Finding a church home

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Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,913
8,165
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#41
So too are married men who have their own kids possibly dangerous around children. So in general, precaution should be taken.

And if women are suspicious of single men, then it means they would find married men more appealing.

I know in society people may have a problem, but in the church??

Well I'm learning something new here today. I don't think that is an issue among Christians in my country. At least not that I'm aware of. But I can speak for myself that I don't feel that way.

Christian men who have several relationships and never get married are to be viewed with more suspicion, than a single man who is patiently waiting for a wife. I think.
It is a real thing.

You may not understand it, you may not agree with it, you may not even believe it, but the stigma really does exist in the culture over here. I promise we are not just making it up for a forum thread. :rolleyes:
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,913
8,165
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#42
Sorry not the smartest with phone and you walk me threw how to do it.
If you know how to access your phone's app store, access it and search for "deaf or hearing impaired" and you will get a lot of programs that help people with communication by typing out on the screen what your friend is saying. Some are better than others.

If you don't know how to access your phone's app store, probably take your phone to a friend who is a nerd and ask him to help you find a program to do this.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,328
2,361
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#43
The only main downside for me is some of those fears reinforce my own concerns about myself. That there is something wrong with me for not having had gotten married before now, or even really getting out and trying. As far as I know there is only one person who thought I might be gay. She if kind of a doofus, though. I guess that leaves dangerous or desperate. lol.
Well, I seem to have progressed in my singleness to the point where I can go from "What's wrong with me that I'm not normal in this whole romance area?" to feeling the least longing for romance and being like "What's wrong with me, this isn't normal for me?" Obviously the true story goes a lot deeper than that, but the surface level fluctuations remind me that anyone's perceptions (even my own) aren't always logically coherent and in line with reality. And as a corallary to that, I'm learning to tell myself the best version of the story that fits the facts rather than believing that all my worst fears about myself are some sort of time bomb waiting to go off.
 
H

Hamarr

Guest
#44
Well, I seem to have progressed in my singleness to the point where I can go from "What's wrong with me that I'm not normal in this whole romance area?" to feeling the least longing for romance and being like "What's wrong with me, this isn't normal for me?" Obviously the true story goes a lot deeper than that, but the surface level fluctuations remind me that anyone's perceptions (even my own) aren't always logically coherent and in line with reality. And as a corallary to that, I'm learning to tell myself the best version of the story that fits the facts rather than believing that all my worst fears about myself are some sort of time bomb waiting to go off.
Yeah. I find the more I am doing inner work, the more content I am in general. I do have those moments where I start feeling weak or there is something wrong me. That is almost always self-inflicted. When I am feeling more content, I start to wonder if I have gotten to set in my ways to be involved. I remember this Sunday looking at some couples around me and thinking "I'm not sure I could do that". I do want to get married at some point, but thinking about that brings up the other fears again. I think a lot of it is just lack of familiarity. It feels alien due to lack of experience?
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,328
2,361
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#45
Yeah. I find the more I am doing inner work, the more content I am in general. I do have those moments where I start feeling weak or there is something wrong me. That is almost always self-inflicted. When I am feeling more content, I start to wonder if I have gotten to set in my ways to be involved. I remember this Sunday looking at some couples around me and thinking "I'm not sure I could do that". I do want to get married at some point, but thinking about that brings up the other fears again. I think a lot of it is just lack of familiarity. It feels alien due to lack of experience?
I'd say it feels alien due to lack of experience and it gets more challenging as I get older to not see that lack of experience as something that people aren't going to reject me for because it's too much work to work through. The other big challenge is that despite being fortunate enough to see and be around a lot of really good relationships, much of the way people talk about relationships and how they are portrayed in movies and pop culture seems inherently selfish. And the model of only pursuing a relationship for what you can get seems to me to be pretty opposite to everything I know about how to treat people as a Christian. That's not to say there aren't wonderful christian relationships and marriages out there and desiring such is somehow unholy or unchristian, but most christian dating teaching is really more of how to avoid having sex before marriage teaching than how to think about and conduct yourself in relationships.
 
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Hamarr

Guest
#46
I'd say it feels alien due to lack of experience and it gets more challenging as I get older to not see that lack of experience as something that people aren't going to reject me for because it's too much work to work through. The other big challenge is that despite being fortunate enough to see and be around a lot of really good relationships, much of the way people talk about relationships and how they are portrayed in movies and pop culture seems inherently selfish. And the model of only pursuing a relationship for what you can get seems to me to be pretty opposite to everything I know about how to treat people as a Christian. That's not to say there aren't wonderful christian relationships and marriages out there and desiring such is somehow unholy or unchristian, but most christian dating teaching is really more of how to avoid having sex before marriage teaching than how to think about and conduct yourself in relationships.
The feeling of being rejected for lack of experience is one of my bigger fears right now. Looking at some other discussions at other message boards, even there I get a sense that most people think there is something wrong with a guy who doesn't have experience. A couple of other secular dating discussion boards and some books I have read basically put guys without a relationship history in the "no way" bucket. I guess meeting someone else with lack of experience would be good. At least you are starting from the same "I have no idea what I am doing" place. lol

I would agree with what I have seen about relationship discussion, too. I did find a blog that covers more areas of attraction, but they don't even go into how to work through a relationship. Some of the secular stuff I read focuses mostly on making the life you want to have and then add to it. But they almost treat finding a wife like an accessory or something.
 

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
10,910
6,894
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#47
Do you have difficulty finding a place to fit in? This is something that I kind of struggle with. Last night, I found myself reading a different message board and couple of linked articles. Those were all about feeling out of place at church if you were single. Some mentioned either being seen as potential threat for stealing a husband, or feeling like a creeper if you were a single guy in your 30s and 40s.

I've been wanting to isolate less, but I have to admit church hasn't seemed like the best place to get out and meet people. Unless I already know some regulars, I find myself maybe shaking hands with an usher before plopping on a pew by myself and then taking off after the sermon. I used to make more of an effort to find something to talk about when I was younger. I have read a number of comments from other guys about heading out into the wilderness to seek God instead.
I believe its Important to fellowship with other Christ like minded people, and being involved in a church would be ideal, however also it’s as important to believe that you take “church” (Jesus) with you wherever you go.

I’m fortunate enough to have been grown up in church all my life, but I do encourage others who are seeking a church that it’s a great thing to network and be of service to the Church.
 

noblenut

Junior Member
Nov 29, 2017
265
90
28
#48
I believe its Important to fellowship with other Christ like minded people, and being involved in a church would be ideal, however also it’s as important to believe that you take “church” (Jesus) with you wherever you go.

I’m fortunate enough to have been grown up in church all my life, but I do encourage others who are seeking a church that it’s a great thing to network and be of service to the Church.
come to my church, we are friendly and do not have enough single women in my opinion whos single myself
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,913
8,165
113
#49
come to my church, we are friendly and do not have enough single women in my opinion whos single myself
*Lynx crams a paw in his mouth and walks away quickly.
 

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
10,910
6,894
113
#50
come to my church, we are friendly and do not have enough single women in my opinion whos single myself
Travelling 1000s of miles across the world to attend a church would probably not be ideal lol.