hurting people's feelings.

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S

simplymeganne

Guest
#1
#1
hey there, CCers. lately i've been doing this thing where i kind of lead people on.
i don't date, i think relationships at my age are utterly pointless, and i don't really believe in "romantic" love (please don't talk about this; it's a very personal belief- i'm just kind of stating it, so you know where i'm coming from) and i don't ever want to get married. but, anyway, i'll meet someone, and tell them right off the bat i don't want a relationship, but i feel like this just makes them more interested in me. and before i know we're hanging out all the time, and they're telling me how much they care for me, and i have to say i LOVE the attention that they give me. but, eventually, i lose interest in the person and just stop talking to them. i don't reply to the texts, i don't hang out with them, i push them away, and sometimes i get a little mean. i'm not sure why i do this, and i often have anywhere between 2 and 6 people that i'm "leading on". i'm looking for a little insight as to why i do this.

you may also notice that it says "undecided" on my profile as to weather or not i'm a christian. that's becos i love jesus, and god, but i have a lot of disagreements with things that being a christian entails. so, yes, i have prayed about this.
but, i'm looking for your personal opinion about why i might be doing this. thanks.
xoxox- Meganne.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#2
#2
At 17, I can't really say it's a bad idea to be this way, as long as you are honest, don't use people and aren't just playing coy. There are so many things that life is going to throw at you for the next few years that will be far more deserving of your attention.

If you still feel this way ten years from now I might wonder whether you were afraid of being hurt. There are also those who are flattered by the attention of several people while never having to commit to any of them..kind of an insecurity thing.

Loving God is a good start. I pray you continue to seek Him and that He will give you understanding regarding things with which you take issue.



Just some thoughts...
 
Y

YahsPrincess

Guest
#3
#3
How is your relationship with your dad?
 
G

GreenNnice

Guest
#4
#4
”i don't ever want to get married. but, anyway, i'll meet someone, and tell them right off the bat I don't want a rationship.”
===================
It is ok at your age, supermeg, to think this way above, people change with the seasons, and, I feel, as you grow older these feelings of getting hooked up for life will become more clear. And, I.would suggest to pray to God to wean yourself from hurting guy's feelings. I think learning to love and take care of yoursel more, conscientious of living your life truly for who/what brings happiness to your life. And, keep in mind, super girl, if you choose God, He will bring a peace that is like no other that is, too, filled, with pure joy. :)
 
S

simplymeganne

Guest
#5
#5
YahsPrincess said:
How is your relationship with your dad?
Click to expand...
My real dad and I are very close, and my stepdad and I are even closer. I'd say my relationship with all of my parents is ideal, at WORST. I'm very lucky.
 
S

simplymeganne

Guest
#6
#6
Jullianna said:
At 17, I can't really say it's a bad idea to be this way, as long as you are honest, don't use people and aren't just playing coy. There are so many things that life is going to throw at you for the next few years that will be far more deserving of your attention.

If you still feel this way ten years from now I might wonder whether you were afraid of being hurt. There are also those who are flattered by the attention of several people while never having to commit to any of them..kind of an insecurity thing.

Loving God is a good start. I pray you continue to seek Him and that He will give you understanding regarding things with which you take issue.



Just some thoughts...
Click to expand...
I'm impossible to hurt, romantically. I have the wall of china wrapped around my heart like, 5 times.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#7
#7
simplymeganne said:
I'm impossible to hurt, romantically. I have the wall of china wrapped around my heart like, 5 times.
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Sounds like that may be the answer. You enjoy the initial bit of being in a close relationship, but before you can get close to the person you push them away. Why? You have a wall up around your heart. You're afraid to open up to these people and trust them with your heart. The question is what caused you to be so afraid to begin with?

And note, i'm not encouraging you to go out and date at your age, but rather to just learn what the problem is here so that when you are a more fitting age you'll be ready.
 
S

simplymeganne

Guest
#8
#8
Ugly said:
Sounds like that may be the answer. You enjoy the initial bit of being in a close relationship, but before you can get close to the person you push them away. Why? You have a wall up around your heart. You're afraid to open up to these people and trust them with your heart. The question is what caused you to be so afraid to begin with?

And note, i'm not encouraging you to go out and date at your age, but rather to just learn what the problem is here so that when you are a more fitting age you'll be ready.
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I've been in 3 serious relationships. I know how to handle one, and I'm good at it. I'm not even opposed to a relationship right now, really. I mean, if someone could hold my interest and I didn't want to push them off a cliff after only knowing them for a short while. Hahahaha.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#9
#9
It's important to remember that people aren't toys or pets put here for our entertainment. We're accountable for that. Or is that the part of christianity that bothers you? It must have occurred to you at some point, since it's the title of the thread.

If you do continue to feel and behave according to this last post, getting married won't be an issue. The sort of guy who is attracted to that game is not the marrying kind anyway. They'll just be looking to make you another notch on their belts. They'll put up with that long enough to get what they came for.
 
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LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#10
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
16
38
#10
simplymeganne said:
I've been in 3 serious relationships. I know how to handle one, and I'm good at it. I'm not even opposed to a relationship right now, really. I mean, if someone could hold my interest and I didn't want to push them off a cliff after only knowing them for a short while. Hahahaha.
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3 serious relationships? You're too young to have been in 3 serious relationships; time will tell.
 
I

iraasuup

Guest
#11
#11
LightningClap0002 said:
3 serious relationships? You're too young to have been in 3 serious relationships; time will tell.
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I was just thinking the same thing. My question is with word 'serious'... THREE 'serious' relationships... at 17? Yes, time will tell...
 
J

Jewliah

Guest
#12
#12
I read this and thought,"This sounds like a few guys I've dated." Then I see that you are a girl. So I got nuthin'. :)
 
X

xino

Guest
#13
#13
Psalm 23
"The Lord is my shepherd I shall not be in wan. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul. he guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake."
 
P

Peter321

Guest
#14
#14
You know, it may seem fun to you and all up to a certain point, but i'm fairly sure the guys you are doing this to will feel very bad about it and it might even make them more self conscious.
I suggest you stop it.
 
G

GreenNnice

Guest
#15
#15
Jullianna said:
It's important to remember that people aren't toys or pets put here for our entertainment. We're accountable for that. Or is that the part of christianity that bothers you? It must have occurred to you at some point, since it's the title of the thread.

If you do continue to feel and behave according to this last post, getting married won't be an issue. The sort of guy who is attracted to that game is not the marrying kind anyway. They'll just be looking to make you another notch on their belts. They'll put up with that long enough to get what they came for.
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Yes. the sad truth is EXACTLY what julieannie states above as, IF girls are leading on guys most often BOTH are getting scarring wounds :( , as, not trying to make any sins more than others as sin is sin to God,, and, we all have sin, fall short of His glory, that is,why you follow Him, for sin cannot hold you if you let God lead your life and you Spiritedly follow (Acts 1: 6-8 and 1 John 3:6 are ways to 'receive Him after wholeheartedly believing in Him and ways to.see those 'Born of God' have power over not just death and the grave, but, as the Spirit leads, they have all power over sin.

But, yes, hurting guys feelings will either inwardly take it hard on themselves and they hurt self, or, in relationship they recognize you are hurting them and sexually, socially, mentally hurt/embarrass you before you can hurt them. Sigh.... Both hurt , either way, and, often the wounds leave deep 'cuts.' :(

A girl could actually have been in 3 serious relationships, and, that would, of course, depend on one's definition of 'serious,' but I get this pit of stomach feeling that The reason these relationships in past have been serious with you meganne, now that more stuff said of broken home past, and '3 serious relationships' is out in open is you've been.....

...hurt :(

And, th^at, unfortunately, is more and more normal in today's age of young people , I am glad to hear close relationships with dads you have. and, mom, too good relationship sounds like too, milady, but that reason for your 'hurt feelings' choices, deslite being from a good home, would be a rebellion to authority or a action of a past suffered act that had bad consequence(s). And Satan loves it when we rebel. We weaken, in a great way, and, that is NOT a good way, especially for girls, who can go off and get guys and start telling them they hate mom and dad's (in your case mom and two dads ) curfew rules, even christian rules (your parents are all christians?) , or,, whatever spurs your rebellion is told by you to guy and they see your weakness and need to be desired but they see an emotionally unstable girl , and, you been through 'divorce,' and that in itself can hurt us . Anyway, And....

. it is surely The Enemy winning many hard-fought battles in this 'serious' relationship area with teens these days, forget exact stats but # of teens having sex by age 16 was 50+% , I think . I could be wrong on stat but whatever # was, it saddened me :(

Saddens God,, too, because you often blame Him, seperate from Him when it was your choice (not His, for certain) to do/have done this to yourself. As I said, statistics are alarming, many girls AND GUYS hurt themselves in this way. but the Good News is God forgives you and comforts you the moment you come to Him :)He is there for you now, through this serious battle with boys you are having now, teasing them, is essentially what you are saying. So, I hope, pray I don't guilt you (The Enemy guilts us, God pardons us and corrects us), my talking here is ALL hypothetically based on your 'leading 2 to 6 guys on' and your '3 serious relationships.'

Milady, with Him, you have the super girl strength to change this behavior :) Without Him callled on, you don't. Repent 180 degree complete agreement with self, and, agreement with Him to change your mind and way of doing things and believe on Him (John 3:16) if you haven't before, The WHOLE GOSPEL is wrapped up in that ONE '3:16' verse said by Jesus. :)


never forget who wins the war when end times end--God,, and, never forget who won the war over death in grave forevermore--that's God,, too, through Jesus' sacrifice, just to say the obvious again, supermeg :) )

God be with and bless you, young lady. The Lord leads us all, God is infinitely powerful, christian or not, He leads The world, ALL, and I pray that you have given your life to The Lord , you are here on c.c. asking for help , and, that/this is a good place to explain 'your world.' :)
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#16
#16
Green, Most of us know people we went to high school with who didn't progress beyond the sorts of "relationships" one has in high school until they'd put a couple of disastrous marriages/3-4 kids in the middle of everything, and are now extremely bitter toward those of the opposite gender, huh? :( Some never learn, and once their youth is spent and the looks are gone, they wonder where everyone went.

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hr6GbWPBVQ [/video]
 
G

GreenNnice

Guest
#17
#17
Jullianna said:
Green, Most of us know people we went to high school with who didn't progress beyond the sorts of "relationships" one has in high school until they'd put a couple of disastrous marriages/3-4 kids in the middle of everything, and are now extremely bitter toward those of the opposite gender, huh? :( Some never learn, and once their youth is spent and the looks are gone, they wonder where everyone went.

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hr6GbWPBVQ [/video]
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The you tube video not showing up, julieannie, but, yes, I think I see what you're saying.
I did not say this next part in that long answer to supermeganne, but....
I speak from same experience as her IF stress of a parent's divorce, and, 2 dads stress her as, , my walk witn God wa damaged from age 12 to 27 because of what happened with first , my parents dislike and not talking to each other and then just worsened until they seperated when 16 in tramatic ending that God had me get involved to stop certain disaster right before dad left.

The Enemy absolutely does attack our weakness and though I seperated from God I never left Him. As bad as my teen years were I thank God for never leaving or forsaking me. :)
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#18
#18
"i think relationships at my age are utterly pointless, and i don't really believe in "romantic" love"

"i don't ever want to get married"

"I'm not even opposed to a relationship right now, really. I mean, if someone could hold my interest and I didn't want to push them off a cliff after only knowing them for a short while."




I've been in 3 serious relationships. I know how to handle one, and I'm good at it.

"I'm impossible to hurt, romantically. I have the wall of china wrapped around my heart like, 5 times."



You're rather full of contradictions. You say relationships at your age are utterly useless, you don't believe in romantic love, don't want to be married, then you say you aren't opposed to a relationship.

You say relationships at your age are utterly useless then you say you've been in 3 serious relationships.

You claim to be good at being in serious relationships but that you're impossible to hurt because the walls up around your heart.


All of these are contradictions. Somethings not right here.
 
S

simplymeganne

Guest
#19
#19
I guess everything's not right here, haha.
I didn't used to think they were pointless, it's only after having three failed ones that I do.
I don't believe in romantic love, and I don't ever want to get married, this is true, still.
I wouldn't mind a relationship now, but I wouldn't want anything "serious".
Those walls are recent, after my third relationship ended. I guess I WAS a good girlfriend, once upon a time.
I feel like I'm being attacked here, and that's not what I wanted.
 
S

simplymeganne

Guest
#20
#20
Jullianna said:
It's important to remember that people aren't toys or pets put here for our entertainment. We're accountable for that. Or is that the part of christianity that bothers you? It must have occurred to you at some point, since it's the title of the thread.

If you do continue to feel and behave according to this last post, getting married won't be an issue. The sort of guy who is attracted to that game is not the marrying kind anyway. They'll just be looking to make you another notch on their belts. They'll put up with that long enough to get what they came for.
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Ouch. And, no, that's not the part of Christianity that bothers me, at all. It hadn't occured to me.
And well, yeah. That's fine. About the guys thing. It's whatever.
 
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