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People don't want to commit because we're selfish. Selfish like children. To commit to someone you're saying "I will put myself aside for you. For your benefit, because I love and want you according to the way the bible says I should".
In my last relationship I was committed. I loved that man with everything I had. I agreed to marry him. I began to love him like a wife should love her husband. And then he left, and I was devastated. It felt like divorce. In fact, that's how my friends referred to it. Andrew and I divorced in a way. I was committed to him, but he wasn't committed to me. At least not in the end.
i don't think that commitment issues are solely a male issue. Women leave or push men away just as often as men leave and push women away. Our society is massively fear based and that mentality is nonsense. As Christians we aren't supposed to be so afraid of love, commitment, and selflessness. I could go on and on about this topic. Hell, I could write a book! But I'm going to leave it here. Loving someone fully isn't the end of the world. It's the beginning of a new one.
In my last relationship I was committed. I loved that man with everything I had. I agreed to marry him. I began to love him like a wife should love her husband. And then he left, and I was devastated. It felt like divorce. In fact, that's how my friends referred to it. Andrew and I divorced in a way. I was committed to him, but he wasn't committed to me. At least not in the end.
i don't think that commitment issues are solely a male issue. Women leave or push men away just as often as men leave and push women away. Our society is massively fear based and that mentality is nonsense. As Christians we aren't supposed to be so afraid of love, commitment, and selflessness. I could go on and on about this topic. Hell, I could write a book! But I'm going to leave it here. Loving someone fully isn't the end of the world. It's the beginning of a new one.
I think in different stages of relationships people are anxious about Overcommitment, Acceptance at that Level, and Future Orientation.
-Friend
-Attraction
-Extra-Friendly Friend
-Pseudo Relationship
-Introduction of Relationship
-New Relationship Energy Phase
-Comfortable Relationship
-Optimistic Relationship
-Pre Engagement Relationship
-Engagement
-Post Engagement Planning Phase
-Pre Wedding
-Marriage
*For this Phase Exclusivity is not an expectation but, attention and flirting are normal and accepted.
*For this Phase Attention and Affection is Exclusive and it is the beginning of officially being in a relationship.
*For this Phase Both Parties are Open Trusting and eventually become Understood Fixtures in each other's Lives.
*At this point both Parties are looking Forward and Planning out the rest of their lives together.
For Different stages people have Expectations in accordance with the direction they see the relationship heading.
Different stages also come with rites of Passage, like meeting parents, opening diaries, explaining pasts, leaving toothbrushes, Facebook statuses etc.
Other reason's I've left:
-They were Blonde
-They love horses
-They took themselves too seriously
-Country Music
-BurningMan
-They had our life planned out before we said the "L" word.
-They had no way of expressing themselves.
-Vegetarian
-Weed
-Alchoholic
-Irrational Fears (Like the dark, open windows, being touched)
Reason's They left Me
-Pushing for too much Commitment
-I broke their leg Jet Skiing
-I was not Attractive Enough
-Too much Distance
-Too Prideful or Arrogant
-Too Irrespective of the Law
-Too Adventurous (Reckless)
I apologize if this is too indepth.
-Friend
-Attraction
-Extra-Friendly Friend
-Pseudo Relationship
-Introduction of Relationship
-New Relationship Energy Phase
-Comfortable Relationship
-Optimistic Relationship
-Pre Engagement Relationship
-Engagement
-Post Engagement Planning Phase
-Pre Wedding
-Marriage
*For this Phase Exclusivity is not an expectation but, attention and flirting are normal and accepted.
*For this Phase Attention and Affection is Exclusive and it is the beginning of officially being in a relationship.
*For this Phase Both Parties are Open Trusting and eventually become Understood Fixtures in each other's Lives.
*At this point both Parties are looking Forward and Planning out the rest of their lives together.
For Different stages people have Expectations in accordance with the direction they see the relationship heading.
Different stages also come with rites of Passage, like meeting parents, opening diaries, explaining pasts, leaving toothbrushes, Facebook statuses etc.
Other reason's I've left:
-They were Blonde
-They love horses
-They took themselves too seriously
-Country Music
-BurningMan
-They had our life planned out before we said the "L" word.
-They had no way of expressing themselves.
-Vegetarian
-Weed
-Alchoholic
-Irrational Fears (Like the dark, open windows, being touched)
Reason's They left Me
-Pushing for too much Commitment
-I broke their leg Jet Skiing
-I was not Attractive Enough
-Too much Distance
-Too Prideful or Arrogant
-Too Irrespective of the Law
-Too Adventurous (Reckless)
I apologize if this is too indepth.
I
Never had a problem admitting to a girl that I loved her,romantically or otherwise. Christianity has only hindered me oddly enough is saying that word. For 2 reasons...one being that christian women need more explanation when you tell them you love them (well,one's I've know in the past...I won't generalize & say "all") many don't understand the difference between "I love you" and "I'm in love with you"....and second being the responsibility that's involved in that word,more so even when saying it to another christian. IMO. One more factor in me being able to say "I love you" without reserve might also be because I was raised by my Mom until I was 10 yrs old & women are more nurturing & openly affectionate than men by nature with their children...plus my Mom was one of those peace,love,musician,artsy,Jesus people anyways & you know how they are. LOL
(j/k ..♥ u Mom)
(j/k ..♥ u Mom)
Its not that I don't like Horses....
once upon a time in San Diego, my future ex girlfriend and I went for a drive.
"OH DOUG LOOK, its a horse. =D. Look its looking at ME! * SQUEAK* AWE... isn't it the cutest thing you've ever seen. I just want to hold it, it looks so... *starts crying* it needs me. Can't you feel what the horse is trying to say?! Horses are SOOOOOO Spiritual and I can tell that this one is just.... *gets misty again* it wants to run and it wants to be free. *starts daydreaming* I don't care what it takes I will see you again horse. I love you so much. I love that horse."-
The Ex.
She didn't talk to me for the rest of the trip. Just sat in the passenger seat and stared out the window.
she also had horse blankets, Horse figurines, Horse hair rugs on the wall, Horse Painting, Horse Pictures, and some kind of Horse Shrine with Candles and stuff on the Headboard of her Bed.
I give Horse girls as much space as I give Wiccans and Pantheists.
This sums it up.
Your with someone for fifty years, better get the right one.
I broke their leg jetskiing liamson? bahahahahaa
I think your post is helpful.
Seriously. I'm scared of it. But yeah - I think I'm only scared off it if I'm unsure it is the right person, and given how great I am at making big life decisions that are close. - I'm much more freaked out of them being overcommitted to me than me to them. Which.. Hmm. I feel like I'm only seriously interested in people if I can see things working out permanently. Aka I wouldn't get into anything unless I feel like there's a chance. But then, I might end up being stupid and emotional one day. (desperate would be the word!) Hopefully not but such is life.
Your with someone for fifty years, better get the right one.
I broke their leg jetskiing liamson? bahahahahaa
I think your post is helpful.
Seriously. I'm scared of it. But yeah - I think I'm only scared off it if I'm unsure it is the right person, and given how great I am at making big life decisions that are close. - I'm much more freaked out of them being overcommitted to me than me to them. Which.. Hmm. I feel like I'm only seriously interested in people if I can see things working out permanently. Aka I wouldn't get into anything unless I feel like there's a chance. But then, I might end up being stupid and emotional one day. (desperate would be the word!) Hopefully not but such is life.