How much influence should your parents have in your life

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Encouragement

Encouragement

Well-known member
#21
Aug 25, 2020
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#21
Treeboy said:
My parents have no influence over what i do with my life. Neither of them are christian neither are my sisters. Also i have had different fallings out with both of them over the years not talking 1-3 years. They have never back pedaled their views either dont care or know whats best for me. If they told me to or not to date someone i would just do whatever i thought was best.
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Hi thanks for commenting Treeboy.Sorry to hesr about the family dynamics that you outline..may God bring about restoration amongst you all and also save then all too in jesus name..🙏🏻🙏🏻
I guess at times we need wisdom to assess what's best for us (regardless of what advise others may give us sometimes)yet with Gods help and with God on your side may he always guide your steps in all things.After all he is our "heavenly father"
.Appreciate your comments bro.👍👍😊
 
Lighthearted

Lighthearted

Senior Member
#22
Oct 17, 2016
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#22
That depends on what 'kind' of influence they are and if they have raised you well. Respecting them by listening to their opinions should always be important, however, you don't have to take their advice when you are 18 and support yourself %100.
 
Lighthearted

Lighthearted

Senior Member
#23
Oct 17, 2016
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#23
Lighthearted said:
That depends on what 'kind' of influence they are and if they have raised you well. Respecting them by listening to their opinions should always be important, however, you don't have to take their advice when you are 18 and support yourself %100.
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OR if you are married.
 
T

Treeboy

Member
#24
Apr 3, 2020
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#24
Lighthearted said:
That depends on what 'kind' of influence they are and if they have raised you well. Respecting them by listening to their opinions should always be important, however, you don't have to take their advice when you are 18 and support yourself %100.
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They raised me to take their anger out on or ignore. At my age i dont have to listen to their opinions i already know them. I am cordial and we see eachother but its mostly for other family reasons. They want to have a relationship because explaining that they havent talked to their son for 5 years is embarrassing not because they care or feel they made a mistake.

The only real problem is when you dont talk to your parents people assume your being a brat or something. There is this lie that people just always love their children, not true. It will b interesting to see how this adapts when i do have a relationship. My first gf i didnt introduce to my mom for a long time and i told her shes not gonna like you. They met and my mom had an attitude. The good thing is i can b my own person i have zero peer pressure with what i do with my life either way and its very freeing. A lot of people are slaves to family drama and dynamics.
 
Lighthearted

Lighthearted

Senior Member
#25
Oct 17, 2016
1,779
818
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#25
Treeboy said:
They raised me to take their anger out on or ignore. At my age i dont have to listen to their opinions i already know them. I am cordial and we see eachother but its mostly for other family reasons. They want to have a relationship because explaining that they havent talked to their son for 5 years is embarrassing not because they care or feel they made a mistake.

The only real problem is when you dont talk to your parents people assume your being a brat or something. There is this lie that people just always love their children, not true. It will b interesting to see how this adapts when i do have a relationship. My first gf i didnt introduce to my mom for a long time and i told her shes not gonna like you. They met and my mom had an attitude. The good thing is i can b my own person i have zero peer pressure with what i do with my life either way and its very freeing. A lot of people are slaves to family drama and dynamics.
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My parents made mistakes too. I used to think some of the same things and went through hell that would blow some people's minds. I also keep in mind the better things they did do. I'm older now with 2 daughters of my own and parenting isn't easy. As I've made plenty of mistakes too.
I can tell you, even if you have to keep some distance for the survival of your sanity, don't let your heart become hardened. I'm not saying that for their benefit, but for yourself in the long run and the family you may start some day.
Prayers bro.
 
Encouragement

Encouragement

Well-known member
#26
Aug 25, 2020
1,488
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#26
Lighthearted said:
My parents made mistakes too. I used to think some of the same things and went through hell that would blow some people's minds. I also keep in mind the better things they did do. I'm older now with 2 daughters of my own and parenting isn't easy. As I've made plenty of mistakes too.
I can tell you, even if you have to keep some distance for the survival of your sanity, don't let your heart become hardened. I'm not saying that for their benefit, but for yourself in the long run and the family you may start some day.
Prayers bro.
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Thanks fo your comments here.It's funny how sometimes our experience of our own parents can greatly have an impact on how we would raise our own children
Either we repeat the same kind of behavioural traits of our parents
Either we try our best not to let them go through the same experience we has gone through
Either we just really struggle with parental roles due to the internal consequences of the past.
A Christian woman who had been sexually abused as a child said she would be extra protective over and girls from her husband if she got married esp bath times ect.
It would most definitely cause issues as it would be her way to protect them from any form of abuse yet..yet projecting this irrational fear onto her husband..
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#27
Dec 15, 2018
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#27
I think for good or ill parents (the people that gave birth to you) DO influence you, theres really no getting away from them even if they abandon you or put you in an orphanage. If one parent is absent children do actually feel that absence. If both are absent then chances are that unless they are fostered out to people that love and care for them they will still be influenced by their very parents absence.

We are not like birds that as soon as we can fly we never see or think about our parents again. God didnt make us that way.
 
laughingheart

laughingheart

Senior Member
#28
Sep 21, 2016
1,709
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#28
I think there are a lot of variables. Your age makes a big difference. For me I respected my parents. My father has passed on but the influence of his example has stayed with me. He was honest and a visionary. He taught me some important life lessons. My mother is one of the most hard working people I know. I phone her most days because I like her and respect her. She has good perspectives on things. My decisions are mine. We can't hide behind the actions of others as an excuse for our choices. I choose to have their good example influence me. I made some choices that were different than them because I didn't want a life where I worked 60+ hours a week so that was also part of their influence. My mother has fed thousands of people and looks after others in a quiet way, she helps and gives and it is part of who she is. I aspire to emulate this is her life. Their influence did not constrain my own unique development.
Being influenced by our parents can be incredibly positive.
 
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