Getting back on the horse.

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Theygaveutheirworst

Theygaveutheirworst

Senior Member
#1
Jun 25, 2010
707
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#1
So you might have heard the old saying to "Get back up on the horse after you fall off it"
We all know it means that once you fail at something, you shouldn't let it keep you going after your goal. Get up and keep trying! But what if you fall off and just want to lay on the ground and collect your thoughts? After many failed relationships, I just feel like not "getting back on the horse". Have any of you just taken a step back from finding the right one and given yourself time to heal for a good amount of time?
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#2
Mar 26, 2014
4,337
2,368
113
#2
Take some time off of dating so you can heal from bad relationships. That sounds like a very good idea to me. Much better than a string of bad rebound relationships.
 
B

blondieindahouse

Banned
#3
Jun 23, 2015
1,990
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#3
God never intended his children to date and date and date. Dating sets us up for failure because we are tempted to sin and because when it doesnt work out,we end up with a pile of hurt and resentment over time. Dating is of the world. Id encourage you to focus on Christ and Christ alone. Get into studying the word and serving Christ. Let God place someone in your life if it be his will.
Christians court and the world dates.
 
Olerica

Olerica

Banned
#4
Apr 15, 2014
2,050
38
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#4
Theygaveutheirworst said:
So you might have heard the old saying to "Get back up on the horse after you fall off it"
We all know it means that once you fail at something, you shouldn't let it keep you going after your goal. Get up and keep trying! But what if you fall off and just want to lay on the ground and collect your thoughts? After many failed relationships, I just feel like not "getting back on the horse". Have any of you just taken a step back from finding the right one and given yourself time to heal for a good amount of time?
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Yep. It's been 3 years. Give yourself time to grieve your past relationships... and figure out what you did that contributed to the demise of the relationships. Not a bad thing. God bless you Theygaveutheirworst
 
F

FullofQuestions

Guest
#6
#6
1 Corinthians 7:8

Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.
 
MiaH

MiaH

Banned
#7
May 14, 2015
605
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#7


just don't get back the wrong way..
 
Roh_Chris

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
#8
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
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#8
cinder said:
Take some time off of dating so you can heal from bad relationships. That sounds like a very good idea to me. Much better than a string of bad rebound relationships.
Click to expand...
That's a good point, cinder. But lately I have been wondering - can we ever wholly be healed from bad relationships?

I mean, yes, we can sever contact, limit our thoughts about our ex's and do everything else that is required to move on. But, can we ever stop the memories from coming back once in a while? The flashback may happen while you are listening to that favourite song you both had, that restaurant where one of your proposed and the other accepted, that route you always took to go on a drive, etc. To be healed, in every sense of the word, is to come to a point where you have no memories about those relationships. But that is never possible, is it?

I am just thinking aloud here because I have been reflecting on this for a few days now. :p
 
C

Cruisyazz

Guest
#9
#9
Theygaveutheirworst said:
So you might have heard the old saying to "Get back up on the horse after you fall off it"
We all know it means that once you fail at something, you shouldn't let it keep you going after your goal. Get up and keep trying! But what if you fall off and just want to lay on the ground and collect your thoughts? After many failed relationships, I just feel like not "getting back on the horse". Have any of you just taken a step back from finding the right one and given yourself time to heal for a good amount of time?
Click to expand...
good idea...
 
A

Anneliese

Guest
#10
#10
MiaH said:


just don't get back the wrong way..
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:(
reminds me how i used to ride a horse
. when I was little girl... thankfully, we learn.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#13
Mar 26, 2014
4,337
2,368
113
#13
Roh_Chris said:
That's a good point, cinder. But lately I have been wondering - can we ever wholly be healed from bad relationships?

I mean, yes, we can sever contact, limit our thoughts about our ex's and do everything else that is required to move on. But, can we ever stop the memories from coming back once in a while? The flashback may happen while you are listening to that favourite song you both had, that restaurant where one of your proposed and the other accepted, that route you always took to go on a drive, etc. To be healed, in every sense of the word, is to come to a point where you have no memories about those relationships. But that is never possible, is it?

I am just thinking aloud here because I have been reflecting on this for a few days now. :p
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I would say being healed doesn't mean never remembering. Being healed means that the memories are relegated to the realm of memory and the emotions associated with them are not overwhelming and are not directing you. So yes if a guy I was dating had a serious relationship in his past, I'd be okay with him talking about it or sometimes having those melancholy moments, but if his words and behavior made me feel like he was trying to recapture that former relationship or wanted me to be her, well that would be a problem pretty quickly.
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#15
#15
Roh_Chris said:
That's a good point, cinder. But lately I have been wondering - can we ever wholly be healed from bad relationships?

I mean, yes, we can sever contact, limit our thoughts about our ex's and do everything else that is required to move on. But, can we ever stop the memories from coming back once in a while? The flashback may happen while you are listening to that favourite song you both had, that restaurant where one of your proposed and the other accepted, that route you always took to go on a drive, etc. To be healed, in every sense of the word, is to come to a point where you have no memories about those relationships. But that is never possible, is it?

I am just thinking aloud here because I have been reflecting on this for a few days now. :p
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Some wounds leave scars, yes? So even after we've healed from an injury, and it is no longer painful or effecting our life, we can still see the mark it left behind.

To me, it only makes sense for people to occasionally remember past relationships, even if they've moved on. If we forget them completely, we aren't learning any lasting lessons, and we're fooling ourselves if we think we Can erase them entirely. While I totally understand the desire to remove painful memories, we'd be doing ourselves a disservice if we actually succeeded.

I think it's wise to step back from relationships until the bitterness and pain passes, though- let the wound become a scar before getting involved with someone new.
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#16
Aug 12, 2011
10,418
2,660
113
#16
MissCris said:
I think it's wise to step back from relationships until the bitterness and pain passes, though- let the wound become a scar before getting involved with someone new.
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yesss!

i've been single for almost 5 years. i'm able to look at my previous relationship, and there are no negative feelings attached to the memories anymore. many lessons learned :)
 
Olerica

Olerica

Banned
#17
Apr 15, 2014
2,050
38
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#17
Healing from a relationship means that remembering the relationship doesn't injure you anymore. You might be sad, but you aren't broken over it anymore... and not in that defiant "they aren't hurting me!" way
 
N

NikkiK

Guest
#18
#18
Roh_Chris said:
That's a good point, cinder. But lately I have been wondering - can we ever wholly be healed from bad relationships?

I mean, yes, we can sever contact, limit our thoughts about our ex's and do everything else that is required to move on. But, can we ever stop the memories from coming back once in a while? The flashback may happen while you are listening to that favourite song you both had, that restaurant where one of your proposed and the other accepted, that route you always took to go on a drive, etc. To be healed, in every sense of the word, is to come to a point where you have no memories about those relationships. But that is never possible, is it?

I am just thinking aloud here because I have been reflecting on this for a few days now. :p
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I had a relationship that broke me once... It took a good year for me to be able to wake up and not cry or feel that sick pit in my stomach and feel sort of normal. Then a couple more years to move on and love. I don't think I have ever been the same since though. Once in a while I think on that time, I don't dwell on it. There is still soreness or pain from the time. It's more like pain of the painful memories and not pain from missing that person. I can't describe it adequately. I feel sadness from the pain of the situation when I do think on it.

Everyone may be different than me...
 
Theygaveutheirworst

Theygaveutheirworst

Senior Member
#19
Jun 25, 2010
707
9
18
37
#19
Thanks for the replies. Sorry if I stirred up any old memories of hurts! It's a long lonely road for some us.

By the way, I was expecting more humorous horse pics in this thread.lol
 
Olerica

Olerica

Banned
#20
Apr 15, 2014
2,050
38
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#20
Theygaveutheirworst said:
Thanks for the replies. Sorry if I stirred up any old memories of hurts! It's a long lonely road for some us.

By the way, I was expecting more humorous horse pics in this thread.lol
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Totally know you are teasing but....

If you know what you want and don't communicate it, don't be surprised if you don't get what you want. :)
 
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