Good Memory or Unforgiveness

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AbigailZeke

AbigailZeke

Beloved
#21
Mar 11, 2016
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abigail.pro
#21
Rachel20 said:

Is remembering what someone said/did a sign of unforgiveness?

Either way, are we supposed to just keep quiet about someone's wrong doing and let it go as an act of forgiveness? Is it wrong to bring up past mistakes?
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Another point. Remembering, technically is just entertaining a thought. Voicing it out, however, is an entirely different subject. And to who, is also another subject. The many wonders of human relationships :rolleyes:

In conclusion: if it benefits (meaning, for the betterment of; in biblical moral standards) the majority, then voice it out. If not, pray until it goes away.
 
Lenardzw

Lenardzw

Senior Member
#22
Jul 31, 2015
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#22
AbigailZeke said:
Another point. Remembering, technically is just entertaining a thought. Voicing it out, however, is an entirely different subject. And to who, is also another subject. The many wonders of human relationships :rolleyes:

In conclusion: if it benefits (meaning, for the betterment of; in biblical moral standards) the majority, then voice it out. If not, pray until it goes away.
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Words dripping with wisdom!
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#23
Jan 26, 2013
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#23
I think it's okay to say to someone, what you said or did was very hurtful to me. They might apologize or not. I think if they sincerely apologize then accept it. If not well not much you can do, just move on.

We've all been hurt by someone. On the internet words and intentions can get so misconstrued because words aren't physical, there's no body language. Sometimes if someone makes a joke it can be hard to tell if their kidding or not. In that situation Infind the best way to deal with it is ask, what did you mean?
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#24
#24
Perhaps forgiving and unforgiveness is a two way street. Sometimes the words and things you say to others comes back on you. And perhaps it would be better to think before we speak. When you refuse to forgive and forget its rather hard for others to forgive you {and yet they do}. An apology goes a long way to bringing about forgiveness. So before counting others infractions perhaps we need to take into account what we are saying first. Most people here do not wish to argue but they will defend their character when it is attacked. So be careful what you say to others,they also have feelings too.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#25
Aug 13, 2014
27,275
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#25
As someone else said, remembering an injury is part of a vital defense mechanism. If I walk out the door every morning and give my dog a swift kick in the ribs, should I expect him to always be right at the door when I open it?

Defense mechanisms are necessary in this world because this world is not the way it was when God made it. In a perfect world we will not need to remember past wrongs. In the current world it is still necessary.

In other news, something in the OP reminded me to say this: If you are holding something back to bring it up later, you are essentially saving a potential weapon for when it can be used to greater effect. This is directly against what Jesus said about being kind to your enemies and it goes directly against what the Bible says about settling grievances with your brother as soon as possible. But I know of a lot of married people who do this. "Oh yeah? Well what about that time six years ago, huh?"
 
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1LonelyKnight

Guest
#26
#26
Judge/discern the behavior and not so much the person. Rudeness, arrogance, foolishness have deep roots and will often not whither or waiver when treated by rebuke, correction or debate. Ignorance is more treatable. Internet chat rooms are often not a haven for scholars, theologians and philosophers - present company excluded. Treating people with dignity, respect and the truth is the best approach. The sword of truth is powerful but thorny branches are a challenge - take your whack at it and pass on to let the next person continue the work. Wisdom tells us not to be entangled by thorns.

Realize that people come from different cultural, religious and educational backgrounds. Try to meet them where they are - seeking first to understand and then to be understood. A person discerns and treats a kitty kat differently from a lion or tiger even though they are from the same family as it were.

Do not dwell on and harbor anger and grudges. We don't hate tigers just because they are not kittens - they simply need their own space and we require much training and patience and understanding to relate to.

Peace ...
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#27
#27
Mods I'd appreciate if you'd close this thread too. It is directly related to the other thread Rachel20 started that has been closed. Thank you.
 
Socreta93

Socreta93

Senior Member
#28
Jul 28, 2015
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#28
Depends if you feel anger or an resentment towards people then yes it's time to forgive and move on. However it's always good to remember because that's how you learn
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#29
Oct 11, 2013
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#29
True story...

I would call my cousin and she would not answer the phone, I'd leave a message once in a great while she would call me back. I know there is something wrong by these actions but don't know what... I keep calling same thing over and over again... We live in different states by the way. Cousin in Indiana me in Florida. I miss her and would like to talk to her once in a while.

So I keep calling and no answer leaving messages. We finally connect and I finally drag it out of her what is wrong.

Apparently in 2008 I said something to her that hurt her feelings at the time of dragging it out of her it was 2014 six years later. Now my feelings toward my cousin have been o.k. I miss her and just want to talk to her so when I find out that she has been harboring this issue for six years I apologize to her and ask for forgiveness and think that we are o.k. and back on the same page.

I call my cousin and same thing she doesn't answer the phone I leave messages etc. and again when we finally connect I say I am sorry and again ask for forgiveness. Fast forward to 2016 I still miss my cousin and would love to talk to her every now and again but when I call she doesn't answer the phone. I'm tired of trying to make her feel o.k. I was and am sorry I hurt her feelings but if she doesn't want to forgive me there is nothing I can do to make her do it. What did I do or say that was so bad...

In 2008 I had a hysterectomy and my cousin came down to help me after the surgery and three weeks after the surgery I had to have an emergency surgery to stop bleeding that just started out of the blue. That morning I had made biscuits and gravy for breakfast at my cousins request. Well because of the uncontrolled bleeding we had to rush to the Doctor's office and as I am literally bleeding out the Doctor says I need to go for emergency surgery. My daughter and cousin are standing there and I say I love you to my daughter and to my cousin jokingly I say see if I ever make you biscuits and gravy again. Yep you guessed it that's what got my cousins dander up she was thinking I should have said I love you to her too which I do and did by the way. I was just joking in a bad situation trying to lighten the mood and instead offended my cousin who has held on to it for years. I don't get it but some people hang on to things.

Now I said all of that to say this.

Just let it go.
 
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1LonelyKnight

Guest
#30
#30
kaylagrl said:
Mods I'd appreciate if you'd close this thread too. It is directly related to the other thread Rachel20 started that has been closed. Thank you.
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The thread seems beneficial in a broader sense in terms of understanding others, being careful and thoughtful of how we interact with others, learning to apologize for mistakes or misunderstandings, or to stand firm on matters of truth and doctrine, etc. I don't follow a lot of threads but do see disagreements in understanding everywhere. This is not a personal matter and we need to avoid ad hominem and other fallacies in our interactions. I see the OP as broad and general enough to warrant the many good, generic, doctrinal responses from a person seeking to understand the misunderstandings. Don't let it be personal but let us look to learn to disagree agreeably until we come to common ground.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#31
#31
1LonelyKnight said:
The thread seems beneficial in a broader sense in terms of understanding others, being careful and thoughtful of how we interact with others, learning to apologize for mistakes or misunderstandings, or to stand firm on matters of truth and doctrine, etc. I don't follow a lot of threads but do see disagreements in understanding eáverywhere. This is not a personal matter and we need to avoid ad hominem and other fallacies in our interactions. I see the OP as broad and general enough to warrant the many good, generic, doctrinal responses from a person seeking to understand the misunderstandings. Don't let it be personal but let us look to learn to disagree agreeably until we come to common ground.
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The OP was not meant to be broad but to zero in on certain people she has recently had disagreements with. She has another thread doing the same that has been closed. That is why I have asked the same of this thread. Otherwise I would agree with what you are saying.
 
P

PinkDiamond

Guest
#32
#32
Maybe someone should start a new thread on forgiveness and resolving conflicts. Those who posted valuable advice in this thread can share their posts again in the new thread. That way no one feels singled out and good advice is not lost.
 
R

Rachel20

Senior Member
#33
May 7, 2013
1,639
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#33
1LonelyKnight said:
The thread seems beneficial in a broader sense in terms of understanding others, being careful and thoughtful of how we interact with others, learning to apologize for mistakes or misunderstandings, or to stand firm on matters of truth and doctrine, etc. I don't follow a lot of threads but do see disagreements in understanding everywhere. This is not a personal matter and we need to avoid ad hominem and other fallacies in our interactions. I see the OP as broad and general enough to warrant the many good, generic, doctrinal responses from a person seeking to understand the misunderstandings. Don't let it be personal but let us look to learn to disagree agreeably until we come to common ground.
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Thanks for putting that across quite eloquently.

It is unfortunate that a member here seems to to be stalking me, trolling, creating unnecessary contention and spreading malice.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#34
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
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#34
Can't we all just get a long.
 
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1LonelyKnight

Guest
#35
#35
Everyone has opinions and rights lets not get into any cat fights ...


 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#36
#36
Fenner said:
Can't we all just get a long.
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It would be nice! I have no one here I have issues with. We all disagree from time to time and we all get over it. The vast majority of folk at CC are just wonderful people that I have been happy to get to know. But once in a while people make things personal. And I don't understand that because,except for a few members, we have never met face to face. While we know each other online we don't truly know one another. We don't know each others background, what pain and suffering each person has been through, what each has to endure day to day. So to make assumptions about a persons character based on an online friendship is unfair. A lot can be misunderstood when you are reading instead of hearing a person. The inflection of a persons voice,the emphasis we use when speaking,our tone. So much can be misunderstood,or assumed. For that reason we can't make judgments and assumptions about other people online. Im more than willing to let things go and have peace. But I will not have someone attack my character and then write threads and posts about me behind my back. Or my friends here at CC. The power for peace is in the OPs hands.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#37
Mar 26, 2014
4,426
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#37
kaylagrl said:
It would be nice! I have no one here I have issues with. We all disagree from time to time and we all get over it. The vast majority of folk at CC are just wonderful people that I have been happy to get to know. But once in a while people make things personal. And I don't understand that because,except for a few members, we have never met face to face. While we know each other online we don't truly know one another. We don't know each others background, what pain and suffering each person has been through, what each has to endure day to day. So to make assumptions about a persons character based on an online friendship is unfair. A lot can be misunderstood when you are reading instead of hearing a person. The inflection of a persons voice,the emphasis we use when speaking,our tone. So much can be misunderstood,or assumed. For that reason we can't make judgments and assumptions about other people online. Im more than willing to let things go and have peace. But I will not have someone attack my character and then write threads and posts about me behind my back. Or my friends here at CC. The power for peace is in the OPs hands.
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But no one would have known that you were one of the members in question, if you hadn't assumed it and posted it for all the world to read. So you really are the one who has made this about you and an attack on you. The rest of us would have just sympathized because we probably all have had interactions with people that were not pleasant, and many of us question whether to call people out when we believe they are wrong. But in this thread, you appear to be the one who is being contentious and derailing what would otherwise be productive discussion.
 
Tinkerbell725

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
#38
Jul 19, 2014
4,216
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Philippines Age 40
#38
Lenardzw said:
Well spoken! In my experience I have seen reconciliations turn into ugly arguments. Too many times I've seen the discourse shift from the "issue" or "offence" to a personal attack, especially if the offender is having difficulty owning up to the offence. So you see the focus moving from "Your comments were hurtful" to "you are an idiot" or worse still, "Your mamma...:rolleyes:.

I always pray before telling the offender that they offended me, so that I do it in a calm clearly communicated expression of what the offence was and why I am unhappy (and why its wrong). Then I give the person the chance to reflect on this and (hopefully) own up to the offence [hey I'm talking "ideal world here]. If they do and apologize then its over and I never bring it up (with anyone) again. I will not say the words "I forgive you" if the person doesn't think that they have wronged me - I think that just exacerbates a bad situation. "What are you forgiving me for? I haven't wronged you!" I am still prepared to forgive them and after I've cooled down I will forgive, but in that situation I will most likely remember the offence.

I try to remember that one day I may be the offender and I will be in need of forgiveness.
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Many have an illness called offendisities including myself but I'm trying to change. People try their best but sometimes words just don't come out right and we fall into sin and say what we don't really mean. Patience and self control are fruits of the Holy Spirit and Christians should love one another because this is God's perfect law for the purpose of protecting His people.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#39
#39
cinder said:
But no one would have known that you were one of the members in question, if you hadn't assumed it and posted it for all the world to read. So you really are the one who has made this about you and an attack on you. The rest of us would have just sympathized because we probably all have had interactions with people that were not pleasant, and many of us question whether to call people out when we believe they are wrong. But in this thread, you appear to be the one who is being contentious and derailing what would otherwise be productive discussion.
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She has posted all over the forum and friends on CC have messaged me about it. I have contacted moderators and will deal with it when they let me know what to do.
 
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