future thoughts/worries about relationships...

[CatHerder]

hmmm....to me the poll title and the thread title are two different things...I guess we are just putting down our apprehensions regarding new relationships?

I am apprehensive that my people pleasing tendency will cause me to lose my identity once in a relationship, as it did in my marriage. I'd like to think that I am a much stronger person now, and that this wouldn't happen, but it's something to be aware of.

I am apprehensive about a serious relationship because, quite honestly, I was treated like crap in my marriage, and wonder if I would know how to respond appropriately to a woman who treated me well.

I am apprehensive about a new relationship because I am fearful of "punishing" her for how my ex treated me. I'd like to think that I would be able to acknowledge that this was a different person and relationship.


While I think that I have overcome certain behaviors through Christ, I am also aware of my flaws. If in a serious relationship, I'd seek professional Christian based couples counseling every 6 months or so as a "check up," especially in the early years. I'm wondering if this is wise or weird.

 

[rachelsedge]

While I think that I have overcome certain behaviors through Christ, I am also aware of my flaws. If in a serious relationship, I'd seek professional Christian based couples counseling every 6 months or so as a "check up," especially in the early years. I'm wondering if this is wise or weird.

I find it wise, but then again, it's rare that counseling is a bad idea.

I've never been in a relationship, so I'm nervous about when I do get into one, just learning the ropes and what it's like to be with someone in that way. I think it will be very...different for me, to let myself be so open and vulnerable with someone.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

hmmm....to me the poll title and the thread title are two different things...I guess we are just putting down our apprehensions regarding new relationships?

I am apprehensive that my people pleasing tendency will cause me to lose my identity once in a relationship, as it did in my marriage. I'd like to think that I am a much stronger person now, and that this wouldn't happen, but it's something to be aware of.

I am apprehensive about a serious relationship because, quite honestly, I was treated like crap in my marriage, and wonder if I would know how to respond appropriately to a woman who treated me well.

I am apprehensive about a new relationship because I am fearful of "punishing" her for how my ex treated me. I'd like to think that I would be able to acknowledge that this was a different person and relationship.


While I think that I have overcome certain behaviors through Christ, I am also aware of my flaws. If in a serious relationship, I'd seek professional Christian based couples counseling every 6 months or so as a "check up," especially in the early years. I'm wondering if this is wise or weird.

It's wise. Sounds like you know yourself very well. You and I are a lot alike, I think.

 

[FireWire]

I got stressed when I was my 20s and never had a relationship and not even a single date so I clearly didn't make the grade then. I was under a lot of pressure then from friends in the youth group. I thought it was ridiculous and illogical. The main one was already married and the others were heading towards it. Twenty years later I'm still the same.

In the now I realize I'm called to be single so it doesn't matter whether I make the grade or not. If I evaluated myself I still wouldn't be anyway mainly because I never put any effort into being the kind of person that could be a relationship. I don't dream of being married anymore and children were never on the cards.

 

[colalella2891]

I chose the second option, but I still feel like I think about this a lot.

 

[Imperfect]

i have a couple major concerns about my future with relationships.

im not a virgin, but i am celibate so i dont know how to have a relationship where sex isnt a major part of our relationship. i have come to a point where im almost scared to interact with women because i dont want to think anything wrong or get in where it will be hard to resist because things can go there very easily today. so you have to be careful... but thats the thing. when thats how you had relationships before, thats how you met them, thats how you got to know them, etc.. thats all you know.. everything was basically based on sex, or at least, that was the intention at the end of the day and you didnt feel guilt, just lust and a mission so you lived freely.

now, it is so different. i really dont know what im doing. honestly, i have no idea what im doing.

will i ever meet a female that is celibate like me? and wont press sex? and if shes celibate, will she accept my daughter? but thats not a real concern of mine since everybody loves her and every female i ever brought her around seem to like her more than me anyway

all in all.. sex went from the reason, to the forbidden fruit. and this transition in lifestyles is a tough one.

 

[wisebeardman]

I just quit caring. don't even think about any of this stuff, haven't cared since I was about 15 or 16.