I really think that there is someone who God wants for me…if it is His will for me to be married. But I believe that if we are surrendered to Him and we seek Him first, then these things are gonna be added. But, I’ve also said 'Lord, if you don't want me to be married, then let it be done as you will.' I must admit that it’s really hard to pray this. Lol. But yeah, I’ve meant every word.
I do pray for my future husband , but I don’t spend everyday watching the clock or worrying about when he’s gonna come into my life. I do appreciate my singleness for now….n I know if I do get someone, everything will change. I like that I can come back from school ( I teach) and relax….spend a lot of time with God, or if I’m completely exhausted, I can just come home and crash. I don’t have to drop kids to school or feed them or put them to bed. Not that I don’t want to…I do….Can’t wait to do all of those someday….what I’m trying to say is….There are things about being single that I really like.
Sometimes, I do think that we have a shopping list mentality. Like we have this huge list of all the things we would want in a husband. I used to do that before coz someone told me that was the way to go. But I’ve gotten rid of that a long time ago. Haha. Coz I just thought ….alright it’s fine to have preferences or some things you would like in a guy….but then was wondering if I was kinda boxing God in with my prayers about the kind of guy I think I should be with and would be happy with. Like….He’s the one who raised the dead ..etc and I should more than trust that he knows what’s best for me. N trust that my own understanding of what I want could be completely wrong. So yeah, all I pray for is ‘ God whoever it is that you have for me, I pray that you would give him a heart for you, completely sold out to you…that your love would be perfected in Him everyday as it is being perfected in me. And until we meet, prepare me to be a good wife to Him someday and be a woman who chases after you above everything else, even when I’m in that relationship. .....