as a friend. You tell another one that when the time comes, you'll be sure to look him/her up for a date...and then they all find out your dating one of them or someone completely different later... =/ This is the voice of experience. Don't do that. It's a pretty 'jerk-like' move, even though I understand the intent was not to hurt anyone's feelings.

So, you're gonna hurt their feelings either way, and should be loving/gently/harsh/firmly upfront about how you think and feel. I put all those slashes because it's a mixture. You need to be kind, but also get the message across.

If you are interested in someone, why not say so? If you just want to be friends, why not say so?

I'm always down for being friends, and often say so!! Now, granted, I would also like to find a wife one day...for me, it's not as simple as, "I like you. Let's date."

This has led to my and her heartbreak...but she's good nowadays. (side note) Things seem to always turn out when you let them.

Anyway, for me, I'm relying on God to be the judge/matchmaker/one that gives me the 'go ahead'. When I seek girls out on my own, I find them, we 'fall in love'...and then things never turn out well. So...enough of me, and more of what God wants for me.

Hopefully this was helpful..

Honesty threads its theme throughout your post, reesespeaces, that quality I think is not to be dismissed d as unimportant against trust, and, even, Love. Honesty leads to trust leads to love which should all be wrapped up into His Love consecrating our relationship's development and definement with a liked other.

I have had a lot of weird moments because of not saying what my intentions are exactly.But I do agree with AsifinPassing. I have had similar experiences too. Ultimately its not I who am going to control my life. I need to leave it to God. When He leads me, I don't have to worry, cauz i know its gonna work out just fine. At the same time I think it is very important that i let the other person know what my intentions are. Thanks for the post Jullianna ! I definitely should be more careful so that the other person and sometimes even myself don't get hurt.

The Lord leads, indeed, and, your second part, calguy, speaks of honesty and, that, as I repeat, is most important in a guy-girl friendship developing into a relationship because of a well-defined foundation that starts with honesty moves to trust becomes love that is made possible by His Love and blessing unto us.

 

[Beloved57]

Have you ever had someone pay an extreme amount of attention to you that made you think it was more than friendship and all of the sudden it was nothing with no explanation at all?

If you are interested in someone, why not say so? If you just want to be friends, why not say so?

'

I don't know about you ladies but us guys have to worry about something called Sexual Harassment in the Real World. I have seen guys pay a lady a simple compliment, no harm intented and later get told it was sexual harassment.

I don't believe as shy as I am, I about ready to write this, but here goes, it might be a long thread, which few if any will pay attention too.

When I first came to this site I saw a very attractive young 39 year old gal (remember I'm nearly 47) gave her a few compliments, and with the exception of one,I meant every one of them. The one I thought I was being honest with her about, was when she spake of a guy from her past visiting her, I told her I was semi-jealous, it was a lied I fond myself to be totally all out jealous of the guy.
'
Yes she still very attractive to me, but don't want to lose what I consider a friendship with her. Some one please take my man card away, I never thought I would say that.

So in case you still haven't figure it out, yes it is you Julianna. I doubt I would have a chance with you, but Dear God I wish you weren't so much of a Proverbs 31 woman.

Okay I think I totally embarassed myself, more than enough.

 

[nukreation]

Ok sorry to disagree but I think that it makes for a super awkward conversation.

If someone was showing too much interest I would just back right off and hope that they got the hint.

I like a girl at present but I don't see the need to tell her that I'm pursuing her. I hope that if she decides that she doesn't want a relationship then she'll just start saying no when I ask her out.

I'm still deciding what I think of her and she is no doubt in the same boat.

 

[Ritter]

I think DTR talks are ridiculous. A relationship should define itself.


Seriously, Define the Relationship sounds like one of those useless subcommittees they propose in Congress.

"The gentleman from Nebraska has the floor."

"Yes, Mr. Speaker. I propose that we form a committee to Define the Relationship."

"The gentleman from New Hampshire is recognized."

"Mr. Speaker, I object. At this moment in time, a forming a committee to Define the Relationship would cost the average American an additional $4,000."


DTR itself sounds like some sort of military term.

"Sir, the Vietcong is currently finding their way into the DTR!"


It also sounds like a euphemism for a vulgarity (which it kind of is already anyhow)

"You know Bob?"

"Yeah, what a DTR."


It takes something that should be organic and naturally occurring into something over-technical, wasteful, and thus somewhat vulgar.

No, not a fan. I don't want to be in a relationship that requires one.

 

[Jullianna]

I understand where you guys are coming from. There was a time when I was more trusting and had more confidence in my people reading skills too.

But, after having had a couple of guys get angry with me when I thought we were just friends and having misunderstood the intent of the over-attentiveness of a couple of guys, I'm far more protective of my heart and prefer to be more open about where I stand.

I see no problem with saying, "I'm really not look for a relationship right now or at all" or "I know we've been friends for quite some time now and it's important to me to let you know that I have developed some rather deep feelings for you". I don't see that as cold, aggressive or vulgar at all.

 

[Jullianna]

*.........cold

grrrr @ the edit thingie

Not hurting people or being hurt trumps awkward for me.

 

[GreenNnice]

'

I don't know about you ladies but us guys have to worry about something called Sexual Harassment in the Real World. I have seen guys pay a lady a simple compliment, no harm intented and later get told it was sexual harassment.

I don't believe as shy as I am, I about ready to write this, but here goes, it might be a long thread, which few if any will pay attention too.

When I first came to this site I saw a very attractive young 39 year old gal (remember I'm nearly 47) gave her a few compliments, and with the exception of one,I meant every one of them. The one I thought I was being honest with her about, was when she spake of a guy from her past visiting her, I told her I was semi-jealous, it was a lied I fond myself to be totally all out jealous of the guy.
'
Yes she still very attractive to me, but don't want to lose what I consider a friendship with her. Some one please take my man card away, I never thought I would say that.

So in case you still haven't figure it out, yes it is you Julianna. I doubt I would have a chance with you, but Dear God I wish you weren't so much of a Proverbs 31 woman.

Okay I think I totally embarassed myself, more than enough.

belove, maybe so, personally, if I were you, I would just make a beeline for Kentucky and my best advice is this, seriously, come with a horse trailer, and, when you get within earshot of julieannie, put on a suit of armor, listing all the different parts of Ephesians 6, breastplate of righteousness would be 'righteousness' paper sticked on your chest or on your literal armor, and, then...


....get on that horse and ride straight up to the parking spot of Starbucks, or, wherever locale you choose to meet.

The horse is key. GET the horse

 

[Tru2JHWH]

I have been in a situation where I was very upfront about my feelings and honest about the relationship. This guy and I met, exchanged numbers and talked on the phone for awhile and got to know each other. We found out that we had a lot in common and like doing most of the same things. I told him from the beginning I liked him a lot but we needed to take things slow so we can continue to get to know each other more. I think he was the type that when he met someone he dived in head first and wore his heart out on his sleeve and he was trying to fall in love too fast for me. Maybe he believed in love at first sight or maybe he just knew I was the one(which i have heard married couples say that they knew from the beginning that they was gonna marry the person they just met and actually did) but me on the other hand don't necessarily believed that or haven't experienced it yet but anyway we ended up not being friends anymore because I kept trying to tell him he needed to slow things down, get to know me because I might not be what he is looking for in the end. But he kept saying he can't help the way he feel and that he loved me (within the second week of talking) and that he wanted to be with me. So eventually that became a BIG turn off for me because he couldn't just be friends and let the relationship take its course. I'm not sure if I was wrong for not trying to understand his feelings. But what I didn't like was at the end of our relationship when I was still trying reach out to him, he seemed bitter and cold towards me. And I tried to tell him I didn't do anything to him. I never lied to him or deceived him in anyway. But he felt I did him wrong because at the beginning of our relationship he could tell I liked him a lot but when he wouldn't slow things down then I closed up.(If you think that was wrong feel free to let me know) And I'm guessing he felt that I shouldn't have opened myself up to him at all. But like I told him. EVERYBODY YOU DATE ISN'T GOING TO ALWAYS BE THE PERSON YOU MARRY IN THE END! (of course he didn't get that statement) I thought he was a great and caring person and a great friend. But even when we stop being close and rarely speaking I still tried reached out to him so we could be friends but he said that a lot of the girls he dated in the past always told him he was a great guy but wasn't for them and that they could remain friends so I guess he was basically was tired of this treatment from women and wanted it all or nothing with me. But like I told him and anyone else I want to be friends first. I know that there is nothing wrong telling a guy upfront what you want and expect out of the relationship. Treat others the way you want to be treated. I always try to stand by this in all my relationships with people in the general. And I think if a guy can't accept that then he isn't the one for you.

 

[Nautilus]

So whats a proverbs 31 woman?

 

[Jullianna]

So whats a proverbs 31 woman?

Proverbs 31

10A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

 

[Ritter]

I understand where you guys are coming from. There was a time when I was more trusting and had more confidence in my people reading skills too.

But, after having had a couple of guys get angry with me when I thought we were just friends and having misunderstood the intent of the over-attentiveness of a couple of guys, I'm far more protective of my heart and prefer to be more open about where I stand.

I see no problem with saying, "I'm really not look for a relationship right now or at all" or "I know we've been friends for quite some time now and it's important to me to let you know that I have developed some rather deep feelings for you". I don't see that as cold, aggressive or vulgar at all.

Yes, but the DTR you speak of makes sense. I propose we subdivide the DTR into two different camps. Because it is late and I cannot create a pithy definition, more technical terms will have to suffice.

I give you the early-relationship DTR and the seasoned-relationship DTR.

Early-dating DTR makes more sense. You are both, from the onset, defining the terms and perimeters. But these don't have to be done in an official DTR context. They are best done in conversations concerning future goals, etc, not to mention far less awkward.

Seasoned-relationship DTR's make less sense to me until you reach closer to marriage. Just rather...superfluous.

So whats a proverbs 31 woman?

Proverbs 31

10A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

I don't know if this was what Nautilus was going for, but I think he wanted your interpretation of the passage rather than a mere restatement.