Here It Is! The Gi-Normous List of Everything YOU Have to Offer YOUR Perfect Partner!

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seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
13,303
3,503
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#1
Hey Everyone,

I have to admit. Cinder knows me all too well (and has been here a while as well) -- she knew exactly what I had planned as a sequel to the "Huge Honkin' List" of things we're looking for in a future spouse.

True confession: many of these thread ideas are not new at all, but get recycled many times over the years. However, the CC crowd changes all the time, so it's always interesting to reindroduce popular thread topics to entirely new audiences with a whole new crop of insights. :)

So, without further ado...

* What things/characteristics/qualities do you have to offer the kind of partner you are looking for?

* Would you say that your list of things to offer is just as long, or longer, than the list of things you're looking for in someone else?

* Do you anticipate any problems if two people are bringing lists of qualities/wants into a relationship that are unequal? (In other words, would having a long list of wants, but a short list of things to offer, mean that these two people would be unequally yoked?)

I think the topic of what people are looking for in someone is asked all the time... So it seems like an interesting way to balance it out is to talk about what people feel they can give to someone in return.

Thanks very much for sharing, and we'll be looking forward to hearing your thoughts and answers! :)
 

JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
14,024
1,785
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#2
When I was younger I had the LONG DETAILED LIST. After 50 the list consisted of one thing... Breathing that was it the guy just had to be alive... I gave up on my expectations of him and settled on letting him be himself and wanting to just be myself and find someone who could live with me being myself.... Thank God for CC as I found my Tourist who is still breathing and lets me be me... and accepts me just as I am.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
18,119
4,856
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#3
What do I have to offer... hmm...

Well silver and gold have I none. I work at a fast food factory. I could have been a lot of things, if the people around me are to be believed, from a teacher to a tech support guy to a cook running his own bakery to anything. So I can't offer money or ambition. (And everybody hears "no money" and loses interest and wanders away.)

I'm a semi-pro listener. I can listen to anything and I seem to attract confidences. Ain't saying who or what they told me, which is probably why I attract them so.

I'm a nerd and I can probably fix your computer or recommend where to get something to replace it that will fit what you need. I also seem to be pretty good at explaining to normal people how to use computers, in ways that normal people can understand.

I can bring a song quote or comic strip reference for any occasion. The only problem is getting me to stop mentioning song quotes and comic strips.

I can make friends with almost any dog or cat.

True confession: many of these thread ideas are not new at all, but get recycled many times over the years. However, the CC crowd changes all the time, so it's always interesting to reindroduce popular thread topics to entirely new audiences with a whole new crop of insights. :)
It can also be interesting to see how the same person's lists change after a couple years.
 
S

Stranger36147

Guest
#4
She'd have to have extremely low standards to want to be with me because....I don't think I have anything to offer. And this is another reason (probably the best one of all) why I'm going to remain single.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,192
2,381
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#5
Well... everybody knows I’m funny.....

Funny looking!

Ha! Jk. See? I’m funny :geek:
 
S

Susanna

Guest
#6
Now I’ve tried to post a response to this thread at least ten times. I’ve erased everything I’ve written, and now I’m at it again. Why can’t I just quit trying lol?

I can’t come up with anything!
 

JustEli

Well-known member
Dec 23, 2018
1,374
981
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#8
as I swim across this vast river

accompanied with the good the bad
the ugly

though I cannot shed all that which weighs
me down

I strive to hold on to amiable attributes

so as to have something left to

present on that distant shore
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
3,941
1,998
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#10
Let's see how entertaining can I make what I have to offer, though truth be told I probably have a lot more to offer than I realize:

Great sense of humor (that's why I want to make this entertaining and think I can, even though I know lots of not funny people say they have a great sense of humor) you might have to beware of a few bad puns though.

Low maintenance and emotionally stable (it's one of the huge advantages of not having previous relationships to compare someone to)

Walking Bible concordance

A collection of board games that we can spend hours playing ( I mean hours for each game, not just hours in total)

I'm a competence addict - if I think it's important enough to know how to do, I'm going to have mastered it before I feel like I know how to do it so I tend to be ultra competent in lots of life areas: cook my own food, drive my own car, built my own computer, pay my own bills, manage my own budget, and store maps in my head to navigate with (GPS never confuses me) though I do need to learn more about how to fix cars

I'm good at saving money, not so good at spending it. Probably incapable of wasting it (or allowing you to waste it on me)

Super organized

High tolerance for dirt, I'll rarely complain about the house being filthy (though I'm good about making sure I eat off clean dishes and take the trash out before it overflows and buries me)

Problem solver extraordinaire- double bonus as contrary to most relationship counseling I want you to solve my problems when I complain about them and I can help you solve yours when you ask for advice

Integrity out the wazoo- I measure myself by my own impossibly high standards, regardless of what crap everyone else is pulling (warning: trying to pull that crap on me will get you banished from my life and world pretty quickly).

Oh and I come from an impossibly stable home with the best parents in the world, so I have plenty of example and potential counselors for when it come to doing relationships well and in a healthy way.

And did I mention that all my extra stored food energy means that there's all that much more of me to give and receive love (and if disaster strikes I can live for longer than most without eating, always useful in a situation of food shortage)

And I know all the good hiking spots in the area.

And I've got lots of books and can still add another kindle to my amazon account to share them with a special someone

Did I mention I'm also really good at making lists.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
18,119
4,856
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#11
Fair notice zero, I'm stealing that line.
 
W

Wild

Guest
#12
I'd rather not get anyone's hopes up ....
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
13,303
3,503
113
#13
Why do I suddenly get the feeling that I should marry someone like Cinder... :geek:

Great to see people sharing and maybe even having some fun in this thread!

It does make make sad that some people feel that they have nothing to offer someone and I hope that God will help them see their own self-worth.

I have to admit that part of why I'm single is because I kept running into the attitude on Christian dating sites that "God only wants the best for me!", and so, the "best" is assumed to be someone who checks absolutely EVERY "want" box, no matter how big or small--even when someone has little to no interest in what the other person might want or need.

When I asked what was in it for the other person, the answer seemed to be, "Why, they get the privilege of serving me, of course!" (I don't mean to single guys out here, because I KNOW all guys aren't like this, but since I'm a woman, who talked men on these sites, many seemed to believe that since women are to be "help mates", a woman's dreams for her own life would be fulfilled in being and doing everything her husband wanted.) Um... No, just no.

This has made me take a long look at my own list of wants vs. my list of givings, and I don't think I'll be quite ready until both of my lists seem to at least somewhat even.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,192
2,381
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#14
oh.. i also have an appreciation for pizza... and ice cream.
 
S

Stranger36147

Guest
#15
oh.. i also have an appreciation for pizza... and ice cream.
My kind of girl. Too bad you're already married. :p I love pizza and ice cream too. Heck, I like junk food in general.
 

JustEli

Well-known member
Dec 23, 2018
1,374
981
113
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#16
Why do I suddenly get the feeling that I should marry someone like Cinder... :geek:

Great to see people sharing and maybe even having some fun in this thread!

It does make make sad that some people feel that they have nothing to offer someone and I hope that God will help them see their own self-worth.

I have to admit that part of why I'm single is because I kept running into the attitude on Christian dating sites that "God only wants the best for me!", and so, the "best" is assumed to be someone who checks absolutely EVERY "want" box, no matter how big or small--even when someone has little to no interest in what the other person might want or need.

When I asked what was in it for the other person, the answer seemed to be, "Why, they get the privilege of serving me, of course!" (I don't mean to single guys out here, because I KNOW all guys aren't like this, but since I'm a woman, who talked men on these sites, many seemed to believe that since women are to be "help mates", a woman's dreams for her own life would be fulfilled in being and doing everything her husband wanted.) Um... No, just no.

This has made me take a long look at my own list of wants vs. my list of givings, and I don't think I'll be quite ready until both of my lists seem to at least somewhat even.
my first reply was going to be, both want and offer lists should nearly be identical. I chose a "poetic approach" instead.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
13,303
3,503
113
#18
my first reply was going to be, both want and offer lists should nearly be identical. I chose a "poetic approach" instead.
Your poem was awesome, Eli... very raw, honest, and, most of all, relatable.

I wanted to give it the "gold medal" award, but it dredged up so many relatable feelings from my own life situations that I had to give the "feels" (heart) emoji instead. (y)
 

JustEli

Well-known member
Dec 23, 2018
1,374
981
113
47
#19
Your poem was awesome, Eli... very raw, honest, and, most of all, relatable.

I wanted to give it the "gold medal" award, but it dredged up so many relatable feelings from my own life situations that I had to give the "feels" (heart) emoji instead. (y)
Thank you from the bottom of my heart seoul. And my apologies for the dredging.
 

Solemateleft

Honor, Courage, Commitment
Jun 25, 2017
4,038
2,456
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#20
Honor – as a man of honor I strive to live an honorable life of integrity and high moral standards; and as such I am conditioned to honor the woman of my life and treat her with the utmost respect and admiration for all of her finest qualities, characteristics and attributes such that she feels like the Queen that she is/should.

Courage – I am willing to do whatever it takes (make the necessary sacrifices) to protect and provide an atmosphere of love, comfort, safety and security for the love of my life.

Commitment – as a man of my word with the utmost integrity I am immensely capable of fiercely loving the one lucky woman in my life unconditionally for the rest of our lives and well into the next. My vow is my commitment to always have her back, to always be there during her time of need, and to never give up and never quit – on us and our partnership.

Respect – I pray for HIS continued blessing for my heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, to continue to bring a composure and bearing that is inviting of a mutually respectful and forgiving atmosphere.

Humor – I pray for continued help at being a good listener (sometimes it looks like I’m listening but I’m actually thinking about the weekend logistics plan) and continued reminders that sometimes being a good listener is all she really needs (wait was I supposed to do something actionable here or not). I pray the lord blesses me with constant reminders that she is not like a carburetor and does not always need fixing – so I need to try harder not to try to fix her (note to self: save the duct-tape and keep my gear bag handy).

I don’t want a perfect life – I just want to make that special someone feel so spectacularly special in order to ensure that she is living the life that makes her feel the happiest and brings out the best in her… I will let my future mate, lover, life-partner (or wife?) influence my life, my decisions, my plans and my future...

Love – I hope to one day be blessed to have someone who has both the capability and the capacity to love me as much as I am able to love her. I trust in HIM that he will bless me with an amazingly loving and compassionate woman – just as I believe in HIS masterful plan that HE has plans to bring me into the life of a deserving woman who’s prayers HE has also heard. I hope to be the ONE that she believes the Lord brought into her life as the answer to her prayers; and I hope to show her that she can be loved and deserves to be loved by someone - more than she had ever imagined possible.