Do You As a Single Person Feel More Pressure to Get (or Stay) In Shape?

[Gojira]

As was mine. 😬

Yup.

Whole lotta people out there wondering why they're single like your example of a short, 300 lb man with bad skin, and it's often because they are looking for or will only accept someone with qualities like being thin that they don't qualify for.

They want to be accepted, but often won't accept the qualities they have in others.

And then lament being forever single, because they feel that because God wants the best for them, they deserve a unicorn 🦄 instead of someone like themselves.

Yeah, I wasn't quite sure what your point was. It sounded almost as if you took offense because I used a man as the victim. Am I misunderstanding you? Rest assured that I fully understand that women experience this, possibly even more so than men, because men are generally more looks-conscious. But, I just used that as my example because, well, I used it as my example

 

[seoulsearch]

Yeah, I wasn't quite sure what your point was. It sounded almost as if you took offense because I used a man as the victim. Am I misunderstanding you? Rest assured that I fully understand that women experience this, possibly even more so than men, because men are generally more looks-conscious. But, I just used that as my example because, well, I used it as my example

Oh, I wasn't offended at all.

It's just that at the end of the story, there was the mention of the man in the example likely being single for the rest of his life.

It made me think of how some people (not you, but single people we all know, see, or meet) who complain about being single, take up the "WHOA IS ME, I'LL ALWAYS BE SINGLE" mantle, but never acknowledge that a good part of this just might be their own double-standard expectations.

And in that respect, you just can't feel all that sorry for them, whether it's man or woman.

I'm certainly not trying to say my expectations are somehow all perfect (or even reasonable, lol.) But I guess I've gotten to a point where I think I can be content either way.

I do wonder, though, what if I get to heaven and God says, "I had someone for you but you wouldn't even consider him"? (And what if He says the same thing to a man -- maybe God had a woman for him but him wouldn't look at her due to age, weight, etc.)

Long ago, there was an intriguing chat discussion (back when the chat rooms were open) in which a couple of believers stated that they believed many more Christians could be married, but wound up rejected the one God had for them in this life or after a divorce, death of spouse, etc., for whatever reasons.

The older I get, the more I wonder how many of us will hear this when we get to the other side.

 

[Fillan]

But, to answer your question more directly, looks matter. Oh there are the hyper-spiritual out there among us who'd never admit it, but that great Godly man who's also 4'11" and 300 lbs with problem skin is not going to be going on many dates.

Hello! Perhaps as a hyper spiritual one, maybe an idealist or just perhaps an old fashioned bible believer here's some food for thought:

"The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

So from now on we regard no one according to worldly standards and values (2 Corinthians 5:16)

God Bless All

 

[Mem]

We should go back to square dances.

 

[Gojira]

The older I get, the more I wonder how many of us will hear this when we get to the other side.

That's an interesting thought. On that note I've asked God, on occasion, to deal with my tastes if I'm missing something here.

 

[Gojira]

Hello! Perhaps as a hyper spiritual one, maybe an idealist or just perhaps an old fashioned bible believer here's some food for thought:

"The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

So from now on we regard no one according to worldly standards and values (2 Corinthians 5:16)

God Bless All

Well more power to you. You're on a higher spiritual level than I am. Give yourself a pat on the back! I'm sure it's not that we're just wired differently, or anything.

 

[Fillan]

Well more power to you. You're on a higher spiritual level than I am. Give yourself a pat on the back! I'm sure it's not that we're just wired differently, or anything.

Hello! Good to hear from you. Perhaps it's experiences I have had or seen others going through but in my view nothing trumps good Godly, character in a person.

Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

1 Peter 3:3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

God Bless You

 

[CarriePie]

We should go back to square dances.

I thought square dancing was fun. It's been many a moon since I learned to square danced though, I'd have to relearn how. I'm just not partial to wearing those square dancing dresses that women wear to those shindigs.

 

[Mem]

I thought square dancing was fun. It's been many a moon since I learned to square danced though, I'd have to relearn how. I'm just not partial to wearing those square dancing dresses that women wear to those shindigs.

There's less formal dances, and the caller walks you right through it!

 

[CarriePie]

Yes! I'd definitely be right at home with those fashions!

 

[DaughterofGOD1625]

Hey Everyone,

If you're part of the Singles community, whether Christian or not, we all know that at some point, our looks (and weight) are going to be a major consideration. No matter how Christian someone claims to be, looks, to some degree, matter, unless the person is blind. (And even then, I wonder what their standards are... For instance, would blind singles be more drawn/sensitive to qualities in voices other people might miss? But that's a subject for another time.)

Several years ago, I read a joke in a magazine about why single women were supposedly more fit than married women. If we extend it to include both men and women, it went something like this:

"Single people see what's in their refrigerator... and (not finding anything of interest,) go directly to bed. Married people see what's in their bed... and go directly to the refrigerator!" (Now this was just a joke -- please don't be offended, because we all know that there are exceptions to both sides!)

But this had me thinking... With so much emphasis placed on the importance of looks when dating, do single people feel more pressure to work on their weight and physical fitness?

Is there any truth to the saying, "Once someone gets married, they just let themselves go"? (I know, it varies widely for different people, but I'm just asking for sake of discussion here.) I had a friend who once said she "couldn't wait to get married" because then she could "eat whatever she wanted," but I think the opposite actually came true.

Her husband was a great guy who took on his own fair share of household responsibilities, so it actually gave her more time to work out and dedicate to fitness, which she enjoyed.

At any rate, I was just wondering how are CC audience feels about this. I know that as I'm getting older, I feel an intense pressure to try to get/stay in shape not only because of the possibility of finding someone, but in case I DON'T find someone, I know I need to stay as healthy as possible to remain self-reliant as long as I can.

What about the rest of you? All are welcome to answer! I'd be interested in hearing how our married friends feel about this topic, and how much pressure (or not) they feel to stay fit.

* As a single, do you think you feel more pressure to stay fit? Do you think that will change when/if you marry? Why or why not?

* As a married, do you feel more or less pressure to stay fit than when you were single? Is it true (in your experience,) that married people "let themselves go"?

* What changes are you wishing for/trying to make in your life to have a healthier lifestyle? (Whether married or single.)

I'm looking forward to hearing the discussion!

I'll be back to check in right after I "put in my time" (because it really does feel like a punishment) on the dreaded treadmill.

As a single person the pressure to stay fit comes from my wanting to be a healthy individual, not my status. Funny enough when I was married the pressure to stay fit was to remain attractive to my ex-husband......and that still didn't work 😄😄😄😄 my oh so christian husband had an affair on me....twice with one woman 😄....hmmmm I can laugh now about it....what a time.....anyway one should want to stay fit for themselves and nobody else.
As an Aunt of 5, I want to be around for my nieces and nephews, and set a good example of what healthy should be.
For the record I don't think when a person gets married they should let themselves go, lots of folks do, but to me in addition to looking good for your spouse, you dont want the "till death do us part" to happen anytime soon.....just saying 🤷🏾‍♀️
As for changes I started my year on fruits and vegetables, legumes etc.....no meats and working out.....I feel greattttttt 🥳.......it's my 40 days plan 😄

 

[Sculpt]

If you're part of the Singles community, whether Christian or not, we all know that at some point, our looks (and weight) are going to be a major consideration. No matter how Christian someone claims to be, looks, to some degree, matter, unless the person is blind. (And even then, I wonder what their standards are... For instance, would blind singles be more drawn/sensitive to qualities in voices other people might miss?)

I'm extremely attracted to the voice. I don't have a blind friend, but I would assume they see people by voices inasmuch as we see peoples' faces.

Do blind people care in their love interest has a beautiful face? I know blind people can feel the face with their hands to know what they look like, but I don't know how that would translate to a sighted person's understanding. I kind of think it might superficially matter to some in more extreme cases.

But this had me thinking... With so much emphasis placed on the importance of looks when dating, do single people feel more pressure to work on their weight and physical fitness?

Absolutely! For myself and pretty much every single I've ever known. I think I'm like most single people in that I use it as extra motivation to stay fit... as the obvious benefits of being fit are very compelling on their own.

Fitness attracts the vast majority of potential mates. Plus, sociological research confirms the obvious... people consciously and unconsciously associate other positive traits with a fit body, such as being responsible and loving (caring for/loving yourself), and all the assumed side effects of that, like cleanliness and success. Obviously, those can be wrong assumptions lol, but they are there.

You can never know how much someone cares about their fitness except what they tell you, and their actual fitness. I'm sure some single people are ok with their current fitness, weight and physique, even if it isn't healthy and/or they think it isn't particularly attractive. If they want a mate, they want someone who is ok with them being ok with the way they are. There's nothing worse than having someone trying to change you when you don't want to be changed.

Is there any truth to the saying, "Once someone gets married, they just let themselves go"?

Absolutely, yes lol! I've seen it myself many times for some men and women. My mom used to tell me, "They never get thinner. So, don't marry someone who's already fat." I also have seen my mom is wrong about "never", as I know people who married heavy set who later decided to become fit. I think besides the obvious reasons to stay fit, some people are motivated to be fit because of their love for their husband/wife; they want to look nice for them, be healthy for them, and be a good model for their children as well.

As a single, do you think you feel more pressure to stay fit? Do you think that will change when/if you marry? Why or why not?

I sometimes go through cycles of not exercising as much and/or eating more... but I've always been pretty fit and I just get back on track when I see it. I'm not sure how being married would affect that. I would assume I would keep myself more fit because I'd be so near to someone that would be affected by it. And I do think you can drag a partner down, be a bad influence.

What changes are you wishing for/trying to make in your life to have a healthier lifestyle?

I'm trying to reestablish exercising into a fixed morning routine.

 

[Gojira]

Hello! Good to hear from you. Perhaps it's experiences I have had or seen others going through but in my view nothing trumps good Godly, character in a person.

Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

1 Peter 3:3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

God Bless You

Uh huh.

 

[Lynx]

This thread keeps reminding me of a comedian quote:

I joined a gym, but you can't just go into a gym and start pedaling or lifting or something. No, first you have to have a meeting with an employee and discuss your life goals.

I have money. Can't I just go in? Nope. Gotta have this meeting.

"So what are your goals?"

Goals? Sorry, I don't have any goals. I'm not here for offense. I'm on defense. I'm here to try to pull a 4th quarter hail mary pass before I get too old to get in shape any more and stuff gets weird.

"Well I gotta put something in the computer for your goals, or I'll get in trouble."

Okay, here's my goal. I am here to delay the date and severity of my impending stroke.

 

[SomeDisciple]

But this had me thinking... With so much emphasis placed on the importance of looks when dating, do single people feel more pressure to work on their weight and physical fitness?

I think married people just tend to have other priorities to balance with this one, it's not necessarily that they don't care.

You will get more attention from the opposite sex when you get really fit; but it can also be a distraction from the inner-you that you want the person to be attracted to... so, it doesn't automatically help. Just like overtly showing too much wealth can attract the wrong people.

A lot of women are insecure about their body when they don't need to be; and others are overconfident in their looks when they should be insecure in the fact that their looks are the only thing they have going for them.

 

[Lanolin]

I dont know about the whole God had a spouse for you but your rejected them thing. I mean how many marriage proposals on average do people reject?

Dating you accept that person to go out with you when you say yes. You dont always know what they will be like thats what the point of dating is and you dont HAVE to go out with them again another time. Often its just a case of they were there at the time you were, not actually anything to do necessarily on how good they look. You are wanting to find out in most cases what they are like as a person (or character) not just as a body.

Ive been in hospital looking my worst and other patients were going after me. ?! Ive been out with men of all ages and weights, some were heavy, some tall and lanky, some short, some were super athletic types who did cycling all around the world. Some had long hair and some were bald. Maybe its just Im not too fussy. lol. I dont set out to change them and they shouldnt set out to change me unless they are like my personal fitness instructor or something and I asked them to.

Also it is kind of weird if someone said I had to wear a certain type of clothes or dressed me up like a doll I think to give that someone that power over you to dictate your life or how you look isnt healthy.

You treat your own body as a temple of the Holy spirit because its a precious vessel. So you learn how to look after it as its your only one. I think most people are still learning this one, because we live in a fallen world thats always got dangers to our bodies.

I think if you are married to a certain extent you give each other power over the other bodies, but only when together as couples cant always be joined at the hip. Your body is still your responsibility though, but it will need extra care as it ages.

 

[Westward]

I just want to become a Greek god, sacrifices will be made this year. There's no easy way out except suffering and discipline.

 

[Lanolin]

I just want to become a Greek god, sacrifices will be made this year. There's no easy way out except suffering and discipline.

?

Are you actually Greek though. What will you sacrifice...a goat?

 

[DaughterofGOD1625]

I just want to become a Greek god, sacrifices will be made this year. There's no easy way out except suffering and discipline.

😳😳😳😳😳😳😳

 

[Subhumanoidal]

On the subject of voice, I'm not blind, but voice does matter to me. Voices that are too high would not work for me and can be a turn off. I actually prefer a woman's voice to be a little lower than average. Not masculine, just not as high pitched as average.
I'm fortune my gf has a voice like that. Still clearly a feminine voice, just slightly deeper.

Far as the weight issue goes, I never really tried to lose weight to find someone. Nor change how i dress. If they don't accept what they see, then that means they're not interested.

In regards to whether people have expectations of someone that they don't voice up to themselves, I don't have a problem with that. What that person may lack on the outside could be made up for in how they treat who they're with.
And we see that sometimes. More attractive people ending up with someone deemed 'below their level' because the people at their level didn't treat them well. But this 'below their level' person treats them great.