Dem Skillzzz... Part 2!! How To Give A Sincere Compliment...?
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Kawaii is intentionally cutsey. Bleh. Puppies are just naturally cute. Kittens are cute. A kid doing something worthy of youtube is cute. Kawaii is to cute as artificial chocolate flavor is to real cocoa.
Natural hair totally rocks. Curling, straightening, highlight colors, all make it look fake. Leave it alone and it's beautiful.
(Mind you this is only one man's opinion.)
Natural hair totally rocks. Curling, straightening, highlight colors, all make it look fake. Leave it alone and it's beautiful.
(Mind you this is only one man's opinion.)
leaving my hair as is = a hot mess, emphasis on the mess
i'm trying to think of the times i give compliments to the opposite sex. apparently, this doesn't happen often lol. if i like a guy's shirt, i'll tell him.. maybe. i have complimented when one of my guy friends preaches a good sermon.
i think i need to step up on the compliments. perhaps?
i'm trying to think of the times i give compliments to the opposite sex. apparently, this doesn't happen often lol. if i like a guy's shirt, i'll tell him.. maybe. i have complimented when one of my guy friends preaches a good sermon.
i think i need to step up on the compliments. perhaps?
There are plenty of times I want to compliment people more but with guys... I sometimes feel uneasy, as if I'm stepping over lines (especially if I don't know their relationship status) and with women, I don't want to seem insincere so... I'm give out compliments in rations. 
Another reason I tend to shy away from looks-based compliments is because looks won't last forever and I'd rather build on things I will hopefully have and keep working on forever (work ethics, personality quirks, etc.) and also help instill in others.
Another reason I tend to shy away from looks-based compliments is because looks won't last forever and I'd rather build on things I will hopefully have and keep working on forever (work ethics, personality quirks, etc.) and also help instill in others.
the compliments i do get often are:
"oh you sing so pretty."
"you're so smart."
"you're so funny."
a few years ago, i cut my hair (10 in), and i received so many compliments, i didn't know what to do with them lol. it was just weird. also, when i wore make up, everybody was like "oooooooooooo so pretty!" i'm not used to that kind of attention, but it also got me thinking why people rarely complimented on the physical. idk.
"oh you sing so pretty."
"you're so smart."
"you're so funny."
a few years ago, i cut my hair (10 in), and i received so many compliments, i didn't know what to do with them lol. it was just weird. also, when i wore make up, everybody was like "oooooooooooo so pretty!" i'm not used to that kind of attention, but it also got me thinking why people rarely complimented on the physical. idk.
C
I usually get the "you're such a nice/funny/silly girl" compliments... oh... "you're such a nerd" comes out pretty often... hehehehehe
It doesn't bother me... I only have to be beautiful in my own eyes (so I can be comfortable in my own skin), and in my significant other's eyes (when the Lord sends him my way), so he can be delighted in me in the physical aspect as well... everything else is just vanity...
It doesn't bother me... I only have to be beautiful in my own eyes (so I can be comfortable in my own skin), and in my significant other's eyes (when the Lord sends him my way), so he can be delighted in me in the physical aspect as well... everything else is just vanity...
M
I'm kinda dumb with compliments- giving or receiving them. I don't normally do either, because it's like my brain shuts off and I say something totally inappropriate or just awkward.
I've had two people in my life tell me recently that because I seem so rarely impressed by people, it means a lot if I compliment them on something...and I was surprised by that, partly because I didn't realize I come across that way and now I wonder if I'm just kind of a jerk or something, but also because the compliments I gave them seemed, to me, kind of generic (thanks, brain), even though I absolutely meant what I said.
But I can kind of understand where they're coming from...my step father, for instance, is very much a people person, yet not easily impressed and hardly ever gives compliments. So if he tells me I'm doing a good job with my kids, or if he takes the time to have a serious conversation with me about anything instead of joking around...those are pretty major compliments and I know he's sincere.
Not that effusive people Aren't sincere with their frequent compliments, but I mean, if I know that someone tends to compliment everyone on everything, I'm probably not going to be as affected by what they say. Of course I still appreciate it, but...not the same way as when someone less easily impressed says the same thing.
I've had two people in my life tell me recently that because I seem so rarely impressed by people, it means a lot if I compliment them on something...and I was surprised by that, partly because I didn't realize I come across that way and now I wonder if I'm just kind of a jerk or something, but also because the compliments I gave them seemed, to me, kind of generic (thanks, brain), even though I absolutely meant what I said.
But I can kind of understand where they're coming from...my step father, for instance, is very much a people person, yet not easily impressed and hardly ever gives compliments. So if he tells me I'm doing a good job with my kids, or if he takes the time to have a serious conversation with me about anything instead of joking around...those are pretty major compliments and I know he's sincere.
Not that effusive people Aren't sincere with their frequent compliments, but I mean, if I know that someone tends to compliment everyone on everything, I'm probably not going to be as affected by what they say. Of course I still appreciate it, but...not the same way as when someone less easily impressed says the same thing.
In the whole world of The Five Love Languages, I'm definitely an "encouraging words" person. So, I love compliments and dish them out a lot. I'm polite regarding any compliment I receive, however, I'm not a huge fan about compliments based on things that I'm not responsible for or can't control.
So, for example, a compliment based on my appearance is nice, but ultimately it's genetics. I can't help the fact that I have blue eyes, or that my lips are shaped a certain way, or that my figure is proportioned a particular way.
However, the same is true about my intelligence. (I'm *very* average looking, so I tend to get more, "You're really smart" remarks than comments on my great beauty). To me, when someone says, "You're smart," it's more like a factual comment....like, "Your hair is brown." I mean, it's kind of them to notice, but I didn't *earn* my intelligence. I was blessed with it (or genetically lucky, depending on your viewpoint).
Personally, I prefer compliments based on accomplishments. I'd rather someone say, "that was a clever idea" than "you're smart."
Of course, it's a bit different within a romantic relationship. If a man I'm dating says I'm beautiful, I eat that up with a spoon. (Who wouldn't?). Or if a man I'm dating says, "Wow you're smart...." again...out comes the spoon.
I give out a lot of compliments to my students on a regular basis. I always try to notice changes the students make...new haircut, new outfit, etc. and comment on that. So I might say to a young man, "That haircut really looks sharp on you," OR, "The ladies better watch out, you've been dressing to impress lately." (Last year I had a student who went through a phase of dressing up for school--quite unusual. He loved that I complimented him on it). To the young ladies I'm likely to make similar remarks, "You're quite the fashionista today!" or "That hair is so sassy, it fits you perfectly!"
I also try to give out lots of compliments on behavior and performance. I told one of my freshmen today that she was just "johnny-on-the-spot" and being so good about staying on top of her work. She then proceeded to tell me that she hadn't done so hot last year in middle school. I pointed out that she'd clearly made a decision to be different in high school and that it was working. She was very happy that I noticed.
Sincere compliments do make people feel noticed and appreciated. And they're FREE! It's such a double-bonus!
So, for example, a compliment based on my appearance is nice, but ultimately it's genetics. I can't help the fact that I have blue eyes, or that my lips are shaped a certain way, or that my figure is proportioned a particular way.
However, the same is true about my intelligence. (I'm *very* average looking, so I tend to get more, "You're really smart" remarks than comments on my great beauty). To me, when someone says, "You're smart," it's more like a factual comment....like, "Your hair is brown." I mean, it's kind of them to notice, but I didn't *earn* my intelligence. I was blessed with it (or genetically lucky, depending on your viewpoint).
Personally, I prefer compliments based on accomplishments. I'd rather someone say, "that was a clever idea" than "you're smart."
Of course, it's a bit different within a romantic relationship. If a man I'm dating says I'm beautiful, I eat that up with a spoon. (Who wouldn't?). Or if a man I'm dating says, "Wow you're smart...." again...out comes the spoon.
I give out a lot of compliments to my students on a regular basis. I always try to notice changes the students make...new haircut, new outfit, etc. and comment on that. So I might say to a young man, "That haircut really looks sharp on you," OR, "The ladies better watch out, you've been dressing to impress lately." (Last year I had a student who went through a phase of dressing up for school--quite unusual. He loved that I complimented him on it). To the young ladies I'm likely to make similar remarks, "You're quite the fashionista today!" or "That hair is so sassy, it fits you perfectly!"
I also try to give out lots of compliments on behavior and performance. I told one of my freshmen today that she was just "johnny-on-the-spot" and being so good about staying on top of her work. She then proceeded to tell me that she hadn't done so hot last year in middle school. I pointed out that she'd clearly made a decision to be different in high school and that it was working. She was very happy that I noticed.
Sincere compliments do make people feel noticed and appreciated. And they're FREE! It's such a double-bonus!
Hey everyone,
Since we've been talking so much about how to develop "skillzzz" for communicating with the opposite gender, I was wondering, what advice or examples can you share about complimenting the opposite gender?
For example... While I very much appreciate sincere compliments about looks (as most people do), the compliments I treasure most have to do with character and ethics. I've had a few times when a male co-worker will give me a looks-based compliment and while I appreciate it and say thank-you, sometimes what I really wish I'd hear is, "You're really responsible," "People can count on you," and "You're great to work with."
I know that probably seems bland and boring and it's not that I DON'T like compliments based on looks, but what makes me uneasy is when a guy will say something along the lines of, "You're really pretty," and I'll say, "Thanks, but if you compliment me too much I'll get a big head and think I can just stand around looking cute," (I'm partially joking and partially curious as to how they'll answer), and some guys will say, "Well, you look good enough that it doesn't matter."
To be honest, I always feel uncomfortable with this because I try very hard to be the opposite--I've never really been known for looks but I always try my best to work hard and that's what I'd rather be known for.
On the flip side, when I compliment guys, it's almost always regarding character, ethics, or morals. For some reason, I feel uncomfortable saying something like, "I think you're really handsome"--it's a great compliment, just one I'm not at ease saying because I feel like it puts all the emphasis on looks. (Actually, guys... if we women DO compliment looks, what would you prefer to be called... Handsome? Cute? Drop-dead gorgeous?)
I tend to say something like, "I can always tell when you've worked because the department is clean and organized," "I hear the way you talk to the other guys and it's really nice to hear someone say something encouraging," or "I really appreciate that you don't shout out obscenities when working."
I DO give some looks-based compliments but it's always geared toward a specific feature: "You have amazing eyes", or "I think it's inspiring that you obviously take care of yourself. Do you have any tips on a fitness routine?" Yes, I realize these probably sound like cheesy pickup lines but I honestly mean them to be sincere and genuine.
And so, I would love to learn how to give better and more meaningful compliments. Do you have any advice?
What are the best compliments you've given or received yourself?
Since we've been talking so much about how to develop "skillzzz" for communicating with the opposite gender, I was wondering, what advice or examples can you share about complimenting the opposite gender?
For example... While I very much appreciate sincere compliments about looks (as most people do), the compliments I treasure most have to do with character and ethics. I've had a few times when a male co-worker will give me a looks-based compliment and while I appreciate it and say thank-you, sometimes what I really wish I'd hear is, "You're really responsible," "People can count on you," and "You're great to work with."
I know that probably seems bland and boring and it's not that I DON'T like compliments based on looks, but what makes me uneasy is when a guy will say something along the lines of, "You're really pretty," and I'll say, "Thanks, but if you compliment me too much I'll get a big head and think I can just stand around looking cute," (I'm partially joking and partially curious as to how they'll answer), and some guys will say, "Well, you look good enough that it doesn't matter."
To be honest, I always feel uncomfortable with this because I try very hard to be the opposite--I've never really been known for looks but I always try my best to work hard and that's what I'd rather be known for.
On the flip side, when I compliment guys, it's almost always regarding character, ethics, or morals. For some reason, I feel uncomfortable saying something like, "I think you're really handsome"--it's a great compliment, just one I'm not at ease saying because I feel like it puts all the emphasis on looks. (Actually, guys... if we women DO compliment looks, what would you prefer to be called... Handsome? Cute? Drop-dead gorgeous?)
I tend to say something like, "I can always tell when you've worked because the department is clean and organized," "I hear the way you talk to the other guys and it's really nice to hear someone say something encouraging," or "I really appreciate that you don't shout out obscenities when working."
I DO give some looks-based compliments but it's always geared toward a specific feature: "You have amazing eyes", or "I think it's inspiring that you obviously take care of yourself. Do you have any tips on a fitness routine?" Yes, I realize these probably sound like cheesy pickup lines but I honestly mean them to be sincere and genuine.
And so, I would love to learn how to give better and more meaningful compliments. Do you have any advice?
What are the best compliments you've given or received yourself?
when giving compliments:
for me, i often feel compelled to give compliments when i think it's something rare, special or in some way, unusual. i also love validating behavior that is courageous or evidence of someone "putting themselves out there". when it comes to physical qualities, they are usually specific in nature and often the stuff that i really appreciate and notice. but my ratio of physical compliments to others is probably a fraction to the other.
it depends a lot on the relationship, too. a close relationship is going to garner a greater quantity and variety of compliments, as well.
receiving compliments:
the only thing that really makes me uncomfortable are the compliments that feel like they're flattery. such as when a guy compliments you for something that they are either not in the position to observe, or the compliment is over the top. it makes me immediately question their motives and that's just awkward. also, it's embarrassing.
for me, i often feel compelled to give compliments when i think it's something rare, special or in some way, unusual. i also love validating behavior that is courageous or evidence of someone "putting themselves out there". when it comes to physical qualities, they are usually specific in nature and often the stuff that i really appreciate and notice. but my ratio of physical compliments to others is probably a fraction to the other.
it depends a lot on the relationship, too. a close relationship is going to garner a greater quantity and variety of compliments, as well.
receiving compliments:
the only thing that really makes me uncomfortable are the compliments that feel like they're flattery. such as when a guy compliments you for something that they are either not in the position to observe, or the compliment is over the top. it makes me immediately question their motives and that's just awkward. also, it's embarrassing.
Umm, earlier this summer, a guy complimented my driving and I just about died. He looked like he meant it, too... I had just kinda swung right into a tricky parking space and he looked up all... oh, never mind.
I have always said that compliments about my brain sort of "meant" something, and I guess it's because I saw myself as having something to do with my thoughts or ideas (or driving), whereas I didn't feel like I had anything to do with looks, etc., but when I think about it, did I really have any more to do with my talents or cerebral activity than I had to do with my looks? If I really want to start an argument, do we really have anything to do with our choices or actions? The brain I was given was the brain that makes these decisions... and if I decide to somehow improve upon that brain, it is still the brain that I was given that's deciding to improve itself. There's a verse in 1 Corinthians that says, "For who regards you as superior? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it?"
Anyway, I know there are a lot of different ways to think about this. Lately I have tried to see compliments as people pointing out my strengths and gifts, so that I can make better use of them.
I have always said that compliments about my brain sort of "meant" something, and I guess it's because I saw myself as having something to do with my thoughts or ideas (or driving
), whereas I didn't feel like I had anything to do with looks, etc., but when I think about it, did I really have any more to do with my talents or cerebral activity than I had to do with my looks? If I really want to start an argument, do we really have anything to do with our choices or actions? The brain I was given was the brain that makes these decisions... and if I decide to somehow improve upon that brain, it is still the brain that I was given that's deciding to improve itself. There's a verse in 1 Corinthians that says, "For who regards you as superior? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it?"Anyway, I know there are a lot of different ways to think about this. Lately I have tried to see compliments as people pointing out my strengths and gifts, so that I can make better use of them.
