Finding a church home

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J

JustEli

Well-known member
#21
Dec 23, 2018
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#21
I was in Marseille, at the big huge church up on the hill over looking the harbor. Straight up tourist attraction.
One hour later we were down in town, walked into a wee lil stone structure that also was a church, tears came to
my eyes upon entering, and the difference was obvious even to my girlfriend, who hadnt asked Jesus for forgiveness
yet. (she did shortly later)
 
Didymous

Didymous

Senior Member
#22
Feb 22, 2018
5,047
2,099
113
#22
JustEli said:
I was in Marseille, at the big huge church up on the hill over looking the harbor. Straight up tourist attraction.
One hour later we were down in town, walked into a wee lil stone structure that also was a church, tears came to
my eyes upon entering, and the difference was obvious even to my girlfriend, who hadnt asked Jesus for forgiveness
yet. (she did shortly later)
Click to expand...
That's cool bro!
 
J

JustEli

Well-known member
#24
Dec 23, 2018
1,374
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#24
And if the only reason I ended up in Belgium was to tell her about Jesus, then I say praise the Lord!
 
K

Kim82

Guest
#25
#25
I really don't listen to much modern Christian music. I prefer old gospel music like what a friend we have in Jesus, oh happy day when Jesus washed my sins away etc.

And at my church we have an hymn book of old gospel songs that we use in worship.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#26
Aug 13, 2014
24,933
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#26
We have a hymn book too (and we use it) but we also sing modern songs. No, not those "Jesus is my boyfriend" kind of songs.

I have nothing to say in this thread because I grew up in my church and it's a great church. But I did want to say something because I know it can be a struggle. When a new guy starts coming to church, he is single and he is over a certain age, it is automatic to wonder if he's a creeper. Sorry Hamarr, it's just a reflex. I would probably get the same initial suspicion if I suddenly started going to a different church. And I probably couldn't blame them a bit.
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#27
Aug 12, 2011
10,418
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#27
My husband starting going to (our) church when he was 35 or 36, but he’s a social butterfly, so I’m thinking he didn’t struggle to meet people. He got involved with the music group rather quickly. The pastor is also a musician, so they became friends quickly too.

Ah music. Lol
 
A

AuntieAnt

Guest
#28
#28
I attended the Assemblies of God when I was a new Christian. Later, I began attending the nondenominational church, raised my kids there, taught Sunday School, kids were part of the youth ministry, as a family we took part in most of the ministries, music, etc. Some years later, I was called out and began assembling with the saints of God from house to house.
 
Deade

Deade

Called of God
#29
Dec 17, 2017
16,724
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Vinita, Oklahoma, USA
yeshuaofisrael.org
#29
My lifestyle has made me an introvert and a loner. My hearing disability has made it even a worse problem. It's very hard to break the ice when you have to ask someone to keep repeating sentences. Not following any group, God has developed my faith walk rather strangely. I can't complain about that as I think it has brought me closer to my maker.

I am very fortunate to have found a church with an old friend in it. He makes it easier to make new acquaintances. It is still a rather slow process. They have some rather exclusive doctrine practices that will keep them from acknowledging my baptism and calling. That I find troubling as I could not recommend a new Christian there for spiritual milk. I can still fellowship, for a while anyway. :cool:
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#30
Aug 13, 2014
24,933
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#30
Y'know, about that hearing thing... you can set your phone to auto-type what the person you are talking to is saying. So you can just read it off the screen. It works pretty well, and if it has an inaccurate transcription you can always ask for clarification.

Of course accuracy depends on how good your phone's mic is. If people keep saying "What?" when you talk to them on the phone, your phone's mic might not be clear enough for speech-to-text. But it's worth a shot.
 
H

Hamarr

Guest
#31
#31
Kim82 said:
I really don't listen to much modern Christian music. I prefer old gospel music like what a friend we have in Jesus, oh happy day when Jesus washed my sins away etc.

And at my church we have an hymn book of old gospel songs that we use in worship.
Click to expand...
I would love to do some to do more hymns. I still have a fondness for them from growing up with them, but generally I now prefer them to most contemporary worship. We had some comtemporary songs when I was younger, but we tended to save those for youth group, church camps, college groups, etc. I enjoyed doing hymns on Sunday. Lyrically there was a lot more substance to a lot of them. Some worship music can also feel a bit emotionally manipulative, too.

Gospel music would also b awesome. I have never been to a church that plays it, but I do enjoy listening on my own.

melita916 said:
That’s awesome, Hamarr!
Click to expand...
Thank you. 😃

Lynx said:
We have a hymn book too (and we use it) but we also sing modern songs. No, not those "Jesus is my boyfriend" kind of songs.

I have nothing to say in this thread because I grew up in my church and it's a great church. But I did want to say something because I know it can be a struggle. When a new guy starts coming to church, he is single and he is over a certain age, it is automatic to wonder if he's a creeper. Sorry Hamarr, it's just a reflex. I would probably get the same initial suspicion if I suddenly started going to a different church. And I probably couldn't blame them a bit.
Click to expand...
Yeah. I sort of braced for it when I went in yesterday. I know to expect it. I think I generally understand why, so I’m not offended by it. The only thing I can do is be myself and hope to make some connections with people who don’t see me as a creep.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#32
Aug 13, 2014
24,933
8,176
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#32
Weeeeeell... gotta make a distinction there. It's not that people see you as a creep. It's that they go on alert and watch for signs that you might be a creep.

That might sound like an invidious distinction, or maybe just splitting hairs, but it's actually a pretty important one. They aren't automatically assuming you ARE a creep. But they keep that in mind as one of the possible things you MIGHT be, and watch for signs of it. And these days you can't really blame them for that.

i should mention they are also watching for signs that you fit one of the other possible things you might be. "Creep" is only one of the possibilities. And they keep watching until they believe they know which one you are.
 
H

Hamarr

Guest
#33
#33
That’s fair. Maybe I should have said “potential creep” instead.
 
K

Kim82

Guest
#34
#34
Lynx said:
When a new guy starts coming to church, he is single and he is over a certain age, it is automatic to wonder if he's a creeper.
Click to expand...
Is this an american thing? I find that strange.
Lynx said:
And I probably couldn't blame them a bit.
Click to expand...
Why not? Is that the right attitude to have toward a newcomer? Don't condone bad behaviour.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#35
May 23, 2009
14,943
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#35
Kim82 said:
Is this an american thing? I find that strange.
Why not? Is that the right attitude to have toward a newcomer? Don't condone bad behaviour.
Click to expand...
Unfortunately, in America, if a man is over a certain age and still single, many people in society (including, and sometimes, especially in churches) view him as:

1. Homosexual.

2. Desperate for female company.

3. Possibly dangerous around children.

Now of course, women might have their own issues as well, but unfortunately, a single man, say around age 40 and over often has to fight off several unflattering stereotypes.

But at the same time, unfortunately, there are reasons why those cautions need to be in place.

I had a co-worker who was a single man in his mid-40's who would often stop and talk to customer's children, usually kneeling down so that he could talk to them at eye level, and sometimes bypassing any conversation with the parent. Some of the parents would complain about this to management.

I honestly don't think he meant any harm, but if I had children, I would probably have gotten them away from him immediately, because even if it verges on paranoia, I'd rather be safe than sorry, whether in a public place or in a church.

(I'm not saying at all that single men in church have wrong motivations, but yet, I'm not sure how to work around the fears that society reinforces either, because in some cases, it's made out to be common sense rather than paranoia.)
 
K

Kim82

Guest
#36
#36
seoulsearch said:
Possibly dangerous around children.
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So too are married men who have their own kids possibly dangerous around children. So in general, precaution should be taken.

And if women are suspicious of single men, then it means they would find married men more appealing.

I know in society people may have a problem, but in the church??

Well I'm learning something new here today. I don't think that is an issue among Christians in my country. At least not that I'm aware of. But I can speak for myself that I don't feel that way.

Christian men who have several relationships and never get married are to be viewed with more suspicion, than a single man who is patiently waiting for a wife. I think.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#37
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,587
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#37
Kim82 said:
So too are married men who have their own kids possibly dangerous around children. So in general, precaution should be taken.

And if women are suspicious of single men, then it means they would find married men more appealing.

I know in society people may have a problem, but in the church??

Well I'm learning something new here today. I don't think that is an issue among Christians in my country. At least not that I'm aware of. But I can speak for myself that I don't feel that way.

Christian men who have several relationships and never get married are to be viewed with more suspicion, than a single man who is patiently waiting for a wife. I think.
Click to expand...
It's a sad but unfortunately, very realistic state of the modern American church, which sounds like it might be a bit different from some of the views held in your country.
 
H

Hamarr

Guest
#38
#38
seoulsearch said:
Unfortunately, in America, if a man is over a certain age and still single, many people in society (including, and sometimes, especially in churches) view him as:

1. Homosexual.

2. Desperate for female company.

3. Possibly dangerous around children.

Now of course, women might have their own issues as well, but unfortunately, a single man, say around age 40 and over often has to fight off several unflattering stereotypes.

But at the same time, unfortunately, there are reasons why those cautions need to be in place.

I had a co-worker who was a single man in his mid-40's who would often stop and talk to customer's children, usually kneeling down so that he could talk to them at eye level, and sometimes bypassing any conversation with the parent. Some of the parents would complain about this to management.

I honestly don't think he meant any harm, but if I had children, I would probably have gotten them away from him immediately, because even if it verges on paranoia, I'd rather be safe than sorry, whether in a public place or in a church.

(I'm not saying at all that single men in church have wrong motivations, but yet, I'm not sure how to work around the fears that society reinforces either, because in some cases, it's made out to be common sense rather than paranoia.)
Click to expand...
That thing with the kids would weird me out, too. I sometimes feel crappy about the way men are judged, but it is for safety reasons. It's good to listen to those instincts just in case the person is a weirdo. I actually bumped into one guy that was weird with my dog. He asked if he could pet him, and then did some weird rubbing motion right below his tail. He kind of gave me a creeper vibe but I was polite and ignored it. It was weird and my dog wasn't definitely not happy so I got away. If I had kids, I wouldn't have let him go anywhere near.

The only main downside for me is some of those fears reinforce my own concerns about myself. That there is something wrong with me for not having had gotten married before now, or even really getting out and trying. As far as I know there is only one person who thought I might be gay. She if kind of a doofus, though. I guess that leaves dangerous or desperate. lol.
 
Deade

Deade

Called of God
#39
Dec 17, 2017
16,724
10,530
113
77
Vinita, Oklahoma, USA
yeshuaofisrael.org
#39
Lynx said:
Y'know, about that hearing thing... you can set your phone to auto-type what the person you are talking to is saying. So you can just read it off the screen. It works pretty well, and if it has an inaccurate transcription you can always ask for clarification.

Of course accuracy depends on how good your phone's mic is. If people keep saying "What?" when you talk to them on the phone, your phone's mic might not be clear enough for speech-to-text. But it's worth a shot.
Click to expand...
 
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