Does anyone else also feel like as a Christian, finding a spouse is a million times harder than those who are non-Christians? I've made peace with the fact that I can't just marry anyone and that God has to give me the go-ahead before I even entertain the idea of being with someone. The closer I get with God, the more things I add to my list of things that a man needs to have (e.g. a healthy prayer life, knowledge of/belief in the spiritual realm, filled with the Holy Spirit, a desire to worship God every day amongst other things) for me to even consider entering into a relationship and I feel like I might be putting myself in a box by having all these checkboxes. Can anyone relate? I definitely don't wanna settle or end up with the wrong person but I'm worried that I'm being too selective. But it just feels like most Christian men my age (27) that I encounter are lacking in these things/the passion for Jesus.
I'm married. Maybe things are tougher now than back in the very late 20th century when I married. But what I was looking for was like looking for a needle in a haystack back then:
- A Christian woman who loved God, with similar convictions.
- Similar beliefs on the roles of husband and wife in marriage.
- A virgin.
- No tattoos.
- Someone who met my standards for looks, body type, etc., which I know are ridiculous but I felt like I couldn't do much about. (Hard to control what you are attracted to.)
- Some one I hit it off with, whose personality meshed with mine.
- Someone who liked me back who would want to marry me too.
One top of that, I'd somehow have to initiate a relationship with this woman, court her, get her to marry me. I needed to have at least some minimum level of financial or career stability to get married.
This really seems like a needle in a haystack, especially with the virginity thing, probably worse nowadays, but terrible back then. And how do you know if a needle is a needle if it isn't polite to ask? But I went overseas to work, and ended up in Indonesia. And virginity before marriage seemed the norm over there. At least male or female was stigmatized if that was not the case. So that was good.
But still finding someone with the spiritual, and character characteristics that I was attracted to that I meshed with personality wise, I might have met hundreds or thousands of women who could have been good wives, but I needed one that was a good fit for me, and I had to be a good fit for her.
But I prayed for a wife, and then I started praying more intensely, and I finally met her. That's the good thing about being a Christian and looking for a wife. An unbeliever with no spiritual and little moral criteria for looking for a spouse may be able to find a spouse easier. But we Christians can ask God and He knows where the one needle out of a thousand haystacks is.
Especially with the virginity requirement... it feels like a needle in a haystack