Human nature, and the art of flirting
- Thread starter Bridget_Left_China
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J
Im not as oblivious as I used to be. You see, I grew up with a mother who told me that just because a guy said hi to me, he was flirting. She drove me crazy. I knew she was wrong then. But I also grew up with self-esteem lower than the dirt. When I was married my husband laughed at me for all the times I never saw it. He had to tell me about all the boys that were talking about me in the youth group when I first started as a leader. I was slightly mortified, although I'm guessing high school boys aren't so great at flirting.... This sounds weird. I was not looking to be hit on by high school boys.
I see things but I don't know if I could describe them per say.
I see things but I don't know if I could describe them per say.
D
Much of my secular life was devoted to learning how to flirt effectively and get dates with beautiful women. I would have to say that your average man is Completely oblivious to Subtext (Or the undertones/nonverbal/unspoken parts of interaction). I don't claim to understand women, lol....but that's the number one source of confusion in my experience. Beyond flirting even, women tend to hint at things that guys don't pick up on or don't interpret the right way....especially in relationships. A lot of women don't understand that and get mad at the guy assuming he's not paying attention. We just aren't as good at it as you are....and don't understand why somethings are just not told to us outright, lol.
I'm really perceptive about it personally and I know without a doubt that if I'm having a conversation with a woman and she is obviously enjoying herself and touching me on the arm/shoulder during conversation.....she's definitely interested. A person of the opposite sex will not touch you casually or repeatedly during conversation if they aren't interested....period. That's always been my measuring stick. There are some guys out there though that won't pick up on anything.....the girl could practically say she wants to have the babies of a guy like that and he just wouldn't perceive it at all. We just aren't that attuned to the same type of social cues....I had to learn it artificially after someone pointed it out to me.
I'm really perceptive about it personally and I know without a doubt that if I'm having a conversation with a woman and she is obviously enjoying herself and touching me on the arm/shoulder during conversation.....she's definitely interested. A person of the opposite sex will not touch you casually or repeatedly during conversation if they aren't interested....period. That's always been my measuring stick. There are some guys out there though that won't pick up on anything.....the girl could practically say she wants to have the babies of a guy like that and he just wouldn't perceive it at all. We just aren't that attuned to the same type of social cues....I had to learn it artificially after someone pointed it out to me.
I wonder if its like a Cut and Paste thing.
So, you say you like Bacon eh...
do not worry about what you will eat or Drink for THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN IS AT HAND!!!
(*Paste of previously selected Text*)
Anyways... to add to the Post. I think there has to be a shared sort of secret language with Flirting.
BarlyGirl brought up a good point. There is a sort of Covert side to what is really being said.
I can speak for myself in stuff like this but, if a woman is overt or winking at me. That usually leaves me more confused than anything. I think to flirt, is to try and make a connection on a level that is different than normal interaction. I think real flirting, at least for me, has to do with Metaphor, Symbolism and Mutual Understanding.
Which is why I can't just go up to girl and ask her out or for coffee without knowing her (Or flirting with her), because it serves a purpose. Kind of Like Jesus' Parables....
"If they understood...."
Concrete Language with Binary terms, is a sure way to know that I am only attracted to what I see on the outside. If a guy just walks up to a woman and asks her out, without flirting with her or making an effort toward meaningful conversation, he is probably not interested in WHO she is.
So, you say you like Bacon eh...
do not worry about what you will eat or Drink for THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN IS AT HAND!!!
(*Paste of previously selected Text*)
Anyways... to add to the Post. I think there has to be a shared sort of secret language with Flirting.
BarlyGirl brought up a good point. There is a sort of Covert side to what is really being said.
I can speak for myself in stuff like this but, if a woman is overt or winking at me. That usually leaves me more confused than anything. I think to flirt, is to try and make a connection on a level that is different than normal interaction. I think real flirting, at least for me, has to do with Metaphor, Symbolism and Mutual Understanding.
Which is why I can't just go up to girl and ask her out or for coffee without knowing her (Or flirting with her), because it serves a purpose. Kind of Like Jesus' Parables....
"If they understood...."
Concrete Language with Binary terms, is a sure way to know that I am only attracted to what I see on the outside. If a guy just walks up to a woman and asks her out, without flirting with her or making an effort toward meaningful conversation, he is probably not interested in WHO she is.
U
Men by nature are direct creatures in how they communicate. Flirting is often about signals, and not direct. Women, on the other hand, are typically more 'signal' oriented. Often expecting to be understood without having to say directly what it is they want to say.
So it could be that most guys are just not piking up on the subtlety of the signals of flirting. Also, if we're talking Christian men and women, well, seems that despite the women talking about how bad they want to be married, they are often so closed off to most Christian men, so they may not expect a Christian woman to actually have any interest.
So it could be that most guys are just not piking up on the subtlety of the signals of flirting. Also, if we're talking Christian men and women, well, seems that despite the women talking about how bad they want to be married, they are often so closed off to most Christian men, so they may not expect a Christian woman to actually have any interest.
There has been a few times in life when I KNOW there has been a vibe. Each time I was already married and usually so was the woman. During conversation for no apparent reason the women stopped talking and looked into my eyes. Not at my eyes but like she was staring into my soul with a half smile on her face. I literally felt heat. Of course I broke the gaze because I surely didn't want to send the message she was sending me. One lady actually did confirm my hunch. Ladies if you can perfect a stare like that you don't need words, or a tranquilizer gun.