To add to what Christin74 was saying, I thought I'd throw these ones out:
"A person who cannot forgive has forgotten how great a debt God has forgiven them."
'Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them. And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father is heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.' - Mark11:24-26
'Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.' - Ephesians 4:31-32
You have to admit, there is a serious tone in the Bible whenever it came to holding back forgiveness.
It took me three years to forgive my mother. Two of those years was done as a non-believer, and then a year as a believer. I can confidently say that holding all those things against my mother was like a poison, and the longer it stayed in my system, the more harm I was doing to myself. At the root of my experiences with self mutilation, depression, suicidal tendencies and suicidal attempts, was the unforgiveness I held towards my mother and father.
When I came back to live at home (6 months after giving my life to the Lord), I prepared a meal for the family, sat my parents down and asked them to forgive me. I admitted where I went wrong in our relationship and they said 'It's alright, it's long forgotten.' I didn't expect them to confess to their side of those once-upon-a-times, and you know what, I don't know if they will ever. I will probably never get a sorry for years of abuse, as far as I'm concerned, they would either laugh or yell at me if I called it for what it was.
But as someone else said, I have to try and understand their heart. This is the way my parents were brought up, and as far as what they have told me about their upbringing, mine was a walk in the park compared to theirs. I think at some level they knew they had to make a 'right' out of what they already experienced, I believe they knew what was done to them was wrong, but they're still quite broken. Broken people can only love with broken hearts.
Quite a few months ago, my mum and my brother's ex wife had a full yelling match at each other. It happened right before me. As soon as I saw my mother begin to get angry, my defense mechanism went on hyper mode and I 'shut down'. I completely withdrew in to myself and shut myself from feeling anything because the fear that was rising was far too overwhelming for me to handle. The rest of that week was absolutely terrible, it felt like Pandora's box was reopened. That's when I felt the Lord telling me to write down all the really hurtful memories from the past and at the same time, allow Him to re-write them as I travelled through this, to give them over, to let loose of my hold, and to allow Him to heal.
Even before that, I was minding my own business one day when I was suddenly hit with an intense grief and turning within myself as I realised I had to forgive my parents, AGAIN. I ran to my room with tears as I prayed like a mad woman.
Forgiving them was a very long and crazy process. But the freedom afterwards was worth it. That stuff inside was destroying me, and I knew the Lord loves me too much to let it go on for too long.
While I'm doing my usual crazy-long-as-post-a-thon thing, I would say, I have recently been convicted of the hurt I have been holding against a group of people, and this thread has reminded me of it, I have been putting it off.
Every time I talk about coming to the Lord, I always state that just before I cried out to the Lord, "Everyone turned their backs against me." I realised that I use such strong language to describe the event because I hadn't forgiven those people. I realised, I'm still operating out of that lack of forgiveness I am holding against them. With the friendships I have now in my life, I can't bring myself to let people in. I am so scared of doing this and I know this is because I am holding on to something I shouldn't be.
But I couldn't help but have this crazy thought. What if it was God's intention that this was done? Before I was saved, I had a circle of unhealthy friendships with people who wrongly influenced me, and I wonder if it was the Lord's hand that divided them from me, while He looked on at my state, saying, "This one's mine. This time, I want her to run to me." If someone tried to pick me up and help me during the hardest point in my life, I wouldn't have cried out to God the way I did. And I probably would never have seen my twenty-third birthday. Maybe He knew... He knew exactly what He was doing in order to set me free. So in looking back, should I hold back forgiveness to those who turned away?
No. I shouldn't. I guess what happened had to happen. And I have to move on and love.
(OH THANKS GUYS THIS THREAD IS REALLY GREAT, ISN'T IT?!
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