House Spouses - Answer us!

[Messy]

Just putting my married two cents in here.
When we married my hub said he didn't want me to work. He said I could do any hobby I wanted but he didn't want us dependent on two paychecks because when the kids came he wanted me to stay home which was what I wanted. Home and committed to homeschooling.
He worked hourly jobs for years before getting salaried. We budgeted and never could save but God was gracious and we were blessed. We tithed and did the best we could. He always worked very hard to get to the next step. I'm super proud of him. A wonderful provider and has taught out children an awesome work ethic.
While schooling the kids I started my online studies for what I do now. I've never worked fulltime till I was down to one kid. I still work very part time and don't count my income in the budget so it's saved. Hub was just promoted and given a huge increase in pay and we're supporting missionaries as a family not through out church as before.
God has been so very good to us. My suggest is to seek the Lord's will and recognize roles as they were in the bible. We have the book for a reason.

That's nice if that works with one income, but what if a man looses his job or gets sick or is called to be a fulltime pastor who gets almost nothing? Glad my dad always forced me to study to get a good job. The proverbs woman worked and made money.
What if you're not that terrific with raising kids full time with a man who's always gone? It depends on the people. I'm glad my ex does his part in the raising of our kids.

 

[Messy]

I would love to be a house husband. All my life I wanted a rewarding career or even just a job where I wasn't being taken advantage of, mistreated or neglected. Being a house husband would be a dream come true. I actually get satisfaction from cleaning/restoring/renewing stuff. And I can't stand it when things are messy. I used to stay up til 4 or 5am cleaning out my parent's garage.. I also insist on a spotless bathroom! Any ladies want to adopt me??

Hi.
I'm Messy.
Do you like to clean bunny cages?

 

[Miri]

I want to be a £5 million yacht spouse. Sailing around the Bahamas
visiting tropical islands.

 

[Messy]

My ex had no good education, so he only could do those low paid boring jobs. Then he wanted to become a pastor. I never minded that I brought in most of the income. He so hated it, why let someone do a horrible job when I can work part time and get paid enough for drawing maps? Plus he worked, although he didn't earn much. He didn't just hang around. Other 2 guys I dated thought: hey that's handy! She does everything herself. I can go hang on the couch and play video games. That was very annoying, especially because I have kids now and don't earn that much with working 3 days a week.
I don't understand that men do that, if they have no kids or grown up kids, just let their wife hang around while they work their socks off. It would annoy me to no end. And to let a man clean up and cook and sit on your lazy butt when you come home, they never do that anyway, but it would make me feel guilty and like a bossy feminist.
I like to care for someone, guess I'll just go work full time when the kids are older and work for them. My son said: I want to do nothing when I grow up, just like dad, who now has no job at the moment and his wife cleans everything up. I said: women don't want that. They expect you to take care of them.
Oh well then you can work for me and I become a youtube star. Girls are stupid anyway. I don't want to marry.

 

[JustWhoIAm]

I do not mind taking on household responsibility one bit. Absolute magic with children, I have a lot to teach and a way of helping them want to learn good things.

I'd be a very strong stay at home parent and teacher with some training. The kids would be very strong.

One problem is that I make a minimal amount of money, being an adventurer with a rough past. Haven't got to start on my actual goals yet - I went to do that a few years ago and got *AHEM* forcibly derailed.

I do not know that those things are for me, however.

 

[Messy]

I do not mind taking on household responsibility one bit. Absolute magic with children, I have a lot to teach and a way of helping them want to learn good things.

I'd be a very strong stay at home parent and teacher with some training. The kids would be very strong.

One problem is that I make a minimal amount of money, being an adventurer with a rough past. Haven't got to start on my actual goals yet - I went to do that a few years ago and got *AHEM* forcibly derailed.

I do not know that those things are for me, however.

Dads can be good stay at home parents. My ex got an income from the govt when the kids were small and we divorced, so he could take care of them. We do it 50/50, but he does the raising. I am doing better now, but I could no way do that alone all the time. He's more strict and gives them good boundaries and I'm the play mom. He even cooks better they say lol. What you see here in Holland a lot is that they do it together, 2 part time jobs, daddy days, think it's good for kids if they're not only with the mom.
I wouldn't like it either, a guy with a full time job who's always gone, then why even marry? Might as well stay alone if you never see him anyway. And then they expect you to have everything neat and tidy when they come home or you get complaints and the meals must be good. Neh. They are great. My dad is like that, but since I was 4 my mother had a parttime job too. But she worked her socks off to keep everything tidy and cook and it was never good enough. No thanks. For me it's great though, he's very responsible and he worked hard all his life for his wife and kids, he still gives me money because now that the kids are young I can only work 3 days a week. And he changed, Since he doesn't have to work anymore he helps my mom clean up. She may not clean up after she cooked. That's his task.

 

[Rosesrock]

That's nice if that works with one income, but what if a man looses his job or gets sick or is called to be a fulltime pastor who gets almost nothing? Glad my dad always forced me to study to get a good job. The proverbs woman worked and made money.
What if you're not that terrific with raising kids full time with a man who's always gone? It depends on the people. I'm glad my ex does his part in the raising of our kids.

Thus the reason prayer is important, seeking the gods leading and remembering he created all of us different. I believe marriage is hard and works when two people come together...compromising. Not all women are geared to stay home. Pastors should be taken care of by the church. As the bible says. Its sad now and days how pastors have to get jobs to make ends meet. My son is one of those. I get it.
What if will drive anyone crazy....
And yes Titus 2 women protected her home and it was blessed. Women are called to be resourceful and to be helpers of the home.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Hi.
I'm Messy.
Do you like to clean bunny cages?

As much as I like cleaning stuff, I draw the line at cleaning up after pets. To me that's an entirely different animal. No pun intended..

 

[Messy]

As much as I like cleaning stuff, I draw the line at cleaning up after pets. To me that's an entirely different animal. No pun intended..

Ah, that's a pity. It has a very peculiar smell if I don't clean their mess up.
https://goo.gl/photos/g34MkEfqohGmfRps5

 

[Born_Again]

I am an anti-pet individual... anywho...

Had the stay-at-home spouse when I was married, yet I still took care of everything at the house. So its relatively ineffective. Two incomes are a better and more logical idea as it allows you to save money for unexpected expenses should they arise. IF I ever get re-married both parties must work. I shan't make that mistake again.

 

[MissCris]

I've not had a job outside the home in the last six years. When I found out I was pregnant with my first kid, I worked another month, and then my husband got laid off from his job. We moved closer to our parents, and survived on my husband's unemployment for several months...actually I think it was close to 2 years. My husband had a job for a short time at a company that was terrible, and he quit and was looking for work when we found out we were having another baby. We were terrified...he wasn't eligible for unemployment...we knew exactly how expensive a baby is by that point. Fortunately, he was hired at the local hospital into the same department my brother works in, and has been there ever since.

We don't need a second income. Child care and fuel and wear and tear on vehicles would eat up everything I could earn anyway, but in our situation, we just don't Need another pay check. We pay for satellite tv and Internet, we both have smartphones, we're making payments on two vehicles with full coverage insurance. We have more than enough and we can still save every month.

Here's how, though-

We don't have to pay rent. My husband's grandmother owns this house and says we are doing her a favor by taking care of it, and she doesn't charge us rent. And I am positive that this is how God worked it out for me to be able to stay home with our kids.

Obviously not everyone is in the same situation, though I do believe that God provides for those families who truly want to have one parent at home.

The other reason I think it works well for us is because I'm not just sitting at home doing nothing but keeping an eye on the kids. I work, too. I cook, clean, repair things, take care of the yard (except mowing), plan meals to fit within the grocery budget, run errands, teach the kids (reading, numbers, Bible stories...). Being at home IS my job, and it doesn't bring in money, but it pays well when I do it well.

In the past, I've also been a stay-at-home wife who Didn't do anything...and that failed miserably. I think it always drives a wedge into the marriage when one person literally does all the work.

Anyway, I mean, every couple is different. What works so well for my family might be a disaster for another. So much comes down to individual situations, God's leading, and what a couple is Willing to go without.

It's taken me so long to type this on my phone I've forgotten what thread I'm in.

 

[Messy]

I am an anti-pet individual... anywho...

Had the stay-at-home spouse when I was married, yet I still took care of everything at the house. So its relatively ineffective. Two incomes are a better and more logical idea as it allows you to save money for unexpected expenses should they arise. IF I ever get re-married both parties must work. I shan't make that mistake again.

hahahahahahaha so it's relatively ineffective
Oh my the last guy I briefly dated and wanted to marry straight away said he had a trauma from working. The last time he worked was 20 years ago in a call center. Since then he just hung around and smoked pot and his ex worked 40 hours a week in a grocery store and he was the house man, until she had enough of it. Lol house man, he let his mother do his laundry.
Luckily my brains returned just in time. I couldn't afford him anyway. He was too high maintainance. He said he costed 400 euro a month.

 

[sassylady]

I grew up when women stayed home, every house on the street had a woman at home all day. I hated it when my mom went back to work when I was 10, I needed her and she just was not the same after she worked a job all day. I stayed home with my children for 9 years until my now ex was sick for a year. I loved staying home with them, home schooling, sewing their clothes, gardening, etc. I did NOT want to go back to work. The change since women have gone into the work force is obvious in our society. If at all possible I believe women need to be in the home. Doesn't always work that way, but it doesn't say anything in the Bible about men keeping the home.

If a couple is in agreement that the wife makes good money and the husband stays home, that is far better than daycare. But when you're old fashioned it seems really weird for a man to be staying home.

 

[Hellooo]

In defense of parenthood/homemaking: a lot of people get hung up on the finances, and being in a "stable" place....if everyone waited for the perfect situation to bring kids into the world/get married/buy a home or whatever, they'd be dead before that ideal presented itself.
So while I personally have no ambition to become a mother or homemaker, it's just something to keep in mind.

 

[Messy]

In defense of parenthood/homemaking: a lot of people get hung up on the finances, and being in a "stable" place....if everyone waited for the perfect situation to bring kids into the world/get married/buy a home or whatever, they'd be dead before that ideal presented itself.
So while I personally have no ambition to become a mother or homemaker, it's just something to keep in mind.

I have no idea how I'm gonna provide for my kids' education, but God said we should marry and get them, so I do know He will provide and He always has provided.

 

[MollyConnor]

One of my best friends grew up with only a father working. His mom stayed at home and also taught them at home. They didn't go to public school. Get this, they have 6 kids, all boys! But they're a great family and he's one of the smartest people I know.

He told me they hardly go out to eat or to the movies, they don't have cell phones, and the home has only one family computer in the living room. They save their money for more important things like college or gas. I think that's really cool, but it must take some hardcore willpower and diligence.

I went to their house one time because his dad is a youth pastor. The atmosphere was very welcoming. They don't have much but they have what they need. In fact, his parents looked so in love, something every person wishes for their own parents. I believe her staying at home has a lot to do with it.

 

[MissCris]

In defense of parenthood/homemaking: a lot of people get hung up on the finances, and being in a "stable" place....if everyone waited for the perfect situation to bring kids into the world/get married/buy a home or whatever, they'd be dead before that ideal presented itself.
So while I personally have no ambition to become a mother or homemaker, it's just something to keep in mind.

Yes! I love that you made this point. I've heard friends and family say they are waiting to have a baby until they are in a "better financial place". There Are cases where this makes sense and is a good idea, but there are also cases, I think, where the couple actually means that they want to wait to have kids until they can afford the best of everything all at once. I dunno, you don't have to be rich to raise children, or even to give them a happy, comfortable home and a good life.

 

[Rosesrock]

I have no idea how I'm gonna provide for my kids' education, but God said we should marry and get them, so I do know He will provide and He always has provided.

I don't provide for my kids education. They may their own ways. Worked all the way though. Its not my responsibility. I do help but only a little.
I think we have it stuck in our heads for things are supposed to be and try to meet that standard.

 

[Messy]

I don't provide for my kids education. They may their own ways. Worked all the way though. Its not my responsibility. I do help but only a little.
I think we have it stuck in our heads for things are supposed to be and try to meet that standard.

I mean when they're 12 and need to go to high school and all those books. Sure hope we have revival then and my ex gets a good income from the church or finds some terrific job. If they want to study and are older I can just find an extra job.

 

[BruceWayne]

After having thought about this some more, if kids were involved there's no way I would allow it. For the first year? Yeah, I expect her to stay home with the kid, but after that no. I'm more of a big picture person I guess, or maybe I'm just a bit more materialistic lol, but I want my kids to have things they like; I want my wife to have what she wants, I want us to be able to take vacations and not worry about it, see any movie, pay for cell phones, cars, a nice house, college, etc. I would want my family to live comfortably. What if we have 3 or 4 kids *shudders* lol, are we paying for college on one paycheck? Nope! So yeah, I just think it's smart to have two and enjoy the things you work for.

If it's just the two of us, I guess it could be a thing, but still not ideal in preparing for the future.