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U
It always depends on the individual. There is no right or wrong answer. Long as the people involved are both of legal age. But if the age gap is bugging you, then you obviously have a personal idea on what you're comfortable with. I'm not saying to having nothing to do with him, but you need to put a lot of consideration into the age gap and how you will handle it long term. How about if you marry.
If he's older, you have to ask yourself if you are willing to accept the possibility of him slowing down, becoming sick or any other common problems with older men. While you're still younger and wanting to perhaps be more active and involved, but he isn't willing or able to any longer.
If he's younger you need to consider that he still has a lot of changing and growing to do. Does he have the means and maturity to understand his role, and able to perform it, as a spiritual leader? And as the financial supporter. Also, be aware if he's younger he may still be growing and changing in who he is and what/how he believes.
When i was in you early 20's i dated some women about 10 years older than i was. It was great... at the time. But now i look at how many of the women act at the ages these women would be now and often they are more serious and uptight. I like to kid around a lot. So while it worked great at the time, now i see i'm glad it didn't work out in the long run. My personal preference at this time is up to 10 years younger, and, if i were to meet someone amazing enough closer to my age, or a little older i might go 5 years older.
If he's older, you have to ask yourself if you are willing to accept the possibility of him slowing down, becoming sick or any other common problems with older men. While you're still younger and wanting to perhaps be more active and involved, but he isn't willing or able to any longer.
If he's younger you need to consider that he still has a lot of changing and growing to do. Does he have the means and maturity to understand his role, and able to perform it, as a spiritual leader? And as the financial supporter. Also, be aware if he's younger he may still be growing and changing in who he is and what/how he believes.
When i was in you early 20's i dated some women about 10 years older than i was. It was great... at the time. But now i look at how many of the women act at the ages these women would be now and often they are more serious and uptight. I like to kid around a lot. So while it worked great at the time, now i see i'm glad it didn't work out in the long run. My personal preference at this time is up to 10 years younger, and, if i were to meet someone amazing enough closer to my age, or a little older i might go 5 years older.
J/K, I know what you mean. What is the age difference, if you don't mind my asking?
S
The older you get, the less the age gap matters.
This has been discussed here before. The main concern with age gaps is this:
What stage of your life are YOU at, and at what stage of life is YOUR PARTNER? The concerns that OFTEN (but not always!) disrupt relationships with age gaps stem from this issue. People aged 18-25ish are generally in a mode of self-discovery. As a legal adult, you are now free to ignore the influences of your parents if you wish, and set foot into the world! You get to learn about people on your own terms, and make decisions about who you want to be on your own terms. As a result, collegiate-aged people are very fluid and dynamic. You can be a first-rate student at 19, a disaffected liberal at 20, a paranoid recluse at 21, a grease monkey at 22, and by 23, you're finally a vet-tech or math teacher or rock bassist in a garage band or full-time parent or starting your own business. It's a very chaotic time. It's not until our mid-20s (generally speaking) that we start to 'settle down' and streamline our identity (which is generally often very much defined by our occupation).
This is generally why the age gap between someone who is 28 and 44, while uncommon and unorthodox, is commonly viable long term. Both partners have settled into their adult identities. The gap between a pair who are 19 and 30, on the other hand, is smaller, but creates a potentially more volatile situation, as one person is well settled (generally speaking) and the other is still establishing who they will be (generally speaking).
This is not a hard and fast rule with no exceptions, obviously, but it is, generally speaking, how things tend to be. *shrug*
This has been discussed here before. The main concern with age gaps is this:
What stage of your life are YOU at, and at what stage of life is YOUR PARTNER? The concerns that OFTEN (but not always!) disrupt relationships with age gaps stem from this issue. People aged 18-25ish are generally in a mode of self-discovery. As a legal adult, you are now free to ignore the influences of your parents if you wish, and set foot into the world! You get to learn about people on your own terms, and make decisions about who you want to be on your own terms. As a result, collegiate-aged people are very fluid and dynamic. You can be a first-rate student at 19, a disaffected liberal at 20, a paranoid recluse at 21, a grease monkey at 22, and by 23, you're finally a vet-tech or math teacher or rock bassist in a garage band or full-time parent or starting your own business. It's a very chaotic time. It's not until our mid-20s (generally speaking) that we start to 'settle down' and streamline our identity (which is generally often very much defined by our occupation).
This is generally why the age gap between someone who is 28 and 44, while uncommon and unorthodox, is commonly viable long term. Both partners have settled into their adult identities. The gap between a pair who are 19 and 30, on the other hand, is smaller, but creates a potentially more volatile situation, as one person is well settled (generally speaking) and the other is still establishing who they will be (generally speaking).
This is not a hard and fast rule with no exceptions, obviously, but it is, generally speaking, how things tend to be. *shrug*
Your profile says you are 21. You and the other guy are both 18, but there is a 10 year age gap? I'm confused. Are you 18 and he is 28?
I wouldn't say 10 years is a big issue. Are you a believer? If he is a believer and serious about his faith, why couldn't you marry someone that age. But what I would say is get your parents to approve him first, especially if they are believers. Actively ask for their help. There is a lot you don't know at 18. There is a lot a man doesn't know at 28, too, and it would be good for him to get some input for his parents, too. You are young and he's 28 you don't want your dad feeling like he should chase the man down with a shotgun. You want a good relationship with both sets of in-laws in a marriage, so go about it the right way. He should ask your dad for your hand if it comes to that.
If you are talking about getting married at your age, really think about what you are getting into. If you marry young, you don't have the option of going through that long time of self-exploration one of the posters mentioned in the thread. (Or as someone might cynically interpret that, taking a long time to grow up instead of just doing it. ) You could be having a baby sooner than you plan, and getting married may set you on a certain track in life.
Some things to consider are-
- his faith
- his career. Is he a hard worker? Can he support you?
- ethics and morals. Has he been the type to sleep around up until now? Does he keep his word?
- his relationships with others. Does he get along well with his family? Does he have a lot of unresolved relationship issues, a lot of burnt bridges?
- anger. Does he have anger issues?
- substance abuse. Does he drink or use drugs?
If he doesn't have any of those problems and he loves the Lord, and your parents approve, I don't see the age gap as an issue. I just mentioned this on another thread, but I think, "Can I submit to this man?" is a good question to use to vet potential husbands.
I wouldn't say 10 years is a big issue. Are you a believer? If he is a believer and serious about his faith, why couldn't you marry someone that age. But what I would say is get your parents to approve him first, especially if they are believers. Actively ask for their help. There is a lot you don't know at 18. There is a lot a man doesn't know at 28, too, and it would be good for him to get some input for his parents, too. You are young and he's 28 you don't want your dad feeling like he should chase the man down with a shotgun. You want a good relationship with both sets of in-laws in a marriage, so go about it the right way. He should ask your dad for your hand if it comes to that.
If you are talking about getting married at your age, really think about what you are getting into. If you marry young, you don't have the option of going through that long time of self-exploration one of the posters mentioned in the thread. (Or as someone might cynically interpret that, taking a long time to grow up instead of just doing it. ) You could be having a baby sooner than you plan, and getting married may set you on a certain track in life.
Some things to consider are-
- his faith
- his career. Is he a hard worker? Can he support you?
- ethics and morals. Has he been the type to sleep around up until now? Does he keep his word?
- his relationships with others. Does he get along well with his family? Does he have a lot of unresolved relationship issues, a lot of burnt bridges?
- anger. Does he have anger issues?
- substance abuse. Does he drink or use drugs?
If he doesn't have any of those problems and he loves the Lord, and your parents approve, I don't see the age gap as an issue. I just mentioned this on another thread, but I think, "Can I submit to this man?" is a good question to use to vet potential husbands.
I
Agree with Jimjimmers.
Also the individual situation and circumstances.
If you are very young and want to have children and he has already had children and does not want any thast could be problem or if visa versa.
Maybe you want different things from life because of the age gap.
If so then it becomes a problem.
Age does not always define maturity.
I have met people over 50 that are educated adult bullies with disgusting astounding behaviours of crime and horridness that shock and suprise me as i have met children with amazing wisdom far beyond these people in all ages they may come.
Also the individual situation and circumstances.
If you are very young and want to have children and he has already had children and does not want any thast could be problem or if visa versa.
Maybe you want different things from life because of the age gap.
If so then it becomes a problem.
Age does not always define maturity.
I have met people over 50 that are educated adult bullies with disgusting astounding behaviours of crime and horridness that shock and suprise me as i have met children with amazing wisdom far beyond these people in all ages they may come.
There are many opinions on this, but I'd say it really depends on maturity level, place in life, etc. There are some things at 30 that just can't really be understood or related to at 20, and so on...
Nonetheless, I'd say once you pass a certain point, it becomes less glaring. For example, an 18-year-old with a 26-year-old vs. a 28-year-old with a 36-year-old. Time of life related material are some of the biggest factors. That said, if this person is old enough to be your parent or young enough to be your child...well, to each their own, but it seems a little awkward.
Nonetheless, I'd say once you pass a certain point, it becomes less glaring. For example, an 18-year-old with a 26-year-old vs. a 28-year-old with a 36-year-old. Time of life related material are some of the biggest factors. That said, if this person is old enough to be your parent or young enough to be your child...well, to each their own, but it seems a little awkward.
Z
My sister and brother in law have a fourteen year gap, and I know of at least two other couples with just as big of a gap give or take a couple years, but in each case the people involved are very much in love and happy with each other. As several others have stated, the older you get the less the age gap matters. I wouldn't have a problem dating someone 10 years older than me, 10 years younger might be pushing it because I work with 21 and 22 year olds that act like 12 year olds and they drive me insane. I'm sure as I get older that would change though too.
