i could use some advice, if anyone is interested

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presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
9,093
1,756
113
#21
Yeah, if my girlfriend was living with a man, I would not be cool with it. Even if I was told day in and day out it was plutonic, there would still be room for questioning.
I don't think I would have dated a girl if I found out she was in that kind of living situation.
 
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GreenNnice

Guest
#22
Without knowing the situation totally, I can't be totally sure, but, living with one guy, let alone, THREE, signals to me one word, just like Joseph did in the bible, "Fleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."

The Lord leads, don't be thinking it's the Lord's leading either that you are to be in a situation like that, I am naive, perhaps, but THREE guys in the same room with a girl is much like one dog who is all cool by himself but, in a pack, ferocious.

I use that example loosely, too, you are a 'cat' and ANY guy you live with is a 'dog,' as, although we are the same species we really are 'wretched' the bible tells us, so, the last thing, is biblical; whatever you do, do it for the glory of God. If His is the faith you've chosen then don't put yourself into situations that CAN challenge that faith He gave you, because, not only is it bad in itself for your Christian walk--and I will get some flack for this, doctrine-wise--but I will say it, anywa, YOU can RISK your rewards in heaven. I'm not going to say 'salvation,' because that's between you and God, but, anyway, God bless you and I pray you pray to Him now and let Him lead you, He will NEVER EVER NEVER leave you nor forsake you. Never. Ever. Never. :)
 
Aug 12, 2013
306
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#23
this year, late march till late june, i stayed with a friend (i knew since 2001) as my 1st room mate, he is my age. i had a temporary job and i used my pay check from it for when we got the house, he used some of his but since he had a permanant job we had to sign the house in his name. then later as we planned to be room mates for years, he had changed his feelings about things and had lies all these years about himself. and as i loved a girl, we kissed a lot since ive only kissed 2 girls in my life. well i wanted to stop physical stuff so i asked her to not date me really, just make a better friendship, but not to date other guys, if she would then i said lets not break up. she said she wouldnt. a few days later, my room mate brings her to the house i his car and later they start kissing, cuddling in bed, taking showers together and wouldnt let me use the restroom as they showered for a whole hour each time! she just...popped out of nowhere dating him and it hurt me. a month later, from how it upset me, he kicked me out of the house in the middle of a storm and set my things on the porch. God blessed me out of that one! but dont have room mates, even ones uve known all ur life
 

onlinebuddy

Senior Member
Sep 1, 2012
1,115
24
38
#24
I meant pretty much straight up saying, "You should get out." and what I also meant is, usually in these kinds of threads, everyone's saying the same exact thing. So I guess you can just forget that I said that. It was more of a general observation, which I do alot.
No hassles. God Bless!
 

onlinebuddy

Senior Member
Sep 1, 2012
1,115
24
38
#25
Your relationship may be "platonic," and we believe you, but here's the point: How does it appear to the onlooker?
Now, someone may say, "That does not matter, as long as one is pure in one's heart."
I would say that it does matter!

As a Christian we are portraying Christ. A Christian must watch his or her example in front of fellow Christians and Non-Christians.
We must not give a wrong impression to others and thus make them stumble or question our faith.

12 Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. (1 Timothy 4:12, ESV)

I understand that finding new accommodation may be a challenge. If so, please pray about it and you will see the answer.

Prayers and best wishes.
 
K

kenthomas27

Guest
#26
this year, late march till late june, i stayed with a friend (i knew since 2001) as my 1st room mate, he is my age. i had a temporary job and i used my pay check from it for when we got the house, he used some of his but since he had a permanant job we had to sign the house in his name. then later as we planned to be room mates for years, he had changed his feelings about things and had lies all these years about himself. and as i loved a girl, we kissed a lot since ive only kissed 2 girls in my life. well i wanted to stop physical stuff so i asked her to not date me really, just make a better friendship, but not to date other guys, if she would then i said lets not break up. she said she wouldnt. a few days later, my room mate brings her to the house i his car and later they start kissing, cuddling in bed, taking showers together and wouldnt let me use the restroom as they showered for a whole hour each time! she just...popped out of nowhere dating him and it hurt me. a month later, from how it upset me, he kicked me out of the house in the middle of a storm and set my things on the porch. God blessed me out of that one! but dont have room mates, even ones uve known all ur life
The shower thing was probably a give away. I'm going to have to go along with you on this one. No roomates!
 

Stuey

Senior Member
Aug 17, 2009
892
4
18
#27
I'm quite stunned at all of you saying (fairly emphatically) it is inappropriate to live in the same house as the same sex... It's not like they are living in the same room or anything. I think we can keep our pants on, though if you don't think you can I would advise moving out.

Most colleges over here that is standard, if you move on campus you'll be living in shared accommodation.

I think there certainly are some cases where it is inappropriate. - If you are dating it is completely inappropriate. I think sharing a room is also inappropriate. I think if they were Christian's it wouldn't be my first choice, probably generally better to keep separate. But with non-Christians? It's a great chance to be a terrific witness.

I do think it's not always wise, but totally dependent on the circumstances and your personal relationship with God.

- Edit - Online buddy I think I would agree in India it would be inappropriate! Might depend where you are in America but in Australia I would have a problem with it.

Also I wouldn't have a prob with my girlfriend flatting with a guy....
 
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Donkeyfish07

Guest
#28
I'm quite stunned at all of you saying (fairly emphatically) it is inappropriate to live in the same house as the same sex... It's not like they are living in the same room or anything. I think we can keep our pants on, though if you don't think you can I would advise moving out.

Most colleges over here that is standard, if you move on campus you'll be living in shared accommodation.

I think there certainly are some cases where it is inappropriate. - If you are dating it is completely inappropriate. I think sharing a room is also inappropriate. I think if they were Christian's it wouldn't be my first choice, probably generally better to keep separate. But with non-Christians? It's a great chance to be a terrific witness.

I do think it's not always wise, but totally dependent on the circumstances and your personal relationship with God.

- Edit - Online buddy I think I would agree in India it would be inappropriate! Might depend where you are in America but in Australia I would have a problem with it.

Also I wouldn't have a prob with my girlfriend flatting with a guy....
I was pretty shocked at those responses too, but then I thought about it a little......most of the people posting the responses like that I'm going to assume they've lived a middle-to-upper middle class lifestyle most of their life, they've never been in a situation where they don't have a pot to piss in and nowhere else to go (Probably have good parents that are still around or some other type of support network in place if they need a place to stay for awhile if they decide they need to change to a new living situation).

Even so, I don't see why people teaming up and pooling resources together is automatically a bad thing if they aren't the same gender. If there's a problem in the house between 2 people of different genders......rooming up with only your gender isn't a guarantee you won't have any problems. There are creepy/bad people of your own gender out there that you wouldn't want to room up with.
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#29
Very true Donkey Fish. I would take the time and try to find a new place to live. No Craig's list add's though, scary.
 

DuchessAimee

Senior Member
Apr 27, 2011
3,922
129
63
#30
I've had roommates that were guys before, and everything was above board. However, it was a real eye opener... I grew up with just my mom, so suddenly living with a guy was soooooo weird. And they were in the military, so it was interesting. I wasn't a Christian at the time, so I really didn't have an issue with living with the opposite sex.


There were a few things I didn't expect. You guys eat SO MUCH FOOD! For goodness sake! Where do you put it all? The use of hair products surprised me... lol. Y'all don't constantly BBQ. I thought that was a rule.



Anyway, having roommates is a tough gig. Especially when you don't have a lot of money.
 
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Donkeyfish07

Guest
#31
I've had roommates that were guys before, and everything was above board. However, it was a real eye opener... I grew up with just my mom, so suddenly living with a guy was soooooo weird. And they were in the military, so it was interesting. I wasn't a Christian at the time, so I really didn't have an issue with living with the opposite sex.


There were a few things I didn't expect. You guys eat SO MUCH FOOD! For goodness sake! Where do you put it all? The use of hair products surprised me... lol. Y'all don't constantly BBQ. I thought that was a rule.



Anyway, having roommates is a tough gig. Especially when you don't have a lot of money.
Ha ha, even though we love to grill/bbq food......that requires far too much effort to be doing all the time. Hot pockets, microwavable corndogs, Spaghetti and meatballs pre-canned, pizza/Chinese food delivered to the door........quick and easy is where it's at. Less dishes, therefore less dish washing is an added bonus.

We don't care if we get fat either, that's how we pack it in there like that. Just stretch the belly over time :p
 

onlinebuddy

Senior Member
Sep 1, 2012
1,115
24
38
#32
I'm quite stunned at all of you saying (fairly emphatically) it is inappropriate to live in the same house as the same sex... It's not like they are living in the same room or anything. I think we can keep our pants on, though if you don't think you can I would advise moving out.

Most colleges over here that is standard, if you move on campus you'll be living in shared accommodation.

I think there certainly are some cases where it is inappropriate. - If you are dating it is completely inappropriate. I think sharing a room is also inappropriate. I think if they were Christian's it wouldn't be my first choice, probably generally better to keep separate. But with non-Christians? It's a great chance to be a terrific witness.

I do think it's not always wise, but totally dependent on the circumstances and your personal relationship with God.

- Edit - Online buddy I think I would agree in India it would be inappropriate! Might depend where you are in America but in Australia I would have a problem with it.

Also I wouldn't have a prob with my girlfriend flatting with a guy....
It's not like they are living in the same room or anything.
The OP did not specify this so far. If she did, I must have missed it. I thought she said "roommates," didn't she?

I think we can keep our pants on, though if you don't think you can I would advise moving out.
Sin is born in the mind, when the pants are still on. (James 1:14-15)

Most colleges over here that is standard, if you move on campus you'll be living in shared accommodation.
Will the world dictate the standard to us? Isn't our standard the Word of God? It's sad that most Christians follow the standard set by the world.

I think there certainly are some cases where it is inappropriate. - If you are dating it is completely inappropriate.
Are you saying that it is appropriate for students of different gender to stay in the same room? And it becomes inappropriate only when they begin to date? Please correct me if I'm wrong.

I think if they were Christian's it wouldn't be my first choice, probably generally better to keep separate. But with non-Christians? It's a great chance to be a terrific witness.
This arrangement would be good for ministry minded and mature Christians. How many students on campus have ministry on their minds? Yes, off course, it is our purpose to bear witness to Christ, but how can we do that if we begin on the wrong foot-by moving in with the opposite gender?

I do think it's not always wise, but totally dependent on the circumstances and your personal relationship with God.

- Edit - Online buddy I think I would agree in India it would be inappropriate! Might depend where you are in America but in Australia I would have a problem with it.
I think Christians all over the world must have the same standard. Yes, I wouldn't point a finger at someone who lives with the opp gender. Nevertheless, I would urge Christians to watch their examples. We shouldn't create situations that give the devil a foothold.

Also I wouldn't have a prob with my girlfriend flatting with a guy...
That sounds rather weird to me. I don't know why it is OK with you. These are not cultural but moral and wisdom related issues.


 

onlinebuddy

Senior Member
Sep 1, 2012
1,115
24
38
#33
Moving out/getting different room mates may not be possible for the OP. Sometimes you just gotta room up with whoever you can to afford to exist.
The OP never said that it was not possible to move out. Your guess is as good as mine that she may have problems finding new accommodation. Nevertheless, none of us can change Biblical standards.
 

onlinebuddy

Senior Member
Sep 1, 2012
1,115
24
38
#34
I was pretty shocked at those responses too, but then I thought about it a little......most of the people posting the responses like that I'm going to assume they've lived a middle-to-upper middle class lifestyle most of their life, they've never been in a situation where they don't have a pot to piss in and nowhere else to go (Probably have good parents that are still around or some other type of support network in place if they need a place to stay for awhile if they decide they need to change to a new living situation).

Even so, I don't see why people teaming up and pooling resources together is automatically a bad thing if they aren't the same gender. If there's a problem in the house between 2 people of different genders......rooming up with only your gender isn't a guarantee you won't have any problems. There are creepy/bad people of your own gender out there that you wouldn't want to room up with.
Even so, I don't see why people teaming up and pooling resources together is automatically a bad thing if they aren't the same gender.
No matter how modern and broad minded we are by culture, or how self controlled we are by character, we must not be so conceited as to put ourselves in situations where we give the devil a foothold.

If there's a problem in the house between 2 people of different genders......rooming up with only your gender isn't a guarantee you won't have any problems. There are creepy/bad people of your own gender out there that you wouldn't want to room up with.
Going by your logic, gays would be justified if they argued that gay marriages are OK because traditional man-woman marriages aren't problem free. I know this is a silly example, but your logic is silly too:)
 
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GreenNnice

Guest
#35
Why did you decide to room with three guys ?

This is not a judging question and, in fact, I would prefer you go offline to PM (send them a private message on c..c in your 'profile' area) one of these folks, julianna, or, jilly81 , or , someone on c.c. who is a good Christian principled older gal or younger gal, as, I will even put the young, lil christian, on this list, there are more, I could name more, but that's good, for now, the Lord leads, this I pray. I want to send you to someone who will bless you in their talk to you. :)

I can tell from this thread she gets 'it.' You just don't want to CHANCE your future in this way, and, I think these three girls will all tell you what I mean by 'chance your future,' and, yeah, I am highly praying that you can REALIZE that God will get you through this situation, He will provide and your having faith in Him and stepping 'up the mountain' against your security--if that is the case-- will bless you mightily in this life now :)

So, go, MOVE OUT, pray, first, and, THEN, I can't imagine you having a peace from God living with THREE guys, let alone, one guy, I don't care if you hate the guy you live with, it's just a tough situation to be in. Possible? Sure. All things are possible with God. But, 99.9% of the time THIS kind of situation is not something God wants possible.

So, go, go, go, girl, even if it means going back to mom and dad or an aunt or uncle even or live in a small room in somoene else's house, it's BETTER than the situation you have yourself in now.

And, I am not saying anything negative about guys, although you've said enough to me, that i just want you to take what you've said, what I've heard, and, put it to some strong Christian girls opinion on here .
 
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AngelCakes

Guest
#36
i haven't been on this site in quite a while so sorry for dredging this thread back up
for what is matters, regarding my situation, it ended up working itself out with a little bit of help
the guy doesn't live here anymore, which is great
and, how did you all come to the conclusion that i lived with 3 guys? seriously, made me laugh a little