how does one get into a releationship

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J

Jullianna

Guest
#21
#21
Donkeyfish07 said:
Ha ha, all I know is that when a woman tries to give a man advice........it's funny to me how wrong and counter productive they usually are in what they say (not to say they are stupid, it's just that they have no idea what it's like to be a man and what a healthy mindset is for a man to have...although they may think they do...lol).

I could probably tell her all kinds of stuff I think is good advice, but I think an experienced lady would do a much better job of it than myself.....So I just hollered for didi...lol

Edit: Just seen your post Ugly, this answers that as well
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Donkeyfish07 said:
See what I mean guys? Better than anything I could have told the OP......she's giving the lady a healthy mentality to have, how to be selective, and even threw in a couple of techniques that are actually really classy
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Thanks ;) I saw the bat signal in the sky! :D Batman ...errr...zaoman beat me here though :)
 
A

AlwaysBlessed

Guest
#22
#22
Donkeyfish07 said:
See what I mean guys? Better than anything I could have told the OP......she's giving the lady a healthy mentality to have, how to be selective, and even threw in a couple of techniques that are actually really classy
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I agree with you there Bro!!
 
C

Chey60

Guest
#23
#23
softball56 said:
I am looking for techniques on how to get into a releationship???
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Get close to God, pray for him to make you a "Good thing" pray for your future man..and then expect the unexpected
and let HIM ask YOU out. :) but be available :)
 
C

Chey60

Guest
#24
#24
Jullianna said:
Getting into relationships is not difficult at all, but getting into the RIGHT/healthy ones can certainly be.

If what the OP means is how does she go about meeting someone and developing a relationship with a man, I would suggest:

1. Observe the men around you. Men you work with. Men at your church. Godly family friends and people in your community. Watch them carefully for a time so you know who they are, not who they want you to think they are if they eventually ask you out.

2. Pray for God's guidance. Pray that He will protect you from those who seek to take advantage of you or may hurt you in some way. And pray that he would reveal the TRUE man to you should you find him..his true heart.

2. If there is one you like, do as Gabe suggested. Find a way to talk with him.
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ok.. I love this.. wish it worked for me.. thing is? I don't trust my judgement.. so therefore, I would definitely be afraid to strike something up in case he liked me and then what??? I would have to do something about it and well..forget it. I want them to come to be totally.. they need to practically hit me over the head to let me know they are interested.. the guys I am NOT interested in have no issues doing this..my head hurts but there is no love there :) lol

anyway great advise..this isn't like chasing the guy right???
 
C

Chey60

Guest
#25
#25
zaoman32 said:
I just think, the best way to start a relationship, is to speak. No productivity is going to come from a led tongue. The only thing worse than an awkward silence is asking questions and getting one word answers.
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This might work with some guys but not all..
there is a guy at my church I really was interested in when I started going there..
find out later he doesn't really like outgoing girls.. he likes them tiny, super skinny and quiet..
well that leaves me out..

I don't talk to any of the single guys at church...don't know what to say..or how to start and most of them aren't paying attention to me or by the time I am off the platform and finish posting the sermons they are gone :) lol

I am gonna try this technique of yours and of Julianne's at the singles group I plan to attend at Lakewood church in houston.. gotta pray up first though.. cause the thought of talking to strange men makes me want to throw up (other than from the other side of a computer screen typing!:)
 
Z

zaoman32

Guest
#26
#26
Chey60 said:
This might work with some guys but not all..
there is a guy at my church I really was interested in when I started going there..
find out later he doesn't really like outgoing girls.. he likes them tiny, super skinny and quiet..
well that leaves me out..

I don't talk to any of the single guys at church...don't know what to say..or how to start and most of them aren't paying attention to me or by the time I am off the platform and finish posting the sermons they are gone :) lol

I am gonna try this technique of yours and of Julianne's at the singles group I plan to attend at Lakewood church in houston.. gotta pray up first though.. cause the thought of talking to strange men makes me want to throw up (other than from the other side of a computer screen typing!:)
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Guys are just as hesitant about speaking as women, so I need to practice what I preach :p Way I figure it, conversation has to start somehow with someone, so sometimes you gotta suck it up and say the first thing.
 
D

Donkeyfish07

Guest
#27
#27
Chey60 said:
ok.. I love this.. wish it worked for me.. thing is? I don't trust my judgement.. so therefore, I would definitely be afraid to strike something up in case he liked me and then what??? I would have to do something about it and well..forget it. I want them to come to be totally.. they need to practically hit me over the head to let me know they are interested.. the guys I am NOT interested in have no issues doing this..my head hurts but there is no love there :) lol

anyway great advise..this isn't like chasing the guy right???
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Nope, definitely not chasing. She's just suggesting being friendly, and put out some really good advice on "hinting" in a classy and feminine way. I don't think any of us guys would ever define that as chasing. It's a great way to let a guy know your approachable without approaching him or actually initiating anything, I know me personally.....there are some people I'm going to approach no matter what, and others I would only approach if I happen to get a hint like that (in the work place for example). It doesn't guarantee any results but even if he isn't interested......he's going to enjoy the gesture and there's no rejection going on, because you really haven't asked anything.........some guys are "dense" though as Jules put it....and it all goes completely over his head and he doesn't recognize what your doing.

That part I underlined isn't really what she's getting at (correct me if I'm wrong Jules). The idea there is to get the guy to approach you and get HIM to do something about it, not to put yourself in a position where your actually asking him anything or taking the lead yourself.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#28
#28
Chey60 said:
ok.. I love this.. wish it worked for me.. thing is? I don't trust my judgement.. so therefore, I would definitely be afraid to strike something up in case he liked me and then what??? I would have to do something about it and well..forget it. I want them to come to be totally.. they need to practically hit me over the head to let me know they are interested.. the guys I am NOT interested in have no issues doing this..my head hurts but there is no love there :) lol

anyway great advise..this isn't like chasing the guy right???
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Nope. It's called dropping a hint. :) Back in the day, a lady dropped a hanky. It was de rigueur. This is the modern version thereof.

If the guy isn't interested, he simply won't acknowledge or make a move, and the lady respects that and everyone saves face. Chasing a man is bad form. Come to think of it, a guy chasing a woman who clearly isn't interested is pretty bad form too, huh? :)
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#29
#29
Donkeyfish07 said:
Nope, definitely not chasing. She's just suggesting being friendly, and put out some really good advice on "hinting" in a classy and feminine way. I don't think any of us guys would ever define that as chasing. It's a great way to let a guy know your approachable without approaching him or actually initiating anything, I know me personally.....there are some people I'm going to approach no matter what, and others I would only approach if I happen to get a hint like that (in the work place for example). It doesn't guarantee any results but even if he isn't interested......he's going to enjoy the gesture and there's no rejection going on, because you really haven't asked anything.........some guys are "dense" though as Jules put it....and it all goes completely over his head and he doesn't recognize what your doing.

That part I underlined isn't really what she's getting at (correct me if I'm wrong Jules). The idea there is to get the guy to approach you and get HIM to do something about it, not to put yourself in a position where your actually asking him anything or taking the lead yourself.
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Exactly. If you want a man to be a leader, you have to stay out of his way. :) But a little subtle encouragement never hurts. ;)
 
L

lav

Guest
#30
#30
how about just being yourself ?
 
D

Donkeyfish07

Guest
#31
#31
Jullianna said:
Nope. It's called dropping a hint. :) Back in the day, a lady dropped a hanky. It was de rigueur. This is the modern version thereof.

If the guy isn't interested, he simply won't acknowledge or make a move, and the lady respects that and everyone saves face. Chasing a man is bad form. Come to think of it, a guy chasing a woman who clearly isn't interested is pretty bad form too, huh? :)
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I'm occasionally guilty of having bad form, lol.
 
C

Chey60

Guest
#33
#33
Jullianna said:
Exactly. If you want a man to be a leader, you have to stay out of his way. :) But a little subtle encouragement never hurts. ;)
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this is all intriguing..
I think I get it :)

just I guess for me I'd be worried that I might "start something"I don't want to finish :)
like maybe he isn't right for me and here I just opened up a situation that might not be right..
I always felt when I prayed and God told me "he who finds a wife not she who finds a husband"
meant I couldn't even look for one..
so .. I am having trouble with even hinting..
and my girlfriends at church get so mad at me cause they say I don't seem available
cause of where I sit and what I do in church..
but dang :) I am trying to do my serving !!:) lol

btw , not trying to be contentious..
just playing devil's advocate and trying to learn a little bit :)hearing the guys reactions to this stuff is really good too:)
I just struggle with knowing that they are supposed to find us and not the other way around..

so.. please tell me if this is different? I want to know :) am I seeing this from the wrong perspective?
whatcha think?
 
D

Donkeyfish07

Guest
#34
#34
Jullianna said:
LOL! We probably all are from time to time. :)
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lol.....it's always the type of girl that likes me, but really isn't interested in me in that way.......but she won't tell me she's not interested (I think some women are just so empathetic and don't want to hurt a guys feelings)......and I understand that but it's super frustrating. I'm always very clear if I'm interested (But respectful) and I always say "I definitely don't want to be just friends" because ya know, I don't let myself get friend zoned. I prefer a straight rejection, it doesn't really bother me. Some people just won't do it though and it can be a huge waste of time for both parties. Might take me a week to figure it out sometimes.
 
C

Chey60

Guest
#35
#35
Donkeyfish07 said:
lol.....it's always the type of girl that likes me, but really isn't interested in me in that way.......but she won't tell me she's not interested (I think some women are just so empathetic and don't want to hurt a guys feelings)......and I understand that but it's super frustrating. I'm always very clear if I'm interested (But respectful) and I always say "I definitely don't want to be just friends" because ya know, I don't let myself get friend zoned. I prefer a straight rejection, it doesn't really bother me. Some people just won't do it though and it can be a huge waste of time for both parties. Might take me a week to figure it out sometimes.
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I think guys SHOULD be up front.. I love that you say you don't want to be friends.
I am telling you the assertiveness is very attractive in a man as far as I am concerned..
when my ex made his plans to be with me he was hard to say no to ;)
he took charge and it was something that I hadn't encountered before and it was extremely attractive..
I had great respect for him as well.

And if straight rejection doesn't bother you keep on keeping on.. with your up front self!!:)
 
1

1corinthians13

Guest
#36
#36
1st you need to decide what you want out of the relationship - what do you need? what do you want? What can you offer in a relationship? What do you need to work on before getting into a relationship?

Once you have the answers to those questions - Pray! Get out there and meet people - God will bring you the right one!
​
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#37
#37
Chey60 said:
this is all intriguing..
I think I get it :)

just I guess for me I'd be worried that I might "start something"I don't want to finish :)
like maybe he isn't right for me and here I just opened up a situation that might not be right..
I always felt when I prayed and God told me "he who finds a wife not she who finds a husband"
meant I couldn't even look for one..
so .. I am having trouble with even hinting..
and my girlfriends at church get so mad at me cause they say I don't seem available
cause of where I sit and what I do in church..
but dang :) I am trying to do my serving !!:) lol

btw , not trying to be contentious..
just playing devil's advocate and trying to learn a little bit :)hearing the guys reactions to this stuff is really good too:)
I just struggle with knowing that they are supposed to find us and not the other way around..

so.. please tell me if this is different? I want to know :) am I seeing this from the wrong perspective?
whatcha think?
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I don't know that anyone has the right to say that you are seeing it from the wrong perspective. You are simply seeing it from your own perspective, through the lens of what God has shown you to be right for your life. :) Do or don't do what is comfortable for you, not because of what your friends think. They don't have to live with your choices, you do, right?

But...a guy can find something far easier once he knows it exists. :)
 
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D

Donkeyfish07

Guest
#38
#38
Chey60 said:
this is all intriguing..
I think I get it :)

just I guess for me I'd be worried that I might "start something"I don't want to finish :)
like maybe he isn't right for me and here I just opened up a situation that might not be right..
I always felt when I prayed and God told me "he who finds a wife not she who finds a husband"
meant I couldn't even look for one..
so .. I am having trouble with even hinting..
and my girlfriends at church get so mad at me cause they say I don't seem available
cause of where I sit and what I do in church..
but dang :) I am trying to do my serving !!:) lol

btw , not trying to be contentious..
just playing devil's advocate and trying to learn a little bit :)hearing the guys reactions to this stuff is really good too:)
I just struggle with knowing that they are supposed to find us and not the other way around..

so.. please tell me if this is different? I want to know :) am I seeing this from the wrong perspective?
whatcha think?
Click to expand...
Well the way I see it your not really starting anything, your just being friendly.....and communicating that your warm and an open/inviting person. Your not obligated to do anything you don't want to do and you haven't offered anybody anything. The guy is never going to feel like your "Hitting on him" per se, maybe he may think "I think she likes me, or she seems approachable". I mean if your interested in being approached, that's a good thing is it not?
 
C

Chey60

Guest
#39
#39
Ooooh ok we're getting closer :)
I like that last line..
nice!!

ok..here is my devil's advocate..
let's just say that guy isn't who God would want you with but you aren't sure cause you don't have a clue
if He has told you no..
and you do that..and the guy picks up on it and then..bam he likes you and you two start something that ultimately
doesn't work?

how do we rectify this??

I have been in so many bad relationships but girl!!
either I am truly unattractive or men are just afraid..
or intimidated..I don't think it's the former because guys at
my work think I must have men hit on me all the time (no.....)
so they DO need a hint I think or at least something!
I have just been so accustomed to let them come to me..
that it's a mind set that I have grown accustomed to..
but I think there is a difference between what you are saying
and chasing men. ..
I think an availability comes in different forms and I want to learn how to seem
more available..not just cause of my girlfriends..
Its almost as if I am wearing a wedding ring.. and I don't :)
and I don't know how I'm not available because I don't know how I can be :) lol

I am starting to sound like I do when I like a guy..NOT making sense:)
funny that a woman of God my age still has these kinds of issues:) lol

your answers are really good.. and I agree I should only do what's comfortable to me..
but maybe if I knew if it were right, I could make it comfortable.. :)
rejection is scary but I want to learn to take that chance..
even if just to MEET and become friends with men , you know? break outta my shell:)
 
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C

Chey60

Guest
#40
#40
Donkeyfish07 said:
Well the way I see it your not really starting anything, your just being friendly.....and communicating that your warm and an open/inviting person. Your not obligated to do anything you don't want to do and you haven't offered anybody anything. The guy is never going to feel like your "Hitting on him" per se, maybe he may think "I think she likes me, or she seems approachable". I mean if your interested in being approached, that's a good thing is it not?
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yes :)
it is.. I guess I thought I was being approachable cause I go up and greet people and hug them etc.. but it's usually people I know :) and thats usually because they friend me on facebook or they are friends of friends in church etc..
(I am called to lead praise and worship but if there is ever a time that I am not on that platform I am being a greeter for sure.. not to just meet guys but to just branch out!:)

I just know that at my old church I was friends with almost every , single guy, in the church.
they were my buds and they helped me out when I needed it and I helped them..etc.
but at this church I know married couples ..that's it ..

anyway I am trying to learn!:)
that's part of why I am here:)
thank you!!:)
 
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