Wow, thank you for redirecting this thread. I feel quite ashamed now, because I know I am guilty of complimenting women on their bodies. I certainly don't intend it the way you [women?] take it. I have always been of the opinion that I should consistently compliment those around me. I do enough critiquing naturally, that I truly believe that I need to intentionally, and often, temper that with the good I see.
It seems like I could put up a defense, but I'm afraid it would simply boil down to "oh hey, it's somehow different when I say it." In my experience when you catch yourself in this mindset, it really isn't true.
So then I guess I turn this around on you. How can a man compliment a woman? How can we pre-emptively reassure her that she isn't fat? Is it simply avoiding statements like "hey nice [arrangement of pool balls]" or "Look at that [donkey]"? Or is it more than that? Legs? Arms? Shoulders? Hair? Lips? Nose? Where do you draw the line? Does it change if you're in public? In private?
Combining a couple of your threads... How do you react when a girl is fishing for compliments about her body? Whether said, or not, a guy will know. Maybe out of interest, maybe out of lust, maybe just personality (and do it with all independent of gender). Should he lie? Deflect with humour?
Grrr, too many questions! How dare you open the female psyche like this.
I think I may know how you feel, Lightning. That's exactly how I felt after I realized how stupid it was for me to have put that pic up on Facebook.
That was MY fault. I should have known better, but my mind was on exercise and I wasn't thinking about how other people might look at it.
Okay so..how can you compliment a woman?
THE DON'Ts:
1. If it would bother you to hear a guy say something to your mom or your sister, don't say it to another woman
2. The very body parts that christian guys say we need to keep covered up would be the parts you shouldn't be remarking upon, unless you are the woman's doctor or personal trainer.
THE DOs:
You can compliment her on her modesty, her voice, her intelligence, a dress that you think is pretty, a color she looks nice in, a fragrance she is wearing, jewelry, shoes, her taste in things, the way she handles herself in certain situations. There are plenty of non-body part things a guy can compliment a lady on.
Frankly, I think a woman should be smart enough to realize that if a guy has a problem with her build, he wouldn't be with her in the first place, so I can't imagine the need for affirmation regarding her weight.
There are TWO body parts that women DO like to be complimented on: hair and eyes. I don't know why we like it. We just like it. Maybe we're just thankful the guy's eyes made it up that far.
It says a lot.
When you are close enough to a woman to become her husband, your conversation will become more intimate. The difference is that by that time you will hopefully have shown her that you cherish her for the woman she is and your interest is in far more than her body parts.
Open respectful communication is soooooooooooo important for a healthy marriage. Adam and Eve were naked with one another in the garden and the scriptures say they WERE NOT ASHAMED. God never intended for there to be any awkwardness or discomfort between a man and his wife with regard to intimacy. It's mankind's perversion of what God intends for good that makes us ashamed to talk about these matters. People need to grow up and realize this.
The sort of woman who fishes for compliments about her body parts, ESPECIALLY the parts common decency dictates be covered, is not a woman you want to continue a conversation with. The questions will only go downhill from there, and so will her behavior. Guaranteed. RUN. Rest assured that you're not the first guy she's asked and probably won't be the last.
As for opening up the female psyche, I think it's long overdue. Maybe if fewer of us would answer men's questions in honest, respectful ways, we would see fewer guys creating threads about visiting sites they should never have gone to looking for answers. We can't gripe about being misunderstood if we aren't willing to help others understand.
