how does one get into a releationship

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Donkeyfish07

Guest
#41
#41
Chey60 said:
let's just say that guy isn't who God would want you with but you aren't sure cause you don't have a clue
if He has told you no..
and you do that..and the guy picks up on it and then..bam he likes you and you two start something that ultimately
doesn't work?

how do we rectify this??

I have been in so many bad relationships but girl!!
either I am truly unattractive or men are just afraid..
or intimidated.
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There is no rectification to that...at least that I'm aware of. It happens to me all the time. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Love hurts, Stuff happens......all those sayings apply here. lol. I still have some very treasured memories of relationships that didn't work out so I don't really view it as a loss, it just wasn't meant to last my whole life. Just my philosophy.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#42
#42
Chey60 said:
Ooooh ok we're getting closer :)
I like that last line..
nice!!

ok..here is my devil's advocate..
let's just say that guy isn't who God would want you with but you aren't sure cause you don't have a clue
if He has told you no..
and you do that..and the guy picks up on it and then..bam he likes you and you two start something that ultimately
doesn't work?

how do we rectify this??

I have been in so many bad relationships but girl!!
either I am truly unattractive or men are just afraid..
or intimidated..I don't think it's the former because guys at
my work think I must have men hit on me all the time (no.....)
so they DO need a hint I think or at least something!
I have just been so accustomed to let them come to me..
that it's a mind set that I have grown accustomed to..
but I think there is a difference between what you are saying
and chasing men. ..
I think an availability comes in different forms and I want to learn how to seem
more available..not just cause of my girlfriends..
Its almost as if I am wearing a wedding ring.. and I don't :)
and I don't know how I'm not available because I don't know how I can be :) lol

I am starting to sound like I do when I like a guy..NOT making sense:)
funny that a woman of God my age still has these kinds of issues:) lol

your answers are really good.. and I agree I should only do what's comfortable to me..
but maybe if I knew if it were right, I could make it comfortable.. :)
rejection is scary but I want to learn to take that chance..
even if just to MEET and become friends with men , you know? break outta my shell:)
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That's where all of the cautious observation and praying outlined in steps 1, 2, 5...and pretty much any other steps you take come in. :)

If things don't work, they don't work. Just be respectful and honest with one another to minimize, and hopefully prevent, any ugliness. We learn a lot even from the ones that don't work, don't we? :) But when they DO...sometimes they really, really do. :)
 
rachelsedge

rachelsedge

Senior Member
#43
Oct 15, 2012
3,659
79
48
34
#43
Whatever you do, don't pursue a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship, for the sake of changing your status from "single" to "in a relationship". I guarantee you it will not fulfill you. Heed the advice that has been given, because your heart is precious and shouldn't be given to just anybody. :)
 
S

ServantStrike

Guest
#44
#44
zeroturbulence said:
1. Find someone you like.

2. Become friends with that person.

3. Ask that person out to a movie or something.

4. Hold their hand and hope they don't pull away. :rolleyes:

You can skip step 2 if you're brave enough :)
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I recommend everyone try skipping step to at least once, or several times. It takes all the power you give the other person over you away. You realize the worst thing that can be said is no, and that's not so bad.

I asked out a waitress... at least two times (different waitresses). I forget it was many years ago. It might have been three times.

It really did help kill the fear. I've asked other people out spontaneously on the spot too. Even if it doesn't go anywhere it still is a good learning experience.
 
B

blaqueshield3

Guest
#46
#46
Anyone here to help me or give of sum good advice ima just getting back In2 the datin after a long period
 
F

FireWire

Guest
#47
#47
Donkeyfish07 said:
Nope, definitely not chasing. She's just suggesting being friendly, and put out some really good advice on "hinting" in a classy and feminine way. I don't think any of us guys would ever define that as chasing. It's a great way to let a guy know your approachable without approaching him or actually initiating anything, I know me personally.....there are some people I'm going to approach no matter what, and others I would only approach if I happen to get a hint like that (in the work place for example). It doesn't guarantee any results but even if he isn't interested......he's going to enjoy the gesture and there's no rejection going on, because you really haven't asked anything.........some guys are "dense" though as Jules put it....and it all goes completely over his head and he doesn't recognize what your doing.

That part I underlined isn't really what she's getting at (correct me if I'm wrong Jules). The idea there is to get the guy to approach you and get HIM to do something about it, not to put yourself in a position where your actually asking him anything or taking the lead yourself.
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Well a young lady at work heard me playing candy crush and came over and asked me what level I was then introduced herself then walked away. Now she looks at me every time in the when I'm in the kitchen but she was doing that anyway.

I think she might've lost interest now.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#48
#48
MissCris said:
Techniques, eh?

Well...me personally, I like to set traps. Bear traps. And then when a man gets 'imself caught, I run up and club 'im over the head, see? That way he don't fight while I drag 'im home...

....

Seriously, just start by getting to know a person....
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This just explains.... so much....
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#49
#49
blaqueshield3 said:
Anyone here to help me or give of sum good advice ima just getting back In2 the datin after a long period
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Yes. Avoid the 'dating scene' all together. Live your own life, keep your eyes open and wait. Rather than wasting your life being treated/treating others as nothing more than a potential mate that you have to go down a checklist of approval, or put yourself in awkward situations on dates. Wait until you randomly bump into that person that catches your attention in a way no one else does.
 
X

XYZ

Banned
#50
Oct 17, 2013
89
0
0
#50
softball56 said:
I am looking for techniques on how to get into a releationship???
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1. Figure out who you are.

2. Figure it out some more.

3. Go about your business until the moment that your aura attracts someone who thinks the same as you do.

4. Thank me. Maybe like, chocolate or something.
 
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