How Many More People Would Be Married Right Now If It Wasn't For Long Distances?

[Lanolin]

I think closeness can also have the opposite effect to distance, sometimes its good to have distance, because clingy relationships are also toxic. God wanted man to cleave to a woman in marriage, but what does it mean to 'cleave'? To cling and leave?

Ive heard of different kinds of marriages..military ones are just one of the more distant ones, but what about the chatelaine type ones of desperate housewife ilk. This type of marriage is like out of Jane .austen where the husband is wealthy beyond belief so the wife is chained to a grand estate and has ro run it, she is also a trophy to be paraded on his arm every now and again. Because they have so many different properties and residences they go from one to the other and its easy to have affairs because there are like 100 bedrooms you can go to. Princess Diana anyone?

 

[Princesse]

Distance isn’t an impediment.

What do you define as being a "long distance", and have you or would you try to make a long-distance relationship work?

A suitor who resides in a different state or country. I’ve had 3 long distance relationships and a lengthy connection. One resided on the west coast, two in the east and another lived in Australia. I would consider a promising prospect who had the means and flexibility to travel frequently and resided in an area I’m willing to live.

How much would you put into a long-distance relationship and why? (I realize this depends on how serious it is, but that's also a big component of this topic -- if you're interested in someone far away, how much time, effort, and money would you have to put into getting to know them in order to KNOW that it was "serious"?)

In light of my current season and impending move overseas, he’d need to be a remarkable catch to garner my attention if he lived in the states. It would require a lot of accommodation because of the time differences and I wouldn’t upset my life without a reason to do so.

Do you think you would you be married now if it wasn't for distance? Are you still hanging on, or did you have to let a long-distance situation go?

No.

Has distance ever worked in your favor? (Did God save you from a bad relationship or situation because it was so far away?)

Nothing to escape.

 

[Belka]

Ugh, your threads are just too compelling, seoul xD
(And Princesse keeps reviving them! hahaha)

* What do you define as being a "long distance", and have you or would you try to make a long-distance relationship work?

Long distance to me is someone living in another country. Or maybe even a different city, lol. And yes, I would absolutely be open to that kind of scenario.

* How much would you put into a long-distance relationship and why? (I realize this depends on how serious it is, but that's also a big component of this topic -- if you're interested in someone far away, how much time, effort, and money would you have to put into getting to know them in order to KNOW that it was "serious"?)

If a potential relationship was on the menu and it was long-distance, I would want to meet them face-to-face asap, because there's really no way of knowing if there's an actual potential for that relationship through online interactions. Our communications are allegedly only 7% "verbal" (words), 38% of the communication comes through the tone of voice, and 55% through our body language. Then there's the whole mannerisms, physique and just plain ol' "chemistry", that you really can't experience before having met someone (I speak from experience here. I've had instances before where I was really into someone online, even saw them on video, but then once we met face-to-face, it was like "whelp", that was all pretty much imaginary).

Assuming the first step was complete and we had met face-to-face and still liked each other, I would be willing to put a lot into the relationship and sacrifice my time and financial resources in order to get to know them better and potentially be with them for good.

I have no idea how I would really "know" that we're right for each other though or how much time it'd take. Hopefully we would spend a significant amount of time around each other to get a feeling on how we would get along on a daily basis; and it'd be very important to see how they interact with other people in their life and not just me.

But seeking the Lord's guidance and wisdom would be essential, at any rate.

* Do you think you would you be married now if it wasn't for distance? Are you still hanging on, or did you have to let a long-distance situation go?

No and no. I haven't had that kind of scenario before. I was in a long-distance relationship once (it wasn't super long-distance though) but the relationship didn't work out for other reasons.

* Has distance ever worked in your favor? (Did God save you from a bad relationship or situation because it was so far away?)

Hmm not that I can think of.

I've heard a few people say that they're grateful for the distance they had at the start of their relationship though, because it allowed them to not focus on the fleshly things and instead really get to know the other person and develop a strong bond that was not physical. Those specific couples already knew each other IRL though and were separated due to circumstances but they hadn't met online.

PS. Since I don't have much of an attachment to my current living place, it's easier for me to envision moving far away. It'd be more difficult if my circumstances were different. But I can literally up and go like at any moment, if the Lord leads. (I do like my comfort though, so it'd be a little tricky if I had to move to a country that's less developed than my own; however if the other person seemed to be really right for me, I would probably do it.)

 

[Lanolin]

travel is cheaper these days but then youve got to consider the environment and all those airmiles.

I dont like travelling that much. If it just takes forever to see someone and then I have to go all the way back (home) again whats the point? You might as well just stay together and get married.

who wants to spend half their lives in a car or aeroplane? If your other half is always travelling, then you hire a mobile home and go with them. Or they come to you.

maybe its just for people who have means. Not everyone can just hop on a concorde or gulfstream.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Maybe I should create an internet wedding chapel so long-distance lovers can get married online.

 

[Lanolin]

not sure that would work...Im pretty sure you have to see them in person. To exchange rings, and not sure what you would do for honeymoon??

 

[Princesse]

In the early days on the Internet this was very common and the extremes were popular too. It wasn’t odd to see people pair up with someone across the country or overseas. Long distance wasn’t cheap or free.

But after awhile reality set in. Distance took a toll and the novelty of exoticness wore off. The person on the other side of the world may be appealing. But if your mutual resources won’t allow frequent visits it’s hard to sustain. You need time together face to face.

In response, some limited themselves to regional suitors who were a short drive away. Or interests who were willing to move and had transferable skills or careers that allowed it. They stopped allowing their emotions to put them in impossible situations.

I learned a lot about immigrating to different places during that time. My friends were adventurous. The slogan about a bird and fish falling in love became my banner. I’d witnessed the fallout of crushed hopes too frequently to ignore it.

Strangely enough, those with the widest distances weren’t the ones with the greatest resources. I’ve known pairs who visited one another quarterly or less. But overall, the most successful couples were reasonably close and able to see each other on a weekly basis.

 

[Lanolin]

I wouldnt emigrate unless there was a famine or a war.

I love my own country too much. Thousands of people leave other countries to come here, to start a new life. Who am I to forsake it, cos what pastures could be even greener than mine?

it was really the last place on earth to be populated save Antarctica. So...no why would I leave.

my sister left and has now become a citizen of England but...I think I would rather be unemployed and living here then doing city life in London. Been there and thought...mmm, no thanks.

 

[Princesse]

Some people are very tied to their homes or country and that’s okay. Moving away or overseas has its challenges. A casual viewing of House Hunters International (though it’s staged) reveals an important truth.

Few moves are authored by the employer. Oftentimes the other partner has given up their job or will try their hand at something else. The majority underestimate the cost of living and expense of relocating. Americans are often surprised at the loss of space and amenities.

I’m heading to the UK and France. I have the option to study abroad for a term in other places. We’ve settled on two for the experience. But I would never do this if it would put me in financial straits. The unexpected happens and living on the edge in a foreign country is beyond my comfort zone.

Nevertheless, the experience of living in a different culture and developing new connections is priceless. There are expat groups around the world and global social service organizations whose members are welcoming and a nice way to make friendships.

Its not for everyone. But it’s an experience I wanted to have and felt my daughter should explore before marriage and familial responsibilities arrive.